Girl Days

---

Part Seventeen

Girl Days

A Ranma 1/2 fanfiction

by Robert Haynie

( I lay no claim to the characters created by Ms. Takahashi, nor to the concept of a Chinese Amazon. Chinese VIKINGS, however, are mine, all mine! Not that I particularly WANT them...)

Part Seventeen : The unfortunate lack of a Green Midget Cafe.

Look you, gentle reader, upon Nerima. See how peaceful it looks, how serene, how tranquil.

Since this is the only place on earth that the Grateful Dead had refused to play because "the scene there is just way TOO freaky, man", one may be forgiven for looking upon this as a Bad Sign. In fact, as readers of these and similar chronicles know, one would have to be a complete and total idiot to not recognize this as a bad sign.

Thus, it was with a feeling that this was going to be a prefect day, without any difficulties or complications, that Tatewaki Kuno stepped out to take a little walk. Perhaps he would avail himself of the surprisingly talented Ms. Kuonji's culinary abilities for a light repast-- Okonomiyaki was, perhaps, a peasant foodstuff, but she was capable of creating a surprising elegance, despite her oftentimes peculiar mode of dress. Or the Nekohanten, if one cared, did create excellent fare in the Chinese fashion, not unpleasant to the palate at all and of reasonable price. And, although he held no real attraction to the Chinese girl there, she was fair to look upon from time to time.

More importantly, his rather demented sister had been playing with her chemistry set in the kitchen again, and although he had grown to tolerate additives that would have laid a lesser man waste, he didn't always LIKE them.

In other words, Kuno was the aforesaid complete and total idiot. However, that did not mean he was stupid. In Nerima, the two were not necessarily interchangeable.

As we shall see.

####

The Tendo residence was on the face of it a rather elegant house, really, by urban Japanese standards. Two stories, a full furo, guest rooms and a complete dojo.

It was also a perfect ordinary house-- on the face of it.

Behind that face, so carefully presented to the world-- or rather, the world that did not encompass the neighbors, who knew DAMN well that things were otherwise-- was a recurring chain of strange incidents that would have made a Stephen King give up on the supernatural stuff and start writing romance novels. Then he would have given up on those. It was that kind of house.

It mostly fed on a redheaded girl in a blue dress giving her father fits.

Well, it was actually the dress giving the father fits. But the girl wasn't helping.

"You... you can't go out in THAT!"

"Pops, a dress like this is MEANT for going out in," Ranma sighed. Nearby, unnoticed, Akane and Nabiki were doing their level best not to explode in hysterics. Nabiki especially felt she had a right to enjoy this scene, since when she had lost a bet to Ranma (concerning the possibility of a fight one Casual Day at Furinkan-- and Happosai was going to pay for that. Financially as well as figuratively. Losing THAT much cash to RANMA. It still galled.), she had effectively paid for the garment in question.

"But... It's practically sprayed on! It's almost indecent! It makes you look like a girl!"

"No, it makes me look like a babe. I figure if I have another month of this, I'll go in for some advanced training."

"Like what?"

"Oh, I dunno. Maybe I'll get Ryoga to take me out again. We had a pretty good time last time before the fight broke out. Who knows, maybe we'll hit it off."

"Gack."

"I wonder if Ryoga is any good at kissing?"

"Urgle."

"Pumps. This outfit demands pumps. The black ones with the extra heel."

"Glarg."

"Think I'll see what Ryoga-kun is doing..." Ranma walked off, hips swaying just so, tossing her head in a definitely feminine manner, and trying desparately not to explode from hysterics herself.

Meanwhile, Akane and Nabiki were stuffing opposite ends of the sleeves of a handy gi into their mouths to smother their own explosion of imminent laughter.

####

The sight of Ranma and Ryoga playing Shogi was not a common one in the Tendo household. But they had been under a sort of truce for a while, and neither ever got much of a chance to play since the Elder Saotome and the Elder Tendo (otherwise known by their codenames Panda-man and Waterworks) usually monopolized the table. But Panda-man had had to go have a lie-down, and Waterworks was writing an angry rebuttal to that lunatic that kept writing those stupid letters to the Shimbun suggesting that Japan become an American state. So, being at a loose end, the two rivals were playing a game of intellect.

Being Ranma and Ryoga, the game was not only surprisingly skillful, it was without the usual blatant cheating and was being played with an intensity usually only found in a brutal martial arts deathmatch or an episode of "Iron Chef".

"I have you now, Ranma. It's an unbeatable trap. A Three Pronged attack! There's no way out for you this time!" Ryoga began to laugh, almost maniacally. FINALLY, he had defeated--

Click.

"I win."

Silence.

"You... how did you... ARRRGH!"

"If you Shi Shi Hokodan the shogi table, Pops and Tendo-san are gonna be upset." Ranma smiled cutely.

"I'd break your nose if it wasn't for not wanting to pay for dry-cleaning that dress." Ryoga fumed. How had he not seen that move?

"Anyhow, good game. Thanks for the match. I never get to play against Pops or Tendo-san, you know."

"Why is that?"

"I won't let them cheat."

"Oh. So, you manage to get a hold of Mousse yet? That girl seemed, well, unsafe."

"I've tried. But Cologne says that he already knows. Then he took off for who knows where, babbling something about a brilliant plan."

"That sounds... unpleasant."

Ranma nodded. "You said it."

####

Mousse DID have a brilliant plan.

This plan was to hide in plain sight.

It required a small sacrifice of his dignity for a short period of time, but when you regularly turned into a duck, such small sacrifices weren't that hard to make.

Unfortunately, it also required the assistance on the one person he disliked most in the world (with the possible exception of a certain dried up old mummy)-- Ranma Saotome.

But to avoid Hilda the Chinese Viking-- anything was acceptable. That girl SCARED him.

Now, most men would have been downright elated to have the affections of such a piece of feminine pulchritude as Hilda. The girl was, as it were, a complete and 100% super babe. But Mousse had his heart set on Shampoo and only Shampoo, and could love no other woman. Besides, she was a Viking.

And Viking women were... scary.

Had he had a clearer view of reality, he would have realized that the reason Viking women were scary was because they tended to be very much like Amazon women-- i.e. attractive, obsessive, and at times insanely violent-- but being an Amazon himself, he didn't see it that way.

It's a cultural thing.

But the one thing he was certain about is that this plan would hide him so perfectly from Hilda that she'd never find him. Never in a million years.

You could almost hear the panting of ominous thunder trying to catch up and wondering how in hell it had missed it's cue.

####

Tatewaki Kuno walked along, enjoying the pleasant breeze and whistling.

####

Hilda approached the Tendo Dojo by a rather erratic vector. One fully worthy of Ryoga Hibiki, in fact. This was not due to a malfunctioning sense of direction (as in Ryoga's case), but from a malfunctioning sense of pride. Vikings found their own way. It was Tradition.

Tradition that most Vikings pretty well considered as obsolete as a bronze sword.

Unlike the Amazons, who had held to their traditions for well over three thousand years (to the general annoyance of most) the Vikings had adapted over time. The longboat they had arrived in had oars and sails, true, but they were mostly ceremonial. It was the aluminum-titanium hull and the powerful diesel engine combined with the state of the art LORAN and GPS system that really made things work. They may have still lived in the longhouses of old, but they were nowadays insulated, electric, and had a nice little satellite TV dish and usually an internet connection.

Also, the Vikings had generally better relations with their neighbors. Looting and pillaging had become a thing of the past, when they had discovered that (a) fishing was easier, (b) that actions of that sort tended to piss off people like the Musk, the Phoenix Mountain folk, and of course the Amazons, and (c) it was just too damn much work anyway. The result was cordial relations with most of the rather strange cultures of the forgotten parts of China, and at least toleration from the Amazons... who had never really forgiven Erik the Terribly Clever for his downright dirty trick of sneaking in a "No Forced Marriages Just Because We Can Fight Better Than You Sometimes, And By The Way, Drop That Kiss Of Death Crap While We're At It" clause into a formal peace treaty.

The Amazons had retaliated by passing a law that no Amazon COULD marry a Viking, under penalty of banishment. To the irritation of the Elders, that was just fine with the Vikings, whose males had little interest in getting hitched with overly bossy females, and whose females felt that the Amazon males generally lacked spirit. History records that the reaction of the Amazon Council of Elders to the Viking's response of sending then a small chest of gold, a bale of fine Viking linen, and a considerable amount of herring as a thank you gift was, well... not those of happy Elders.

And for damn near fifteen hundred years it had continued in that vein. The Amazons would boast, threaten, insult, and generally scorn the Vikings in every way they could short of actual violence, and the Vikings would react with amusement, indifference, or the occasional "Hey, that's pretty nice of you!" They did this not because it was amusing, indifferent, or nice, but because it was so damn much FUN to annoy the Amazons. Amazons tended to take things like that seriously, but Vikings preferred to laugh, spar, and drink lots of mead.

(Incidentally, although fish was the main export of the Vikings, their secondary one was mead-- a sort of wine-like beverage made from fermented and spiced honey. The Phoenix Mountain folk were fairly fond of it, the Musk just plain adored the stuff-- especially those of ursine descent-- and the Amazons had it under embargo.)

One can see, therefore, that Hilda was an aberration. Not only had she become infatuated with a Amazon male (Possibly because Mousse had much more spine than the usual example) but she tended to take things VERY seriously, thought tradition was important, didn't drink (much-- at least not much by Viking standards), and didn't like fish. By Viking terms, she was almost perverse.

But if you combined that with the other Viking female traits of violence, obsession, and attractiveness, you'd rapidly realize that Hilda was almost exactly like Shampoo-- except that she was taller, blonde, wearing less, and didn't try to use magical herbs or obscure charms in her quest to gain Mousse's love.

It would, after all, be easier to hit him over the head and carry him off to a nice desert island and bed him until he wilted. She knew she couldn't get him to marry her, but that would do nicely.

The honored readers will, of course, realize that this would cause Mousse to react to Hilda much as Ranma did to Shampoo-- with the exception that Ranma wouldn't mind being friends with the Amazon girl, where Mousse had no desire whatsoever to be on the same island with Hilda, and in fact wasn't happy about being on the same planet.

Things like that make men take desperate measures.

And, actually, in it's own way, it WAS a brilliant plan.

But... this WAS Nerima.

####

Tatewaki Kuno purchased a cherry ice from a sidewalk vendor and casually began to consume the confection. It wasn't what he would normally do, true, but he was feeling unusually blithe and peaceful this fine day, and besides, who could gainsay the Blue Thunder the occasional sweet?

####

Ukyo could not easily get the Vikings out of her mind. Something like that was... well, the sort of thing that one could not get out of one's mind easily.

"Konatsu-chan, we're closing early today. And... get your gear. I have a feeling that something's going to happen, and I just bet that it'll happen at--"

"The Tendo residence?" finished the crossdressing ninja. "Ukyo-sama, I wouldn't doubt it."

Ukyo nodded. "I saw something very... strange today. VERY strange."

"As you have taught me, Ukyo-sama, this IS Nerima."

"Strange for here."

Konatsu's eyes lit up. FINALLY he would get to wear the new ninja outfit that Ukyo-sama had bought for his birthday... the one with the delicate and perfectly feminine but still concealing lace trim on the hood. "I'll get my gear."

####

Shampoo looked at the table in the Nekohanten and sighed. Where WAS the stupid Duck-boy? Where was Great-grandmother? And where did this herring come from?

Oh, well, she could always visit Ranma.

####

Hikaru Gosunkugi was at the moment having a thrilling, action packed, mind-bending adventure on a south sea island with Lara Croft, Indiana Jones the third, Rally Vincent, Michael "Air" Jordan, and Lassie. It was epic in scale, filled with excitement, romance, danger, and all the other things that make a perfect summer blockbuster film.

Well, ACTUALLY, he was in his room trying to get past level one of Spyro the Dragon. But he WISHED that he was on a thrilling, action packed, mind-bending adventure on a south sea island with Lara Croft, Indiana Jones the third, Rally Vincent, Michael "Air" Jordan, and Lassie. At any rate, he's not in this story, and I don't know why I even BOTHERED mentioning him.

Sorry about that.

####

Kodachi, on the other hand, having had an unfortunate accident while working in her garden (Never get TOO close to the roses with the greenish-pink streaks) THOUGHT she was on a thrilling, action packed, mind-bending adventure on a south sea island with Lara Croft, Indiana Jones the third, Rally Vincent, Michael "Air' Jordan, and Lassie.

So, she's not in this story either. But she's having a MUCH better time of not being in the story than Gosunkugi.

####

Ryoga Hibiki IS in this story, and in a few minutes he's going to wish to HELL he wasn't. But then, that's par for the course, isn't it?

####

As Mousse approached the Tendo household, he had-- for a fleeting moment-- second thoughts about his plan. Then he remembered Hilda. Second thoughts were banished.

####

Akane glared at the bowl. The bowl refused to glare back, but that was because it was an inanimate object without eyes.

What was IN the bowl didn't have eyes either, but it did seem to have a slightly glaring attitude to it. At least, it was hissing.

Shrimp and rice soup, Akane was certain, was not supposed to hiss.

Nodoka stared at the substance, in mixed horror and wonder. She had carefully monitored every step of Akane's preparation of the recipe. She had made certain that no extraneous ingredient had been added. She had been very careful to make sure that the cooking methods had been adhered to with utmost precision. At least, she thought she had... but she had had to turn her back once or twice...

Perhaps she had rushed the cooking lesson a bit. Akane had only recently mastered rice, after all. The soup was a rather complex dish...

"This... isn't exactly right, is it, Auntie?"

"Ah... I'm afraid not, Akane-chan. But... well. You can always taste it?"

"ME?"

"Well, if you taste it, and it's... not quite right, then that way you will know that Ranma won't care for it, and she won't be... unhappy with it."

"In other words, she won't tell me it's a toxic mess. But... why should I taste it? You don't taste your cooking, after all--"

"Of course I do. Every good cook tastes her cooking as she goes along."

Akane blinked. "They... they do?"

"Why, yes. I do, Kasumi does, Ranma does, even Genma does-- and he is a fair campfire cook, you know."

Akane shrugged. Well, she'd taste it. And then when she presented it to Ranma, she'd know it was good, and the trainee girl would have no option to admit it. And--

As she put the spoon in her mouth, her eyes widened. And widened. And widened.

And...

####

Ryoga and Ranma looked up as Akane fled the kitchen and shot towards the bathroom as though the hounds of hell were on her heels.

"What was that?" wondered Ryoga.

"No idea. Your move, Ryoga."

They went back to the second game.

####

Cologne proceeded towards the Tendo household with a package.

(I do hope Ranma likes it,) she mused. (She's ready for it at any rate, and I think she's earned it. Such a joy to teach. Even if I can't get her to marry Shampoo, I'll probably still teach her just because it's so rewarding. And that Japanese Amazon idea seems better all the time.)

Cologne chuckled at the concept of Ranma as Matriarch. Then again, in the paternalistic Japanese society, that could work.

She hefted the bundle and carried on.

####

Mousse arrived. Carefully he peered about, but did not see Ranma.

Then he put his glasses on and peered again. Ah, THERE she was.

"Saotome, I... I need your assistance."

Ranma looked up from the shogi table and blinked. "You need... that's a new one."

"This is difficult enough without your jests, Saotome. I need to borrow some of your clothing."

"What, my Chinese gear? Well, I'm not wearing it for another month, so I guess I can lend you a tang or two..."

"No, your other clothing."

Ranma scratched her head. "Well... I don't often wear that yellow shirt and red tie anymore either, heck, you can probably keep it--"

"No, your... OTHER other clothing."

Pause.

"You wanna borrow some of my... girl stuff?"

Ryoga forgot all about the game in shock.

"Well, I certainly can't borrow any of Shampoo's. I don't want her to find out about my plan."

Ranma peered at Mousse closely. And then, slowly shook her head.

"Won't work."

"And how do you know it won't work?"

"Hey, it never worked for Tsubasa. Dressing like a girl has yet to get him a date with any girl he's tried it with-- Ukyo isn't the only one, just his fave. No WAY is crossdressing going to get Shampoo to notice--"

"That's NOT my plan, and that's NOT why I need them!"

"Well, what IS it, and why?"

Mousse began to explain.

####

Kasumi Tendo did not make messes. She cleaned them up. Frequently.

Many people have wondered why Kasumi never got irritated at the constant housework she was subjected to. They wondered why she never blew her stack. They wondered a lot of things about her ability to keep her calm while all about her were becoming a pack of howling lunatics bent on world destruction-- or a close facsimile thereof.

They didn't understand that to Kasumi, housework was a kata.

The purpose of a kata is twofold-- first to practice and perfect the Art, and second to act as a focus for meditation and control. For Kasumi, her Art was domestic rather than martial, but it was an Art just the same, and one she was incredibly good at. If they gave rankings for housework, Kasumi would have been fifth or sixth dan easily.

When she was upset or irritated, she would take hold of a broom or bring out a pot and in a few moments the negative feelings would be washed away by the rituals of her Art.

A side effect of this was that her focus in her chosen Art was so complete, so total, that she was capable of accepting damn near anything in the name of the harmony of the house. Ranma's a girl for a while? Then she's a girl. Undress in front of Ranma? Why not-- it's just us girls, right? Teach Akane to cook? Well, the sages say that it's a noble effort to attempt the impossible.

Kasumi, you see, was not-- as so many have erroneously surmised-- naturally oblivious to her surroundings and the insanity that went on on almost a daily basis.

No, she had to achieve that obliviousness through long and difficult training and focus.

The result was that she was pretty much the happiest and most content person in Nerima.

And, of course, she never actually contributed to the insanity.

Until now, as she finished sweeping the dust from Akane's brick practice into a plastic bag, placing it to one side for later disposal.

####

Tatewaki Kuno stopped for a moment to watch a kamishibai artist practicing that almost forgotten art of narrative with drawings. Respecting such a effort to keep traditional styles of storytelling alive, he dropped some yen-- a fair bit, actually-- into the receptacle designed for such, and strolled on, savoring his cherry ice.

####

Akane was despondent. She was also nauseous.

In her mind, if she could cook rice, that meant that certainly she could cook a rice soup. Didn't that make sense? She was doing all right in home economics, right?

Of course, there Ranma was watching her like a hawk, and the foods there were somewhat more simple than Nodoka's famed soup, but still... what had gone wrong?

The Tendo residence rejoiced in a western-style toilet. If you can afford one, they are well liked in Japan. They are comfortable, efficient, and most of all highly useful if you are suddenly sick. Generations of fraternity initiates can attest to that after a serious beer bash, and so could any unfortunate Tendo who was assaulted by one of Akane's failures.

And although she had been getting better-- somewhat-- when she DID blow it, she blew it big-time.

(I guess... I need to practice simpler foods...)

####

Kasumi entered the kitchen, and sighed. Nodoka was scraping the "soup" into the trash-can, gazing as it fell in semisolid chunks.

"I can't see what she could have done to cause this, Kasumi-chan," the Saotome matriarch said. "After she went to... well, you know, it started to.. to... coagulate. I've never seen anything like it."

"At least she can make rice now. And a passable miso soup. You and Ranma have been such a help."

"It's mostly Ranma, I'm afraid. She's determined to make Akane a-- and I quote-- "Non-threatening" cook. I suppose that she's still not ready for fancier recipes yet."

"I... suppose. Well, this pot will take a while to clean, and the counter is something of a mess. Since everyone's had their bath, I don't need to clean the furo yet, so I may as well begin here..."

####

Akane finally cleaned up a bit, and felt somewhat better. Stepping out of the bathroom, she was greeted by the interesting sight of Ranma and Ryoga staring at Mousse as though the Amazon boy had grown a second head.

"You have GOT to be kidding me. You just HAVE to. That's the most insane plan I have ever heard in my LIFE!" This, oddly, wasn't from Ranma (Who, to be truthful, held much the same opinion) but Ryoga.

"Is not," sulked Mousse, who was used to abuse from Ranma but wasn't quite so from Ryoga.

"I don't see how you plan to do this, Mousse," said Ranma, with a quizzical expression.

"It's simple. Hilda's looking for a boy. I nicked a packet of Instant Nyannichuan from Cologne, and so all I have to do is use it, dress in some of your clothes, and poof-- Mousse is baibai, and all there is is another girl It's only for a few hours until I can make my way to the train station and go somewhere where she won't find me. Like, say, Berlin."

"It's not that easy, Mousse. Being a girl is a LOT more complicated than a dress and a different body, trust me."

"I'm not going to be doing this for months like you, Saotome. Just for a few hours until I'm on the train and gone. I'll come back in a month or so when Hilda's gone back to China. If I can stand being a duck, I can stand being a girl for a while."

"Hmm... well, at least you won't glomp me at the Nekohanten thinking I'm Shampoo during my Amazon training..."

"Hey, I only did that once."

Ranma gazed at Mousse coldly.

"Well, twice."

Gazing was not interrupted.

"Oh, all right, more than twice."

"Seventeen times. Also three times you mistook me for Cologne, twice for your mother-- who isn't even IN Japan-- and once for a television set."

"All right. And you didn't have to hit me that hard, Saotome..."

"That WASN'T a power button, Mousse," Ranma replied coldly.

"You... fondled Ranma?" Ryoga said in disbelief.

"It wasn't LIKE that!" retorted Mousse hotly. "It was an honest mistake!"

"A perverted mistake, you mean," said Ranma, sourly.

"Whatever! All I need from you is a few articles of clothing so I can make my escape!"

Akane finally decided to interject a comment. "Why don't you just hide as a duck?"

"Because Hilda LIKES ducks."

"Is that so bad?"

"With gravy and rice," Mousse clarified.

"Oh." Akane turned a slight bit green at that. So did Ranma and Ryoga, for that matter.

"No, I've thought this out carefully. So, Saotome, will you help?"

"Hey, it's your funeral," said Ranma. And she meant it.

####

Cologne.

Shampoo.

Hilda.

Kuno.

Ukyo.

Konatsu.

Over the next half-hour or so they would all arrive at the Tendo Dojo just in time to make what happened next... happen.

####

Cologne arrived first. Greeted by Kasumi, she inquired as to Ranma's whereabouts. Guided, she arrived to see the slightly unusual sight of a robeless and shirtless Mousse stirring a bucket while Ranma and Akane discussed clothing.

"We don't know what she'll look like, Akane. Herb didn't look like me, after all. Herb looked like Herb but with more chest."

"Oh, all right. But Herb had a similar build to yours, didn't he? So it's probable that your clothes will fit an girltype Mousse. It's common sense."

"I still can't believe that you're doing this," Ryoga said. "It's nuts."

"Might I inquire as to what's going on here this time?" the matriarch asked, just knowing that the explanation would be entirely ludicrous.

Mousse froze. (I can't let Cologne know what I was planning! She'd NEVER let me live it down if she didn't kill me first!) Thinking quickly, Mousse grabbed a bag of brick dust and started to mix that in too. "Mud-pies. We're making mud-pies."

Ranma rolled her eyes. (Oh, THAT'LL really fly, duck-brain.)

Cologne looked at an empty packet. "Specifically female mud-pies?" she quipped.

"Um... ah... well..."

"It's clear to me that for some reason you wanted to be a girl for a while, Mousse. But what that reason could possibly be escapes-- Oh. Her."

"Elder, please-- you don't know what she's like! I have to escape, and it was the best disguise I could think of!"

Cologne smiled. "And it's probably the first good idea I have ever heard you propose, Mousse."

"Oh, go ahead and rub it-- huh?"

"A clever stratagem. However, there is the matter of your taking the Instant Nyannichuan without asking, of course."

Mousse stopped stirring the soupy dust and magic water mixture and hung his head. "I'm in trouble, aren't I?"

"Not really. Instant Jusenkyo powder is a fairly trivial thing. I'll just take it out of your pay. And frankly, I'm interested in seeing what the results will be myself."

"Then... you'll help?"

"Let's just say I won't halt."

"Great! And-- oh, no, it's ruined..."

"Nonsense. It will still work, but you'll have to rinse off with cold water to get the gunk out of your hair."

"Nihao, Ranma! Huh-- what Mousse do here? Why Mousse no wear shirt?"

"S-S-SHAMPOO! How funny you came over, eh-heh!" Mousse may have survived Cologne, but he didn't want Shampoo to find out about thi--

"Oh, Mousse is going to turn into a girl for a while, Shampoo," Cologne said merrily.

"Really? Is strange. Why Mousse do strange thing?" Shampoo looked at Mousse in fascination.

"Arrrgh," commented Mousse.

"Hilda," Cologne said. "Escape. Disguise."

"Shampoo understand. Viking girl in town? Shampoo sorry for Mousse."

"You... you are?"

"Viking girl crazy. Not even Mousse deserve Viking girl."

Left-handed sympathy was better than none. "Well... let's get this over with--"

Mousse raised the bucket, gritted his teeth, and--

"ANGEL!"

There is one force in the known universe that surpasses the Amazon Glomp for sheer unexpected impact. That is the Viking tackle-hug.

Guess who finally found the Tendo Dojo?

"ACK!"

Ranma watched in fascination as an incredibly tall, highly curvy, and wildly affectionate Viking clamped onto Mousse with an impact not dissimilar to that of a meteor hitting the Moon, causing Mousse to lose his grip on the bucket, which went flying straight at Ryoga.

Ryoga was frozen in shock as the enchanted mud doused him.

He felt a tingle-- a tingle that was familiar from his experiences in changing into a pig, but somehow different.

He knew what had happened.

It was obvious what had happened.

But he had to make sure.

So he carefully checked his chest.

Which was, at the moment, HER chest.

Then, and only then she gratefully passed out, comforted in the knowledge that the universe was once again, as expected, being a meanie.

####

Hiroshi and Daisuke were exhausted. Following the Viking had been interesting for a while, but following her all over Tokyo was too much. They decided to stop at Fred's Burgers for a cold drink and a order of fries to replenish their energy.

"I still say she was another fiancee," Hiroshi panted.

"Naw, I think she's here to challenge Ranma. You saw that sword. Challenger if I ever saw one," wheezed Daisuke.

Fred raised an eyebrow as he served two jumbo Cokes and a large basket of chili-cheese fries (new on his menu, and startlingly popular). "Tall blonde in a chainmail bikini?"

"You saw her too?"

"She ordered a Ranma Special earlier today. Actually, she's in town for Mousse."

"MOUSSE?" the two spluttered.

"Yeah. Head over heels in love with him, it seems. Not what you'd expect, is it?"

"That incredible babe was after MOUSSE?" Hiroshi said, outraged.

"It's not fair! It's just not fair! First all the cute ones go after Ranma, and now Mousse? Who next, Kuno?" squeaked Daisuke.

"Let's not get improbable, Dai."

"You're right, Hiro. Hmm... I have an idea. Let's just go straight to the Tendo place. She'll have to show up there sooner or later."

"An excellent suggestion. It is, after all, inevitable."

They sipped their cokes.

####

Carefully, Tatewaki Kuno discarded the paper cone of his cherry ice in the proper receptacle, and mused on what to do next on this delightful day.

Perchance a visit to the Tendo residence would be in order. There was always a chance that the sorcerers spell had finally waned.

He sneezed.

####

Ranma led a still shell-shocked Ryoga-chan to the furo room. "Look, all you gotta do is wash that mud off, and then have a soak in the furo-- it should still be hot enough. No problem, right?"

Ryoga nodded dumbly.

"You want a hand?"

"NO! I mean, I-- I can wash myself!"

Ranma restrained a chuckle-- with difficulty. "Okay. I'll see about your pack..."

As Ranma returned to the courtyard, he was greeted by the peculiar sight of a fuming Shampoo glaring at Hilda, who was draped all over a not-successfully-escaping Mousse.

"Viking girl being too too familiar with Mousse," the Amazon growled.

"I thought you didn't want Mousse," Akane replied with some confusion.

"Shampoo no want Mousse, but Mousse is Shampoo's Mousse that Shampoo no want!"

As Akane tried to figure out the last statement and Mousse tried to break free from Hilda's imitation of an affectionate octopus, Ranma shook her head at Ryoga's pack. It was clear that he hadn't had a chance to hit a Laundromat for a while, since the clothing inside was all somewhat less than clean (Guess I'll see if Kasumi can add this stuff to the laundry, and I'll lend piggy some of my Chinese stuff.)

He went to see Kasumi, with the clothing in arm. Kasumi was just finishing cleaning the pot, and sighing. "Ranma-chan. Oh, dear... are those Ryoga-kun's clothes?"

"Yeah. I don't suppose you can add them to the load today? These are pretty nasty..."

"Easily, Ranma-chan. Oh, but where is Ryoga?"

"He's in the furo by now. He had an accident with some Instant Nyannichuan, and got turned into a girl. But a quick soak will fix that."

"Oh, my." Pause, and then, "Oh, MY."

"What?" Ranma was confused at Kasumi's sudden expression of alarm.

"I haven't had a chance to tidy up the furo yet, and I'm not certain, but I think your special soap is still in the soap-dish, and if he grabs that instead of the regular soap--"

Ranma's eyes widened to near apple-size, and she echoed Kasumi with a quiet, "Oh, MY."

Meanwhile, back at the ranch-- I mean, furo-- Ryoga was carefully rinsing and soaping herself while trying as hard as she could not to look at herself and to ignore the strange way her body felt at the moment. After she had gotten as much of the grit out of her hair as she could, she gave herself a final rinse, stepped into the furo-- which was still quite warm-- lowered herself--

And realized that a certain familiar tingle wasn't happening.

Ranma looked up at a sudden high-pitched and definitely female scream, and dashed to the furo, just KNOWING what had happened.

Kasumi shook her head, and decided that from now on the furo room had priority.

As Ryoga stared at herself in dumb shock, Ranma looked at the soap tray, and decided that she should get something else for Ryoga to wear. Like a nice sundress or something.

####

Ukyo, followed by an unseen Konatsu, arrived at the Tendo Dojo to a scene that was at best described as... weird as all hell.

Mousse was struggling against the grip of a remarkably tall and pneumatic blonde in a honest to gosh chainmail bikini who was cuddling him and caressing him and hugging him and squeezing him and doing damn near everything but calling him George. She apparently preferred to call him Angel.

Shampoo was glaring at the both of them with an expression that, if it hadn't been Shampoo, Ukyo would have called jealousy.

Akane was shaking her head and murmuring about poor Ryoga.

Cologne was not rolling on the ground laughing her multi-centenarian ass off, but that was only because she had an image to maintain. Instead, she was perched on her staff giggling furiously.

Wondering just what the hell was going on this time, she entered the Tendo household to see Ranma leading a strange girl out of the furo with a towel wrapped around her body and an expression of panic wrapped around her face.

"Where are you taking me?" the strange girl asked.

"To get you some clothes, Ryoga. You can't run around in a towel, you know."

Ukyo stared. Did Ranchan just call that girl... Ryoga?

"Clothes..."

"C'mon, you," Ranma said, dragging the towel-wrapped neo-girl into her room by one hand.

Akane had been partly right-- Ranma and Ryoga in girl form were similar in size. Facially, they were somewhat different. As Ranma resembled her boy-side, so did Ryoga. But the now wider hazel eyes, the even cuter fangs, and the thick shock of sky blue hair-- Ranma would never figure out WHERE Jyusenko got it's taste in hair coloring-- made Ryoga look somewhat less sexy than Ranma, and somewhat more cute.

"I'm a girl. I'm stuck as a girl. I'll be a girl forever." Ryoga was in a state of sheer horrified shock.

"Naw... just about a week or so. You grabbed my waterproof beauty soap by accident, and it took. It'll wear off in a week or five days, or like that, if you don't accidentally use it again."

"I'm... not a girl forever?"

"Nope. You'll survive it. And anyhow, it means for a week or so no pig, right?"

Ryoga brightened at that. "No Pig. No Pig is a good thing."

"Here... these should fit you."

Ryoga froze-- again-- and blinked. "What are these?" No Pig was a good thing, but these... things... were not.

"That's a bra, and those are panties, and that's a pair of stockings, and--"

"I can't wear that stuff!"

"Sure you can. Trust me, it's more comfortable when you're a girl for an extended period of time. Hmm... this top should look decent on you."

"I-- I can't wear this! I'm a guy!"

"Not for a week or so, you ain't. Besides, all of your clothes are filthy, and all my guy stuff is packed away." This wasn't strictly true, but Ranma couldn't resist the opportunity. "Hmm... no, I bet you ain't fond of the idea of a miniskirt, are you?"

"But... I don't even know how they work!"

Ranma sighed. "The panties work just like boxers except snugger. Think of them as briefs for girls. The little bow on that pair goes in front. The bra is a front-closing one-- just slip it on like a vest and snap it in front. The thigh highs are like really tall socks. It's easy."

Ryoga, still stunned, wordlessly complied, managing not to notice her now highly feminine body. However, as she pulled on the last of the undergarments, she accidentally caught sight of herself in Ranma's mirror. And gulped

Ryoga-chan in lingerie pulling up the edge of a stocking. Classic Cheesecake. Except for the nervous, almost panicky expression.

Perhaps it was the shock, perhaps it was the sudden lack of masculine hormones, perhaps it was a combination of the two. At any rate, Ryoga wasn't passing out or getting a nosebleed. But it was a close thing. She definitely felt dizzy.

"Kawaii, ne?" grinned Ranma. "You clean up pretty decent. Better make certain that Kuno never gets a look at you."

"I... I can't believe that I'm wearing this stuff..."

"Hmm... this skirt should look okay on you, and this top. Try 'em on, while I do something about your hair."

"My hair? A skirt?"

"You look like a drowned blue rat. I can at least comb it so you don't bring shame on the reputation of girls around the world. As for the skirt, well, I can lend you a leotard if you'd prefer, or maybe something in spandex? Or a bikini. If you prefer."

"You think this is funny, don't you?"

"Me? Well, actually... yeah. But I'm also serious. If you're going to be a girl for the next week, you might as well be one with some style." Ranma began to brush Ryoga's hair, eyeing it critically. "Take off that bandanna for a sec, will you?"

"Why?"

"I figure I can retie it into a nice bow, or something--"

"Forget it. These clothes feel funny."

"You get used to them. Sorry I don't have any clean slacks, or I'd have lent you a pair instead. There-- ain't as feminine as it ought to be, but you don't look that bad. Want some lip-gloss?"

"Don't push it."

Ranma chuckled. "Now take a look at yourself."

Ryoga did-- and blinked. Girl. Yellow top with a gray and blue checked knee-length skirt. Hair slightly styled and wavy, and that strange pale blue. Except for the eyes, she looked a lot like a fanged Rei Ayanami.

"I'm... I'm... pretty?"

"Hey, the pools seem to try for the best possible result. I'm a good looking girl too, Mousse is a fine duck, you normally turn into a pretty decent pig, Shampoo's a very high quality c-cat, and I dunno what the hell Tarou is, but he's an excellent example of it. Heck, even Pops is a remarkable specimen of a panda. Sort of a quality curse, I guess."

"I'm a pretty girl. Oh, GOD, I'm a pretty girl. Ranma, this is all... Hey, wait."

Perhaps the severe shock had caused Ryoga's mind to derail from it's usual one-track course, or perhaps reality was creeping around the surreal nature of the situation, but for once--

"MOUSSE! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"Uh-oh," breathed Ranma.

"ARRRRGH!"

"Um... You wanna wait a bit, before you go out? I mean, you're probably still sort of disor--"

"I'LL KILL HIM!"

"So, you don't wanna wait?"

Ryoga dashed out of the room, and with strange accuracy headed straight back to the Dojo area, where things were getting... odd.

####

Ukyo walked out of the house with a slightly glazed expression. Ryoga was a girl? Did Ranchan REALLY call that girl Ryoga? What was going on?

"Angel!"

"Let me GO, Hilda! And I'm NOT your angel!"

"Shampoo no care if stupid Mousse want fool around with Horny Girl."

"Shampoo, it's -- aw, let GO-- it's not what it LOOKS like!"

"I thought this only happened to Ranma," Akane said to Cologne.

"It is something of a change, isn't it?" the matriarch replied.

"Who you call horny girl, Amazon?" Hilda glared at her rival.

"Shampoo call Horny Girl Horny Girl. And no talk about helmet."

"I don't suppose someone can explain what's actually going on here?" asked Ukyo.

"Well, the girl in the chainmail bikini is a Chinese Viking who's in love with Mousse although it doesn't seem that he returns the favor, Ryoga got turned into a girl by a bucket of magic mud, which is annoying Mousse because HE wanted to turn into a girl instead of Ryoga, so he could go to Berlin. Or something like that," Akane explained.

Akane's explanation made little or no sense to Ukyo, but that was okay. Making little or no sense was par for the course in Nerima, especially at this house. It was, actually, something of a relief.

"UMBRELLA! WHERE'S MY UMBRELLA!"

Akane stared at the blue-haired girl who stormed in, screaming, followed closely by Ranma.

"Ranma, who is that?"

"Ryoga. Who else would be screaming for an umbrella?"

"But... why's he still a..."

"Grabbed the wrong soap in the furo. Stuck for a week or so. And she's angry at--"

Ryoga found her umbrella, and hefted it. It seemed slightly heavier than usual-- not that that mattered much to what was effectively the strongest girl in Japan at the moment.

"MOUSSE-- PREPARE TO DIE!"

Mousse, confused, managed to pull away from Hilda just in time to keep his head from being split.

"What-- who-- who are you?"

"Who do you THINK? It's Ryoga Hibiki, and I'm gonna kick your duck ass all the way back to China!"

Hilda stared as the strange blue-haired girl attacked her Angel.

Now, before anyone asks, Hilda had been totally focused on Mousse, and so hadn't noticed the bucket of magic mud or the alterations it had performed on a certain Lost Boy, making him into a Lost Girl. Also, the clothing was completely unlike what Ryoga had been wearing. So, Hilda had no idea what Ryoga was talking about.

But she DID know Amazon traditions passably well, and so came to an understandable conclusion.

"Umbrella Girl NOT steal Angel from Hilda!"

The newborn battle stopped as both Ryoga and Mousse stared at the now standing Viking.

"WHAT?" they squawked in unison.

"Umbrella Girl try beat Mousse, make him marry her! Hilda not let Umbrella Girl do that!"

Jaws fell all around.

"Me? Marry HIM? I'd rather marry... marry... RANMA than HIM!"

"Gosh, Ryo-chan, I didn't know you cared," quipped Ranma.

"Shaddap, you," growled the new girl on the block, with unwanted cuteness

"You no fool Hilda! You want Mousse! Every girl want Mousse except stupid Amazon girl!"

"Horny Girl pushing it," Shampoo growled.

Ukyo just stared.

It was obvious to the disinterested observer-- or would have been had there been a disinterested observer available-- that Ryoga still wanted to kick duck ass, and that at any moment, Shampoo and Hilda would be at each other's throats. Only a person of unparalelled diplomatic ability could possibly defuse the situation.

Of course, those are not something common to Nerima.

####

Hiroshi and Daisuke had interested Fred in the probable upcoming insanity Fred decided that since he was fairly new to the Art, the fight that the duo predicted could be educational.

So Fred rapidly prepared a large quantity of his burgers as a visiting gift, and shut down early. Besides, he was due for some entertainment.

As the duo plus one made their way to the Tendo Dojo, Fred's heart lifted a bit higher at the sight of his girlfriend, Eiko.

"Ohayo, Eiko-chan!"

Eiko's eyes widened a bit. "Fred-chan! Aren't you usually cooking right now?"

"My friends here suggest that there's going to be a big fight soon, and I thought I'd take a look at it."

"Oh? How big?"

"Ranma."

"Ooooh! That's always a treat! I'll come too, if I may? I can make tea for everyone, and I hear that Kasumi Tendo has a fantastic kitchen!"

Fred grinned. "I hadn't thought of that, Eiko-chan, that's a plus too!"

Hiroshi paused for a moment, and then asked Fred, "Are you a martial artist?"

"Well, sort of..."

"Figures." (Cute girl out of nowhere, targets onto Fred Yamada in a heartbeat-- why do the martial artists get all the girls?)

####

So far, the fight hadn't began again. Mousse was still staring at Ryoga in confusion, who was redefining glare every second. Shampoo and Hilda were also glaring at each other with expressions of intense hostility. Ukyo was fingering her battle spatula just in case the expected explosion of violence spilled over to Ranchan. Akane was considering grabbing a handy statue or somthing, just in case. Ranma was looking from girl to girl-- there were a lot of girls here, including the temporary ones-- and beginning to sweat. And Cologne was trying her damnedest not to explode in hysterical guffawing.

Nodoka peered out of the door for a moment, saw the quite improbable Hilda, and blinked.

"Ranma-chan, who is... that?"

"Chinese Viking, Mom."

"And that girl there with Ryoga's umbrella?"

"That's Ryoga, Mom. She had a little accident with some Instant Nyannichuan and the waterproof soap. I lent her some clothes, is that okay?"

"Ah... certainly. Is there going to be a fight?"

"Probably."

"Then you may want to change clothes, since that dress is too nice to get wrecked in a battle." Nodoka felt on somewhat more stable grounds here. Female Ryogas and Chinese Vikings in chainmail bikinis may have been difficult for her to comprehend, but fights she knew about.

"Good idea. Hey, guys, don't start killing each other before I get back, 'kay?"

Ryoga just growled. Cutely.

As Ranma went to her room to change into something more durable, tensions-- predictably-- increased. Ryoga glared at Mousse as though glaring was about to be declared illegal and she wanted to get as much in as she could, Mousse stared at Ryoga in what could only be described as, well, fear-- he'd NEVER seen a girl THIS angry before-- and Shampoo and Hilda were, well, not being particularly nice.

Not nice at all.

"Horny Girl."

"Stupid Amazon."

"Horny Girl."

"Stupid Amazon BITCH."

"Horny SLUTTY Girl."

Mousse gazed at the two, and sighed.

"Um... not that I care, because I still intend to kill you, duck-boy, but should we wait for them to fight first?" Ryoga asked.

"They won't. They're not allowed. Ancient Amazon/Viking peace treaty. They WILL insult each other for hours, though, that's legal, as long as they don't do it in Chinese," Mousse explained.

Ranma emerged in a pair of cut-offs and a t-shirt. "Okay, I guess the fight can begin..."

"Stupid UGLY Amazon bitch!"

"Horny slutty GOOFY girl!"

"Or not," Ranma added, fascinated. She'd felt CERTAIN that a battle was about to happen.

"We can't fight yet, Ryoga. Amazon and Viking law requires that the battle of insults be finished first... it would be an incredible insult to interrupt it," continued Mousse's explanation.

Ryoga fumed for a moment, but then relaxed. "'Kay. I'll kick duck ass later. They... aren't too good at it, are they?"

"No... both Shampoo and Hilda were always better at being physical..."

"Stupid ugly SILLY Amazon bitch!"

"Horny slutty goofy FAT girl!"

Ranma looked to Cologne. "I don't suppose you can just let them hit each other and get it over with?"

Cologne didn't reply, since she needed all her breath for giggling.

"Didn't think so."

"So, I have to wait for them to stop being bitchy before I can kill you?" Ryoga asked, uncertainly.

"No, you have to wait for them to stop being bitchy before you can TRY-- Lost Girl." Mousse wasn't happy about Ryoga's casual acceptance of victory beforehand.

"We not bitchy!"

"Is complicated traditional word-war!"

With that, the two went back to stringing insults together.

"Okay. I'm STILL gonna kill you, though," Ryoga noted.

"Will you stop saying that? It's not very polite," Mousse complained.

"It's not meant to be! It's meant to be a warning that I'm going to kill you!"

Ranma just shook her head. How could things get any--

"Hey, Ranma! We heard there was going to be a fight, and I wanted to watch! Do you mind?"

"Oi, Fred! Naw, not at all, but I'm not certain there's going to be a proper fight-- things are a little weird right now..."

Fred entered with Eiko, Hiroshi and Daisuke in tow. And stared at the two girls stringing bad insults together.

"Amazon Ritual?" Fred asked.

Cologne managed for a second to stop giggling. "Ah, Yamada-san. How are things with you?"

"Quite well, Cologne-san. Have you met my girlfriend?"

"No, I can't say that I have..."

"She looks familiar, Ranma," noted Ryoga.

"Yeah... Can't quite remember from where though..."

They both paused to try to remember where they had seen the new arrival, and then blinked.

"Our date!" they chorused.

"Hey, Ranma, can you introduce us to your new friend?" Daisuke asked, looking at a certain blue-haired girl with undisguised interest.

"Sure. This is Ryoga Hibiki, she's really a boy, she had an accident with some Instant Nyannichuan and some waterproof soap, and no, she's NOT going out with you."

"Ranma! You don't decide who I go out with!"

"What-- you WANNA go out with him?"

"Of COURSE not-- but it's MY decision!"

Meanwhile Daisuke was trying out one of Ranma's more advanced techniques-- that being, beating his head against a handy wall. Why was it that every cute girl he met was either going out with a male martial artist, chasing a male martial artist, or actually WAS a male martial artist? It wasn't FAIR!

Hiroshi just scratched his head. More Ranma. That's the only thing he could think, More Ranma.

"Stupid ugly silly nasty no-talent Amazon bitch!"

"Horny slutty goofy fat mean geeky girl!"

"Who you call geeky?"

"Shampoo call horny slutty goofy fat mean geeky girl geeky!"

"Hey, Mom, get Pops for me, would you?"

"Why, Ranma?"

"I want to know if there's an Anything Goes Martial Arts Insulting technique. I'm beginning to think it could be useful."

"He won't come out of our room, Ranma. He just keeps mumbling about the training and you dating Ryoga. Ryoga's such a nice boy, too."

"Girl, Mom. Nice girl."

"Shaddap, Ranma. I'm not a nice girl."

"Are you going to borrow Ranma's leathers when you try to kill me then?" asked Mousse.

Ryoga thought about how she would look in Ranma's now infamous leather shorts and halter combo and almost DID get a nosebleed. "Um... Well, I'm nicer than THAT. I'm no tramp." (What am I SAYING?)

Ranma blinked, and began to fume. "Are you saying I'm a tramp when I wear my leathers?"

"Well if the shoe-- or shiny black calf-hugging boot-- fits..."

Ranma, who had not been really in the mood to fight Ryoga, was beginning to change her mind.

"Look, you--"

Akane scowled. "Ranma, don't pick on poor Ryoga. She's confused enough as it is."

"Hey, she's the one calling ME a tramp, here!"

"Stupid ugly silly nasty no-talent flat-chested Amazon bitch!"

"Horny slutty goofy fat mean geeky trampy girl!"

"No fair! Steal trampy from umbrella girl! Amazon cheat!"

"HAH! Shampoo not cheat, umbrella girl not girl!"

Hilda blinked at that. "Amazon say that not girl, Amazon REALLY confused"

Ryoga decided to side with Shampoo on this. "She's right. I'm not a girl."

"Yes, you are," corrected Ranma. "If you weren't, those panties would pinch something awful and you wouldn't fill out that top like you do--"

"Well, I'm not USUALLY a girl!"

Hilda stared. "Is matter of choice in Japan?"

Explanations followed.

####

From his place of concealment (Behind a trash can-- a skilled ninja can hide almost anywhere) Konatsu stared in mild confusion. He was vaguely aware of the oddness of Nerima from Ukyo-sama's stories, but since he rarely left the okonomiyaki-ya except for light shopping, he hadn't much direct contact with it. Technically, he wasn't in contact with it right now, but...

"And what transpires here, miss?"

Konatsu turned, startled, to see Tatewaki Kuno standing in the one location where he could be easily spotted. Said Kuno was staring at the altercation in fascination and some (understandable) confusion.

"Um. Well. Ukyo-sama and I came out to see her Ranchan, and Hibiki-san was turned into a girl, and the Amazon and the Viking are calling each other names, and the fellow over there makes hamburgers, and have we met?"

Tatewaki Kuno simply stared. All he could tell for certain is that there was a rather larger than normal amount of attractive women in the Tendo yard, and that in general they all seemed to be arguing. Large amounts of arguing girls tended to degrade into violence.

He could go in and try to defuse the situation. Surely they would listen to his wisdom and desist this unseemly altercation. Yes, he would--

But wait. In truth, that had never worked before. Instead, the result would be that somehow they would visit their wrath on the one who had ensorcelled them all, Saotome.

Who wasn't here.

Kuno Logic can be a beautiful thing to see. This time it was positively magnificent.

(When girls argue, Saotome gets beat up.

(The girls are (mistakenly) in love with Saotome.

(The girls should be in love with Me.

(Saotome isn't here, so they WILL be in love with Me.

(The girls are arguing.

(Therefore, I will get beat up.)

From a mix of one accurate and a group of flawed propositions, Tatewaki Kuno had managed to come to a completely accurate conclusion.

"I see. Perhaps I shall simply go to the library instead to reread the life of Miyamoto Musashi, then. Good day."

And Tatewaki Kuno for once remained unbloodied and unbruised.

See? Complete and Total Idiot does not always equal stupid.

Just usually.

####

Hilda did not understand the explanations much. Jyusenkyo wasn't a major part of the Viking life, since they did not live in the close proximity to it that the Amazons et al did. Everyone talking at once, mostly in Japanese, didn't help either. Neither did Ryoga's switching between idle darts at Ranma's being a tramp (to which Ranma retorted with the epithet "Sow") and reminding Mousse that she was still going to kill him, Ukyo's attempts to try to get a proper clarification of what exactly was going on (she was still somewhat confused), Shampoo's insistence in Chinese that it was soooo obvious, only a Viking wouldn't get it, and Cologne's finally collapsing in hysterics.

"Let Hilda get this straight. Umbrella girl is really umbrella boy, but took a bath and decided to dress like girl?"

"She IS a girl. She just normally isn't one." Ranma was beginning to wonder about Hilda. Well, wonder more.

"Ah. And is because Angel wanted to be a girl for a while?"

Mousse looked uncomfortable. "That's not exactly what she means..."

Hilda's eyes sparkled. "Angel SOO nice to Hilda!"

Akane blinked. Most there imitated her. "Um... how so?"

Hilda grinned. "Hilda like both types! Angel so nice to Hilda to indulge!"

Mousse began to back off very rapidly indeed, while Ranma boggled and Ryoga at that mental image FINALLY developed a thin but definite nosebleed.

"NO! IT'S NOT LIKE THAT! I WAS TRYING TO GET TO BERLIN!"

Shampoo sniffed. "Mousse want be pervert girl, Shampoo no care."

The rest facefaulted.

####

Over the next few days things went more or less back to normal. For that particular area of Nerima anyhow.

Mousse had a close scrape when Hilda decided that the duck she saw would make a perfect dish to try to win Mousse's affections. Although she thought it was terribly unfair that the duck would fight back.

Shampoo was acting oddly jealous. Not that she WANTED Stupid blind duck boy, but as she had said, it was HER stupid blind duck boy that she didn't want.

Tatewaki Kuno remained for a few days oddly careful, and thus oddly unbashed.

Ukyo never DID quite figure out what was going on.

Neither did Konatsu, but that was all right with him. Just another thing he and Ukyo had in common, he thought.

Fred and Eiko dropped by again, and made friends with Kasumi. Cooks are like that.

Akane finally shrugged it off as just another thing that happened around Ranma, and it wasn't actually his fault, she could admit it now, it was actually becoming easy.

Kasumi just coasted along. The best tactic, really.

Cologne finally managed to deliver her gift to Ranma-- an exquisitely crafted suit of Amazon armor, in her preferred red and black colors, with an engraved rearing stallion on the left breast, and matching bonbori.

Kodachi came down from her rose-induced adventure, and was mellow about as long as Kuno was.

No-one noticed Gosunkugi. So what else is new?

And Ryoga...

####

"Look, you are going to stick around for a while. At least until you change back. That's not a cheap skirt, you know."

Ryoga grimaced. "Why can't I have my own clothes back?"

"Because they are SOO filthy that Kasumi says it will take a week to wash them right!"

"Hey, I live a hard life, and people keep moving all the laundromats!"

Ranma sighed. "That's not it. Kasumi has accepted your clothes as a challenge. And I'm not going to interfere with her challenge. Your clothes will be the better for it, anyway. When SHE washes clothes, dirt runs away. And they won't fit you at ALL anyway, cutie-pie."

"Who are you calling cutie-pie?"

"Oh, chill. Anyhow, you can stay in my room until they are clean enough for her and you change back. Good night."

Ryoga sighed. There wasn't much she could DO. "Oh, all right. Good night. One question, though..."

"What?"

"Why do YOU get the pajamas?"

"Because they're mine," Ranma replied, smirking. "Besides, you look good in that."

"I hate you, you know," Ryoga retorted, trying to get used to the sheer nightie.

Next on Girl Days--

We get to see Ryoga's short sojourn on the other side, we get to see her in a bikini for actually logical and sensible reasons, and we get to see Kasumi get a LITTLE rattled.

We also get a lot of gratuitous fanservice.

And we get to REALLY confuse the HELL out of a certain yak-boy...

Part Eighteen coming soon!