Ranma 1/2: Presents Shampoo 1/2 Standard Disclaimer: I don't own any of this stuff. It all belongs to the Goddess Takahashi and whomever she leased the rights to. Buy Ranma stuff. Not only is it low in calories but it takes care of that annoying money people keep giving you for work. Remember, Ranma is good food. An Alternate universe: (What you ought to know to help enjoy this fic. In the beginning, the Saotomes arrived at Jusenkyou and began sparring, not realizing that Shampoo and Mousse had already began a duel there. One mid-air collision, and dunking in spring of young drowned man later, there is a male Shampoo as well as a female Ranma.) Want previous chapters? Just e-mail me for them at sommer@nb.net. (Ranma/Ranma-kun=male, Ranma-chan=female. Shampoo/Shampoo-chan=female, Shampoo-kun male. Enjoy.) Chapter 4 The Cute, The Arrogant, and The Perverted Part I A Devil's Pair The scene opens at the Tendo Dojo several days after the last chapter. Genma is inside the living room stuffing his face with some of Kasumi's food. Ranma-chan rushes in, shouting. Ranma-chan: (Excitedly) Pop, you gotta see what I finally mastered today! (She runs into thebackyard.) Genma: (Looking reluctantly at his food.) I shall return for you. (Yes. To the food.) This had better be good boy. (Gets up and moves to the backyard) Ranma-chan: It will be. Watch this. Ranma-chan draws her fist back. Genma assumes she is going to throw a punch. He won't be disappointed. Ranma-chan: KACHU-TENSHIN AMAGURIKAN! (The Chestnut Fist.) Genma blocks the first blow well enough. It is the other ninety nine strikes that get through his porous defense. Needless to say, he is knocked quite unconscious. Ranma-chan: Shampoo was teaching me how to do it. I mastered it just a little while ago. What did you think Pop? Pop? (Realizes he is unconscious.) Maybe I shouldn't have hit him so many times. Naaaah. (Walks away.) Hey Mr. Tendo! Want to see what I finally mastered today? Later, after Ranma-chan has shown Soun, Akane, several passersby, and anyone else who wasn't smart enough to say no to her, she goes inside to change forms. On the way to the bath she comes across Shampoo-chan. She is about to go past Ranma-chan without looking at her when Ranma-chan speaks up. Ranma-chan: Shampoo. We got to talk. Shampoo: No need say anything Ranma. Shampoo was wrong. She know that now. Ranma-chan: That ain't what I mean. Look, don't make this any worse than it has to be. We've been avoiding each other for a while now and it's about time we stop. Otherwise, I ain't sure our friendship is gonna be in great shape. Shampoo: What you mean? Ranma-chan: (Clears throat) What I'm trying to say is...(pause) is...(long pause, clears throat again) is...(longer pause) isimsorry. (The last comes out as one word.) Shampoo: Sorry for what? Ranma-chan: (Looking down at the ground) You know, for yelling at you the other day. Shampoo: Ranma right be angry. Ranma-chan: (Looking back up) No. I was wrong. You had a lot on your mind, and I knew it. Even if I was mad at you I could have been nicer about it. I should have just asked you, because I know you ain't some kind of liar or nothin'. (More quietly) Anyway, do you forgive me? Shampoo: (She hugs Ranma.) Yes. Do you forgive Shampoo for not saying sooner? Ranma-chan: Heck yeah! I did that a long time ago. Friends? Shampoo: Friends. And Shampoo not keep secrets from Ranma anymore. Both go separate ways smiles across their face. Shampoo wanders down to the kitchen where Kasumi is preparing a meal. She notices Shampoo's smile. Kasumi: You seem much happier today. Shampoo: Ranma and Shampoo friends again. (Smiles and hops back out the door.) Kasumi: (Thinks) Well, it looks like that talk with Ranma paid off. They really aren't all that different from Akane and Nabiki. I just have to get used to them. Next day at the ice rink we see Akane, Ranma-kun, and Shampoo-chan getting ready to go out on the ice. Ranma: I have to admit Akane. Coming down here was one of the few good ideas you have ever had. Akane: (Either missing or ignoring the jibe) We needed to get out of the house and celebrate our victory over Cologne, and it is good to see that you and Shampoo made up. Shampoo: (Worriedly) Shampoo not know how to skate. Ranma: Don't worry Akane and I will teach you. They didn't call me The Iceman for nothing. (Ranma goes out onto the ice and promptly falls on his face.) Akane: (Smiling) It must have been because you ate so much ice. Now I'll teach you how to really skate. The lesson goes badly for the trio. Ranma and Shampoo may be good martial artists, but they are terrible skaters. Every time Akane goes to help one the other gets into trouble, and she can never quite seem to get them close together. Akane: Shampoo, are you sure you can stand still? Shampoo: (Nods) Yes. Shampoo can do that. Akane: Good. She goes over to help the screaming Ranma, who is being tormented by several children who can barely walk, but can skate better than he can. As soon as she takes her hands off of her protTgT, Shampoo starts to drift away. Tiny voice: Oh! What a pretty hairpiece. Alain. Shampoo feels someone behind her and take off one of her hairpieces. Shampoo's hair comes tumbling down.. She is able to turn just enough to see that a small girl in a figure skater's costume has made off with the hairpiece and seems to be referring to it as Alain. Shampoo: Give Shampoo back hairpiece. She nearly falls over in an attempt to catch up to the girl. A tall, dashing boy skates up to the small girl and takes the hairpiece from her. He then skates towards Shampoo with the hairpiece extended in his hand. Boy: I must apologize for the rude behavior of my partner. (He gives Shampoo the hairpiece but does not give back her hand.) She has a bad tendency to take things that are not hers and gives them some ridiculous French name. (A small fist starts striking the boy in the back of the head.) Girl: Give Asuza back her Alain! Boy: Allow me to introduce myself. I am Mikado Sanzezin, and this is my partner, Asuza Shiratori.(A wooden chair strikes Mikado in the back of the head.) Asuza: Give Asuza back her Alain! (The chair breaks after the third blow.) Mikado: At any rate, allow me to give you a method of repaying me... Shampoo: What is machine that scrape ice called? Mikado: A zamboni. Shampoo: Watch out for zamboni then. (Shampoo gets loose of his hand and starts to back away.) Mikado: They won't be scraping the ice for another... Mikado is buried by Asuza wielding a zamboni. Asuza: Give Asuza back her Alain! Ranma-kun and Akane, as well as everyone in the rink, are watching this. Ranma: Boy those two sure are weird. Akane: (Lost in thought) I know I've heard those names before. Mikado crawls out of under the zamboni and yells at his partner. Mikado: You are ruining the effect! Asuza: (Hurt) Asuza just want her Alain back. Mikado looks for Shampoo who is backpedaling out of control. He gently floats behind her, bearing her in his arms. Shampoo: Shampoo thank Pretty Boy. Mikado: Now about that repayment. He bends forward and kisses Shampoo full on the lips. She gets a shocked look on her face and then goes motionless. He lets her go, and she stands paralyzed on the ice, eyes staring off into space. Ranma and Akane stand there in shock for a moment as well, but it only lasts for a second on Ranma. In an instant he is running on the ice. His steps are so powerful that as he runs on the tips of the skates they bury themselves in inch into the ice with each step. Mikado is quite full of himself and starts brushing his hair back. So intent is he on making sure that a hair is not out of place, he never sees the fist slam into his face. His body goes flying into the wall surrounding the rink and demolishes a good section of it. Asuza goes over to the still paralyzed Shampoo. Asuza: Asuza have Alain now. (Takes the hairpiece out of Shampoo's hands with no resistance.) Mikado: (Picks himself up off of the floor and brushes his hair back.) That was an impressive blow. What is your name? Ranma: (Too angry to be impressed by the skater's resilience.) Ranma. Mikado: Well Ranma, I accept your challenge. And since you are the one challenging I shall pick out the event. Martial Arts Pairs Figure Skating. If you are up to it? Ranma: I'm ready for anything. Just name the time and place. (Ranma gets no response from the standing figure.) Well. (Still no response.) Asuza goes up to him and waves her hand in front of his eyes. He never blinks. Asuza: He feinted. Must be a delayed reaction from your blow. His pride wouldn't let him pass out until he challenged you. Asuza will set the date since Azusa is his partner. Five days from now at this arena. O.K.? Ranma: Fine with me. Akane goes over to Shampoo who is standing as motionless as Mikado. Being unable to revive her Ranma and Akane each take her by a hand and manage to get her off the ice, despite the fact Ranma falls four times in the twenty feet to get there. Meanwhile, Asuza has pulled out some markers and is looking at the motionless Mikado. Asuza: Asuza wants to doodle. Asuza starts doodling on Mikado. She is joined by several people at first, then many. By the end of the skating time every square inch of his body is covered with marker. Later at the Tendo household we see Ranma-kun in Akane's room: Akane: You didn't have to hit him that hard you know. Ranma: (Staring off into space.) I hate guys like that. They think they can just go around and smile and everyone will fall at their feet. Akane: You're overreacting again. Ranma: (Turning to Akane.)What if he had kissed you? Akane: (Angrily) I would have punched him out. Ranma: Exactly. Except Shampoo didn't see it coming until it was too late. Akane: I don't think it bothered her that much. You don't hear her crying about it do you? Shout from downstairs: SHAMPOO GIVE PRETTY BOY KISS OF DEATH! We cut to the downstairs and see Shampoo-chan sharpening her sword. Her hair is now tied back in a single braid. Kasumi is standing by watching. Kasumi: Are you sure a Kiss of Death is a good idea? Shampoo: (Shouting) Pretty Boy kiss Shampoo. Even Mousse no try kiss Shampoo without beating her in combat first. (More softly now) Was Shampoo first kiss. Wanted first kiss be special. Want be with someone Shampoo love. Now can't be. (Becomes homicidal again) Shampoo kill Pretty Boy then kill Cute Girl. Akane, Ranma-kun, and Nabiki enter the room. Ranma: Why you gonna' kill Asuza? Shampoo: Cute Girl steal hairpiece. Nabiki: Why is it so important? You can get a new one. (Raises her eyebrows) Is it valuable? Shampoo: (Unties her hair to show her the remaining hairpiece) Is made of jade and emerald, but that not matter. Been in family many generations. Priceless. Last thing Shampoo have of family beside bonbori and sword. (Ties her hair back up.) Ranma: Don't worry. We'll get it back and get revenge on Sanzezin. We got a match coming up. NO way we can lose it. Anything with martial arts in it we can win. Akane: It also has figure skating in it which you can't do. Ranma: (Realization) Oh yeah. Nabiki: I have information on those two. Ranma: Let's hear it. Nabiki: Valuable information. Ranma: (Sighs) All right. How much? Ranma and Shampoo come up with enough money. Nabiki: They are the Golden Pair of Martial Arts Figure Skating. Akane: (Snaps her fingers) I knew I heard those names before. Ranma: (Irritated) Great. You remember after I pay. Nabiki: Do you know anything else about them? Akane: Only that they are supposed to be the best. Nabiki: My information is more precise. As a team they are unbeaten. They have a reputation for breaking up couples. Mikado is arrogant, but has an eye for the ladies. Asuza is flighty, and has an eye for any cute object she comes across. Shampoo: Like Shampoo hairpiece. Nabiki: See Ranma. You didn't waste your money. Ranma: Right. Now let's come up with a plan. Ranma crosses his legs and starts thinking. The others smell smoke coming from somewhere in Ranma's direction. Ten minutes pass. Akane: Come up with anything? Ranma: Shhhh. After another ten minutes and two more shhhh's by Ranma: Nabiki: I don't want to see what happens when both of Ranma's brain cells burn out. They leave him in his thinking position and decide to come to a course of action themselves. The next morning the others come down from bed to see Ranma still in the same position as before. Akane: (Shocked) Didn't you sleep at all last night? Nabiki: He was thinking. For him, it's nearly the same thing as sleep. Ranma: I'm sorry guys. But I can't think of a thing. Akane: Don't worry about it. We have an idea. Four more days pass and the day of the challenge is upon them. We see the rink is filled to the rafters with people to watch the competition. The family is there. Ranma-kun and Shampoo-chan are already on the ice, having been introduced first. Ranma is wearing a purple shirt and pants with a dragon that starts on the right arm of the shirt, winds its way up and down then across his chest, and continues to the end of his left sleeve. The design is incomplete as it is abruptly cut off at the cuff. Shampoo is wearing a matching skin-tight, one piece, purple skating outfit with the left arm and left leg cut out. We see the dragon design from Ranma's costume picks up on Shampoo's right arm where it left off on Ranma's let arm. It flows up the arm, then wraps itself suggestively around certain portions of her anatomy, and eventually tails off on the stomach of her outfit to form one long dragon. She is currently holding his hand which completes the design (and it helps her stay upright.) Ranma: Nice outfits. Shampoo: Kasumi make. Shampoo like very much. Soun: (Shouting from the stands.) Don't hold her hand son. You are already engaged to Akane. Have you no shame? Ranma: (Shouting back) I have to hold it if I want to keep from fallin'. The Golden Pair are introduced and the crowd goes wild for the overwhelming favorites. Miakdo: (To the duo. Henceforth known as the Ranma Pair) Well this is a complete waste of time. Let's get this over with. I still have another woman's lips to touch to make one thousand. The Golden Pair and Ranma Pair skate towards one another. It is painfully obvious the Ranma Pair barely know how to skate. Ranma attempts to carry Shampoo-chan so he can launch her at the Golden Pair. Mikado whips Asuza at Ranma causing him to throw Shampoo in the air. Shampoo: Catch Shampoo Pretty Boy. Mikado does as he is asked. Mikado: So you couldn't rest until you tasted my lips once again? Shampoo: No. Shampoo just want you hold her so she no have to worry about stand up when hit you. She strikes him in the face with a palm thrust, fist, then elbow with her right in less than two seconds. She then switches to the left and hits him with the same combination. She is about to go for the right again when he drops her because he is too stunned to do anything else. He coasts off, upright at least, on momentum. Asuza, who has been mocking Ranma by skating circles around him backwards while he tries with all his pathetic skating abilities to catch up to her, notice the expression on Mikado's face. She skates over to Mikado. Asuza: Ohhh! Miki. Your face looks all messed up. Your eyes are misshapen. (She grabs the skin beside his eyes and pulls it a good four inches away from his face.) And your nose looks crooked, (She bends his nose at a ninety degree angle.), and it looks like she knocked out three teeth. (Plants her hands on the upper and lower lips and pries his jaws about a foot apart.) Mikado: (Shaking Loose) What are you doing you little wench? If my face is hurt why are you poking and prodding at it? Asuza: (Cries) Asuza just wanted to make sure you're all right. Mikado: (Recovering) They're trickier than I thought. Let's use the Couple Cleaver. They skate over to Ranma-kun and Shampoo-chan who are holding hands trying to maintain their balance. Azusa trips the duo and grabs onto Ranma by the ankles. Mikado then picks the trio up and starts spinning them in place. He works up a good velocity. Mikado: (To Ranma) If you let go of Shampoo I will put you down gently. Shampoo: (Yelling to Ranma who is holding onto her hands) Let Shampoo go. Shampoo be fine. Ranma: (Yelling back) We already went over this. I ain't gonna' leave you just 'cause things get tough. Shampoo: O.K. Shampoo hold on. The spin continues for another thirty seconds when Asuza has an announcement to make. Asuza: Asuza not feel well. Mikado: I told you not to eat that burrito with the works and gut-buster parfait before the match.. Asuza: (Releasing Ranma's ankles and putting her hands on her hips.) How dare you accuse Asuza of eating Renee and Pierre. Ranma and Shampoo go flying into a wall. Ranma nobly takes the brunt of the impact. Shampoo looks concerned over the fallen Ranma. Shampoo: Ranma stay down. Hairpiece not important. Ranma leaps to his feet. Ranma: No way! Ranma sees the Golden Pair making their way over to finish the job. They are spinning each other in a circle, building up velocity to launch some kind of attack. Ranma nods to Akane who is next to the rink wall. Akane: (Shouting) Hey Asuza! Look! (She dumps a bag of about a hundred marbles on the ice.) Asuza: Oh! They're pretty. (She lets go of Mikado mid-spin while his back is to the Ranma Pair and skates over to the shiny objects.) Mikado: You fool! We're in the middle of a match. Skating backwards and out of control, he fails to see Ranma and Shampoo have linked hands and are skating as fast as they can at him. They connect with the double clothesline to the back of his head. He slowly gets up as The Ranma Pair split up, standing on opposite sides of Mikado a small distance away from him. Mikado: (Looks towards Asuza who is busy naming her new friends. He then faces the Ranma Pair.) Very well. I will dispose of you by myself. (Brushes his hair.) Ranma and Shampoo look at one another. Both nod their heads in unspoken communication. Both: KACHU-TENSHIN AMAGURIKAN! They bend down, bringing their fists into the ice and start skating in a clockwise motion. Each uses their blows several times down in the same spot as they skate past, each cracking the ice in a semicircle. When each has stopped skating, they have completed a shattered circle of ice. Mikado: (Standing in the center) What did that gain you? He starts to move forward and discovers the circle he is on is no longer attached to the rest of the rink. He feels the floe move back and forth from the water underneath. If he shifts his weight the floe tips down into the water. While racked with indecision of how to get off the floe without ending up in the drink, his choice is taken from him. A voice shouts out from above. Ryouga: Ranma! Prepare to Die! Ranma: Hey! Ryouga's still alive. Ryouga jumps down from the ceiling and naturally lands on the edge of the loose ice. His weight causes him to flip the circle over. He ends up in the water underneath and Mikado is flipped in the air and propelled into the wall. He hits so hard his head is fully embedded in the wall. Very unconscious. Announcer: The winners of the match Ranma and Shampoo. Shampoo skates over and takes her hairpiece from Asuza, who is so distracted picking up marbles and giving them names, she doesn't even realize Alain is gone. Ranma looks over into the hole to see if he can observe Ryouga underwater. He still hasn't surfaced. Ranma: I bet he can't swim. I had better go in and rescue... Nabiki: (Running across the ice and shouting) Nooooo! I'll do it. (She jumps into the water fully clothed.) Kasumi: (To Akane) That was very heroic of Nabiki. I think the Shampoo and the Saotomes are a good influence in her. Akane: Actually, she was worried what would happen if Ranma got wet. Almost everyone fails to see a wet bat make its way out of the hole in the ice. Almost everyone. Asuza: Oh what a cute bat. Jean-Luc. The bat barely manages to fly off with Asuza in hot pursuit. Azusa: Jean-Luc come back. (She gives chase.) Nabiki: (Surfaces) He is not down there. Ranma: (Helping her out) He has some kind of water disappearing trick. I wonder if...nahh. Too much of a coincidence. (To everyone) Let's go home. Part II Have a Hap...Hap...Happi New Year Several days later at the Tendo Dojo we see Soun and Genma playing Shogi. Genma: Kasumi went shopping, eh? Soun: Yes we have the house to ourselves. They stop play for a moment and look out at the yard. Soun: This time of the year is beautiful. (Switches some pieces on the board without looking.) Wouldn't you agree Saotome? Genma: Indeed. The leaves come out of their hibernation. (He switches some pieces on the board without looking.) The temperature is just right. Voice behind them: The smell of panties in the air is especially noticeable. Makes it feel great to be alive. Doesn't it boys? Soun's hair sticks straight out and Genma's mouth drops open. They both turn slowly around to see Happosai looking back at them. Both: Master. You're alive. Happosai: (Battle aura starting to build up.) If you thought you wished I was dead before, wait until after I am done with you now. We are spared the horror of the beating and groveling that follows. Later, Akane and Ranma-chan enter the house upon their return from school. Akane: We're home. Happosai shoots out of the house at blinding speed and glomps onto Ranma-chan's chest. Ranma-chan: AHHHHHH! WHAT IS THIS THING! She attempts to remove Happosai to no avail. Akane on the other hand does manage to smash him off Ranma-chan's chest and into the floor. Akane: Just what is going on here! Happosai: (Picking himself up) Ha cha! Two babes! I'm your new master Ranma. Glomps onto Akane's chest. Ranma-chan smashes him off this time. Ranma-chan: I'm Ranma, not that uncute tomboy over there. (Akane stares daggers at him.) Now what is this about a new master you decrepit pervert? Happosai: (Tears in his eyes.) How can you deny an old man his few wants? I may not have much time left and I must devote myself to what few pleasures I can have in life. He tries to glomp onto Ranma-chan again but is put through a wall by both her and Akane. Genma and Soun finally dare peek into the room. Genma: Boy. I have something to tell you. I tale more horrifying than you could possibly imagine. Ranma-chan: You really ARE my father? (Happosai returns to the room.) Genma: This is no joke boy. That pervert you see before you... He is smacked in the head by Happosai. Genma: ...that delightfully upstanding senior citizen you see before you is our master, Happosai. Ranma-chan: (Irritated) You never mentioned him before. Genma: Haven't you ever heard that if you say a demon's name he will come. Well the same thing applies to this creature. (Gets hit, goes flying ten feet and into a wall.) Happosai: Watch your tongue. Soun: At any rate, the Master will be staying with us for a while. Happosai: I'm staying for good. How could I leave two lovely young ladies like this? He glomps back on to Ranma-chan who smacks him into a wall again. Ranma-chan: Look here you old goat. I got something to show you. Ranma-chan walks into the kitchen and grabs the everheating kettle. She pours the water and becomes Ranma-kun. Ranma: Now do you see? I ain't no girl. Happosai looks over Ranma for a moment. He points at him and says one word. Happosai: Jusenkyou? Ranma: (Nods) So you see I am really a guy so don't try anything... (Gets hit in the face by a glass of cold water.) Happosai: That's more like it baby. (Glomps onto Ranma-chan's chest) Stay like this from now on. I demand it. Ranma-chan: (Desperately trying to peel him off) But I'm a guy. Happosai: Not when you can be a gal like this. You have no right to keep this beautiful form locked up. As a matter of fact, wear this. (Happosai pulls out a bra.) Ranma-chan: (Recoils) No way! I'm a guy I tell you! Akane: I have had enough of this. (Peels Happosai off.) Happosai: No need to feel left out. There's plenty for you too. (Tries to glomp onto Akane's chest but is belted through a window by her mallet.) Soun: That won't hold him for long. Ranma-chan: We gotta' get rid of him. Genma: (Pulling himself out of the wall.) Boy, I will be your servant for a week if you can figure out how to dispose of him. Ranma-chan: (Smiles) Deal. I'll get rid of that old goat if it's the last thing I do. Genma: It's not that easy boy. Tendo and I tried tying him to a barrel full of explosives and sealing him in a cave. All that did was keep him out of the way for a few years. Soun: (Crying) I told you we should have used more explosives. Ranma-chan: I'll think of something. Later Shampoo-kun finally comes home. Shampoo-kun: Ambushes worse than usual today. Girls getting smarter. Better get bath. Akane and Ranma-kun say hello to Shampoo-kun as he goes past. They hear water running when something finally dawns on them. Akane: She doesn't know about Happosai yet! Shampoo-chan: AHHHHHHH! Ranma: Now she does. Shampoo-chan runs downstairs with a pervert attached to her towel covered bosom. Nabiki is standing in a doorway. Nabiki: (To Shampoo) For 500 yen I can show you how to get rid of him. Shampoo-chan: Deal! Nabiki pulls a glass of cold water from behind her and pours it over Shampoo-chan. Happosai: (Gets a disgusted feeling and starts losing strength) Wh...what is this? (Looks into Shampoo-kun's eyes) What happened to you? Shampoo-kun: Shampoo decide not want disgusting creature on chest. (Throws him into the floor breaking the linoleum.) Happosai: (Picks himself up) You poor, poor creature. You fell into Jusenkyou, didn't you? Shampoo-kun: Yes. Ranma: That just means she has a defense against you, you old pervert. (Takes a swing at Happosai.) Happosai: (Gets out of the way and uses his pipe to burn Ranma's hand.) Like I told your father before boy, that's no way to talk to your master. (He punches Ranma through the ceiling and into the wild blue yonder.) It takes Ranma the better part of a half an hour to get back. He rushes through the front door and runs to the living room where Akane sits. He says just one word. Ranma: Pervert? Akane points upstairs. The scene remains downstairs while Ranma runs upstairs. We hear a loud crash. Ten minutes later Ranma comes in through the front door again. He runs upstairs followed by a loud crash. Five minutes later Ranma come in the front door again rushes upstairs, loud crash. A minute later an exhausted Ranma comes in the front door. Akane: Ranma you don't have to do this. Ranma: (Trying to catch his breath) I'm getting to him. He keeps punching me less far away with each blow. Akane: Didn't it occur to you maybe he enjoys beating on you, and doesn't want to wait as long between shots? Ranma: (Stops and thinks about it.) Maybe I should do something else. We cut to a scene where Ranma is moving quietly in the crawlspace above Happosai's makeshift bedroom. He peers down through a hole in the ceiling. Ranma: (Whispering to self) I don't see him. (Spots something.) Hey! Where did he get all that women's underwear. Happosai: (Detaching himself from a shadow in the crawlspace.) Good to see you're enjoying a healthy interest in the underwear trade my boy. There is hope for you yet. But that knowledge is a secret for now. He punches Ranma through the floor of the crawlspace to the room below. The pile of underwear breaks Ranma's fall. He gets up with a pair of women's panties on his head. He pulls them off and examines them with disgust. It is just at that moment Akane comes into the room. Akane: (Very angrily) So that's where my underwear went. (Battle aura starts to glow.) It's bad enough we have that old lech here, but I see now that pervert is in good company! Ranma: (Trying desperately to avoid the upcoming beating.) No! Wait! It's not what you think! Akane decides not to listen to the explanation and belts him through the wall anyway. Ranma lands several miles away. Night falls. As he makes his way back he sees Shampoo-chan sitting on the wall outside. Ranma: What are you doing out here? Shampoo: Pervert miss Ranma so he try to attack Shampoo. Shampoo get tired of hitting him so leave. Then he try attack Akane. She punch him several districts away. He should be coming back soon. Ranma: (Sounding very tired) This has been one crummy night. I am getting some sleep. Ranma goes into the house. After a few minutes Shampoo follows him in. The scene changes to the dead of night. We see the Saotome's bedroom. The door to the bedroom quietly slides open. We see Happosai is silhouetted in the door frame. He has a bucket with water in his hand. Genma is sleeping off to the left. A ball huddled under the covers to his right indicates someone is sleeping next to him. Happosai: (Thinks) There she is. All it takes is a little water and a little convincing and that delightful Ranma will be displaying lingerie for me. Happosai dumps the water on the form under the covers. The cover is thrown back and he sees a human form underneath. He immediately glomps onto the chest of the figure. Happosai: Ranma baby. (Stops when he realizes there are no breasts on the person he is glomping.) What's going on? We see it's Shampoo-kun that Happosai has latched onto. Shampoo-kun: Shampoo not feel like midnight bath. (Belts him through the window. Genma sleeps through it.) Ranma comes out from the shadows in the corner he concealed himself in. Ranma: Well that sure worked out. You were right about what that pervert would do. Later we see the exact same scene except the covers have been changed to dry ones. Happosai slides the door open, this time bearing a kettle of hot water. Happosai: You think you can outsmart me do you? Shampoo will do almost as good as Ranma. Happosai dumps the hot water on the huddled mass. The covers are thrown back and we see a human form underneath. He immediately glomps onto the chest of the figure. Happosai: Shampoo baby. (Stops when he realizes there are no breasts on the person he is glomping.) Wh...What's going on? We see its now Ranma-kun that Happosai has glomped onto. Ranma-kun: I don't need any hot showers this late at night you old lech. (Belts him through the same window. Genma, again, sleeps through it.) Shampoo-kun comes out from the corner. Shampoo-kun: Ranma right about persistent pervert. Ranma: I doubt he'll be back tonight. He doesn't know what to expect. (Changes to a dry sheet yet again.) Well, good night. Ranma lays down. He is just making himself comfortable when he feels a body grab some of the covers and lay down next to him. He turns to see Shampoo-kun making himself comfortable. Ranma: (A bit taken aback) What are you doin'? Shampoo-kun: Shampoo think pervert come back. It safer if both us sleep together. ( He fluffs the pillow.) Ranma: (Trying to figure out what to say.) I don't think it's really proper, you know? Shampoo-kun: We sleep together in China. Ranma: That was different. And we slept a lot farther apart. Shampoo-kun: Is all right, we both guys. (Closes eyes.) Ranma: (Thinks) But you're really a girl. After a while, Ranma finally falls asleep. The rest of the night passes without incident. The morning comes and we see Shampoo-kun has rolled over and draped his arm around Ranma's chest. We hear a knocking on the door. It slides open and Akane is revealed standing in the doorway. Akane: Honestly, you guys could sleep through...(Trails off when she sees the position Ranma and Shampoo-kun are in. Her face starts twitching.) I see. (She leaves then comes back. Bearing some cold water in a bucket.) One of you is in the wrong form to REALLY be enjoying yourselves. (Dumps the cold water on Ranma.) Ranma-chan: (Awakens, shocked) What? Shampoo-kun also sits up and looks around. Genma remains asleep. Akane: (Yelling down the hall.) Happosai. Someone wants to see you. Happosai bounds in the door and sees Ranma-chan. Glomping follows. Happosai: Ranma, good to see you. Now about that bra... Ranma-chan: (Yelling and running out of the room) AHHHH! Shampoo-kun watches what happens. We see a scowl crease his brow as he stares at Akane, who is, in turn, scowling in the direction Ranma took off. He says nothing. At the dinner table, breakfast is being served. We see Ranma and Akane are sitting as far away from each other as possible, glaring at one another as they eat. Soun turns toward Genma. Soun: I heard Shampoo was sleeping with Ranma. Saotome how could you? Genma: I tell you it's not possible. Any noise would have awakened me. I do have the hearing of an elephant. Ranma: You got the appetite of one too. Genma: How dare you talk to your father like that! (Both finish eating in record time.) I'll teach you some manners by beating them into you. Both jump back to spar in the backyard. Ranma wins by throwing Genma into the pond. He sits up. Ranma moves over to the edge of the pond. Genma: So, did you figure out how to get rid of him? Ranma: No not yet. He's a tough one. Genma: (Sinisterly) Perhaps you need some motivation. (Grabs Ranma's ankle and throws him into the pond. Now shouting.) Oh Master! Happosai: (Pops his head out from within the house.) What is it? (Sees Ranma-chan) Oh baby! Happosai jumps out after her. Ranma-chan's nerves finally snap and she runs away, screaming in terror. Several hours later, after Ranma-chan eludes Happosai and makes her way back to the dojo, she sits on the back porch looking depressed. She suddenly sits up. A look gets into her eyes. After several minutes, she pounds her fist into her hand. She gets up and goes to Akane's room. She knocks on the door and is told to enter. Akane does not look happy to see who her guest is. Akane: (Disgustedly)What do you want? Ranma-chan: I need to ask a favor. Akane: (Still irritated) What? Ranma-chan: I want you to go on a training trip with me. Akane: (Surprise. She was not expecting that.) You sure you want me to go? Ranma-chan: Yeah. It would mean a lot to me. Akane: Who all is going with us? Ranma-chan: Just me, you, and the pervert. Akane: (Suspiciously) Why the pervert? Ranma-chan: I got my reasons. Please. (Gives her puppy dog eyes.) Akane: (Thinks) Well he asked me and not Shampoo. (Out loud) O.K. I'll do it. Ranma-chan runs off to find Happosai. She finds him in his room smelling a pair of panties. Ranma-chan: (Giving him a sweet honeyed voice.) Master. I have a widdle favor to ask you. (Plays her finger around his chest.) Happosai: (Very excitedly) What is it? Ranma-chan: Take me and Akane on a training trip. Happosai: But I just got back. Ranma-chan: (Laying it on really thick.) Pretty please Master. Happosai: Wellllll... Ranma-chan: I'll make a deal with you. After the trip is over I'll wear a bra for you. Happosai: (Practically jumping through the roof) Deal. I'll starts packing right away. We can leave tomorrow. (Runs off.) Ranma-chan walks down the stairs when a thought suddenly occurs to her. Ranma-chan: Wait a minute. He didn't come with anything. How can he pack? A moment later Ranma-chan hears neighbors start screaming. Neighbors: Eek. A pervert...Give me back my panties...Is that a troll... He's stealing my underwear...Watch out...Look mommy, an oompa-loompa. The next day, outside the Tendo dojo, we see everyone has come out to see the trio off. Ranma is in female form. Shampoo-kun speaks up. Shampoo-kun: Why not Shampoo go with you? Happosai: (Drooling) Yes Ranma. Another beautiful lady would be welcome company. Ranma-chan: She's too sick. Shampoo-kun: Shampoo not... Kasumi: (Interrupts) Shampoo's sick? (To Shampoo) Come with me. I'll make you better. (She drags Shampoo-kun off by the arm and into the house.) Shampoo-kun: (In the distance) But Shampoo not sick. Genma: Boy. Your sacrifice will not be in vain. Soun: (Bawling his eyes out.) My baby girl is leaving. Akane: Dad. It's only a trip. We'll be back in a little while. Soun: (To Ranma-chan) You take good care of your fiancee Ranma. Don't let the Master do anything to her. Ranma-chan: Yeah, yeah. I hear you. Like she needs me to defend her. Well let's get going. The trio set off. They take the better part of the day and travel through the woods. We see Akane and Ranma-chan have taken the lead. Happosai trails behind constantly admiring their rear ends. Akane: (Smiles) This is a nice day for a walk. Ranma-chan: (Smiles) Yeah. Akane: Why are you in girl form? Ranma-chan: I have my reasons. Akane: Why didn't you want Shampoo along? Ranma-chan: She wouldn't have fit in. Akane: (To Ranma-chan) That was an unusual meal Kasumi served last night. It was a German dish wasn't it? Ranma-chan: Yeah. Bratwurst and sauerkraut with baked beans and Tabasco sauce. I asked her to make it. Akane: It was pretty good. I had two helpings. Ranma-chan: I had three. Happosai: (Looks disgusted.) Maybe I'll wait until later to show them my appreciation for coming on this trip. Later, night is starting to fall. The three start unpacking to set up camp. Ranma-chan: (Grabbing Happosai's pack) Let me Master. (Walks off.) Happosai: That girl is learning to appreciate me. Ranma-chan: (From a distance.) I'll get the fire started too. Happosai: I can't wait to see that luscious lithe body in that brassiere. He starts fantasizing about Ranma-chan in all sorts of model-like positions. He is that way for several minutes when he notices an unusual odor. Happosai: What on Earth is that smell? He walks around some bushes to check out the campsite and sees a nice fire going. In the middle of it his bag of women's underwear. Ranma-chan turns and sees the look of horror etched on Happosai's face. Happosai: (Battle aura forming.) WHAT HAVE YOU DONE RANMA? Ranma-chan: (Apologetic) Oh Master. It was an accident. (She brings her hands up to her face and looks like she is about to cry.) Happosai: (Calming down.) Well, accidents happen. (Whips out a bra he has in his gi) And I still have yours. Ranma-chan: (Sounding excited) Well, at least you saved that. Happosai walks away to go cry in a bush. The bra is the last undergarment he has. About an hour later Ranma-chan finds him to let him know that dinner is ready. Happosai sits next to the fire. Akane and Ranma-chan look expectantly at him. Ranma-chan picks up a bowl with the food in it. Ranma-chan: Here Master. Let me serve you. (Picks up a spoon with a huge helping of the food.) Happosai: (Cheering up.) You are a far better pupil than that deadbeat father of yours ever was, Ranma. Did you make this? Ranma-chan: No Akane did. (Akane smiles in Happosai's direction.) Eat up. Happosai takes the huge mouthful. Ranma-chan quickly gets him another spoonful as soon as he is done forcing the first down. Happosai: (Through a full mouth.) Not so fast girl. The food finally hits the stomach. Happosai hears a deep rumbling in his chest. He feels as though someone has lit an oil rig fire in his stomach. Happosai: Ohhh. (Thinks) Why didn't they tell me it wasn't fit for human consumption? Ranma-chan: Eat up. She keeps forcing down huge spoonfuls of the stuff down Happosai's throat. He is too weak to resist. Akane: Ranma save some for yourself. Ranma-chan: Are you kidding. The Master can't get enough of your cooking. We'll let him eat it all. I have some of Kasumi's leftovers that will go bad if we don't eat them tonight. (Pauses as he stuffs another spoonful down Happosai's mouth) Y'know. When we get back I bet the Master would just love for you to cook for him every night. Just look at the way he's packing it down. Akane smiles, nodding her head in agreement. She does not seem to realize that Ranma-chan is force feeding the old one. Happosai: (Weakly) No more. Can't take it. (To Ranma-chan) Ranma. The trip is over. I can't take anymore. Ranma-chan: (Sounding sincere) I am so disappointed. Happosai: (Calling on his last reserves of strength.) But don't forget. (Brings out bra.) You promised. Ranma-chan: I certainly did. (Starts to take off her top. Then turns to Akane.) Akane. I need some privacy. Could you turn around? Akane: (Baffled) O.K. Ranma. I understand. I guess. We can only see the back of Akane's head as we hear the events unfold. Happosai: That's it Ranma take the bra...Hey! What are you doing with that kettle of hot water? (Sound of splashing water.)...Now you've ruined the moment...Wait, Ranma. Don't put it on...No stop. I don't want to see that...That is disgusting. Now you've ruined it (Sounds of Happosai becoming sick.) Akane sees a bra pitched onto the fire. She turns and sees Ranma-kun putting his top back on. She pauses for a moment to admire his chest. Ranma: What are you staring at? Akane: (Blushing and turning away quickly) Nothing. Ranma: Let's leave the lech alone. We'll sleep over here. Akane: I am not Shampoo. Do not try sleeping with me. Ranma: (Calmly) I know. I wasn't planning on it. They sleep in separate sleeping bags, a good distance apart. The next day the two wake up. Happosai is nowhere to be found. All that is left is a note. Note: Dear Ranma and Akane, I regret to inform you that I must leave you now. I know this must bring you great sorrow, but circumstances force me to leave both you and the dojo. Tell the others I will miss them. Sincerely yours, Happosai. Ranma: (Jumping up and down.) Yes! Akane, let's go back home. The trip back is uneventful. Akane takes note that the two of them have not had an argument since yesterday morning. Ranma is cheerful, very responsive, and pleasant. Akane discovers she can actually enjoy spending time with him. When the duo arrive home Ranma bursts through the door. He shows the letter to everyone. There is much rejoicing. Ranma: (To Genma) So you ready to pay up? Genma: (Concerned) You aren't going to hold me up to that foolish bet, are you son? Ranma: (Grinning) What do you think? The next day we see Shampoo-kun, Akane, Nabiki, and Ranma-chan heading out for school. Ranma-chan: (Yelling inside) Don't forget. You gotta do whatever Kasumi says until I get back. Nabiki: You sure I can't purchase your father's services for at least a day? Ranma-chan: No way. No amount of money in the world would be worth giving up a single minute of his service. Akane: I still think the uniform was a bit much. Where did you get it anyway? Ranma-chan: The pervert must of left it behind. I think it suits him. We see the inside of the house Genma is doing housework in a French maid's outfit. He is crying a great deal. Genma: (Yells) Oh, the humanity! Epilogue The scene is that of an all boys school somewhere in Japan. One of the guys in the picture is talking to second one. A third has his back turned to the other two and we cannot see his face. Guy #1: I can't believe she dumped me for that guy. Guy #2: Hey, women are like that. I told you a long distance relationship wouldn't work. Guy #1: But she doesn't even know him. She just said he's good looking and she's pretty sure she can take him out. Guy #2: I didn't think she was that aggressive. What's the guy's name anyway? Guy #1: Ranma Saotome. If I ever meet him he is dead meat. The third figure's ears prick up. He turns to talk to Guy #1. Ukyou Kuonji: Ranma Saotome, huh? Exactly what high school does this ex-girlfriend of yours attend.