Rejected

Part 5 - Thursday - Lost Confession.

By Lord Archive

This is dark. If your looking for my usual comedy,  you won't find it.

Characters are owned by Rumiko Takahashi, Viz Video, etc..., and are 
used without permission. I'm only borrowing them. I'll return them. I 
can't afford the overdue charge Nabiki insists on.

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The world is a cold and lonely place. I know this for I am truly alone. 
Alone is not having anyone love you, and no one loves me. I could die 
now, and no one may ever know or even really care.

The one who I love has married another. My most cursed foe has defeated 
me for the heart of Akane. How I wish this was not the case, that she 
loved me not him, that she would show me the affection she does when I'm 
her pet.

Seeing her confess her love for him felt like having my heart ripped to 
shreds and scattered on the floor and stomped on. I can still hear her 
pained voice, calling him to live for her, begging him to stay with her, 
telling him that she needed him to live or she would die. I had no 
choice but to see him marry her, because I'm sure Akane would have 
joined Ranma in death if he hadn't.

While I have wished to see Ranma dead, it should never be the way his 
mother had demanded it. It is by my hands that he should die, so that I 
can prove once and for all, I am better than he is. That I'm the better 
man. How his own mother could not see him as such is beyond me. I talked 
to her for an hour telling her of our fights and adventures, and yet she 
could not see that the curse does nothing to the spirit. 

Am I less of a man because I'm sometimes a pig? I certainly don't think 
so. Akane doesn't think so... but she doesn't know. If she does, she's 
crueler than Nabiki, as she has told me, rather P-Chan, that 'Ryoga is a 
good friend and Ukyou shouldn't have tried to force him to like me as 
anything more,' or 'Why does that Baka infuriate and excite me at the 
same time?'

Now I can't even be P-Chan, since she shares Ranma's room and... bed. 
Ranma will not let me near Akane... his wife. And... I must admit, he 
has every right to do that.

Why did I stay there as long as I did? I should have run from that house 
of pain once I heard Akane's impassioned words of love. Yet, I stayed. 
Stayed to see my love marry another. Watch my rival help put an end to 
the clan he was born to. To see the pain of loss that struck both my 
rival and my love. 

Why did I torture myself that way? Was it to ingrain into myself that 
Akane is gone? Was it in hope of seeing Akane decide not to marry Ranma, 
to reject him? Was it to see if Akane needed my help? Why did I do it?

Why I even decided to attempt to spend the night there is beyond me. To 
lay in Akane's old room, and then hear from her new room THOSE sounds. 
The sounds... that told me Akane is now truly Ranma's wife... in all 
senses of the word.

I see a newspaper stand off to the side of the road. May as well find 
out what city I'm in.

I see the local paper. My heart sinks. It's the Nerima Gazette. I'm in 
the one city I don't want to be in. The city Mr. and Mrs. Tendo live in. 
Mrs. Tendo, who is also the woman I love. Who is, now and forever, out 
of my reach.

I see it is also Thursday. I have been walking around for about four 
days now. I want to keep walking, and never to return here. When I don't 
want to be here, here is where I end up. When I want to be here, I end 
up anywhere but here. I hate my life.

I want to blame Ranma for this, for everything. But... I can't. If 
anyone is at fault, it is his mother. Ranma is a man amongst men. No one 
could fight me like he can and not be.

Where to assign blame for the loss of my love? To Ranma to whom it was 
given despite my best effort to stop it? To Akane who gave her love to 
him instead of me? To Mrs. Saotome who forced Akane to decide that she 
loves him? To myself for not letting go sooner?

I see ahead of me Ucchan's. Not exactly a welcomed sight, but I may be 
able to get some food. I walk straight for the door, not letting 
anything obstruct my sight of it. I smile when I see Ukyou at the grill. 
I made it.

I can see by the sad look on Ukyou's face that she knows. While I have 
seen sad expressions on her face before, it used to be a kind of sad 
determination, but now it's a lost sadness... a sadness I've seen in 
reflections of my face.

"Hi, Ryoga. How are you?" She greets me nervously.

I guess she's afraid of how I'm reacting to last Sunday. "Not too good." 
I sit down at the counter. I'm glad to notice no one else is here. We're 
free to speak.

"When was the last time you were at the dojo?"

"S-Sunday night."

Her eyes widen in shock. "You were there?"

I nod.

"How much did you see?"

"All of it. From Akane's confession of love to helping them with Ranma's 
parents' bodies." I was going to spend the night there, but noises from 
Ranma's and... Ranma's and...   From THAT room...

"Oh, Ryoga..."

"In a way it's a good thing I was there to see it. Otherwise I'd be 
ripping his head off right now."

"And he'd let you do it."

"Huh?"

"When I saw Ranma, Monday, he looked ready to die. Nabiki told me he 
hasn't gotten much better. If you fight him now, it could easily become 
a death match because he wouldn't care."

"He's taken the rejection that bad?"

"Trust me. Being rejected by your parents is way beyond bad."

I want to ask her what she means about that, but our conversation 
suddenly switches to other things since some customers walk in. There 
are just some things you don't want anyone but a friend to know, and 
sometimes not even a friend.

I thank her for the free meal, and I leave. I couldn't stay, since she 
reminds me of Ranma... and Ranma reminds me of pain.

I walk and wander. I have no path to follow. I am lost, and right now 
that's just what I want to be.

I turn my head and see a sign on a wall... No! I don't want to be here, 
anywhere but here. Not their home, the home of my love and her husband. 
Please let me get lost! Please...

I run away. I turn left, then right, and now I'm... NO! I'm back at the 
damned dojo. How can I be here? I don't want to be here. I stare in 
horror at the blood stains on the floor.

"Hello Ryoga. I thought you'd be gone longer," I hear Nabiki say behind 
me.

"Trust me, I don't want to be here. I want to be somewhere else, 
anywhere else, even Jusenkyo."

"I thought you'd want to go there. At least you wouldn't have to worry 
about being P-Chan anymore."

I freeze. She knows. She's going to blackmail me now, and rob me blind. 
Like I have anything for her to take from me.

I hear Nabiki sigh?

I REALLY want to get off the topic of my curse. This isn't a time to 
deal with it. "How are they?"

"Ranma is better than you last saw him, but he's still in a sorry shape. 
I've seen him attempt to get Akane angry at him. To get her to say 'die 
Ranma' so he can do just that. She got him to promise her to live for 
her. If she ever said it, I think he'd take it as her letting him out of 
that agreement."

"Why would he do that if the one he loves is with him?"

"Because he wanted his mother to love him, or at least accept him, and 
she didn't."

I stare at the floor. What if I saw my parents and they...

Nabiki interrupts my thoughts, "Come on, I'll lead you out of here."

I turn around and start to follow her. I close my eyes for but a second 
and now I see... No, not them, I don't want to see them.

"Hello, Ryoga. How are you?" Akane asks.

"Hi, P-Chan," Ranma says.

I let it slide. His eyes speak of death, his own. He wants the release 
death would bring. I can bring it, but I won't. "Hi, I'm, ah, fine. I'm 
just passing through."

"Won't you stay?" Akane asks. How my heart aches when she says that now, 
when it used to soar.

"Ah, no thanks. I'm off... to do some searching."

Ranma scowls at me. "Don't get any ideas of playing P-Chan anymore."

How could he? I look again in his eyes, and see he really doesn't care 
about anything.

"What do you mean by that Ranma?" Akane asks innocently. There was no 
trace of the anger that usually accompanied that question.

"Come on Akane. You are really a dim wit for not seeing it. Ryoga is 
P-Chan. P-Chan is Ryoga. They wear the same damn bandanna. Ryoga is as 
aquaphobic as you can get. The only time you've seen him in water was 
when we were fighting over water proof soap. Have you ever seen them 
together? Don't they both get lost rather easily?"

I see Akane's face contort from Ranma's words. I can tell she doesn't 
know if she should believe him. She doesn't want to believe it, but if 
she doesn't she rejects Ranma.

Ranma is asking to let himself die. I will not let him do that. If for 
nothing else is to see him suffer as I have. He may have Akane to keep 
him alive, but the pain he's been facing is possibly more than I've ever 
faced at one time. 

There is also the point of our rivalry. If I let him do this, let him 
commit suicide, I can never prove who is the superior fighter, the 
superior man.

"It's rather funny that you can't see the obvious," Ranma chuckles 
dryly, like death already has him.

"Ranma! She just couldn't believe I'm her pet!" I close my eyes. "I'm 
sorry... Akane, I am P-Chan."

I open my eyes to see the look of shock and horror on her face chill me 
to the bone and rips my heart into little bits... again.

"When Ranma discovered my curse, I had him swear an oath to not tell 
anyone. Right after that, you kissed me and took me to your bed. He has 
subsequently tried to break that oath by sneaking into your room to 
protect you from me... Calling me pig names and referring to my family 
curse even when I'm P-Chan... It is not Ranma's fault that I was your 
pet. I made him honor bound not to tell. Seeing as I've used the oath 
dishonorably I do not hold it against him that he has broken that oath 
for I am the one who's dishonorable."

I close my eyes as I can no longer bear to see the hurt look on Akane's 
face. "The reason I did that was because I loved you... You showed me an 
affection that I never received before by anyone. I'm truly sorry for 
what I've done to you."

I open my eyes to see the familiar face of anger that is now etched on 
my love, but that anger is directed at me now.

"You-you lied to me. I told you my secrets. You've seen me undressed. I 
trusted you. You made me think he was worse than he is." Her voice 
carries an arctic chill that freezes me. I stand there ready for 
whatever punishment she desires to inflict on me.

I see her charge with the mallet. With a mighty swing that connects with 
my face sending me flying through the wall fence and into the wall of 
the building next door. I can see Akane run to Ranma through the hole. I 
hear her crying. I want to make that sound go away.

"I'm so sorry, Ranma," I hear as the wind carries the accursed words to 
me. "I didn't know. Didn't want to know. I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

She begs him for forgiveness. Asking him to forgive her. She should 
demand he apologize for not telling her. She should make him pay.

I shake my head. He's already paying. Paying a price far greater than 
all the things he has done.

"Akane... I should apologize to you. I put my own pride and honor above 
yours," I hear Ranma reply. At least he got that right.

"Ranma, it goes beyond him being P-Chan. I accepted his word because I 
wanted you to be a bad person. Wanted you to be someone I couldn't love 
or marry. I'm sorry. I'm glad you proved him wrong, and that you are a 
good man. A man that I love."

I hear no more. I see no more since I shut off my senses to everything. 
They are probably kissing... or more.

After some time I hear, "Are you all right?"

I open my eyes and see Nabiki. "I'm fine." It's a lie, but she knows 
that.

"Ryoga... thanks for telling them that."

"If I hadn't, Ranma would be dead. I want to prove one day I am better 
than he is. I can't do that if he kills himself. Akane is lost to me 
already so I had nothing to lose. Besides, I like seeing him suffer, 
death would release that suffering."

I get up and start walking. 

I walk and walk. I wonder if I shall ever find love again. I lost my 
love, because she has rejected me for now she truly knows who I am. 
Perhaps I can return and be friends. But love will never come. My heart 
is heavy this night.

Oddly, though, my confession has helped me. It has lessened the pain of 
my loss. I didn't think it would but it has.

I sigh. To have loved and lost is better than never to have loved at 
all. But now I am alone. Alone without love is to truly be alone. I 
could die tomorrow and no one would know, and now, certainly, no one 
would even care.

Alone to walk on forever. Alone by myself. Will I ever find love?

I see a shooting star and wish that I may soon find love.

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Thanks to my numerous pre-readers for checking this chapter.
And thanks to all of you who sent me C&C on this series.

You can send C&C to archive@mich.com

You can find previous chapters my other stories at
http://www.mich.com/~archive/anime