Girl Days

	A Ranma 1/2 fanfiction

	by Robert Haynie

	(insert discl-- aw, forget it.  We all know what goes here.  Go
ahead and sue, you'll never find me anyway!  Bwaah-ha-ha-haaah!)

	Part five:  A Quiet Day (yeah, right)

	
	####

	Ukyo Kuonji sighed.  Slow days were something that she never
really liked in the restaurant business.  

	This particular slow day was something of a blessing, though.
Konatsu had had to leave for a few days, due to some obscure ninja
ritual.  If it had been a fast day, she would have been swamped.

	She.  Sometimes she wondered about the term.  Forced by honor--
or what her family thought of as honor-- to live as a boy, dress as a
boy, even be legally registered as a boy, at times she wondered how
much girl there was left.  True, she wasn't quite as boyish as she
had been... sometimes she even wore feminine-- well, somewhat
feminine clothing.  Mostly because of Ranchan.

	Ranchan.  If he could live with his bizarre curse, then she could
live with her own problems.

	Right now, she wondered what said Ranchan. was doing.  He'd not
dropped by in over a week-- which was unusual to say the least.  And
there had been-- from her point of view-- an unusual drop in the
general weirdness index.  Nothing unusual in fact except for a
battered guy that had came in yesterday mumbling something about
Amazon Angels and trying to order a herring okonomiyaki.  Fortunately
for him he'd walked into the only oknomiyaki-ya that COULD make such
a peculiar item.

	Amazon Angels.  Hmm... maybe that guy was after Shampoo and would
take some of the pressure off Ranchan.?  One less suitor meant one
step closer to the shapeshifting martial artist's choice-- of
herself, of course.

	She sighed, letting herself slip into her familiar daydream of
herself and Ranchan. in a lovely home, with a beautiful restaurant,
and many happy children.  One which, in defiance of all reality, was
strangely unbothered by dragons, spirits, small aged perverts,
homicidal amazons, and the occasional martial artist from apparently
nowhere that was after Ranma Saotome.

	Compared to most of the other people in Ranma's life, Ukyo was
one of the saner.  That didn't mean she didn't look at the world
through her own set of Ranchan. colored glasses.

	She was wakened from her reverie by the bell ring that meant
someone had entered her establishment.  A familiar (if at the moment
feminine) voice called out, cheerily, "Ohayo, Ucchan!"

	(He's here!) she thought, happily.  And she looked up, and
joyfully said--

 	"Ranchaaghrk."

	To see Ranma in female form wasn't that unusual.  To see Ranma
with Akane-- something of a friend, something of a rival-- was also
not unusual.

	To see Ranma casually wearing a pale green sundress, lace-trimmed
socks, mary-jane style flats, a wide straw bonnet, and apparently
wearing a hint of makeup WAS.  Much less the ponytail with a wide
blue bow.  Or the earrings.  Or... 

	The general weirdness index rose by twenty points.  In a way,
Ukyo was actually relieved-- normality wasn't a factor in the life of
the average Neriman.

	"It wasn't my fault," grumbled Akane.

	"I ain't-- I'm not blaming you, Akane.  Could'a happened to
anyone."

	"It wasn't my fault," the dark-haired girl repeated.

	"Did... did something happen?" A somewhat-- no, make that VERY
confused Ukyo stammered.

	"Akane had a little accident in the kitchen, that's all."

	"It SAID to add oil.  I added oil.  Wasn't my fault.  And stop
being so NICE about it!"

	Ranma WAS being unusually nice-- not insulting at all.  Not a
good sign, thought Ukyo.

	Then again, neither was Ranma's apparent impression of Rebecca of
Sunnybrook Farm.

	"I can't be nice?"  Ranma grinned.  "But I thought you wanted me
to be nicer to you..."

	Akane growled.  

	"Um... you two have a seat, and I'll bring out a couple of
specials... I get the idea I'm behind the times here..." murmured a
somewhat shaken Ukyo.

	####

	"Girl Days, huh?  Ranchan., this has to be hell for you."

	Ukyo gave a small internal shudder of pity for Ranma.  She'd
never minded that Ranma turned into a girl, but to see him-- no,
her-- dressing the part as completely as she apparently was was
something of a start.  Oh, she'd done it before-- but that was either
coerced or part of a plan, or just to play with Ryoga's head.

	Never because it was what she was supposed to wear.  Ukyo was
having serious doubts about the sanity of Nodoka Saotome right now.

	"Not really, Ucchan, not really.  I don't mind the clothes much
at all now, and I'm getting better in talking properly like Mom
wants.  It's little things like makeup and stuff like that that still
bug me a bit."

	"I... see.  Well, um... that dress looks good on you?"

	"Really?  Thanks.  I wasn't sure the color was right."

	"And... Um... I like what you've done with your hair?"

	"Well, I kinda got the idea from you, a little.  The ribbon, I
mean.  Mom likes it."

	"Oh... thank you, that's very... flattering..."
	
	"Anyhow, last night was the best, Ucchan... finally a hot bath.
It's weird to have Cologne do something nice for me like that, but
since she wants me to try that Amazon training, I guess that fits in
with her plans."

	"It's... nice that it's not bothering you, Ranchan....."
	
	"Well, I'm getting used to it like I said.  If Mom wants me to do
it, then I'm going to do it.  Besides, it's not so bad, after all."

	"Wasn't my fault," mumbled a depressed Akane into her
okonomiyaki.

	"Come on, Akane, no need to worry about it--"  

	"INSULT ME, DAMMIT!"

	Ranma blinked.  "What?"

	"Insult me!  This being nice about it is driving me crazy!"

	Ranma sighed.  "Akane, all you did was make a mistake.  Heck, the
label on the can was dirty, even I could hardly read it..."

	"I tried to make a vegetable stir-fry with LINSEED OIL!  That
stuff was downright toxic!  Why aren't you insulting me about nearly
poisoning you?"

	"Mom says proper ladies don't insult people for innocent
mistakes," replied Ranma, primly.

	Ukyo suddenly began to giggle.  "Besides, Akane-chan, you're
doing just fine insulting yourself!"

	Akane blinked, and grimaced.  "Sorry, Ranma... I... I guess you
are trying to be... nicer."

	Ranma nodded.  Her time dealing with feminine things seemed to be
helping her to understand girls a bit better.  Just a little-- but
better.

	Maybe it was because the other times trapped she'd been
disparately trying to maintain a hold on her masculinity, while this
time she was trying to find what femininity she had.  So far, she
wasn't really a different person (as she had feared), she was still
Ranma.  Just a feminine-- well, sort of feminine-- Ranma.

	"So, you have a wardrobe and everything, Ranchan.?"

	Ranma nodded.  "Hai.  Why, you want to borrow one of my dresses?"

	Ukyo laughed.  "No, I don't think so.  Hey, you really ARE OK
with this!"

	"Well... I don't like it.  Be lying if I said I DID.  But I'm
getting comfortable with it...  And at least it's not during school."

	"Two months, you said?"

	Ranma nodded.

	"Ranma-- break's only a month long."

	Ranma paled.  Ack-- Ukyo was right.

	Akane paled.  But that would mean...
		
	"I really really don't wanna wear a girl's uniform..."

	"Oh, GOD... Ranma's going to have to change in OUR locker
room..."

	The two stared at each other, and in chorus screamed, "MY LIFE IS
HELL!"

	Ukyo shrugged, and made a second pair of okonomiyaki.  Something
told her that BOTH were gonna need it...

	####

	It went on like that for a while... Ranma retelling the curious
incident with the Prince of wherever-it-was (She'd already forgotten
the name), as well as the lead up to that.  Ukyo found herself
giggling furiously at that bit of lunacy-- and Akane cheered up
remembering the surprising amount of fun the Amazon Day had actually
been.

	It was then that Ranma made an understandable mistake.  She rose
for a moment, walked over to the jukebox, and inserted a 50 yen
piece.

	The jukebox began to choke.

	(Aw, crap-- it's--) thought Ranma, as a brown haired
apparently-a-girl burst from the jukebox, spitting the coin out and
glaring at the redhead.

	Ukyo began to growl.  How did she miss Tsubasa this time?  

	Tsubasa stood, smoothed his skirt, and snarled at Ranma.  "How
DARE you..."

	"Hey, man, how was I supposed to know that you were in there?  I
thought Ucchan had got a new jukebox, is all..."

	"Not THAT!  Although I am angry about your trying to choke me--
but how dare you dress like that!"

	"Hey, if you been spyin' on us, you know that's my mom's idea--"

	"LIAR!  You're trying to be cuter than me so you can take Ukyo
away from me!"

	Ranma stared.  "You have GOT to be kidding.  You just have GOT to
be."

	Ukyo casually walked up to Tsubasa, and added, "Besides, I wasn't
ever yours in the first place..."

	WHAP!

	"Or ANY place!" finished Ukyo, reholstering her battle-spatula.

	As Tsubasa sailed through the door, vowing some ill-defined
vengeance, Ranma sweat-dropped.  "Man, that guy is redefining weird
more and more every day."

	"You said it," replied Ukyo.

	"Beyond ANY doubt," added Akane.

	"And anyhow..." Ranma paused.  "Those shoes didn't match that
dress.  Heh."

	Three girls paused... and broke into laughter.

	####

	HE was supposed to be the cute crossdresser, not RANMA.

	The fact that at the moment Ranma was not technically
crossdressing was brushed aside like... like almost every fact about
Ranma that would have helped him in the past.  For some strange
reason, when the facts were in Ranma's favor, it was as though a
giant blanket of silence draped over the minds of the citizens of
Nerima.

	Tsubasa, compared to most people in the ward, didn't have that
much-- only a very good talent for disguise and a burning infatuation
with Ukyo.  And, like most male martial artists in the area (and not
a few female ones) a severe dislike of Ranma Saotome.

	But this was the last straw...  to actually go so far as to steal
Tsubasa's act!  To start to dress in a feminine fashion to attract
the attention of the magnificent Ukyo!   And most unforgivable of
all-- to carry it off better than HE did!

	Because simply put, Ranma DID look better in a dress than
Tsubasa.  

	Now, considering that Tsubasa was at the moment wearing an outfit
that would cause Asuza to choke and collapse in a diabetic fit (That
is, Uber-kawaii), while Ranma was simply wearing attractive and
flattering clothing that worked well on her figure, this was not
surprising.  Ranma looked like an attractive girl in a sundress while
Tsubasa looked like a sort of demented female ice-cream cone with
extra sprinkles.  But trying to tell Tsubasa that would be somewhat
pointless.  Right now Tsubasa was thinking with his heart, not his
brain.  Standard mode for the average Ranma antagonist, really.

	"I will never forgive you, Ranma," the crossdresser snarled.

	Of course there was one small problem with his burning vows of
vengeance... namely that he stood as much chance against Ranma in a
one-to-one fight as a glass of beer stands against a thirsty
steelworker at five o'clock.  None, nil, nix.  

	So he decided to get to the bottom of the matter... by using one
of his brilliant disguises and infiltrating the Tendo home.

	In retrospect, his first disguise, that of a practice dummy,
wasn't a very good choice, since Akane, upon returning home, was
still just a bit frustrated.  So she repaired to the dojo to work off
a little steam.

	Her first reaction was terror, since straw dummies don't usually
scream in pain when punched.

	Her next one was fury as she realized the truth, and demonstrated
that transvestites DO usually scream when punched, kicked, elbowed,
slammed, and-- for good measure-- malleted into LEO.

	Akane stormed into the main room, fuming.  "Ranma, what is with
all the perverts in this baka town?"

	"Huh?"

	"Kuno, and Happosai, and... and... even Ryoga's been doing hentai
things, and now I just found Tsubasa peeping on me in the dojo!"

	"Hunh.  Imagine that."

	"What-- that someone would be peeping on me?  Are you saying that
no-one would want to peep on me?"

	"No!  That's not what I meant... I mean it's just odd that he'd
peep on you when he's usually stalking Ucchan.  That's all..."

	Akane began to simmer down.  A little.

	"Besides, he was probably here to spy on me, anyway.  Remember
how angry he was this lunchtime?"

	"You're... you're probably right, Ranma."  The admission came
easier than she'd expected.  Ranma WAS trying to be nicer, recently,
and usually was-- unless she insulted Ranma.

	"Oh, well... I have to take some books back to the library.  Will
you be OK by yourself, Ranma?"

	"Yeesh, Akane, I ain't-- I'm not a kid.  Besides, mom wants me to
finish this (ick) sewing practice.  She says it's useful to both men
and women, and since I'm supposed to be both--"

	Akane grinned.  "Knitting too, I suppose?"

	"Next month.  Bleahh."

	As Akane left, Ranma returned to her practice.  Which she found
pointless, really, since she already knew how to sew from her years
on the road.

	####

	Ranma finished her sewing.  The real problem with sewing was it
was boring.  Now she had to put all the needles back...

	Well, nothing said she couldn't be neat AND a martial artist.
The true secret of Anything Goes was that anything could be a
training method.  So she started to throw the needles into the
pincushion across the room like very tiny spears.

	She didn't finish.  Pincushions don't usually scream.

	It was then she realized that the pincushion she'd been using was
still next to her.  There weren't supposed to be two of them, much
less a screaming one, which meant...

	Yup.  The faux pincushion erupted from the table-- that wasn't
supposed to be there either, Ranma now realized-- pinned to Tsubasa's
nose.  "Randmagh! Gyuu feendh!  Gyuuuhl pay for dhatd!"

	Ranma, in a gesture of kindliness and helpfulness, plucked the
pinned-cushion off Tsubasa's nose.  Tsubasa screamed.  Ranma had
used, perhaps, a WEE bit too much force in throwing the needles.

	Handing the transvestite a tissue, Ranma called to Kasumi to
please bring the first aid kit.  The eldest Tendo daughter entered,
and stared at Tsubasa.  "Oh, my.  Is this another fiancee,
Ranma-chan?  She's rather pretty."

	"Trust me," snickered Ranma, "'SHE' isn't anyone's fiancee."

	As Kasumi, with skill born of long practice, began to patch up
Tsubasa's nose, Ranma shook her head.  "Man, what's with you?  I
mean, this is just plain silly."

	"I won't-- OW, that stuff stings!-- I won't let you work your
feminine wiles on Ukyo!" retorted the crossdresser.

	"My... Oh, come ON," Ranma replied.  "That's about the lamest
thing I've heard since... well, last night."

	"There's no other explanation for this!  The way you're dressed,
your hair, your-- you're even wearing perfume!  You're shameless!"
	
	"I'm only wearing a little," Ranma said defensively.  "Mom's idea
again.  But she says I don't have to any more unless I go to a fancy
place.  Besides, you ain't dressed any differently.  Just more
tackily."

	"I don't believe you!  You're doing this to seduce Ukyo!  And
this dress was hand tailored!"

	"Wow.  I didn't know there were blind tailors..."

	Tsubasa growled at the suggestion that anything was wrong with
his taste.

	"Ucchan's my best friend, Tsubasa.  I don't want to seduce her."
As she got angrier, Ranma began to slip into more familiar patterns
of speech.  "What the hell is with you people?  Never even tryin' to
imagine that I might be telling the truth.  Always 'Ranma, prepare to
die', or 'Saotome you fiend', or sumpthin' like that.  I'm getting
tired of it.  Only reason I don't pulp you now is Mom'll get upset if
I get this dress dirty."

	"Ranma-chan, remember what your mother said about slang?"

	"Hai, Kasumi.  I'll remember.  Now, Tsubasa-kun, I'm very angry
with you.  After Kasumi has fixed your nose, I'll have to ask you to
leave.  Please don't come in here in disguise again."

	(You don't fool ME, Ranma,) thought Tsubasa angrily.  (Somehow I
WILL find out the truth of your wicked plan...)

	As the crossdressing master of disguise left, he fumed mostly
about the simple fact that his looks weren't going to be very pretty
for a few days.  Not with his nose bound in a large ball of gauze and
cotton.

	####

	Akane returned to the house without incident.  Unusual, perhaps,
but true.

	As she entered, she was greeted by the somewhat peculiar sight of
Tsubasa apparently attempting to hide behind a two-inch ball of
gauze.

	She shook her head-- who knew what went on in the minds of the
stranger denizens of Nerima?-- and proceeded to the main room, where
Kasumi was chiding Ranma about making their guest leave so soon.

	"Kasumi, that wasn't a guest.  That was a lunatic trying to spy
on me."

	"You mean pervert," added Akane, who was still not happy with
Tsubasa herself.

	"Whatever.  He's probably planning something, anyway.  Not that
I'm worried, but there's no telling where he'll pop up from next."

	"Let him," relied Akane, cracking her knuckles.  "Just let him."

	####

	At Ucchans, Ukyo wondered idly why Tsubasa hadn't made a
reappearance so far.  Such restraint was unlike him.

	She whistled while cooking, happy for the respite.

	####

	Tsubasa was furious.  Saotome MUST have seen through his disguise
somehow to inflict such incredible humiliation upon him.  How, he had
no idea... but it was the second time today.

	Perhaps an indirect approach.

	Like the form he saw stalking towards him with an almost regal
hauteur.  Tatewaki Kuno.

	"Kuno-sempai," Tsubasa greeted the kendoist, going into an
imitation of a scared and hurt girl.

	Tatewaki Kuno blinked.  A maiden greeted him-- one he had seen in
passing, but was not truly familiar with.  Bandaged across the
face... perhaps one of those blemishes that young girls like she were
so ashamed about.  Doubtless requiring assistance of one sort or
another.  Well, 'twas the duty of a samurai to render such
assistance, of course.

	"How can this scion of the House of Kuno, the Blue Thunder, be of
assistance to you, lass?"  he greeted the chit of a girl humbly.

	"There's this very mean man, Kuno-sempai..."

	"Is there?"

	"he...he hurt my nose..." Tsubasa said in a very small voice.

	"WHAT?!  What cur could do such a vile thing to an innocent child
such as yourself?"

	"ran...ranma saotome..."

	"RANMA?!?"

	"You know him?"

	"The sorcerer returns?  And now strikes not only at my twin loves
but innocent waifs such as yourself?  Where is this pinnacle of
depravity!"

	"The... the Tendo dojo..."

	"Of course... his intent is doubtless to reinstate his vile spell
upon the minds and hearts of Akane Tendo and my pony-tailed goddess!
Well, he shall have no success in such a monstrous
endeavor!  I am off to do battle against the very forces of hell,
lass...  and as Heaven is my destined guide, I cannot fail!"

	And the magnificent Tatewaki Kuno stormed off to do exactly that.
Because he was a moron.

	Had Tsubasa listened to the tirade a bit closer, he might have
realized that he was in for serious trouble.

	Because Tsubasa wasn't actually a local.  He popped up from time
to time, to pursue Ukyo, but he didn't know all the intricate
dynamics of the complex tapestry that was Ranma.

	For example, he wasn't quite aware that regarding Ranma's curse,
Kuno had something of a blind spot.

	####

	Akane was rather pleased with the quiet day.  Well, kind of
quiet.  Except for the peculiar recurring Tsubasa thing, it was
actually peaceful.  

	She and Ranma were sparring.  (Before anyone protests, in the
Tendo household, sparring is peaceful.)  

	She was in her usual yellow gi.  Ranma, who had become something
of a clothes-horse since she now had more than one style of outfit
and was expected to wear them, was bouncing around in a red athletics
halter and black knee-length aerobic shorts.  Kind of a feminine
version of her usual Chinese garb.  

	"Fight me for REAL, Ranma!" Akane panted as the redhead avoided
her attacks like some sort of kung-fu superball.

	"When you get a punch in, I will.  And mallets don't count,"
retorted the cavorting Ranma.  "Besides, if I do, you'll just get mad
about that!"

	"No (puff) I won't!  I DEMAND that you fight me for real!"

	Ranma came to a decision.  One she had been thinking about for a
while.  She didn't want to, but if there was no other way to convince
Akane that she couldn't go all out...

	"Promise?"

	"Of course (puff) I promise!  Fight me for--OOOF!"

	The punch was pulled, carefully gauged to leave no lasting injury
but to cause severe discomfort and loss of breath.  Akane sat down--
hard-- and stared in shock.  Ranma had HIT her.

	"You asked me to.  I'm sorry."

	"You... you hit me..."

	"I'm sorry.  I pulled the punch, Akane, but you have to
understand that I could really hurt--"

	And Ranma was silenced by a pair of arms thrown around her neck
while she was drawn into a fierce hug.  "You took me seriously!  You
really did!  Thank you!  Urp."

	"Akane?"

	"I'm... I'm going to the bathroom for a moment.  I'll be back."

	Ranma shook her head in confusion.  Girls.  Go fig.

	Akane staggered to the bathroom-- realizing that she was going to
be sick in a moment-- and happier than she had ever been since the
insanity began.  Ranma had taken her seriously!  What bliss!

	"What's wrong, daughter?"  asked Soun, mistaking Akane's smile
for a grimace.  Well, actually, it was both.

	"Ranma hit me!  Isn't it wonderful?"

	Soun only heard the first three words.  "HE WHAT?!?"

	"I'm... urp... so happy!  Excuse me..."  And Akane quit
staggering, deciding to dash instead.

	Of course, Soun was headed to the dojo to assault Ranma, so he
heard none of that part either.

	"RANMA!!!" he screamed  "HOW DARE YOU STRIKE MY BABY GIRL!"  

	Lest anyone think otherwise, there was a full blown Demon-head
accompanying that pronouncement.

	"She asked me to!" protested Ranma.

	"THAT'S NO EXCU-- huh?"  The Demon head deflated, leaving a
rather confused Soun.

	"She asked me to fight her for real.  I pulled the punch, she's
not really hurt, just winded and probably a bit nauseous, is all.  I
hadda show her that if I went all out against her like she keeps
asking I could hurt her bad.  I don't think she got the idea,
though."

	"That's... different.  She is the heir to the Tendo family
style... perhaps you should hit her more often.  In training."

	Ranma stared at the normally overprotective Tendo patriarch as
though he had grown a second head.

	"That's not what I was trying to accomplish here..."

	"Nonetheless.  She is a martial artist.  She must be toughened
up, trained well.  I have, I fear, been lax in her training... and
so, my future son-in-law, I officially pass her training onto you!"

	"WHAT?"

	Akane took that moment to return, a little green, but smiling
happily.

	"Ah, Akane.  It has come to my  attention that your training is
sorely lacking."

	"What?" Akane replied, glaring at her father.

	"Yes, and considering your lifestyle with Ranma, I can only
decide that from this day forth Ranma will be your Sensei.  You will
obey him in matters of the martial arts in all things as you would
obey me."

	"Sen--SENSEI?  HIM?  THAT BAKA?!?"

	"What makes you think I want to take a stubborn uncute tomboy
like her as my first student?" added Ranma.

	"A difficult student may be the best first one, son," interjected
Genma, who had been observing the entire thing.  For once.

	Two girls sputtered.

	"It's decided then.  Ranma, you shall teach Akane.  Akane, you
shall learn from Ranma."

	The two men left, both thinking the same thing-- this will bring
them closer together, and soon, a wedding can't be far behind.

	And Akane glared at Ranma, and thought.

	He- she IS better than me.  Maybe better than anyone.

	She could have really hurt me if she'd wanted to.  Does that mean
she won't fight me because she doesn't want to hurt me?

	Does that mean she-he-Ranma cares?  About me?

	And the glare died down, and Akane murmured, "Well... if you
would, um.... teach me... I guess I wouldn't mind..."

	"Ah... it could get kinda uncomfortable, Akane... I mean, I don't
wanna... well..."

	"I'm... I'm probably not as good as you, but I'm not bad, am I?"

	"Bad's a relative term."

	"Huh?"  THAT was downright intellectual, coming from Ranma.

	"Well, what I mean is, compared to Ryoga, or Shampoo, or Ukyo--
or me of course-- you're pretty bad."

	Akane began to smolder.

	"Compared to Kodachi, you're on a par.  Actually, you're probably
not that far behind Ukyo, really..."

	Where was this going?

	"You're above most around here, skillwise.  Asuza, Tsubasa,
Kuno... you're better than them.  And you're as strong as a gorilla--
and that's a good thing in this case."

	Was that a complement, an insult, or... an evaluation?

	"What you lack is discipline in the Art.  And if I DO start
teaching you instead of just sparring, you aren't gonna like it.
Because if you thought I made you look bad before, you ain't seen
ANYTHING yet.  I'm gonna humiliate you beyond belief.  But you'll be
a better fighter because of it.  You wanna deal with me as your
sensei?"

	Akane thought.

	There was really only one response.

	"Hai... Sensei."

	"OK.  Now, we'll start by learning how to fall."

	"Hey-- I learned that when I was a kid!  I know how to fall!"

	And Ranma grinned.  "I know.  But now you're gonna learn how to
fall RIGHT."

	####

	Kuno approached the Tendo domicile, almost glowing with rage.
That the foul Saotome had returned, after his two loves had been
freed from his vile spell, was intolerable!  He would seek the knave
out, and decimate him utterly.

	He stormed in, like his namesake, revelling in his just and
divine power.  This time, he would--

	Walk right into Kasumi.

	"Pardon, Kasumi Tendo.  But I seek the Demon Saotome."

	Kasumi thought.  There was a Ranma Saotome, and a Genma Saotome,
but...

	"There's no-one here by that name, Kuno-san.  Would you like some
tea?"

	"There's... No male?  About this high, dark of hair, tied in a
pig-tail that mocks my goddess, dressed in the garments of heathen
China?"

	"No," Kasumi answered in total accuracy.  "Not for about ten days
or so."

	"He has not returned to cast a vile spell on my loves?"

	"Not that I know of."  Actually, Kasumi was somewhat confused.
Did she know any spellcasters?  Other than Cologne or Happosai?  What
a strange boy.

	"Then... then I have been deceived... but why?"  Even Kuno knew
that Kasumi was a paragon of honesty and virtue.  Indeed, did not
even the vile Happosai refuse to molest her in her innocence?  What
could this mean--

	In a previous chapter of these chronicles, it was mentioned that
Ryoga Hibiki had, at times, a somewhat unusual logic system.

	It ain't NOTHING on Kuno's.  Kuno raced through a tesseract of
skewed perceptions to come to a really REALLY strange conclusion.

	"I... see.  Oh, clever, clever.  Please excuse me."

	And Kuno left.

	Kasumi sighed.  "Father, the stove won't be repaired until
tomorrow... we may have to go for takeout.  I'm sorry."  Darn linseed
oil, anyway.

	A jovial Soun grinned.  "No.  I think we'll go out for dinner
tonight.  Perhaps okonomiyaki, I haven't had that in quite a
while..."

	####

	The circle closes.  Not always on a significant thing, but it
does close.  The Tendos and the Saotomes were all at Ucchan's, and
Nodoka was quietly explaining to Genma that even if the proprietor
was willing to feed Ranma for free, they would as a point of honor
pay their bill.

	Genma was growfing over his bamboo-shoot okonomiyaki and
pretending to be a cute little panda.  Had it not been for the fact
that at the moment he was neither cute, little, OR a panda-- he still
wouldn't have pulled it off.

	Nabiki was grimacing over the unexpected refusal of Kuno to buy
the previous day's videotapes, since he was insisting that they
weren't of his true heart's desire, but rather of a pair of Chinese
girls who were obviously of an unusual... persuasion.

	Kasumi was swapping cooking tips with Ukyo.

	Soun was crying over how damn GOOD the okonomiyaki was.  And
making his plate soggy.

	Nodoka was making sure her daughter/son was eating in a ladylike
manner.

	Ranma was lecturing-- between bites-- Akane on the need for total
focus in a kata.

	Akane, for once, was listening.

	And then--

	"Hide me!  Hide me!"

	All heads turned to a panicked, ragged, and somewhat bruised
Tsubasa.  "He's gone insane!  He'll KILL me!"
	
	"Who'll kill you, Tsu-baka?"  growled Ukyo.

	"HE will!  He thinks I'm--"

	Kuno burst in, bokken in hand.  Pointing it at Tsubasa, he
screamed in fury, "This time you will NOT escape my just wrath,
SAOTOME!"

	Ranma BLINKED.

	For that matter, so did everyone else.

	"Um... Kuno, why are you calling him Saotome?"  Ranma asked.

	"Oft have I heard vile rumors that Saotome and the pig-- no,
ponytailed goddess were one and the same!  Such insanity was
ludicrous, but finally have I found the source of this falsehood!
This cross-dressing pervert has imitated thee, my love, to separate
us in the past!  But I am not deceived, and even this weak attempt at
changing his vile disguise will not dissuade my wrath!  HAVE AT THEE,
SAOTOME!"

	As Tsubasa leapt through a window, Kuno added, "And think not
that transforming thyself into a mail-box or a vending machine will
save you!  Your shapeshifting will NOT avail you this evening,
monster!"  He followed, snarling.

	There was a LONG pause.

	And then...
		
	"Pass the sauce, would you, Akane?"

	All in all, comparatively speaking, it was a quiet day.

	####

	End part five

	####

	Short authors notes--

	Tsubasa makes only a short, as far as I can tell, appearance in
the manga, and not that much more in the Anime.   He's very popular
in fanfics, though.  So I took the liberty of suggesting that he's
not a constant, and might not be QUITE aware of all the interactions
in Nerima.  After all, he's focused on Ukyo so much, he might not
notice some other things.

	This one's for you, Ucchan. ^_^