Girl Days A Ranma 1/2 fanfiction by Robert Haynie (insert that old disclaimer that we know so well here) Part Four-- Amazon Days? #### "Aw, come ON." "Don't wanna, Akane." "But you look so kawaii in that outfit, Ranma-chan." "(wince) Don't WANNA, Kasumi." "I'll... knock 5000 yen off your debt." "..." "AND buy you that DragonBall Z volume." "Deal." And Ranma Saotome went to her room to change into THAT dress. #### If there was anything truly good about the Girl Days training, it was that Ranma had her own room. And that Pops was sleeping in the dojo (being banished there by Nodoka, who had NOT quite forgiven him for his apparent desire to win the all time baka award). The room had been slightly redecorated, true-- Ranma needed the vanity for her makeup practice, and had a small but now complete wardrobe-- but it was HERS, all hers. It was also somewhat schizophrenic to the uninformed eye. In tribute to her masculine soul, there were a few Jackie Chan posters, a collection of shonen manga, and a box containing her-- at the moment-- forbidden boxer shorts. In tribute to Nodoka's firm belief that there was also a feminine soul involved, there was fancily feminine sheets on Ranma's futon, a full size mirror, and... two stuffed animals. Ranma was REALLY beginning to worry about her mother. The stuffed panda was, she supposed, a sop to her no longer sleeping with her father. as if she missed THAT. But the plush black pig toy? Either Nodoka was WAY more observant than Ranma thought or there was some really really WIERD cosmic something-that-Ranma-couldn't-remember-the-word-for going on. Probably both. Ranma sighed... and put on the Dress. #### "Oooh... it looks SO good on you, Ranma!" Nabiki teased. While Ranma fumed. It was a Chinese-styled minidress, pretty much the same thing that Shampoo favored. A deep burgundy with gold trim and embroidery, it had one advantage as far as Ranma was concerned-- it did not require a bra. It fit WAY to close for that-- it was (as Genma was not) self supporting. It made Ranma look... well... sexy. Which Ranma was not entirely pleased with. "Wrong panties, though," added Nabiki, flipping what there was of the skirt. "HEY! What is this, pervert's 'r' us?" protested Ranma. "Oh, calm down. I just mean that with such a sexy outfit, you should wear underwear that matches it. Losing a lot of the effect that way, after all." "Don't WANNA make any effect," grumbled Ranma, trying disparately not to blush-- and failing miserably. "Oh, my... Nabiki, is that really needful? Ranma's not going to be showing anyone her panties, after all," said a equally reddening Kasumi. "In that dress, can she HELP it? OW!" Ranma didn't hit girls. Akane had no such compunctions, and had elbowed Nabiki with some force. "All right, all right. But I still say... in fact..." (I'm NOT gonna like this, I just KNOW it,) thought the trainee girl. "Makeover time!" (I was right.) #### "If I may quote Kuno-- I despise you." Nabiki just laughed. "But you look so Amazon, Ranma." "That's why I despise you," retorted Ranma, looking in the mirror. Nabiki had redone her hair in a style reminiscent of Shampoos-- shorter, but there were the twin buns and ponytails. Short ponytails, but there. If Shampoo had been a redhead the look would have been scary. Hell, thought Ranma, it WAS scary. Akane hmmphed. "Next she'll start glomping people." "Akane, you KNOW I don't like it when she does that," Ranma complained. "Then why don't you just push her off, baka?" "It's not that easy. The Amazon Glomp happens to be a very advanced martial arts maneuver. You can't just push the attacker off, except in one way, which... which I don't wanna do." "I don't believe this! You're trying to tell me that that bimbo's hugs are some sort of martial arts?" "You got it," Ranma replied. "Hmmph. Prove it." Ranma got a wicked gleam in her eye. "OK." Now, Ranma had been on the receiving end of many many Amazon Glomps. She knew EXACTLY how they were done. And she decided that the only way Akane would understand would be to... heh. "AIREN!" "H-huh?" stammered Akane-- before finding herself in a fierce embrace. Ranma was hugging her. Passionately. Akane struggled for a moment, and then realized that this was EASY to get out of, just like she'd told Ranma. All she had to do was push-- And Akane went tomato red as she realized WHERE she'd have to push. "Wo Ai Ni," giggled Ranma. "Ranma-- I can't just grab your-- your-- so, that's why..." Ranma released the Glomp. "Yep. I get hammered enough without grabbing her THERE in front of you. Not that I wanna grab her there away from you... but now you see?" Somewhat shamefacedly, Akane nodded. "It's... a martial arts technique, after all, I guess..." Nabiki pulled out a paperback, and thumbed through it. "More like a marital arts technique. Grabbing an Amazon's boobs during a glomp to escape implies total acceptance of the professed marriage." Ranma and Akane blinked. "It DOES?" they sputtered in unison. "Yep. Good thing Ranma never did use the escape maneuver, eh?" Ranma shuddered at the thought that she'd come very very close to really getting herself in a bind at times. Then she paused. "Hey, how do you know that, Nabiki?" Nabiki held up the paperback. "The Pocket guide to Chinese Amazon Law. I bought it off the internet." "Where do they sell something like THAT?!?" "Amazon.com. Hmm... you think there's a connection?" Ranma, Akane, and even Kasumi groaned. Nabiki paused, and then that look in her eyes appeared. The one that meant she had an idea that was connected to her one interest in life outside of money (that she would admit to). Mischief. "You know, something didn't look right about that glomp... c'mere, Akane." "What? Wait-- lemme go, what are you doing?" protested Akane as Nabiki dragged her out of the room. As they left, Nabiki added, "And Ranma, don't change yet." Kasumi and Ranma stared at each other, as sounds of protest came from another room. Then Nabiki returned, Akane in tow-- and Kasumi giggled furiously, while Ranma just fell back laughing, legs kicking in air in sheer hilarity. Akane just stood and fumed, in one of Ranma's Chinese outfits-- black pants, red sleeveless shirt, arm bracers-- even a clip-on faux pigtail. "NOW you two look right," snickered Nabiki. "It's not that funny, Ranma," growled Akane. Ranma looked at her with sudden wide eyes. And in a devastatingly accurate Shampoo impression, replied, "Ranma think Akane look nice like that. Akane take Ranma to date now?" Nabiki collapsed in laughter. "Oh, my... there is something missing still, I think." Kasumi left the room. "Now what?" grimaced Akane. In a moment, Kasumi returned. "Ranma's friends are always leaving their toys, and this completes the look." She presented Ranma with a pair of bonbori. This time, everyone started to laugh. Even Ranma, who posed with the Chinese maces, and activated her "Cute as a million puppies" look. "This is TOO rich... Oh, Akane? Ranma? Want to have some fun?" "Whatcha mean, Nabiki?" asked Ranma. "Well... our fathers are downstairs, and..." Akane grinned. And doing a surprisingly good impression of Ranma's usual masculine drawl, replied, "Might be kinda fun. But don't get the idea I wanna dress like this all the time. Ain't like I got no masculinity to reinforce, after all." Ranma collapsed in laughter again. #### "My wife's plans worry me, Tendo." "I'm sure she means well, Saotome. But they worry me also. Suppose she succeeds too well?" The two were again at the table they seemed to spend half their lives at. Weither shogi, go, or chess, there was always some game going on. Although this game wasn't any of the above. "Tapping for three red mana. Fireball." "I have to admit, Tendo, this Magic is interesting." "It is, isn't it? And--" "Look-- the Winged Victory of Samothrace!" interrupted Genma, pointing. While Soun looked, Genma drew a Circle of Protection-Red from his sleeve and laid it down. Soun looked back. "I didn't see any-- when did you play that? Oh, well..." It should be noted that the main reason that Soun and Genma never played Tic-Tac-Toe or Junken Pow was that there was no way to cheat. At the dinner table, Nodoka sighed, and returned to her tea. Sometimes she despaired of her husband ever truly growing up. She looked up at the sound of slippered feet coming downstairs, and began to scowl. Ranma KNEW she wasn't supposed to wear her Chinese-- Wait. That wasn't Ranma. "Akane, why are you dressed like that?" "Ah, felt like a change, ne? Ain't anything wrong with that, is there?" Akane replied, imitating Ranma again. Genma turned, and boggled. Soun took advantage of Genma's distraction to sneak in five extra life tokens, and then looked himself-- and also boggled. "Akane," Soun cried, "What are you WEARING?" "S'matter, pops? Girl can't try out a different style once in a while? Yeesh, you'd think I was running around naked or sumpthin'." Nodoka stared. So did Soun. And Genma. There was much staring going around. "Akane should be respectful to elders. Even if only men. Except probably stupid panda-man," a lilting voice interjected. Staring escalated to boggling to nearly freaking. A Ranma-esqe Akane was weird enough. An Amazon Ranma was... well, about three blocks south of the Twilight Zone, and approaching at a quick clip. Ranma easily skipped down the stairs, carrying her bonbori, and grinning. "What wrong? Panda never see Japanese Amazon before?" "Ah, yer old man never had a clue in the first place," retorted Akane. Soun exploded into tears. "WAHHHHH! My daughter think's she's a boy and my future son-in-law thinks he's a amazon girl! WAHHHHHH!!!!!" "Nodoka, this is all your fault! Your insane training has caused our son's mind to snap!" accused Genma. And Nodoka-- began to giggle. "Bravo, dears. An excellent performance." The two bowed. Well, Akane bowed, but Ranma-- in a burst of sudden pixieness-- curtsied. "Mother too nice to Ranma," she replied, keeping the act up. "Yeah," Akane added, following suit, "Pretty decent of ya to say so." As the two fathers stared, still uncomprehending, Nodoka burst into laughter. "Hey," Nabiki interjected (having just come out of hiding with Kasumi), "You two are pretty good at this. I have a little proposition for you... #### "So we do this all day, and I get 20000 off my debt and THREE DBZ manga volumes?" "And I get that kawaii hat I liked the other day?" "That's the deal, you two." Nabiki smiled. "But what do you get out of it for yourself?" asked Ranma. "I don't see where you profit by this..." "Oh, for once, it's not about money. It's about the single greatest practical joke ever played on the whole ward of Nerima. You two in?" The two wrongly dressed girls looked at each other. "Ranma in." "Yeah, sure, I'll go for it too. Can't let the neo-bimbo go it alone." "Girls who call other girls names go to bad place." "What-- like your room?" "Oooh! Akane want come Ranma's room? Have only to ask!" "That's not what I meant..." Akane actually sweatdropped. Nabiki smiled. These two were GOOD at this... #### Akane stepped down to the dojo to practice for a bit. Nabiki had insisted that they go out in the costumes (as Akane was thinking of them now) but not right away. She started a simple kata that she'd learned once from Ranma. And froze at the sudden cry of "AIREN!" that she recognized as NOT being Ranma. Crash. Glomp. "Airen take Shampoo out on date? Airen... airen is... pervert girl?" Akane hesitated for a moment-- only a moment-- and then got into "character". "Who you callin' a pervert? You're the one glomping ME, you know." Shampoo released her hold, and drew back. "But.. but... why Akane dressed like Ranma?" "I ain't dressed like Ranma," replied Akane, with technical accuracy. Ranma wasn't dressed like this right now after all. "Why Akane TALK like Ranma?" demanded Shampoo. "Aw, Shampoo, Ranma don't talk like I do." At the moment, this ALSO was factual. "But... but..." "RAMEN-GIRL GET AWAY FROM AIREN!" If the sight of Akane dressed like Ranma-- and TALKING like Ranma-- wasn't enough, the sight of a Ranma dressed like herself and TALKING like herself was. Shampoo began to edge towards the door. (Not the one she'd just made-- the real door. THAT'S how rattled she was.) Ranma advanced, bonbori in hand. "Akane RANMA'S Airen, not ramen-girl's! Ramen-girl leave Akane alone!" Shampoo began to sweat. "Why... why Ranma dressed like... " "Ramen-girl leave Akane alone, or Ranma get very upset!" Shampoo did the only thing she could think of. She freaked and ran. Akane burst into giggles. "I don't think she knew how to handle that, Ranma..." Ranma smirked. "Ramen-girl leave bicycle behind. Ranma have transport now... heh." "Yeah. Ya gotta return it, though." "Why? Is spoils of war." "War?" "Hai. Psychological war. Ranma learn from Mercenary girl." "You don't have to be THAT accurate, Ranma," interjected Nabiki (who had watched the entire scene), with a wince. "Do right, or not at all, hai?" Akane smirked-- a very Ranma-esqe smirk-- at Nabiki's grimace. "Yeah, what she said. 'Sides, we both know you gonna find some way to make a yen or three outta this." (What have I done?) thought Nabiki. #### "HIBACHAN! HIBACHAN! RANMA TURN INTO SHAMPOO!!!" Cologne stared at her panicky great-grandaughter in sheer amazement. Shampoo was-- for once-- totally terrified. "Calm down girl. What are you babbling about?" "Ranma turn into Shampoo!" The Amazon matriarch blinked. "Son-in-law has become hair soap?" "Not shampoo, Shampoo! Ranma dressing like Shampoo and talking like Shampoo and carrying bonbori! And pervert girl is dressing like Ranma and talking like Ranma! Is VERY scary!" Cologne blinked. "That is... peculiar. Not so much that Ranma might be acting oddly-- these things do happen to him, after all... but that Akane is. I see that I shall have to investigate. Mousse, we're closing early today." "Quack." "Well, we're closing early today after the kettle has heated up." #### Ranma and Akane went for a walk, at the insistence of Nabiki. After all, part of the joke was to be seen in public in the not-exactly-cross-dressing-garb. Akane was beginning to understand a little bit more about Ranma at the moment. Ranma had apparently decided to play Shampoo to the hilt-- which meant that the somewhat shorter red-headed girl was hanging onto Akane with much the same fervor that a barnacle holds onto a ship. Only more affectionate. Ranma was, on the other hand, getting a little of her own back. "Wo ai ni," she giggled. "Aw, do ya have ta do that?" Ranma put on a carefully crafted expression of sudden sadness. "Akane not care for Ranma's devotion?" "Grrrrr...." Akane responded eloquently. Ranma giggled again. Nabiki followed, camera in hand, stifling as best she could giggles. And then-- #### Tatewaki Kuno knew that something was amiss, but he could not quite put his finger upon the flaw in the fabric of what was proper and right. True, the fire-haired goddess had been freed from Saotome's evil-- her change in dress and hairstyle, her new demeanor, her very increase in presence, all attested to this. Doubtless the sorcerer had finally realized that he was no match for the noble and courageous Kuno, and had finally fled. Yet, for reasons he could not comprehend, his twin loves still rejected his ardor. Perhaps there was some lingering effect of the vile magus' enchantment, keeping them from professing their inevitable devotion to himself. That must be it. Surely 'twas a aftereffect of the vile Saotome's spells. Doubtless in a few days it would wane, and then they would gladly rush to his welcoming arms. Ah, such bliss! His only problem now (such a sweet pain) would be to finally choose between the two... He paused, and stared. What was this? Was this the Demon returned-- nay, twas a maiden dressed alike to him, but not he. And in the company of another maiden-- one of the same line as the girl at the noodle emporium he had seen from time to time, from her dress. "Pardon me, ladies. I seek one Akane Tendo, or the flame-haired goddess that is sometimes in her company. Do you know either of these angels?" The two lasses merely stared at him. Doubtless stunned into silence by his masculinity and sheer presence. Silent they were, gazing at him. A pity. Both were fair of face and form, though the dark-haired one was unflatteringly clad. Were it not for his two true loves, he might have been interested... Ah, but how could anyone match their fire? Besides, from the way the smaller lass held to the larger, 'twas apparent they were of that benighted type that held an attraction to their own gender. Such were not for him. "I see that you do not... Then, farewell." And Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, left on his eternal quest. Which, one may note, wasn't QUITE in the same world as everyone else. #### "THAT was weird." "Ranma agree." "You wanna let go now?" "OK..." #### Cologne was concerned. For about a week Ranma had been quite reclusive, and then three days ago he had reappeared-- in his female form, wearing female clothing. Shampoo had been somewhat disjointed in her report, due to something about a public bondage display between Ryoga and Kodachi (which was, of course, ludicrous on the face of it). After checking her spice cabinets to make sure that Shampoo hadn't prepared her lunch with a seasoning that she shouldn't have, she had instructed her great-grand-daughter to simply monitor the situation and report. The reports were disturbing. Ranma had popped up again, but every time in female aspect and garments. He'd also been reported to be somewhat more polite and speaking-- at times-- in an almost feminine manner. Yesterday Shampoo had entered shaken, reporting that Ranma was doing his kata dressed in a spandex halter and shorts combo. That was part of the reason that Mousse was a duck right now-- Shampoo had explained the outfit by showing a popular exercise program featuring startlingly attractive girls in spandex doing workouts on a beach. Mousse had asked why Shampoo didn't ever dress like that. Splashing followed. First a miniskirt. Then the aerobics outfit, and later that day, a cut-off shorts and camisole top. Now this-- Cologne wanted a son-in-law. A daughter-in-law wasn't in the equation. #### While Cologne approached the Dojo, Ranma and Akane, Nabiki following close behind, continued their walk. Ranma seemed somewhat subdued, in contrast to the previous hilarity. "What's eating you?" asked Akane, staying-- as best she could-- in "character". "Ranma have bad feeling." "Huh?" "Bad feeling. Like someone attack Ranma for no good reason." "Aaah, when does that ever happen?" Ranma started ticking fingers. "Lost boy, Herb, Copycat Ken, stupid Pantyhose monster boy, old pervert..." "..." "Cute spatula girl..." Akane growled. "Ramen girl, ramen girl's hibachan, tomboy-- lots, silly boy that dress like girl, stick boy all the time..." "All RIGHT! I get the idea! You don't have ta hammer it in, ya know." "Ranma not hammer in. That Violent girl's trick." Akane fumed a bit. And then, reluctantly, said, "OK. Two points for you." "Anyway, Ranma just have feeling... bad one." Before Akane could either mock Ranma's intuition, or begin to fear that there might be something to it, a ringing voice carried through the streets-- "At last! I KNEW it! One with such fire, with such perseverance, HAD to be one of the fabled Amazons of the Josuketzu! Why you have come to this benighted country, I know not-- but after a year of searching, I have found you-- and now shall challenge you to make you mine!" "Ranma KNEW it." "Yah. What you said." The figure before the two misdressed girls was impressive, of course. They nearly always WERE. Tall, muscular, flowing pale-blue hair and the classic not quite bishonen looks that most girls would swoon over, he wore a jet-black tunic with gold trim over snow-white tights, a flowing cape of red silk that fairly rippled in the sudden and overly-convienient wind, gleaming black riding boots, and an expression of regal hauteur. "Let Ranma guess. You prince?" "Why, yes. Prince--" "Of mystical kingdom?" "Ah, yes. As I was saying, Prin--" "Somewhere in China or like that?" added Akane, seeing where this was going. "India, actually. I am Pri--" "Not interested," snapped Ranma. "Prince do it wrong, anyhow. Is Akane who princes bother, not Ranma." The two passed the somewhat startled prince without another word. He stared at the two, in momentary confusion, and then chuckled. "So... so proud, so apparently uncaring. Well, Amazon Ranma, nonetheless you WILL be my bride." And from a nearby alleyway, Nabiki Tendo smirked. This could be amusing... #### "So, this is a training method to resolve Son-in-law's difficulty with his female state?" "Yes, Cologne-san. And please do not call Ranma Son-in-law. As I have said, I do not recognise the validity of Shampoo's claim." Cologne sighed. The opposition of a mother was something that even she could not easily wave off. However, that was a matter for another day. "Have you any idea why he-- or she, if you prefer-- is imitating Shampoo, or why Akane is imitating son-- ah, Ranma?" "It's a game." "Game?" "Yes. Nabiki dared them to after they talked Ranma into that particular dress. Ranma's not fond of that one, you see, but the others wanted to see her in it, and things got a bit silly. You know how young girls can be, sometimes." "I do. I wasn't aware that Ranma did, however. I shall explain it to Shampoo-- frankly, I hope that she will be relieved." Cologne began to chuckle. "And to be honest, I do think it's a very good joke after all. I'm pleased to know that Ranma hasn't gone insane." "On the contrary. I hope to preserve her sanity with this training." "Actually, I approve. Becoming more accepting of 'her' female side will make her a better husband for... whoever. Also, should our claim come out successful, she will have greater status in the village, being able to claim a position not only as Shampoo's husband, but I think as a true Amazon warrior." "Should that improbability occur, she should be pleased." "Let us discuss the present situation at my restaurant. After I explain the Girl Days to Shampoo..." #### "Come, I will take you in my arms and-- Augh." "Six times so far today, right? That guy's gotta be a bigger idiot than Kuno EVER was." Ranma looked where she'd hammered the as yet unnamed prince into the pavement. For the third time. He'd also been punted into LEO twice and embedded in a wall once. "Prince tough, but rotten fighter. Stick-boy better than prince. Prince take lots of punishment, though." "Yeah. He's like that toy rabbit on that tape of American commercials that Nabiki has." Ranma giggled. Some of those American commercials were pretty funny. "Prince using right batteries?" Akane snickered. "Yeah, guess so." "Your... your love will sure... surely bloom, m-my A-amazon flow--" Punt. "Hey-- why Akane do that?" "Aw, it was my turn, you've had all the fun today." #### Prince Midol of Kasarikustan sat in his rather cheap hotel room and puzzled. For some reason his unlimited prowess at battle served him somewhat less than well in the pursuit of the Amazon Ranma. It was almost as though she did not return his affections-- which was, of course impossible. Apparently Amazons played hard to get with more fervor than the maidens of his own mystical kingdom. Kasarikustan was, as mystical kingdoms went, less than impressive. The shining golden castle was beginning to peel, the magical lake wasn't very large and was somewhat cloudy, rather than clear and crystalline, and the population was by and large very ordinary. In fact, sub-ordinary. (Author's Note: The lake in question, by the way, was the not-very-famous-at-all Lake Kipper, noted for it's truly amazing ability to pickle herring in sixteen seconds-- not much of a magical lake, true, but enough to qualify Kasarikustan as a mystical kingdom. In other words, No, it's NOT another failed cure for Ranma. It is, however, an excellent cure for fish.) Midol was the greatest warrior of his kingdom. But since his kingdom consisted almost completely of terminally clumsy morons and scrawny twerps that Gosunkugi could easily take four falls out of five-- with a one fall handicap-- this didn't mean much when in a place like Nerima, where even the ordinary passerby was quite likely to have a dan rating in a martial art-- even if it was something as ludicrous as Martial Arts Cheese-toast-making. Midol looked out the window of his room and sighed. About a year ago, he'd seen the red-headed angel leaving the fabled Amazon village accompanied by a panda. Doubtless she was a wandering warrior, going into the world to test her skills, he'd decided. What other explanation for one who had tamed a panda as her pet? Her beauty, her grace, and her speed was an inspiration. Surely the others in the village thought so as well, for they had sent someone to find her and convince her to return, rather than leave them bereft of her magnificent presence. He lost her trail a few days later, and asking about heard that she had gone to Japan. Desperate to find her, he asked a passerby the quickest way to transport to that fabled land of uncooked fish and strange cartoons. In retrospect, perhaps he should have found another to ask than the sharp-toothed lad with the umbrella. After returning to India, and his own tiny kingdom, he set the Kasarikustani Intelligence Service (A old man with a bunch of newspaper subscriptions) to work on finding his warrior angel. Said intelligence service subscribed to fifteen Japanese newspapers, and bought a Hindustani-Japanese dictionary, while Midol started learning Japanese, Mandarin, and Basque (the last just in case). And after a long time, Midol was an accomplished linguist (Everyone has to accomplish SOMETHING, right?), and the KIS had narrowed the sightings of red-haired women, Amazons, and occasional violence to a ward in Japan called Nerima. Which leads us to the events of about thirty paragraphs up. #### "Oh, Ranma, you're home. I have some tea ready, if you like?" "Kasumi nice. Hai, please." As Ranma sat and sipped her (lukewarm) tea, she sighed. The worst thing about Girl Days was avoiding hot water. It wasn't hard-- the curse only wanted, it seemed, to feminize her usually. Under normal circumstances the problem was FINDING hot water. Still, accidents can happen... and right now she would have willingly-- well, not killed, but maiming was a possibility-- for a hot bath. Akane came in next, and accepted a hotter cup of tea, and sat a careful distance from Ranma. "That guy was a real pest today, hunh?" "Not make sense. Prince act like he know Ranma." "Ranma." The Girl-in-training looked up at the familiar-- and unwelcome-- voice. "Cologne." To Ranma's surprise, the old ghoul smiled. "I must commend you on your jest today. And I approve of this training regimen, and intend to assist. Would you care for some weekend Amazon training? As in, how to actually use those bonbori? I know you prefer unarmed styles, but it can't hurt." Ranma glared at Cologne. "Why Cologne being nice? Ranma NOT marry Shampoo." Cologne broke into a peal of laughter. "Uncanny! No wonder why Great-greanddaughter was so startled! Oh, she forgives you-- now that she knows Nabiki put you up to it. And no, this isn't about marriage-- that will come inevitably-- but about your training. As your mother can train you to be a better woman, I can train you to be a better Amazon, when that time comes. It's in my interest as well as yours." "That could be a problem, old ghoul. There's some idiot prince in town that thinks Ranma IS an Amazon, and keeps trying to challenge her for her hand. Like I could figure out why he'd wanna bimbo like that." Cologne blinked. "You're doing... rather well also." Akane's imitation of Ranma was somewhat more unsettling. "I was not aware you had such a talent." "Aw, always wanted to go inta the theater, maybe the movies. I figure this is good practice, ne?" The elder nodded. "At any rate, I'm not offended. Now... what's this about a prince?" #### It was a council of... not exactly war. Shampoo sat carefully avoiding Ranma and Akane. Although her great-grandmother had explained, and said it was only a little joke it still scared her a bit. She was also a little hurt. It seemed to her that Ranma was teasing her... but Hibachan said that it wasn't meant personally, and Hibachan was always right. Ranma and Akane were still dressed wrongly, and were keeping up the act, until sundown. Cologne sat next to Nodoka, both frowning. The last thing either wanted was another suitor for Ranma-- especially not a male one. Nabiki flipped through a small notebook, contemplating possible profit from this latest bit of lunacy. Mousse stared adoringly at Shampoo. Well, actually he was staring adoringly at Genma-panda, but that was to be expected. The aforesaid panda was feeling very nervous for reasons he could not quite explain. Ranma was-- apparently happily-- sitting in Akane's lap, with her arms around Akane's neck, to the amusement of everyone but Soun, Genma, and Shampoo. And Akane, who was mumbling something about wanting to breathe. Soun was... wailing. "My future son-in-law is going to become a prince's bride!" "You ain't helping, old man," Akane snapped. "And my daughter STILL thinks she's a boy!" "Shampoo think Mister Tendo not quite understand?" "Ranma agree with ramen-girl." Shampoo shuddered as Cologne snickered. This was FUN. "At any rate, I think I know who we are dealing with. Prince Midol of Kasarikustan. He visited a nearby village about a year ago, and had wanted to visit Jokuzetsu. We... declined his offer. It was obvious he wanted to win an Amazon wife. It was also obvious that he was completely hopeless. "I believe that he saw Ranma's... ah, leavetaking, and mistook her for an Amazon wanderer, seeking to see the world. I suspect that he also fell in love with you at first sight. It seems to happen rather a lot with you, Ranma." Ranma shuddered. "Not remind Ranma." << You know, a prince in the family might not be a bad idea...>> a panda-wielded sign read. "Akane lend Ranma... tool?" "Yeah, but just this once." "OK. PANDA NO BAKA!" WHAM! Passing the mallet back to Akane, Ranma smiled. "Not bad. Should work on the followthrough, though," admitted Akane. Nodoka just stared in mixed disapproval and approval. It wasn't ladylike, in her opinion, to hit people with mallets. On the other hand... "That," Nodoka said, unknowingly echoing events of a year ago, "He had coming." The panda twitched. <> #### "Never gives up, huh?" "Violen-- Akane got right. Hibachan say prince lousy fighter but tougher than lost boy. Also stubborner. He no stop until beat Ranma for hand in marriage or is ramen broth. Maybe both." Shampoo was a LITTLE more calm, but Akane's Ranma act was still somewhat unsettling. "Aw, we can handle this. Akane Tendo don't lose." "That Ranma's line," two Amazons-- or one Amazon and one incredible simulation-- chorused... then one broke out in a fit of giggles while another (the one with purple hair) jumped and "EEEP!"ed. "R--Ranma not DO that!" "At any rate, get ready. Our plan should work-- for a while, at least," said Cologne. All nodded-- just as a knock on the door was heard. "Oh, my, is that the guest you were looking for? I'll get it," chirped Kasumi. After a moment, Prince Midol entered. "I'll not be balked any longer. My destined bride is here, and I shall defeat her for her--" "And you are?" asked Cologne, coldly. "I am Midol, Prince of Kasarikustan, Light of the Herring, Master of the Pony, and--" "That stupid man try to hit Ranma all day, Elder." "Yeah. That's the bozo," added Akane. "I see. And why are you challenging Ranma?" "Oh, you can't fool me. I know who you are, Cologne of the Jokuzetsu. I know the law of the Chinese Amazons well. Once I defeat her, Ranma will have no choice but to wed me." "That is the law of the Amazons of Jokuzetsu, true. But what, Midol of Kasarikustan, does that have to do with Ranma?" Midol blinked. "Why... everything. She's a Chinese Amazon, after all..." Shampoo, following her cue, began to giggle. "Ranma hear prince? Prince think Ranma CHINESE Amazon!" Ranma snorted. "Is just silly man, not know any better." Midol blinked. Again. "Um... am I missing something?" And Nodoka entered, in a robe that was a copy of Cologne's, except red in color. (Kasumi's skill at quick sewing comes to the rescue again.) "I should say so." "Ah, the matriarch of Clan Saotome. I am glad you received my message." "Matriarch of the Jokuzetsu. I understand a clan-sister is being molested by some male fool?" "More ignorant than a fool, my friend. He plans to marry Ranma by the laws of the Jokuzetsu." "Perhaps he is both." "Look," protested Midol. "I don't know what's going on, but I know the laws of the Chinese Amazons, and that means that when I defeat her she has to marry--" And Ranma leaned into six inches from his face and screamed, "STUPID MAN! RANMA NOT CHINESE AMAZON, RANMA __JAPANESE__ AMAZON!" "Uh?" whined Midol, half deafened. "It is as she said, Prince Midol," Cologne replied. "The laws of the Japanese Amazons are not entirely the same as those of my branch. Defeating her in battle will not win you her hand." "Um... can it at least get me a date?" Ranma began-- genuinely-- to snarl. "No. Now, if you can bring three treasures, she MIGHT be persuaded to go out with you, once." "Three- what three? Nothing can defeat Midol of Kasarikustan! Well, except her." "A Phoenix's tooth, the secret hoard of the Demon Happosai, and a cask of the fabled Nannichuan of Jusenkyo." "Oh... that sounds easy enough, in a few weeks, then." The prince left, swirling his cape in a dramatic fashion as it rippled in the wind. "Hibachan?" "Yes, Shampoo?" "Where wind come from? We indoors." Cologne blinked. "Well... some people have an over developed sense of drama..." "What happen if prince get all treasures?" "Ranma, if he get's the Nannichuan, that would solve a lot of problems, wouldn't it? If he brings the Secret Hoard, you can have him arrested for breaking and entering-- the only hoard Happy has is the hoard of undergarments up in his room. And if he finds a Phoenix's Tooth-- well, I'll be so impressed with him that I'll offer him the choice of any maiden in the village, because he'll be superhuman." "Why?" "Phoenixes don't HAVE teeth." Everyone laughed. "Sunset," added Nabiki. "You two win. And I don't regret a yen of it." Especially since she'd gotten the various poundings of the prince via Ranma on tape-- and Kuno would pay BIG yen for copies of his dream-woman pounding a rival while wearing that dress. "Thank HEAVEN! Ranma-- I mean, I was forgetting how to use pronouns!" "No more talking like a boy! Excuse me, I'm getting into a dress RIGHT NOW!" Akane dashed upstairs. Ranma looked at her mother, who nodded, smiling. She followed Akane to grab a blouse and slacks. "Oh, Nodoka-san. I have something for Ranma. I understand that she's been missing a hot bath very much?" Nodoka nodded. "But for reasons I have explained, I wish her, if possible, to stay a female for at least two months." "Yes, her... time. I can help with that. Mousse? The package I sent you for?" The near-blind master of Hidden Weapons produced a somewhat large parcel from... somewhere. "Here." Nodoka stared. "What is it?" Ranma (who had just entered, having dressed very very fast-- she HATED that dress) added, "Yeah, what?" "Doubtless you remember the waterproof soap you used at one time, Ranma?" Ranma nodded. "Worked ok until it wore off." "Well, this will-- after using it first with cold water,mind you-- you will, using it and only it, be able to take hot baths without changing-- or worrying about accidental changes either." "You mean it's more waterproof soap?" asked Ranma eagerly. "Not... exactly. Since you are attempting to stay female rather than male, I bought you something more useful." "What?" "Waterproof beauty soap. It will not only keep you from unwanted changes, but keep your skin nice and soft. And it has a beautiful fragrance..." Ranma GROANED. #### End part four #### A short Author's Note-- It's amazing how often Akane seems to be chased by this or that magical prince (at least in OAV's and fanfictions, though it happens in the series and the manga also). I just thought that not all magical princes had to be competent-- or after Akane. Ja ne!