Girl Days A Ranma 1/2 fanfiction by Robert Haynie (Yeah, yeah, I know, the disclaimer bit goes here. Happy now?) Part Seven, section two: A Date That Will Live In Infamy (And, quite possibly, urban legend) #### It was a beautiful evening. The sun had not yet set, but it was just about to, and had been working up to this particular sunset for months. It would be a sunset that romantic couples all over Japan would remember for many many years. The moon was also preparing to be unusually romantic this evening, the stars were getting ready to twinkle as they had never done before, the breeze in the trees was filled with incipient romance, and even the litter was blowing flirtatiously. Unfortunately, all this was wasted on the most striking couple in Nerima at the moment, who were making their way to dinner with a tone not of anticipation, but of resignation. "So, where are you taking me? So I can lead you there, that is," asked Ranma. "Hayashi's. It's a sushi place I know, and it's right over that way." "That's a police station." "I mean that way..." "That's a lingerie shop. I know, I shop there." Ryoga shuddered. "Um... that way?" "That's a public bathhouse." "Arrgh, where IS that place?" Ranma smirked, and pointed to the doorway behind Ryoga. "I think we are close..." Ryoga fumed, but kept his grasp on Ranma's arm (since it both had the right 'look' and kept him from winding up in Osaka) and entered with his 'date'-- And blinked at the sudden fall of confetti, sounds of bells and horns, and cheers from the staff. "A..ano..." "Welcome, our Ten Thousandth customers! Tonight, everything is on the house for you and your lovely companion! Enjoy our finest items, please!" exulted the manager. Ryoga sweatdropped. Ranma... grinned. The manager escorted them to a private booth. "Please feel free to order anything and everything you like! There's no charge, Mister Ten Thousand! We'll have tea here in a moment, and if you'd like anything else to drink..." "Um... tea's fine, right, Ranma?" Ranma nodded. "Well, then, here's your menus, and enjoy!" The manager pranced off, grinning. GREAT PR, and such a lovely couple! Besides, it wouldn't be that costly a stunt, anyway. After all, how much could a little girl like that eat? It has been noticed that although there are certain obvious differences between the character of Ranma Saotome and the Slayer's star Lina Inverse, there are also certain similarities. Both are (when Ranma is in female form) redheads, both are rather cute in their own ways, both are capable of destroying entire city blocks if they get pushed too far, and both are very very good at eating. And neither could resist free food. "Man," whispered Ryoga. "This is a stroke of luck like I wouldn't believe! I mean, I had enough money for this place, but not for anything really fancy... I'm scared." Ranma looked up from her menu and raised an eyebrow. "Scared? What's scary about free sushi?" "Because it's good luck. Something good is happening to me." "I don't get it," puzzled Ranma. "Good things don't happen to me! Getting turned into a pig, being lost in Kyoto, getting wound up in a date with you-- these things happen to me! Not good things! I'm not used to it!" Ranma chuckled. "If it makes you feel better, maybe it's my good luck, and not yours." Ryoga actually relaxed. "Arigato, Ranma, that does make me feel better." Ranma shook her head, and returned to her menu. #### She was a skilled hunter. She was the heir to the Amazon Traditions. She was arguably the greatest warrior of her generation of the Jokuzetsu. She also was, at the moment (due to an unfortunate incident with a barber pole, a drunken sailor, a fire hydrant and a college fraternity prank), a cat. Shampoo didn't mind being a cat the way that Ryoga minded being a pig. In fact, at times, she rather enjoyed it. It hadn't been her intent to be nekofied tonight, but it actually improved her plans to make certain that Ranma hadn't gone off the deep end and that this was just the dare. She entered the restaurant she had tracked the reluctant couple to with her patented "I'm a cat, I can go wherever I want" walk. More often than not, it worked. This time was no exception. "Ah, what a kawaii little kitty!" enthused a girl whose sole job was to make tea. She was, in fact, probably the best tea-maker in Nerima. Her name was Eiko Hasagawa, and she was one of the few practitioners of Martial Arts Tea-making (which is not the same as Martial Arts Tea Ceremony). As a martial art, it wasn't quite in the league of the bigger players in Nerima, but it was fine for the typical mugger, molester, and/or wandering karate wannabe. As food-based martial arts went, it was quite respectable. Eiko was also a four star ailurophile. She loved cats. She had cats on her pillows, cats on her underwear, cats on her walls, on her sheets, on her plates, even one tattooed on the left side of her bottom. She had everything related to cats possible except a real cat. Because she was incredibly allergic to cat-dander. Being a typical Neriman martial artist (that is to say, at least slightly delusional), she refused to admit that cats made her eyes water, her nose congest, and her lungs wheeze. And they certainly didn't have anything to do with her sudden fits of sneezing. No, she would tell herself, she didn't keep a cat because her apartment had a no-pets clause. But here was a poor lost kitty, all alone, probably starving, doubtless lured by the scent of the scraps that were the natural by-product of sushi manufacture. Well, the poor thing would be fed, or her name wasn't Eiko. Shampoo blinked in surprise as she was whisked up into the arms of a girl who smelled like tea. A girl who was fairly cute, surprisingly strong, and was wearing glasses that were almost as thick as Mousses'. "Ooooh, kawaii kitty. Eiko will get you something to... to... ahhh... ahhh...." You don't get to be one of the premiere warriors of the Jokuzetsu without developing a pretty effective danger sense. Shampoo's was making her whiskers vibrate. "AHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOO!" The sneeze wasn't as powerful as a Mouko Takabisha, of course, but it certainly wanted to be. It was powerful enough to cause Eiko's glasses to slip, and for her to drop Shampoo. Right into a sink full of very warm dishwater. As Eiko replaced her glasses, Shampoo replaced her human form. Unfortunately, she wasn't as yet able to replace her human garments. Which is why Eiko screamed. #### Ranma happily chewed on her tako-sushi-- she loved octopus-- and sipped her tea. Across from her, Ryoga indulged himself in tuna rolls and smiled. "I got to admit it, I'm having a good time after all. At least a good meal." Ranma didn't reply, because Nodoka was always saying that it was improper for a young lady to talk with her mouth full, and at the moment, she had no intention of letting it get empty. So many kinds of sushi and she could try every one of them for free. So she just nodded and chewed with ladylike abandon. Ryoga grinned. Even if she was really a guy, she looked damn cute when she smiled. It was ironic, he thought. Try to take out a girl, and disaster happens. Take out a fake girl, and suddenly everything starts going well. He supposed that it was because for once there was no danger of romance rearing it's head. "So, how's it going, being a girl for so long?" he asked. Ranma paused in mid-chew. She swallowed, remembering that she was probably supposed to talk to her date or something like that. "Well, it was pretty bad at first. But it's been three weeks, and I'm getting kinda comfortable with it. I guess being a girl isn't so bad when you're planning to be, you know?" "Hunh. So you're feeling like a girl for real, then?" "A little... I guess I'm maybe a little more emotional sometimes, and certain foods taste different when I'm a girl-- especially ice-cream, you wouldn't BELIEVE the difference-- and my body has a different sense of touch. But before you ask, I'm not getting interested in guys or picking up any really feminine tastes. Mom says I'm a tomboy at heart." "Don't look like one now, Ranma." Ryoga smirked-- just a little bit. "Hai, I do look good. That's another thing, it used to bug the heck out of me that I was a head turner... but now I kinda like being the foxy type. If I gotta be a girl, I like being a hot one." She grinned, and began munching again. Ryoga followed suit. After a moment, Ryoga added, "You know, when I'm a... you know, there are differences also. My sense of smell is better, so's my sense of hearing... and I somehow just know how to use a pig's body. Funny, isn't it?" "Well, Mousse has no problem flying even though he shouldn't really be able to, and the same for Taro and Shampoo... guess the curse lends basic abilities." "Is that how you turned into a natural flirt?" "Huh?" Ryoga grinned. "Well, it is funny how you can, let's say, 'turn on the girl' at will when you need to." Ranma scowled. "That's just an act. It isn't really me, you know. This is really me. Ranma." Ryoga paused. This _was_ Ranma... a somewhat feminine acting at times Ranma but still the old friend-foe he'd known for so long. It was slightly disconcerting how easily she was adapting to the feminine state. "Okay... I guess I'd never know what it was like unless I got hit by the Nyannichuan. Which I'd personally pick in a second if I couldn't get the right stuff. It's got to be better than being a lunch item-- oh, good, here comes the next tray." Ikuko was a waitress who didn't like her boss much. He paid well enough, and he was polite, but he was also very very much into the Japanese work ethic-- meaning he worked everyone hard, and pinched pennies wherever it wouldn't affect the quality of service. And right now her boss was in a state of shock. His PR stunt was costing him somewhat more than he'd expected. I mean, the guy had an appetite-- that was to be expected. But the girl-- she was a bottomless pit! Seven trays so far and no sign of slowing down... it was amazing! And, from Ikuko's point of view, amusing also. Every time she came in with the next order from booth D, the manager's eye would twitch. He could well afford it-- the restaurant was anything but hurting-- but still, it was not quite as cheap advertising as he'd thought it would be. As she laid the trays of vinegared rice and seafood down, and replaced the wasabi and shogi, she asked if everything was all right. "Oh, Hai," Ranma replied, activating her 'Look at Me, I'm the cutest thing since they invented bunnies and duckies' expression. "It's all so very good, and there's so many kinds! I want to try them all!" (Hell of an act, that,) thought Ryoga, grinning internally. Ikuko sweated a little bit. The restaurant served over 150 varieties of sushi and other tidbits. "A-All?" "She can do it," added Ryoga. "She's an... athlete, and burns calories really fast. So she never needs to worry about her figure." Ranma nodnodnodded. "Hai! And Ryo-chan is the same, too! But he won't try everything. He won't try the pork things. He doesn't eat pork." "Oh?" "Um... I'm, well... I have a ..." "He's a Rabbi." Ikuko blinked. "Um, hai, that's it. First Synagogue of Judaic Shinto. That's why I'm sticking with the tuna rolls..." "Oh... well, here they are." As Ryoga bit into another roll (which, by the way, does happen to be technically kosher), there was a scream from the kitchen. Instantly he and Ranma tensed, preparing, if need be, to leap into action. Instead, they found themselves staring at an unscheduled floor show. All eyes turned to the somewhat spectacular sight of an au naturel Shampoo, desperately trying to cover herself (even she could be embarrassed in THIS situation) while dodging a panicky tea-maker who was wielding a six-foot long ladle in one hand, while throwing armor-piercing teabags with the other. While some patrons gawked, and others panicked, Ranma and Ryoga... commented. "Teabags? How'd she throw a teabag through the wall?" "Must be like your bandannas, I guess." "Hmm... and that ladle style is a little like Ukyo's. Related school?" "Maybe. Humm... 'Hot Teakettle Bomber Attack", did she say? Looks uncomfortable." "Shampoo seems to think so. Wonder why she's streaking in a sushi restaurant anyway?" "No idea. Hey, why aren't you getting your usual nosebleed?" "Because I can't believe I'm actually seeing this. It must be something funny in the fish." "Then how come I'm seeing it too?" Ryoga paused, evaluated the facts, and passed out. (Damn-- I shouldn't have pointed that out,) Ranma realized. Shampoo managed to get to the door just as a passing car hit a puddle and returned her to her feline state. A moment later, a furious Eiko stepped out, and snarled. "Damn perverted girls. That's the fourth one this week!" She stormed back into her kitchen wondering why the heck all the exhibitionists came into HER place of employment. She would never know that in addition to being nearly as blind as Mousse and allergic to cats, she was also cursed as the result of Happosai's attempt to cast an "Attract Beautiful Naked Girls To Me" spell on himself. It had misfired, and Eiko was the recipient of it's dubious benefits. That had been about six months ago, and she was pretty fed up with it by now. As she entered the kitchen, the manager sighed. It was annoying to have these naked girls keep popping out of nowhere, true-- but it certainly bought in the college and high-school crowd. And Eiko could handle them. A moment later, Ryoga woke to find Ranma dabbing his head with a damp cloth and wiping the thin trickle of blood from his lip with a napkin. "You okay?" "Um.... yeah, thanks Ranma... did... did that really happen?" "Yeah. 'Fraid it did." "Man... I wonder what was going on?" "Who knows? This is a strange town, you know. For once, it isn't anything to do with us. Hey, Ryoga, you gonna eat that takuwan?" "Naw... you can have it." #### As they made their way to the movie theater, a happily stuffed Ranma kept a equally happily stuffed Ryoga from getting lost. Neither noticed the figure in the shadows that followed them. Ukyo was damn pleased with her choice of disguise. A careful easy-to-wash-out dye job had changed her hair from it's usual dark color to a platinum blonde. Or more accurately, blond, since her own special brand of crossdressing was in full force, and she looked like a run of the mill bishonen male in a gray trenchcoat walking down the street. A fake cigarette and carefully applied makeup to simulate a case of five o'clock shadow completed the disguise, causing her to look a lot like a pretty-boy version of Sam Spade. Of course, she trusted Ranchan implicitly. Except when he was around other women when she wasn't there, of course. But certainly she didn't have to worry about her being around other MEN. Better safe than sorry, though. Ryoga could be a jackass at times, and he'd been fooled by Ranma so often he might just fool himself. And somehow Ranma was acting too casual about this whole date thing, and... All right, maybe she was just a WEE bit worried. Besides, she hadn't been out to the movies in a while. Ryoga and Ranma looked at the list of films with minor interest. "What about that one?" "Seen it." "Eww... not that one, I may be a girl right now, but not THAT much of a girl." "You said it. Snoozer for sure. What about this one?" "Hunh... Gone with the Wind? Saw it a couple of days on video. At the sleepover, in fact. Pretty good, but it lasts for four hours..." "Okay... Hey, a horror flick... Hellraiser 2. Heard some pretty good things about this one." "Sounds like a choice. Let's go." As Ukyo-kun got close enough to hear them, she heard them choose the horror film. And her heart sank. Because EVERY girl-- even girls who were legally boys-- KNEW the reason a boy took a girl to a horror film was to hope she'd get scared and hold onto him during the scary bits so he could tell her it was all right and hold her close and... But this was Ranma and Ryoga, and something like that couldn't happen, could it? Well... best to make sure. Entering, Ryoga bought the required things for movie watching-- large sodas, popcorn, candy, and the like. He was pleased that he had a lot more money than he'd thought he would. And knowing Ranma, even after the remarkable amount of sushi, yakitori, rumaki, and other delicacies she'd packed away, there would still be a jumbo popcorn to vacuum up. And the soda. And the candy. Better get extra Pocky too, he thought. They carefully took seats near the middle of the theater... all the way in front didn't let you see the film well, and in back was for 'real' couples who would be using the theater for something they just plain would never do. As they arranged themselves in their seats, Ranma noticed that the floor was-- as all movie theaters tend to be-- a bit sticky in some parts and slippery in others. She hated that. A blond 'male' took a seat about three rows back. A white cat with pinkish-purple highlights in it's fur entered, unseen, and began to seek it's prey. And not a tweety bird, either. The movie began. About a half hour into the film, many girls HAD clutched their significant others in squeals of fright at the horrific film. Ukyo was desperately wishing she was here as a girl with Ranma-- or nearly any other male-- to hold onto. This was SCARY. Shampoo was watching from under a seat, and every single hair of her fur was raised. It took all her self control to keep from rushing up to Ranma and hiding her head in the trainee girls lap. This was worse than Hibachan's ghost stories. Ranma and Ryoga munched popcorn and watched with fascination. DAMN, these American filmmakers could create scary stuff. Fun too. Pity girls didn't appreciate it. A teenage boy behind the couple was watching both the movie AND the couple with fascination. He'd never seen a girl so calm at a flick like this before. They were very quietly whispering... whispering... and his eyes widened as he heard WHAT they were whispering. He'd hoped to get a giggle out of lover's chat. That's not what he heard. What he heard was... Not words of affection, not terms of endearment, but... "That thing with all the chains remind you of anyone we know?" "Sure does." Someone they know? That... that horror with the chains and hooks and... someone they KNOW? The image in the boy's head was not the one in the Odd Couple's head. They were thinking of a slightly humorous parallel in attacks by a certain Chinese Hidden Weapons Expert and a certain pin-headed Cenobite. The image in the boy's head would have given Clive Barker the chills-- because he came to the conclusion that this meant there WERE such things as on the screen... and these people knew about it... "Ewwww. That was gross." "Yeah. 'Course, we've seen things that could do worse." The boy began to freak out very very quietly. What kind of people were these? What sort of hellish arts did they practice to take this terrifying piece of cinema and treat it as though it were a documentary? A DULL one? "It's the thing with the box I don't get." "Ryoga, I saw tons of boxes like that back in China.' Ranma was talking about puzzle boxes of a completely innocent nature, of course. But the boy didn't know that-- and wasn't in the right emotional state to make that connection anyhow. "It's creepy, yeah, but it's not really true horror to me. I know true horror..." "Yeah, I know. I know. You've seen Hell." "Well, I HAVE." Mister Eavesdropper took that literally. And sank back into his seat, no longer impressed by the movie, which had taken a distant second to the monsters in front of him. Seen Hell. The guy with the bandanna had actually seen Hell. The girl took it in stride. Chinese demon puzzle boxes-- tons of them. Chains. Things worse. What could they be? Were they demons of some terrible sort? Spies from the true hells, checking out immortal souls to steal? Did they come to this movie-- this now frighteningly accurate movie-- to get tips on how to torture souls? And if so, who could possibly help? Who did he know who could be of any help against such terrible creatures? Who could-- of course! The only person he knew of in all Nerima who would know about such things! His cousin, Hikaru Gosunkugi! He'd listen to cousin Ichiro! Now, all he had to do was to sneak out without attracting the attention of the two fiends... And that's how he stepped on Shampoo's tail. Shampoo yowled. Ranma's eyes went WIDE as she heard a c-c-c-feline sound. Shampoo buried her claws in Ichiro's calf. Ichiro yowled, screamed, and panicked. A lot of nerves were on edge at the film already. The sudden screaming set off a lot more screams, most of them female, but not a few male ones as well. Ukyo saw a figure rise up screaming behind Ranma. She knew of two reasons why people screamed-- from fear or from rage. The movie was scary, but not THAT scary, so she assumed rage-- and since rage was usually directed at Ranchan... Ranma grabbed Ryoga's hand and started to leave the theater. She was NOT going to stay around any c-c-you know what's. Ryoga was staring at the apparition behind him that reminded him oddly of someone he thought he might have met once but couldn't put a finger on it. Ukyo launched herself at the attacker before realizing that she hadn't her main spatula with her. The commotion began to spread and near everyone in the theater was in a panic. Except Ukyo who was in a righteous (but misdirected) fury and Shampoo who was in a righteous (And precisely directed) fury. Ichiro oofed as a mysterious figure in a trenchcoat attacked him. Then he screamed even louder. Ranma and Ryoga were out in the lobby by now. "There was... was... a c-c-c..." "I heard. But I don't get what happened after that... well, the movie's a bust. Guess we'll go for the walk now?" "Y-yeah. Gotta forget that... that..." Ryoga never really understood Ranma's ailurophobia, but he DID know it could lead to disaster. "I'm sorry we didn't get to finish the movie. I was enjoying it." "Well, maybe we can see it sometime on something that's not a date at all but just two guys watching a movie." "Yeah, rent the tape or something." "L-let's go... I think I can hear the c-c-cat coming this way..." Inside the theater, things had done what things tended to do in Nerima. Which is to say, deteriorate into unbridled chaos for no easily apparent reason. The focus of said chaos seemed to be a spindly sort of fellow being attacked by a detective and a cat. #### Akane sat musing in the park. She'd originally planned to follow Ranma and Ryoga on their "date", but had had second thoughts about it. Ranma had often complained that she didn't trust her. Well, she didn't-- but some events recently had made her wonder if that mistrust was justified. Ranma wasn't a peeper, she realized. In fact, unlike most boys, she-- no, in this matter he-- reacted to the female form unclad (or barely clad) not with lechery, but with embarrassment. Because Ranma to some extent understood. Ranma was honorable, also. Overly so, she thought. Why else actually go through with such a stupid dare as this? Ranma was stubborn. But then again, she admitted reluctantly, so was Akane Tendo sometimes. Sometimes she almost... She looked up to see two figures approaching on a pathway. And she recognized them. (Oh, NO! Ranma will think I was following her-- I have to hide!) Seeking a convenient bush, Akane did exactly that. Ranma and Ryoga paused in thier not-exactly-romantic stroll, and took seats on a park bench that happened to be just in front of a certain bush. "Well, it's been mostly fun except when it was wierd," Ranma said. "Yeah. Who'd think it?" "Hai. You ain't so bad when you aren't trying to kill me." Ranma giggled a bit at that. "Well... all right, maybe you aren't such a jerk when you aren't working at it." There was a pause. "It's nice to be able to talk to you and have you listen for once," added Ranma. "Huh?" Ryoga blinked. "What do you mean?" "Well, usually you're attacking me because you got some idea that I'm doing something which I'm not doing. Seems like that's the story of my life-- no-one ever listens to me or my side of things." In the bushes, Akane gulped. "Well... Okay, maybe I do act a little impulsively once in a while. Tell you what-- I'll try from now on to hear you out?" "That would be great, Ryoga." "And THEN I'll kick your ass all over Nerima." "You can TRY." Ranma giggled again, and this time Ryoga joined her. "I wish people listened more often, though," Ranma added a bit somberly. "Akane especially. I get into so many scrapes with her because she just won't listen-- and even when she does it's automatically got to be my fault no matter what because I'm Ranma. It's been getting a little better recently, but..." In the bushes, Akane shed a silent tear. Did Ranma really think that way about her? And... was Ranma right? But... how could all the things that happened to Ranma not be her fault? Innocent coincidence? THAT often? She'd have to see it to believe it-- "OW!" "Huh? What's wrong?" "Got something in my eye," complained Ranma. "Cinder or something, I dunno..." "Here-- let me take a look. Hmm..." Akane stared. This was exactly the sort of thing Ranma was talking about. If she hadn't heard what Ranma had just said, she'd think they were about to-- She had seen it. Maybe she could believe it. "AIYAH! LOST BOY NO KISS RANMA!" "RANCHAN! WE'LL SAVE YOU FROM THAT PERVERT!" Two heads snapped around and in unison proclaimed, "No-- it's not what it looks like--" Then it degraded to a frantic Ryoga dancing around a trenchcoat-wearing blond Ukyo who had retrieved her battle-spatula, and Ranma trying to avoid a glomp-attempting Shampoo. "Shampoo save Airen from pervert lost boy!" "What are you talking about?!?" "You can't kiss Ranchan, you-- you jackass!" "She had something in her eye! That's all!" "Shampoo heard that one before!" "I DID have something in my eye!" "Ranchan, you don't have to defend this maniac!" "Who are you calling a maniac? And who are you anyway and why do you have Ukyo's spatula?" Akane stared in complete amazement. And erupted from the bush, yelling, "Leave them alone! You're wrecking their date!" Probably not the best choice of words. "Pervert girl WANT lost boy kiss Ranma?!?" "Akane-chan, have you gone out of your mind?" "THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!" Akane screamed in embarrassment. Was this how Ranma felt? It wasn't fun. While the two rescuers stared at Akane, who was trying very hard not to explode, Ryoga and Ranma glanced at each other, nodded, and suddenly scooped up Akane and took to the rooftops. Ukyo and Shampoo stared after them frozen in confusion. "You know, sugar, I think we may have missed something here." "Shampoo think we miss lots." #### The Tendo Dojo. Late evening. Stars twinkled in the sky, the moon shone bright, and three martial artists landed in the courtyard. "I can't believe they thought I was going to..." Ryoga said. "I can't believe they thought I would let you," added Ranma. "I can't believe they thought I'd want you to..." murmured Akane. "Somehow we should have know it would be inevitable," Ranma opined. "Well, I guess the dare's over, and so's the date." "Not very romantic-type, was it?" smirked Akane. "I'm not sure it counts." And Ranma thought back to her conversation with her mother earlier in the week, walked up to Ryoga, leaned up a bit, and gave him a peck on the cheek. "Now it does," she retorted, and walked into the house. Both Akane and Ryoga stared dumfounded. And then Akane went into the house to try to get an explanation for THAT, and Ryoga just stood there... And sighed. Well, it had been an interesting night, anyhow. #### End part seven. #### Author's note-- Nothing like a classic Takahashi misunderstanding fest, is there? And Ichiro Gosunkugi will appear again with his cousin next time... heh.