"Namida no Kokoro" ("Tears of the Heart") An Original Ranma 1/2 Fan-Fiction by Michelle Mista ______________________________________________________________ All the characters used here are the property of their creator, Rumiko Takahashi, and are used here without permission. Arigato, Takahashi-sensei, for the wonderful story and characters of Ranma 1/2! ______________________________________________________________ Ranma-kun stood in the doorway, his heart aching. Closing his eyes, he heard his voice whisper, "A-Akane... I..." His throat constricted, but he got the last word out. "Gomen...." he finished, closing the door gently before running down the Tendo's stairs. At his apology, Akane lifted her head, and wiped her eyes. "Ranma...?" she said, looking around her room, just in time to see hear door shut, and Ranma's footsteps... "Hi, Ranma-kun!" she heard Kasumi greet Ranma brightly, then, "Ranma-kun...? What's wrong...? Why are you so upset? Where are you going?" The door to the Tendo's shut, and Akane turned to her window just in time to see Ranma-chan running outside in the rain. "Ranma! Matte!" she cried, opening her window, but Ranma made no move to turn around... she just kept running. Akane watched despairingly as Ranma-chan jumped up onto a fence, and kept running. "Ranma..." Akane's eyes filled with tears as she threw herself on her bed for the second time that day. "Gomen... Gomen nasai," she whispered. Burying her face in her pillow, she sobbed softly as she called his name.... ***************************************************************** All had seemed to be normal at the house... or normal for the Tendo dojo, anyway. Kunou had crashed in with his bokken, calling for his Osage no Onna and "the beautiful maiden", Tendo Akane to "come, jump into my arms". As a result, he met Ranma-chan's foot while Kasumi invited him to stay for lunch. Ryouga had walked in as P-chan during the noon meal, making Akane inordinately happy, as "P-chan" had been lost for several weeks. After lunch, Kunou decided stay a little longer after he saw his Osage no Onna go into the bathroom and come out as Ranma-kun, charging Ranma with "defiling" his "vision of loveliness, Osage no Onna", and starting his speech about the vengeance of heaven. After an (in Ranma's mind) uneventful fight, Ranma succeeded in booting Kunou from the premises (reminding himself to do it outdoors... Soun-ojisan got mad enough when Akane booted him out from her bedroom as it was), when Shampoo came by with a bowl of super-deluxe ramen for him. Akane helped Kasumi with dinner, and as usual, most of the family tried to think up excuses to get away with not eating it. Among the comestible casualties on the table was a something that looked suspiciously like a volcano (Ranma assumed that if he were to try some, he'd end up being the volcano); what Ranma _assumed_ to be tonkatsu (pork cutlet), but cooked so that it resembled a dog's chewed up toys; and a congealed, grayish-purple mass that Akane claimed was miso soup with tofu. Nabiki, Soun, and Genma got away with eating only what Kasumi had cooked (the difference between the two cook's culinary accomplishments was dramatic), but Ranma was almost forced to eat Akane's cooking. "Why're you trying to poison me?" Ranma had gagged, his standard response poking at the "miso soup" with his chopsticks. It wiggled like jelly...in some areas. He picked up a chunk. "Look for yourself, Akane! You said this was soup?" Akane fumed. "You could at least try it before you make fun of it!" she told him, preparing to stuff the iron pot it was cooked in down Ranma's throat. Ranma was about to give her his "I don't have to eat it to know it's toxic" line, when Akane put the pot down and asked, in a hurt voice, "How come you can eat Shampoo's soup, but you can't eat mine...?" Ranma looked to the family for help, but all were looking in different directions, except for Kasumi, who looked to Ranma. "Ranma-kun," she said to him in a slightly reproaching tone, "it won't hurt you to try it. Akane worked really hard on it." Ranma gave Kasumi a shameful, but dubious, look. Kasumi was usually so nice and easy going that any reproach from her made a person feel really low. Nabiki looked at her older sister, then back at the soup. She doubted that Ranma would eat it, hard work or not. Nabiki thought, taking another look at the soup. Nabiki glanced at her younger sister, who had a look between sadness and anger. She saw Ranma glance at her too, and his mournful look increased. Nabiki thought, reaching for a pickled vegetable, Her thoughts changed. She popped the pickled turnip in her mouth and chewed thoughtfully. Genma continued to look straight at his bowl, stuffing himself silly, wishing to avoid the whole scene. Soun looked as if he wanted to tell Ranma what Kasumi had told him in a less tactful way, but glancing at his youngest daughter's congealed excuse for a soup, he decided not to. Soun thought, Ranma looked again from the soup to his bowl, and then to Akane's sad/angry face. He knew from the half-liquid consistency that she really _did_ try hard on the soup. The last time she made miso soup it was pretty much all gelatinous. The color, however, just did not look right to him. Swallowing, he asked Kasumi for a soup bowl. Handing him one, he swallowed hard again before ladling the soup into the bowl. Three chunks and a little liquid fell in with a small "plop". Taking a spoon, he became aware of the whole family watching him: Kasumi's smiling face, Nabiki pitying face, Soun's sympathetic one, and his father's "Hurry up and eat it already because I don't get to eat until you do and I'm hungry...!" expression. Summoning all his will, Ranma meant to take a sip, but it turned out to be a bite. Ranma thought, a little amused. He swallowed, and smiled a little... "He... he did it?!" Soun cried. "That's my...!" Soun cut off his sentence as Ranma fell to the ground, unconscious... When he came to, he was in his room, with Kasumi and Nabiki hovering over him. "Y'know, Ranma-kun," Nabiki said as he sat up. "I think Akane's really mad this time..." "What makes you say that?" he asked, holding his aching head. Kasumi handed him a cold, wet towel. "Well," Kasumi said, also handing him a glass of water. "After you fainted, Akane started yelling at you, but you didn't hear it." "Then, she started beating the hell out of you while you were out of it," Nabiki told him. "Haven't you wondered why your head hurts?" Ranma gingerly touched the bump on his head. "She should know better than to hit me when I'm down..." he humphed, a little annoyed. "I really think that you should have a talk with her, Ranma-kun," Kasumi suggested. "She thinks you insulted her cooking." Ranma made a face. "Kasumi-san, we _all_ know what Akane's cooking is like. I didn't wanna insult her!" To his surprise, Kasumi and Nabiki nodded. "Yeah," Nabiki told him, "her cooking does stink, and everyone in this house but Akane is gonna say it. And we all know that your fainting wasn't intentional." "But Akane thinks that you did it on purpose," Kasumi explained. "She thinks you did it just to insult her." "Why don't you just give her cooking lessons?" Ranma asked Kasumi, taking a sip of water to take away the bad taste in his mouth. "I've tried, Ranma-kun," Kasumi replied. "But you know that Akane can be really stubborn, and determined. She wants to prove herself. All she needs is to slow down a little, and make sure the ingredients are correct, that's all." "Prove herself?" Ranma asked, confused. Nabiki chuckled. "Ranma-kun, you are such a dummy sometimes that it's a wonder that I don't make more money off your stupidity." Nabiki ignored Ranma's scowl. "Do you think Akane would care if me, Oneechan, Otousan, or Ojisan spit up that soup or fainted? Sure she'd get mad, but she wouldn't flip out like that." Ranma was still confused. He looked to Kasumi. "Honto ni," Kasumi nodded. "She made that for _you_, Ranma-kun. That's why I wanted you to at least _try_ it... I didn't say you had to like it." She smiled benevolently, prompting both Nabiki and Ranma to take a double-take. Ranma took in a deep breath, and then sighed. "I guess I should go apologize then, ne?" "It wouldn't hurt," Nabiki told him, as he got up to go find Akane. **************************************************************** He found her in the dojo, angrily going through a kata. He watched her for a bit from the doorway. "You mad, Akane?" he asked after a few minutes. Akane dropped her stance, and stood to face him. "Baka," she muttered, looking at him. "You didn't have to insult my cooking like that!" she told him angrily. "Hey! I wasn't trying to insult your cooking, you tomboy...! I tried it, didn't I?" he countered. This was true, and Akane had to admit that he did at least try it first. "And then you passed out," she humphed. Ranma was beginning to get more than a little annoyed. "Hey! If you were told to eat something you _know_ is gonna probably kill you, don't you think that you'd try and..." "You didn't know it was going to kill you!" Akane told him, standing up straight. "Whenever I cook, all you ever do is insist that it's going to kill you, even before you taste it!" Ranma gave her a look. "C'mon, Akane, we all know that your cooking isn't like Kasumi's or..." Ranma stopped himself from saying any more, hoping Akane wouldn't continue. "Like Ukyou's or Shampoo's, right?" Akane asked Ranma bitterly. Ranma couldn't answer, just stood there, looking more than a little sorry. Akane ignored the expression on his face. "Just because I can't cook like them doesn't mean you can insult my cooking!" "How many times do I gotta tell you that I wasn't trying to insult your cooking?" Ranma asked her, exasperated. "I was just trying to tell you the truth." "And what's the truth?" Akane asked him, her eyes daring him to make the wrong move. Ranma, as usual, did not pick up on the hint, and went ahead in his blunt, untactful way. "That your cooking stinks!" A light went off in his head, and inwardly, he groaned. That did it for Akane. Ranma instinctively turned to run away from Akane and her hyperdimensional mallet. They ran all about the premises, Ranma continually ducking her blows, looking back occasionally to throw another insult, while she threw his insults right back at him with another missed strike. The family, of course, ignored all of this, having heard this fights all too often in the past. Eventually, the two found themselves upstairs, with Ranma backed into a corner, but still hurling his normal barrage of insults. "You baka!" she cried, swinging the mallet, almost promising to hit him. Ranma hurriedly ducked, and cried out. "HA! You missed you kawaiikune tomboy..." "If I'm so kawaiikune, why don't you just leave me alone, you jerk?" she asked, swinging the mallet. Though she was yelling, she really meant what she asked. Ranma stuck his tongue out. "I don't know... maybe cuz you're such a good sparring partner; y'know, stubborn, strong as an ox, violent as a gorilla.... You're so kawaiikune sometimes, that it's just like fighting a guy..." Ranma had thought that his little dissertation on his interpretation of his iinazuke's disposition wouldn't hurt her too much. After the number of times he'd said this, how much could it hurt now? Thus, he was surprised to see Akane drop the mallet, and just stare at him, tears forming in her eyes. "A-Akane..." he asked, more than surprised that his speech had warranted this reaction. She looked him dead in the eye, a tear rolling down her cheek, and told him, "I hate you." "Eh?" Ranma blinked, totally unprepared for this. For once, since he'd known Akane, he'd had no insulting rejoinders. "I hate you!" Akane shouted at him. Then sudden comprehension dawned on her face. She covered her mouth, aghast, and ran to her room, locking the door. "Akane!" He ran to her door, and started to knock. "Akane..." There was no answer. "Akane..." He continued to knock, but there was still was no answer. He heard her bedsprings squeak. Sighing, he went outside on the roof, and tried to peek into her room hanging upside down, like he normally did when Akane locked her door. It was almost predictable, at least that's what Ranma thought. Almost every time she'd locked her door, she'd keep her window open, which made Ranma glad, because he knew that she was at least ready to accept an apology from him. This time, though, she'd closed the window and shut the blinds tight, and there was no light coming from her room. However, he could her soft sob... He went back upstairs, and tried her door again, finding it unlocked. He stepped silently into the room, admitting with him a small slit of light that fell upon her. She was on her bed, her face in her hands, still sobbing softly to herself. Ranma thought mournfully. "Akane...?" He asked softly, wanting to go over to her and apologize, but he just couldn't. She didn't respond. He continued to stand in the doorway. he thought, looking down. He closed his eyes, and said his apologies before closing her door again and running out of the house. He heard Kasumi say something to him as he left, but he was just too upset. He needed to get out of the house, he needed to get away from Akane's tears... and so he ran out of the house, and out into the rain. He heard Akane call his name but refused to turn around. Ranma-chan thought to herself as she leapt up onto a nearby fence, still running with all her might. *************************************************************** Akane continued to cry on her bed after Ranma left, softly calling his name, her mind continuing a sad litany. All she could think of was she said she hated him. Akane thought sadly, her sobs decreasing a little. She thought to the image of Ranma-chan running in the rain, away from her. "Why don't you just leave me alone, you jerk?" Her words came back to her from their fight earlier. She could forgive Ranma for fainting from her food. Deep down, she knew it wasn't his fault. She sighed, and her sobs decreased a little more, diminishing into mere hiccups. "Akane?" Kasumi knocked at her door, uncertainly. "What happened between you and Ranma-kun...?" "O-oneechan... I really..." Kasumi flicked on the light, and looked at the form of her younger sister on her bed, her head down, curled into a ball. Her pet pig, P-chan, sat on her bed watching her. Kasumi was painfully reminded of when Akane had been told her mother had just died, so many years ago. She'd curled into the exact same position she was curled in right now, sobbing the same way. "Akane..." Kasumi sat on the bed next to her sister and held her like she did when Akane was little and crying. Her sister's caring presence eased Akane's pain a little. "Tell your oneechan what happened..." "Oh Kasumi," Akane cried, holding onto her sister's apron. "I..." Her words echoed in her mind again. "I told Ranma I hated him! And now he's run away!" "Akane," Kasumi said again, holding her youngest sister in the motherly way she had, learned over the years after her mother's death. She'd held Nabiki like this after their mother's death, as well as Akane. Though Nabiki was only a year older than Akane, she didn't need quite as much mothering as Akane did. After Akane got older, she didn't cry, wanting to show everyone that she was grown up. "Just like Oneechan," she'd insist as she grew up, grimacing instead of crying when she hurt herself. Kasumi stroked Akane's hair much like she did when Akane was just a little girl. She knew that for Akane to cry like this was a rarity. "Shh... it's okay..." Kasumi told her. "But he's run away, Kasumi-Oneechan!" Kasumi nodded to herself. Ranma often avoided Akane after they fought, especially if it was as violent as this fight had been. But Kasumi was no fool, and she knew that there was more to what Akane was crying about. "Tell me, Akane..." Kasumi implored gently. "What's wrong? You know Ranma-kun runs away sometimes, he always comes back..." Akane looked up at Kasumi, her eyes red and swollen. "I'm scared, Oneechan," she told Kasumi, hiccuping. Kasumi looked a little confused. "Scared of what, Akane? Did something bad happen between you and Ranma?" Akane shook her head. "It'll be my fault if he doesn't come back..." "Akane..." Kasumi looked at her youngest sister in earnest. "What are you talking about? You know Ranma-kun always comes back." "I-I told him that I h-hated him!" A fresh round of sobbing started. "And when I called him back, he didn't even turn around! He probably hates _me_ now, Oneechan! And it's all my fault." Kasumi nodded again. She'd seen Ranma run outside, and she saw the look on his face. Sad. Disbelieving... She continued to hold Akane as she cried.... ***************************************************************** the innate voice inside her said. So that's what Ranma-chan did... Run away, run away from the pain, run away from Akane's tears... Ranma thought to herself, never slowing her pace. Akane's tear streaked face appeared in her mind's eyes and she tried desperately to shut it out. Ranma had only run like this once previously, when he was in the forest of Ryugunzawa, when he heard of Akane's wish to stay with Shinnosuke rather than go home with him. He'd run away, run, run, run... he couldn't stand to think that maybe Akane didn't like him as much as she seemed to like Shinnosuke. But now, he couldn't stand what he'd seen. Now, that feeling of despair that Ranma never really had to deal with before was back. Akane's tears... it was too much for him to take this time. He'd seen Akane cry before, but never sobbing continuously, never even hearing him. He couldn't tell whether or not Akane had heard his apology, because he knew that when someone cried the way she was crying that you can't hear over your own sobs. Ranma-chan thought, still running away. In her mind, Ranma-chan could still hear Akane calling for her to come back, to wait. "Gomen..." Ranma-chan whispered, her frantic running slowing, cramps forming in her legs. Ranma-chan thought to herself, feeling her legs turn to rubber, her lungs on fire. Her body ached, and she gasped for breath, only to feel the beginnings of a sob. She choked it back... she thought determinedly, feeling her legs almost give beneath her, her fist clenching. she thought fiercely, trying to run some more but finding that her legs pretty much refused to obey her. She gave her exhausted body a little bit of a rest, slowing her slow run down to a jog, and finally into a plodding walk. For the first time, Ranma-chan looked around, disoriented. she thought to herself wryly, looking at the shops around her. There looked to be one that she vaguely remembered... "U..." She squinted at the kana on the sign, her vision blurry from the rain. "Ucchan". Ranma-chan smiled a little, and went to the door to knock... ***************************************************************** Akane pulled away from her sister's motherly embrace, wiping her eyes. "Gomen ne, Oneechan," Akane told her sister. "I guess I'm being a little silly." "No, Akane-chan," Kasumi replied, looking at her sister earnestly. "You're not being silly at all. You're hurting." Akane shook her head stubbornly. "No. It's stupid of me to think that Ranma won't come back. You're right, he always does..." Akane trailed off as her sister shook her head. "That's not why you're crying, Akane," Kasumi told her. "I know you better than that. You wouldn't cry just because Ranma-kun ran away like that after a fight." Akane lifted her head in the proud way she had. "Why should I care if he hates me, anyway? He's the baka...." Akane knew her words sounded hollow as she trailed off again. "Akane..." another voice called. Both sisters turned to see Nabiki standing in the doorway, her arms folded across her chest. "I heard you crying earlier. You okay?" "Hai, Nabiki-oneechan. I'm fine." "Sure you are, that's why your eyes are all red and your nose is clogged," Nabiki grinned, plopping on the bed beside her. Nabiki had always been the sister that acted her own age, if that meant anything. She'd never had the motherly tact Kasumi had developed over the years. Akane considered herself lucky to have both Kasumi and Nabiki, even if Nabiki did charge a little too much in the ways of interest. "And I bet you'd say Ranma-kun's okay, too?" "Why wouldn't he be?" Akane countered. "Ranma can take care of himself." "You don't think Ranma's upset, too?" Kasumi asked Akane. "Why would he be upset?" Akane replied. "It's not like he actually _cares_...." Nabiki made a noise. "It amazes me how much you and Ranma are alike sometimes," she told Akane, shaking her head. Akane scowled. "What do you mean?" "I mean, that if I could just figure out how to market the stupidity both you and Ranma have, that I could make the Kunou family fortune look like peanuts!" "Nabiki!" Kasumi said, shocked. "Be nice...!" "I'm just kidding, Oneechan, Akane knows that," Nabiki told Kasumi, who still looked fairly dubious. "Ne, Akane?" "Un..." Akane nodded, not really listening. "What do you mean, Oneechan?" "You and Ranma-kun..." replied Nabiki, sitting up. "You two sit there day after day, week after week, and whatever, throwing insults and who knows what else at each other. Don't you two ever get tired of fighting?" Akane opened her mouth to reply. "It looks like a no, since the fighting never stops." "Why don't you just admit what you feel for him, Akane?" Kasumi suggested. "Admit what?" Akane said, blank faced. Nabiki fell onto the bed with a groan. "That you two DON'T hate each other, for one thing," she muttered, her voice muffled by Akane's pillow. "But I don't feel anything for him!" Akane tried to protest, the hollow sounding words ringing in her ears. "I don't hate him, but I sure don't-" "Love him?" Kasumi finished for her younger sister. "Akane, we're not saying to admit you love him-" "-You're not, Oneechan, but I am!" muttered Nabiki, her voice still muffled by the pillow. "Those two bakas just need to figure it out for themselves, that's all!" "But to admit that you do have some feelings for him," Kasumi continued, unperturbed by her untactful sister. "You do have some very strong feelings for him Akane. You'll see that in time. You wouldn't be so upset about what happened earlier tonight if you didn't feel that way." Akane thought about what Kasumi had to say. She supposed it did make sense. "And Ranma-kun wouldn't be upset either, if he didn't feel the same way," Kasumi finished, catching Akane off guard. "Ranma doesn't care about me like that!" Akane told Kasumi. "Why would he be calling me all the names he does if he _did_ care?" "Why do you call him a baka, Akane?" Kasumi implored. Akane blinked. "Well... because..." Akane tried desperately to find a reason. Her usual response "because he just is" didn't look like it would pass her sisters. Nabiki lifted her head from Akane pillow, and began to tap her fingers on it impatiently. "We're waiting, Akane..." Nabiki told her, while Akane continued to try to find a reason. "Chotto! I do have a reason!" Akane told Nabiki angrily. "I- "Don't..." Nabiki finished for her younger sibling, leaning back in an almost bored manner. "If you did have a reason, a REAL reason," she amended, "you would've thought of one by now." ***************************************************************** An urgent knocking sounded at the door of Ucchan's okonomiyaki-ya. Kuonji Ukyou looked at the door, annoyed. She'd had a busy night, with orders for okonomiyaki coming in almost one after the other. "Sumimasen, but we're closed," Kuonji Ukyou called out, wiping her clean grill with a cloth. she thought to herself, smiling to herself in the sparkling grill. "Ucchan?" called a female voice. "Ranchan?!" Ukyou dropped the rag, and bounded over to the door quickly to let Ranma in. She was happy that Ranma had thought to visit; he hardly ever came this late.... "Ranchan! It's so late... what're you...?" She took a quick double take a soggy, sad eyed Ranma-chan walked toward the table. "Gomen... for this wet mess," Ranma said, gesturing to the floor. "Oh Ranchan," Ukyou said worriedly as Ranma set herself down on a counter stool. "Don't you worry about that....Here, I'm going to get you a towel and a blanket," she told her as she hurriedly unlocked the door that led to her apartment steps. "Do you want some hot water?" "Eh?" Ranma seemed distracted. "Hot water? Oh, sure, Ucchan...." Ukyou ran upstairs and fetched the towel, water, and blanket as quickly as she could. As it was, she still ended up taking awhile. But when she came downstairs, Ranma was still staring at the floor with the same expression. Ukyou sighed, and poured the hot water over Ranma's head, transforming him to his normal, male form. She smiled a little to herself as Ranma changed. She'd always regarded it as somewhat fun to watch. Despite Ukyou's amusement, Ranma was still looking at the floor, still with the same expression. He looked so preoccupied that Ukyou wondered if he'd even noticed he'd changed. Handing him the towel, which he accepted and started to towel off his hair with it, Ukyou wrapped the blanket around him. "Sorry there's no clothes for you to change into, Ranchan," Ukyou said, tucking in the blanket close to Ranma's body. "This should keep you warm. "Clothes?" Ranma still had that faraway look in his eyes. "Hai," Ukyou replied, looking at him in concern. "You're soaked clear through; I'm surprised you're not changing back into a girl." Ranma blinked, and then nodded. Ukyou tried another tactic. "So, what kinda okonomiyaki you want Ranchan?" she asked him gently. Ranma merely shook his head, still toweling his hair. "I guess I'm not really hungry, Ucchan..." he told her, looking up at her. Ukyou worry compounded. If Ranma wasn't hungry, there must be something wrong. "What happened, Ranchan?" Ranma looked at his best friend's worried face and sighed. "I saw her cry, Ucchan..." "Who? Akane?" Ukyou asked him. Ranma nodded in response. "What happened?" "I made her cry, Ucchan," Ranma told her, sighing again, his gaze abstracted. "I tried to tell her that I was sorry, but..." Ranma's eyes lowered, "I just guess that she's mad at me again." "Ranchan..." Ukyou tried to grasp at something to make Ranma feel better. This just wasn't like him to get so sad over a fight with Akane. After all, the two fought all the time. "I've seen her cry before, Ukyou," Ranma was telling her. Ukyou's heart constricted to hear him call her "Ukyou". He never just called her "Ukyou". Ukyou thought. "But never like that... never sobbing, never..." Ranma swallowed, continuing. "I never thought I could hurt her like that..." "Ranchan..." Ukyou patted his shoulder, almost freezing to the touch. she reasoned, a bit startled that Ranma wasn't shivering. Ranma shook his head. "Ucchan, I..." Part of Ukyou sighed in relief, with hearing him call her "Ucchan" again. "Ne, Ranchan," Ukyou told him, "Here, I'm going to make you some tea, okay? You're cold..." Ranma nodded. He turned to watch Ukyou as she bustled about, gathering the ingredients for tea. "Ne, Ukyou?" "Hai?" she asked, setting a kettle of water on the stove. "Have you ever hurt so bad that you just wanna run away from it?" he asked. Ukyou turned around to look at Ranma, who was sitting in the seat Akane-chan usually sat at. A wave of sadness swept over her for a second. "Hai," she answered, softly. Then louder, "But, there are times when you just can't run away." She turned back to her tea making preparations. "Is that what you're doing now, Ranchan? Running away?" She heard Ranma's sad sigh. She'd never heard him sigh this much before, and it made her heart constrict more. "I guess," he replied. Ranma was silent for a few minutes, his eyes downcast, and his hands fiddling with the blanket that was wrapped around him. Ukyou finished the tea, and handed him one of the handleless cups. "Arigato," he told her, accepting the warm tea readily. His hands were cold. "So," Ukyou asked, taking a sip of her tea. "What exactly happened tonight?" Ranma kept his eyes on the cup of tea in front of him. "I don't know. We were fighting, like we always do. I called her a kawaiikune tomboy gorilla like I always do... next thing I know, she dropped her mallet, looked at me with tears in her eyes...." Ranma paused, and took a sip of his tea. "Next thing I know, that tom..." he trailed off, before beginning again. "She told me that she hates me." Ukyou watched Ranma for a few minutes, as he briefly summarized his argument with Akane, her crying, and his running out of the house. His normally confident, almost over-confident, posture was shattered, and it looked to Ukyou as though he was really trying to keep his feelings under control. Her mind flashed back to just a few minutes ago when Ranma-chan had come through her okonomiyaki-ya door. She'd looked lost, and had an unaccountable sadness that Ranma was still trying to control. Ukyou had always regarded Ranma as someone who didn't show his true feelings a lot. At least, that's how she comforted herself by hoping that Ranma really did love her the way she only wished he did; he just wasn't showing it. It wasn't that Ranma was cold, or anything. While not always extremely cheerful, Ranma was usually in a fairly good mood whenever Ukyou saw him. But she'd noted a long time ago that Ranma never really said anything about how he felt, at least not to her. She'd wondered, from time to time, if he'd ever shared his feelings with Akane. Ukyou doubted that Ranma would ever share his feelings with anyone besides Akane, even though she wished with all her heart that Ranma would open up to her like that. He never really spoke about how his strange life affected him. Ukyou supposed that she couldn't blame him. He'd been dragged all over Japan from a young age, training in martial arts. The good thing was that Ranma enjoyed martial arts more than anything else. Ukyou doubted that Ranma could ever live life without martial arts; it was his livelihood much as hers was okonomiyaki. Ranma's martial arts training had outwardly affected him in several ways: his separation from his mother, his fear of cats, and most obviously, his curse. That was the only part in his life Ranma ever showed any outward animosity towards, but despite that, Ranma seemed to be fairly used to his female half. True, Ranma wouldn't regret being cured, but it looked that being female at times did have it's advantages. Another part in his life Ranma would comment on was his engagement to Akane, from calling her a violent tomboy, to kawaiikune. But everyone saw, but didn't acknowledge, what Ranma and Akane had developed into. Engaged for more than a year, Ranma and Akane's outward disposition hadn't changed much. Ranma still called her a "kawaiikune tomboy", and in return Akane usually called him an idiot. But watching Ranma, Ukyou realized that he just didn't have any way to get around this little fight; he had to deal with it. He'd never say "I hate you" to Akane, no matter how much they fought, and he'd never hurt her deliberately. Ukyou knew that if anything were to come between him and Akane, Ranma would tear them to bits. Ukyou reminded herself, still watching Ranma. He had no way to fight this. Ukyou told him silently, her brow furrowed. Without watching what she was doing, she started to make herself an okonomiyaki. "Ucchan?" Ranma lifted his head a little at the sound of the batter being stirred in the bowl. "Whatcha you doing?" "What I do best," she replied, giving him a smile. He gave a weak one in return. She looked down ruefully at the grill she'd worked so hard to clean, and then back at Ranma's face. she thought. "You sure you don't want one?" she asked, pouring a pancake. "Your favorite, super-deluxe, covered with my secret sauce..." Ranma was glad for the distraction. "Sure," he told Ukyou, trying to forget why he'd come here. "I guess I am kinda hungry after all..." Ukyou smiled at Ranma. She knew he wasn't hungry at all. *************************************************************** Akane stretched out on her bed again, her sisters having left her after she argued with Nabiki over and over again that she was okay. Nabiki had shaken her head in what Akane took to be amusement before she left the room. Kasumi, however, had stayed with her for awhile before leaving, coaxing a little out of her at a time. Akane sighed a shuddering sigh, not surprising considering the amount she'd cried in the past hour or so. She felt drained; she'd never cried that much before... at least, not in a really long time. She caught sight of a movement next to her, and P-chan sat on her bed covers, watching her intently. "Ne, P-chan," Akane said, absently petting P-chan on the head. "I guess I look really terrible after crying so much..." P-chan sat watching her silently. Akane sighed, pulled her knees up to her chest, and rested her chin on her knees, as she'd done a million times before, and stared sightlessly into the room. She'd turned off her lights, telling Kasumi that she wanted to just sleep. That was an utter lie though; sleep was one of the last things on her mind. She kept thinking about Ranma's running away from her, and her sisters' comments afterward in her room. she thought to herself, confused. Ranma took off a lot; it's not like he never came back. Her words came back to her, as she told them to Kasumi. "It'll be my fault if he doesn't come back..." Akane had often wondered what it would be like if Ranma were to just disappear. Even though he teased her almost non-stop, badgered her P-chan, and a million other annoying things that Akane wished he'd stop, Akane just couldn't imagine what it would be like if he were ever to leave. Ranma's teasing was mainly playful, she knew that now, and he always sprung right back after their fights, ready to put up with her wrath the next day. Sure, Ranma complained a lot about the frequency with which she bashed him over the head. Akane thought with a slight smile, a memory of Ranma-kun running around and calling her "kawaiikune". She wouldn't care so much of someone else called her kawaiiku nai; only Ranma calling her that could make her mad. Akane wondered to herself. What made Ranma so important that she didn't want to be teased by him? She rested her head on her knees wearily, trying desperately to make herself see what she had to see. Ranma was important to her, she'd at least admitted that to herself. Ranma was someone whom she wanted to like her, and to admit that he liked her. She wondered why. She knew she had plenty of guys chasing after her, much like Ranma had girls after him. she thought, with a small smile, but then sighed. She thought again, Why Ranma? He was rude, disrespectful, teased her unmercifully, had girls chasing after him all day and all night.... She sighed. Ryouga-kun wasn't at all like Ranma. He respected her, called her "Akane-san" and was always there to flatten Ranma for her when he stepped out of line. "Why can't Ranma be more like Ryouga-kun?" Akane found herself wondering aloud, taking no notice of P-chan visibly perking up. She shook her head. "No," she told herself quietly. "He'd never be like Ryouga-kun... and I don't think I'd want him to be." P-chan's head drooped. Akane's thoughts strayed to Kunou. Kunou could lavish her with gifts, treat her like a princess. Akane sighed. She had no interest in Kunou. His verbose, conceited manner just didn't appeal to her, not to mention the fact that he'd treated her like property. Akane thought indignantly. Money and presents might mean something to Nabiki, who was always there to bilk just another yen out of Kunou, but that just wasn't Akane's style. She never cared much for money; what she cared for was someone who was caring. Ryouga certainly fit that description, and he was cute, though Akane would never really admit it. Akane thought to herself, Even though Ryouga would sort of fit her description of an ideal guy, he was easily tempted. Akane shook her head in disgust, thinking about the times Ranma-chan would disguise herself and fool poor Ryouga-kun. Ranma didn't fit her description of a perfect guy, at least, she didn't think so. He wasn't outwardly affectionate, he was mean at times... Akane thought, feeling as though she was arguing with herself. Akane never really said that she didn't like Ranma's girl form, except for when she first met him, and only then because it had been such a shock. Akane thought. Akane suspected that Ranma wondered what Akane really thought about his girl-form. The truth was that Akane would accept Ranma either way, curse or no curse. It didn't matter to her whether Ranma was male or female. For all intents and purposes, Ranma was a guy, and it showed even when his body was female. Akane thought to herself, remembering times when he'd looked at her that way. She couldn't deny it. When he looked at her in those ways, it made her feel good inside, made her feel really special. She blushed at her thoughts. Akane closed her eyes, memories flooding her mind's eye. Ranma fighting for her, for their engagement. She'd never thought about Ranma's actions in this sense before, never thought to. There'd been times she'd suspected that Ranma fought only for the right to say that he won; she knew that for Ranma to lose was almost like heartbreak. Ranma never lost, and if he did, he'd find some way to get his opponent back somehow. She'd always assumed that when he fought men for her, that it was because of his ego, his innate sense to always be a winner. Akane tried to remember. She heard Ranma's voice come back to her, as though they were still in that hollow mountain. "No one's gonna take her from me; Akane's mine! And she's engaged to me!" Despite all Ranma had done for her, Akane tended not to think about those situations which he'd fought for her. It's not that she didn't appreciate them; it was more along the lines of that she didn't know how to deal with it. Akane wondered. Akane had no answers. Ranma never really talked about how he felt for her... then again, Akane never talked about how she felt for him. When it came to feelings, there were no words to be exchanged between either of them. Akane thought. She had feelings for Ranma, she knew she did, but it was almost like if she admitted it to anyone, it would make it reality. She wasn't ready for that, yet.... "Ne, P-chan," Akane said again, still absently petting the now distraught P-chan. "What do I do now...?" ************************************************************** Ranma-kun plodded home, his hands in his pockets, not really looking forward to going back to the Tendos. he asked himself, "Kuso..." Ranma muttered, kicking a coffee can ahead of him in the street, carefully avoiding the puddles, not bothering to look up. It was times like this when he wished he had someone to talk to. Yeah, there had been Ucchan just a little while ago, but Ranma didn't think that she'd understand. He was no fool; he knew Ukyou had more feelings for him than he did for her. He loved her, but only as a friend, and never could love her as anything more than a friend... as long as Akane was around. Ukyou knew that too. It was important to Ranma that he had Ukyou's friendship. She was about the only person his age that he met during his travels around Japan with his father. True, he did think that she was a boy back then, Ranma thought, He kicked the can. For the most part, Ranma was alone in the world; or at least, that's how he felt at the moment. For the second time that night, he had an inkling of what Ryouga must feel like, the loneliness at least. Ryouga wandered about Japan, trying to find whatever spot he's trying to find and getting utterly lost along the way. But Ranma, though surrounded by friends, and almost- family (as far as the Tendos were concerned), sometimes felt pretty lonely. It wasn't something Ranma thought about a lot, mainly because he just didn't feel like dealing with it. He knew it would sound pretty stupid, considering how many people he interacted with on a daily basis. But it wasn't so much lonely for people as it was lonely for someone to share his feelings with. When he was younger, he only had his father as his constant companion, and as he found out, old Oyaji didn't make the world's best confidant. Sure, Ranma knew that his father loved him, but there were things that his father did that Ranma just couldn't forgive, like engaging him to little girls in exchange for food, Jusenkyou... and a number of other things. After he'd come and settled in Nerima, he found more people wanting to kill him than be friends with him. Ranma thought, kicking the can again. Ranma wasn't one for sharing his feelings much, especially having grown up with only his father around, and he still hadn't learned to be able to share them. It was hard for him to actually get out into words what he felt for people. It wasn't as though it was hard for him to make friends wherever he went though; he was pretty popular at school. Unlike some people, Ranma never really put a huge importance on popularity. He'd rather just have good friends, like Ucchan. But if it came down to sharing his feelings with his friends, even Ucchan, he just didn't know what to say.... He'd spent a good two hours at the restaurant, at first starting to tell Ucchan about the fight, but he found that after she'd made the okonomiyaki, he just didn't know what to say. Ranma thought to himself. Instead of telling her exactly why he was so upset, he ended up talking about small, inconsequential stuff.... Ranma sighed to himself, thinking. He'd had such a strange life, he was surprised that it was even true. First, taken away from his mother, then meeting her again, and always, always, that damned Jusenkyou curse. Ranma kicked the can again, a little harder this time. His thoughts swam. After falling in Nyanniichuan, things only went from bad to worse... or at least that's what he thought then. Dragged from China back to Japan to be engaged to some girl he never met, Ranma thought that his life couldn't get any more weird. Ranma had to admit that he kinda liked Akane when they first met, at least while he was a girl. Even back then, she was cute when she smiled and laughed. Then, came the little incident in the bathroom, and then finally the table on the head. His head throbbed in memory. He could admit now that Akane did have a (little) right to bash him over the head with the table. Ranma thought, rolling the can along with his foot now, rather than kicking it. He blushed. he thought to himself, returning to kicking the can with renewed vigor. Despite his agitation at the thought of Akane's body, his mind wandered to their engagement. He didn't really like to think about her in regards to their engagement, but there were times like now when he did. He realized that, with all things considered, they probably would be married, forced or not. He was never one for physical displays of affection, at least, not after living with Oyaji alone for so long. Not that Akane was either, but she was a girl, and it seemed to him that most girls were fairly comfortable with physical displays of affection, considering the times Shampoo's tried to kiss him and Ucchan's hugged him. Part of the reason that he didn't return their displays of affection were that he wasn't used to receiving (or giving) it, but mostly it was because he just didn't want to. He didn't mind Ucchan's hugs so much since he loved her as a friend, but he didn't really appreciate Shampoo's kisses, though he knew Mousse wanted to kill him for that. Ranma knew, deep in his heart, that the only one he'd probably return any affection to, if he was to receive it, would be Akane. Ranma thought, more ruefully than he wanted to admit. He looked down at himself, at the foot that was kicking the can. He was male right now, and he was glad. Then, he looked back up at the sky over Nerima, the black clouds, and around him, at the puddles left from the previous shower, and sighed a heavy sigh. Even though he'd gotten used to being half-male, it still bothered him from time to time. He hated the fact that he wasn't "normal". He couldn't enjoy the simplest things, like a nice cold swim as a guy, or walking in the rain.... But his curse really hurt him when he thought about Akane and their engagement. With physical affection, there was one thing that scared him most. If Akane was ever to become his wife (he ALWAYS felt uncomfortable with that thought), he wouldn't want her to be with him, at least not in an intimate sense, while he still turned into a girl. It wasn't something he thought about a lot; he couldn't usually bring himself to admit that one day, he and Akane would be.... he thought. He sighed again. There was one thing that he hated most about his curse: the fact that he could never be secure in his manhood. That was always important to him, even before he'd heard of his father's stupid promise to his mother. He didn't think it would be fair to Akane, or fair to anyone for that matter, to be married to a guy that was half-girl. At first, he'd wanted his male body back for his sake alone, but as time wore on, there was always Akane to consider.... "Baka..." Ranma muttered aloud, taking his frustrations out on the can again. "What the hell do you think you're talking about?" He sighed, and brought his thoughts back. He was lonely. He knew that he could probably turn to Ukyou with his problems; he knew that Ukyou would be more than happy to help him. Ranma thought wistfully, still kicking the can in front of him. Ranma humphed, holding back the urge to boot the can. Ranma thought back to the three other girls. Ranma shivered. Ranma's thoughts went back to Akane, her smile, her laughter. Ranma thought, the can rolling away, forgotten. He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Ranma..." Ranma started, quickly looking around to see where the voice had come from. Hibiki Ryouga, leaned against a fence, watched him with an amused look. "Ryouga." He sighed, and looked around again. "If you're gonna try and kill me again, I'm really not in the mood, okay?" "What's wrong with you?" Ryouga asked, still leaning against the fence. "You don't look so happy." "Well, I ain't all that happy; thanks for noticing," Ranma replied sarcastically, trying to walk on. Ryouga raised his eyebrows; Ranma wasn't one for such blatant, biting sarcasm. He raised his umbrella to keep him from walking away. Shrugging, Ranma jumped onto the fence he was leaning against. Ryouga got off the fence and looked at him. "It's not like you and Akane-san to get so upset over one little fight..." Ryouga told him, poking at him with the umbrella, which Ranma irritably shoved away with his hand while trying to keep his balance. Ranma sighed. "I don't know what you're talking about, Ryouga," he said, looking down at him. "What happened, Ranma? What did you do to Akane-san this time?" Ryouga asked angrily. "I've never seen her cry like that before!" To Ryouga's surprise, Ranma jumped down from the fence, and leaned against, facing him. "Well, I ain't never seen her cry like that either, and to tell you the truth, I ain't all that happy about it." Ryouga blinked. He wasn't expecting that kind of response from him. "What happened, Ranma?" Ranma shrugged. "I don't really feel like talking about it, okay Ryouga?" "C'mon," Ryouga poked Ranma with his umbrella. "You might as well tell me." Ranma shoved the umbrella away again. "We got into a fight, Akane started crying, told me she hates me, locked herself in her room, and won't talk to me, so I left." Ryouga put his umbrella back atop his backpack and regarded Ranma with a serious look. "As much as I hate to say it, Ranma, and as much as I probably wish she would," Ranma bristled, "I don't think Akane-san hates you." Ranma glanced at Ryouga skeptically. "She sounded like she meant it," he replied, his sad voice conveying his feelings. Ryouga, unexpectedly, softened. He hadn't seen Ranma as sad as this... ever. "Again, Ranma, I don't think she hates you." Ranma continued to look at him dubiously, while Ryouga leaned up against a wall opposite Ranma. "I didn't hear the fight, and I didn't see the fight, but I came in a little after you'd left, I guess." Ranma rolled his eyes. "Where'd you go? The bathroom? Akane was looking for you since Kunou left..." "Shut up," Ryouga said softly, glaring at Ranma. "Why don't you try finding your way back to the Tendo's after getting chased around by some lunatic with a cleaver that wants to have you for tonkatsu?" He shook his head. "All I know is, you weren't there by the time I got to Akane-san's room. She had the door open by then, and Kasumi-san and Nabiki-san were there talking to her." "What was she saying?" Ranma asked, curious. "Did she say anything about me?" Ryouga smiled an almost sad smile. "Not in so many words. But she doesn't hate you, Ranma." He paused, thinking of Akane's reaction to what Kasumi had told her, and debating whether or not to tell Ranma this. "I was there after Kasumi-san and Nabiki-san left." Ryouga looked down. "All I know is that she didn't talk for the longest time; I think she was just sitting there thinking. She didn't say much, only to say something like, 'Ne, P-chan?'..." Ryouga smiled a little bit then. "She only says stuff like that when she's thinking really hard..." "I didn't know that," Ranma said quietly. "No," Ryouga replied, looking up. "You wouldn't. It's something she does when she's alone... or with me, since she really does think that her 'P-chan' is just a pig." Ryouga shook his head, an almost sad kind of envy in his eyes as he looked back up at Ranma. "There's a lot you don't know about Akane." "Well there's a lot she don't know about me..." Ranma muttered. Ryouga sighed. "I'm gonna hate myself for this," he muttered. "You know why you guys don't know about each other? It's because you don't talk to each other, Ranma." Ranma made a sound. "You think she's gonna listen to me if I try and talk to her now?" Ryouga nodded. "Hai. I think that she just might, by the mood she was in." His eyes unfocused as he thought back to Akane's quiet introspection. "She didn't even notice that I'd gone after I left." Ranma looked up and felt a little sorry for Ryouga. After all, Ryouga could admit what he couldn't say.... "But that doesn't matter," Ryouga went on to say brusquely. "Just try talking to her, Ranma... for once... for her sake." Ranma blinked, almost in a daze, shook his head, and walked off a ways before looking back to Ryouga who was still standing there. "C'mon..." Ranma gestured for him to follow him, looking up at the sky. "It looks like it's gonna rain again tonight; you wanna spend all night lost in Tokyo as a pig?" Ryouga didn't exactly smile, but he made a sound which Ranma supposed passed for a small laugh. He knew that it was Ranma's way of thanking him for telling him what he had. Ryouga refused, and Ranma looked back one more time before walking off, still slowly, in the direction of the Tendo Dojo. "Ranma," Ryouga said quietly, watching Ranma's retreating figure. "Just make Akane-san happy, okay?" He sighed again, softly. "For reasons I just don't understand... I think you're the only one that can make her happy." **************************************************************** Akane sat at her desk, looking out of her window, at the night sky, disappointed to see the black clouds taking up the entire sky. "Rain..." she muttered, blindly organizing the manga that was shelved neatly on her desk. A soft knock sounded at her door. Akane turned around, and stared at the door not particularly wanting to answer it. she thought. The knock sounded again, even softer this time. "I'm sleeping, Oneechan," she called out, feigning fatigue in her voice. "Akane?" Ranma's voice was muffled by the door. There was a small pause before Ranma called, "Uh, don't let me bother you.... Oyasumi nasai, Akane..." "Chotto..." Akane muttered, crossing the room and opening the door a little to reveal Ranma's retreating form. "Ranma..." Ranma turned around. "Go ahead and go back to sleep," he told her, starting to walk again towards his room. "Matte, Ranma," Akane said, leaning in her half-open doorway. Ranma turned around again to look at her. "Uh, you want to come in?" she asked, opening the door all the way to permit him inside. Ranma nodded, and stole into her room flipping on her light switch as he went. "You weren't sleeping, huh?" he asked, sitting down at the desk chair she was just at. "Un," she replied, nodding and sitting on bed. "Were you crying?" he asked, glancing out her window to see a sky devoid of any stars. "Does it matter?" she replied, watching him. "You were crying, huh?" He turned around in her chair to look at her. "Your eyes are still all red and swollen." "Thanks for reminding me how bad I must look right now," she replied bitingly. "'Kawaiikune' as always, ne Ranma?" Much to Akane's surprise, Ranma didn't come back with a sarcastic rejoinder, as he normally would. Instead, he just turned away to look out the window. "That's not what I meant," he replied. "Then what did you mean?" she asked, dropping the sarcasm. "You were crying earlier; I just wanted to know if you were still crying," he said simply. That took her by surprise. she thought confused. "When did you see me crying?" she asked him. "When I opened your door," Ranma replied, turning around. "Plus, I heard you crying before you unlocked your door." "When did you open my door?" she wanted to know. "Right after I got down from the roof and tried to see if I could talk to you through the window," he answered. "But you closed your curtains." "Huh?" "_That_ was after I tried to open your door but you locked it." He paused. "That was right after you said you hated me," he finished quietly. Akane took a deep breath, and started to say something, but Ranma continued. "So, you okay now?" "I... guess..." Akane replied, uncertainly. Ranma smiled a little. "Good. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." He got up from the chair and crossed over to the door. "I just didn't want you to go to sleep crying like that, that's all," he explained. He opened the door before Akane took a deep breath. "Ranma, matte...." "Nani?" Ranma turned around to face her. She bit her lip. "I don't hate you, Ranma." Ranma blinked, then smiled a little. "I'm glad." He turned to leave again. "Ranma?" He half-turned. "Hai?" Akane smiled a little. "Gomen ne... I don't want you to go to sleep thinking that I hate you." Ranma shrugged, and smiled back, a full smile this time. "Gomen ne, for what I said." He paused. "You're not always a kawaiikune tomboy gorilla...." To his surprise, Akane chuckled. "Hai; only some of the time, I guess." The couple laughed together, softly, for a second, before Ranma said good night again before leaving the room. Akane sat watching the door close, and heard Ranma's footsteps pad over toward his room. "No Ranma..." Akane said quietly as the door slid shut. "I could never hate you." [End] Thanks to my two pre-readers, Mario Lee(-kun) Bansen III, and my fan-fic partner-in-crime, Stephanie A. Gonzales for putting up with all my stories and delays! =P Please send all comments to "citizenal@aol.com" (I'd prefer this one) or "vvalenci@ix.netcom.com" with [for mi-chan] in subject header. Michelle "Mi-chan" Mista Washuu-chan's #1 Student (c) 1996