Cut Wood, Carry Water A Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction by Bob Barnes Last Modified 3/1/99. - = O = - - = O = - A seeker of enlightenment arrived at a Zen retreat and was assigned a resident to be his guide, as is the usual practice. The seeker asked the resident how long he had been living there. "I have lived in this place for ten years," the resident replied. The seeker then asked the resident what he did there at the retreat. The resident answered, "My task is to cut fire wood and carry water from the well." The seeker asked the resident if he had achieved enlightenment. "Oh yes," the resident replied. "I achieved enlightenment five years ago." Excited to be speaking to one who had actually found enlightenment the seeker asked the resident what he had done since achieving enlightenment. The resident smiled broadly and replied, "I cut wood, carry water." - = O = - - = O = - Author's Foreword: At some point one or more of you, the kindly readers, are certain to ask something on the order of: "Why the (*^(*&^ are Ranma and Akane acting so oddly?" The reason is all is not what it seems to be. There are unknown forces at work in the universe bending the flow of time and space in ways mere mortals are not meant to fathom. Well, no. It's actually a lot simpler than that. What has gone before: everything... just as you saw it in the Ranma 1/2 Manga and Anime. This isn't an alternate universe. I should say that I'm much more familiar with the Anime version of Ranma 1/2 and so I am mostly using that continuity with some assistance from the Manga. This version of Ranma-onna has red hair, for example. Why the difference in the main characters? The answer can be found in my story: "The Masks We Must Wear." If any of you kindly readers would like to read it, you can find it at David Eddy's web site (Thanks Dave!) at: http://nabiki.newberry.edu/DEddy/fanfic/bob_barnes/index.html It's also in the r.a.a.c archive and you can get it through ftp. The file name is: ranma.the-masks-we-must-wear.gz Or you can request it directly from me at rbarnes@moscow.com This story, is my (possibly feeble) attempt to resolve the Gordian knot of a tale I've crafted, and also have a little fun at the same time. I keep asking myself: what _are_ the really big secrets that seem to underlie the whole Ranma saga? Is it possible that, just like an iceberg, seven-eighths of the _real_ story is lurking under the surface? Am I a conspiracy buff? You bet I am! - = O = - - = O = - PROLOGUE: Conversation In a Forest Clearing Akane Tendo knelt beside a small campfire, gazing contemplatively into the flames. She was rather dirty; soot streaked around the arms and hands, and the the sleeves of her practice gi were scorched around the ends. "This plan of yours may be insane enough to work, but I hate it now, and I think I'm always going to hate it." Ranma Saotome pulled his eyes down from their comtemplation of the clouds overhead and stepped away from the tree he had been leaning against. "But you can see that something like this has to happen, don't you? Bombs! They actually threw bombs at that ridiculous fiasco of a wedding! You could have been killed! Kasumi or Nabiki or my _Mother_ could have been killed! I still can't believe those maniacs would endanger innocent bystanders like that." "I can see the necessity. I'll agree with it and do whatever I can to help make it work. I just want you to know. I hate it." "I'm not very happy about it either. I just can't think of anything else to do." He knelt down beside her and took her hand in his. "There has to be a way to resolve all this the way we want. It's like Sun Tzu says, 'If the way to triumph can not be seen, then create conditions which allow the way to become clear.' The essence of my plan is to change our conditions." Still gazing into the fire, Akane softly said, "I understand that part. It's just that I'm going to miss you. A lot!" "I'm going to miss you, too, Akane-san. This training trip has been the longest time we've ever been able to spend alone together, and I keep expecting some or all of the others to show up. Anyway, it's been wonderful, but it also reminds me just how nice it is to be with you, and how much I'll miss you while I'm away." She looked up at him, smiled, and squeezed his hand. "Besides, Ranma-kun, who will train with me while you are away?" "Please feel free to beat up my father, any time you like," he said with a crooked grin. "Jeez, Ranma-kun, you know we can't let him know how much I've improved. What was that funny expression you used? Oh yes, I'm our 'ace in the hole.' Sounds like something the Gambler King would say." "If it's games we're talking about, I prefer to think of you as a queen disguised as a pawn. If you can do this last technique, you really will be ready to surprise just about anyone who might come along. You've worked so hard on this. I know you can do it." Akane sighed. "I'm not going to give up, if that's what you mean. I'm close... I can feel it when I try." Akane flushed a bit, and started breathing a little faster. Trying and failing tended to make her angry. Ranma tried to distract her from her anger by bringing up the plan, again. "Anyway, we need to do something. I'm sure of that. We need to get this started, soon. I'm going to see Nabiki as soon as we get back." Akane stiffened a bit at the mention of her sister. What they were going to do involved risks. They could suffer major setbacks if it went badly. By involving Nabiki, though, they might be risking everything on her trustworthiness. It irritated her that they didn't really have a choice. They needed Nabiki's help. Lost in thought, Ranma forged on, "There are so many things we don't know. For years my father has manipulated me by hiding things from me. He actually had me believing my mother might kill me. He fooled me! Not the Baka, but _me_, and he was able to do it because I was too ignorant to know better. Are there more fiancees out there? Almost certainly the answer is 'yes'." "Why does that particularly bother you, Ranma-kun?" asked Akane. "I've been thinking about worst cases. You know how Happousai can make both our fathers fold up in a second. I'm certain we don't know the whole story about that. Anyway, suppose there is an unknown fiancee out there whose father has the same kind of hold over our fathers as Happousai does, whatever that hold really is. She'd show up. Her father would make demands. Our fathers would fold, and I'd be gone. Just like that." Akane jumped as if she had been slapped. "Th-that possibility never entered my mind, before this. Do you think this could really happen?" Ranma squeezed her hand reassuringly. "I don't think it's very likely, but it's not impossible. The point is: we don't know, do we? Our ignorance is both a weakness and a danger for us, Akane-san." "I can see why it's dangerous, but why do you say it's also a weakness, Ranma-kun?" "Others can use it to try to make us do things we don't want by tricking us into agreements that are against our best interests. Suppose we were to give in to our parents and get married, now. What are the chances there are plans for us we don't know about? Consider what Happousai did to Pantyhose Tarou and Miss Hinako and ask yourself if he might have plans for our children when we have them. Further, ask yourself if our fathers would oppose him if he did have plans like that. Would we be strong enough to stop it, if we got into the habit of giving in to their coercion?" This was the sort of possibility that Akane had had nightmares about, but she had never realized Ranma might be troubled by them, too. He sounded tired to her. Was the unrelenting pressure starting to get to him? "Somehow, we've always managed to get through whatever challenges have come to us by trusting each other, Ranma-kun," she said, trying to reassure him. He awkwardly wrapped his arms around her shoulders from his position kneeling beside her and pressed his face into her hair. "That's true," his whispered into her ear. "What scares me is the trend. Things just keep getting harder and more intense. We will only ever lose once, because after that there won't be an 'us' anymore. Not like now. One or both of us could die. Some damned magic spell or potion could make one of us do something we'd be ashamed of or change us into another person, inside. Or what if some damned, stupid, stubborn attacker forces one of us to kill to survive? We'd never be the same, after that." Ranma fell silent with a sigh. Hearing this litany of dooms, Akane began to worry and, as always when troubled, began to get more angry. Especially angry about something that was hurting Ranma this much. Nothing was ever going to harm him, if she had anything to say about it. She growled quietly deep in her throat as a new conviction and feeling of commitment settled over her. As crazy as it might seem on the surface, this plan _was_ the best way to resolve things, and they _needed_ to resolve them. Ranma saw only the troubling possibilities in his mind and didn't notice Akane's increasing agitation. "Then there are the hostile strangers. You know, as time goes on the challenges get harder and harder. Saffron was the worst yet, and who knows what's going to come up, next? That was so close I still have bad dreams. I was almost stuck permanently as a girl and _you_ damned near died. Will we even live through the next crazy challenge, whoever or whatever it's going to be?" Akane's eyes narrowed and her teeth clenched at the mention of Saffron. She felt as if a small ball of fire had ignited in her belly when she heard the unspoken doubt in Ranma's voice. Always confident Ranma had doubts? Her man needed reassurance! She pushed him away and looked over her shoulder into his eyes. She blazed with a shocking intensity. "Yes! Yes, we will!" she snarled. Ranma stepped back, surprised by her fierceness. "We. Will. Never! Fail. As long as we have each other. I'm ready! I'm going to try again!" Akane turned back to the fire and drew a very long breath. Staring wide eyed into the coals at the base of the flames she slowly raised her hands above her head. She paused a moment and then explosively barked out three words: "Katchu! Tenshin! Amaguriken!" While the sound of the words still echoed among the trees her hands began to flash down into the flames of the campfire and back up above her head then back into the flames moving far too rapidly to see clearly. This went on for perhaps three seconds. She suddenly stopped with her arms extended above her head, again. A broad grin grew on Ranma's lips as Akane's head fell back so she could see the dozen hot chestnuts clenched in her fists. "Ha!" she shouted triumphantly as she tossed the chestnuts back into the fire and leaped to her feet. "Ha!" she shouted again as she thrust her clenched fists toward the sky. Savoring the moment, her thoughts ran like fire through her mind, 'Too slow. Strong, but too slow, they said. Well, I'm not slow, anymore. Not anymore!' "HA!" "Perfect, Akane-san! You did it perfectly." She spun and pounced on him, knocking him down onto his back. Kneeling over his chest she bent down until her eyes were only a few inches from his. Her soft, slightly hoarse voice sounded, he noted nervously, like the rumbling purr of a contented jungle cat. "We will _never_ fail as long as we believe in each other, Ranma-kun. Believe it! I do." Ranma stared at her flushed, sweaty, soot stained face and into her wide open, glistening eyes. "I swear, Akane Tendo, you are the most beautiful woman on Earth." With a smug grin and a throaty chuckle she leaned even closer to him. "Naturally," she purred as she pressed her lips to his. * * * Several miles away, in another part of the same forest, a powerfully built young man carrying a very large backpack with an umbrella strapped to the top struggled to plow through a dense thicket of thorn bushes. "How could he let this happen? I can't believe Mister Tendo let Ranma and Akane go on a training trip by themselves! Ranma must have tricked him, somehow. 'It will give them a chance to get over the wedding disaster' is nonsense! Akane should be celebrating! She was saved from Saotome! Ranma is alone in the woods with Akane! Forgive me, Akari-chan, but I have to save Akane from him!" Grunting in pain he plucked some more thorns out. "Ranma Saotome, what are you doing to Akane! If you touch her, I'll kill you, you bastard!" He stopped and looked around in bafflement. "Where in the world am I, now? This is all your fault, Ranma! You're going to pay for this!" His shouts echoed through the trees, but didn't reach the pair by the fire. Truth to tell, they probably wouldn't have heard him even if he stood at the edge of their clearing. "I'm going to punish you, Ranma Saotome! Err... just as soon as I find you, anyway." Grunting in pain the distraught young man charged back into the thorn bushes in a new direction. "I'm going to punish you, Ranma, and then Akane will be free!" - = O = - - = O = - Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 characters and situations are the property of Rumiko Takahashi and licensees. They are used in this story without permission. Acknowledgements: I'd like to thank Susan Doenime, Dave Eddy, and Chris Jones for extensive help in pre-reading this and for giving so many suggestions that invariably helped to make it better. If this story is better than simply ok, a lot of the credit goes to them. Thanks folks. I'd especially like to thank Bill Seney for helping me avoid an obvious boner in canon continuity in the prologue and Mark Doherty for sharing his thoughts about Ryouga with me. As is usual for me, much that is correct and accurate in this story came from helpful suggestions from others. Mistakes and inaccuracies are all mine. Any and all responses, comments, suggestions and/or observations (including flames) are very much appreciated. I'll try to respond to them all and will at least consider incorporating any suggestions for changes I receive. Despite all the effort, I know there are still errors in spelling/syntax/usage lurking in here as well as possible continuity conflicts. I've tried, hard, not to violate canon, but you should know that I have my own ideas as to what canon actually is.... About usages: I write in English and have only a passing knowledge of Japanese. I will occationally insert a Japanese honorific or term in order to give a cue that these are Japanese people and this story could be thought of as a translation, but it's mostly going to be in English. Since the medium is ascii text, I've had to cheat a little on typography. Underlines denote both _bold_ and _italic_ text. An exception is that single quotes denote interior thoughts when these are verbal... (should actually be italics). Asterisks denote sound effects like *bang* and also languages one or more of the characters in the scene don't understand such as when Shampoo uses Chinese in front of Akane. *You really are a stupid and ugly girl, you know,* said Shampoo. "What did you say?" asked Akane. "Shampoo say she really admire Akane," said Shampoo with a smile. Looking up from her careful study of a Japanese/Chinese dictionary, Nabiki also smiled and thought to herself, 'I can see we'll have to keep an eye on Shampoo.' - = O = - - = O = - PART 1: What Was The Face You Wore Before You Were Born? The Tao of Paradox Heed me by Calculating the advantages and reinforce them by Directing them outwardly. Those who Direct, follow the advantages and adjust their formula. Those who Strategize, use the Tao of Paradox. Thus, when able, they appear unable. When employed, they appear idle. When close, they appear distant. When distant, they appear close. They lure through advantages, and take control through confusion. When complete, they appear to prepare. When forceful, they appear evasive. When angry, they appear to submit. When proud, they appear to be humble. When comfortable, they appear to toil. When attached, they appear separated. They attack when the opponent is unprepared And appear where least expected. This is the Strategist's way of triumph. It must not be discussed beforehand. -- Sun Tzu: The Art of Strategy Translation by R. L. Wing - = O = - - = O = - Ranma and Akane sat very close to each other during their train ride back to Tokyo and Nerima. They looked just like a pair of teenagers returning from a camping trip, which they were, in a way. They talked and joked together in whispers and showed an easiness in each other's company that would have been surprising, even shocking, to anyone who knew them. They felt safe in their anonymity, and wanted to enjoy the conclusion of this delightful time of solitude. Ranma noticed as the train passed the stop just before Nerima. Regretfully, he pointed this out to Akane. Akane sighed. "I guess we better get back into the act. I'm getting so tired of this, Ranma-kun. I miss you sometimes when you are right there in the room with me. Do you know what I mean?" He thoughtfully stroked her face with his finger tips. She half-closed her eyes and shivered in response. "Do you mean the times when a touch like this would feel good, and we can't do it?" "Oh yes," she sighed. They were in public and couldn't kiss, but she wanted to. She really wanted to. She had to settle for taking his hand in hers and squeezing it. "I'm starting to _need_ this to end... this play we're in." "We are going to end it, Akane-san. We start tomorrow. Do you remember that Winston Churchill quote from English class? It seems appropriate right now." "Which one, Ranma-kun? There were a lot of them." With an ease that would totally shock most people who thought they knew him, Ranma recited in accented but correct English: "This is not the end, nor is it even the beginning of the end, but it may, perhaps, be the end of the beginning." "Oh yes, Ranma-kun. I hope so. I truly hope so." Akane glanced furtively around at the other passengers. "Let's do it now, Ranma-kun. We may not have a chance if we wait." She held out her hand expectantly. Her little finger was extended. Ranma looked deep into her eyes and hooked her little finger with his. They both paused and savored the familiar bittersweet feeling of this shared moment. Then they said the words, together: "Whatever happens we will be better parents than ours were. No matter what, friends for life. I promise." * * * Standing in the hallway outside Nabiki's room, Ranma was trying to stifle a wry grin as he remembered the emotional impact of the familiar words they had shared in the train as it arrived in Nerima. They had said them, together, countless times before, but they still tugged at his heart. He reluctantly put those sweet thoughts away, and with practiced ease shifted mental gears. He located his "there" and put on the "face" in preparation for yet another improvisational performance. 'This had better be good, Baka. Nabiki is no dummy, and the only way to pull this off is to want it.' He recalled his favorite mental image of a ski lift and figuratively allowed it to pick him up and effortlessly pull him into the flow of his role. *knock* "Nabiki, can I, uh... talk to you?" Nabiki closed the ledger and slid it into her desk along with the rest of the papers she was working on. "Come in, Ranma." Ranma knew it would take days for the Baka to work up the courage to do this, and it still wouldn't be easy to say what he needed to say. Standing straight, staring at the floor with his hands clenched into fists at his sides, Ranma tried to get the difficult words out. "Nabiki, you know, since we got back from China... well what with the wedding and all... ya' know, since then things haven't... umm... that is... well things ain't... I don't want you to think... ahh... I need... I... and then maybe... err... I..." Ranma's hand drifted up to the back of his head as he spoke and he blushed and tried to laugh as his prepared but forgotten speech stumbled to a halt. "This is a fascinating performance, Ranma, but you're going to have to give me more clues so I can figure out what the hell you're trying to say. You _do_ have something to say, don't you?" "Damn it, Nabiki! This is really hard for me," Ranma shot back. "Besides, I don't want anyone else to hear this." After over a year in the Tendo household, Ranma knew there was no privacy to be had, here. "Can we go somewhere..." "Are you offering to _treat_ moi?" asked Nabiki in surprise, pointing to her face. Behind her poker face, Nabiki's thoughts were racing. 'Is he finally going to do something about this mess? Gods, I hope that's what this is all about. I'm really starting to worry about Akane. She's so stressed out I'm beginning to think she might just explode or something. Even that training trip didn't seem to calm her down.' "I guess so." Ranma winced as he, again, mentally counted the yen in his pockets. 'I hope I've got enough money. Damn, I knew this was going to cost me.' "Let's go, then. I know just the place." Nabiki walked to the door and pointedly waited for Ranma to open it for her. Ranma stared at her in confusion for a few moments before he got the message and held the door for her. He followed her as she led him out of the house and down the street. Luckily, there was no one in the living room to ask any questions. * * * Nabiki seemed relaxed and confident as she stirred her coffee and looked expectantly across the coffee shop table toward Ranma. "So, Ranma, what do you want to say to me? What could you have to say to me after this latest disaster at the wedding? I was almost hurt, you know." "I'm real sorry about that, Nabiki, but that's why I need to talk to you. Ya know, things haven't really changed at all. Akane ain't talking to me, and all the other fiancees are still after me. All the rivals still want to kill me, too. Our parents still want me and Akane married right away, no matter what. Only thing that's changed there is Mom and Dad don't seem to talk much neither since she got that little apartment and moved out. Right now, I don't know what Akane wants or how she really feels about things. I don't even know what _I_ want. Except... I want things to change for the better. I ain't got no idea what 'better' would be, though. I'm completely confused." "So, you want my advice? That's expensive, Ranma." "No... I already got plenty of people telling me what to do," he sighed and stared at his hands on the table. "It wouldn't do me any good, nohow. How could you tell me how to get what I want when I ain't got no idea what that really is?" After a year of being pounded on, Ranma felt safe revealing this much insight. "I think I gotta figure it out for myself, Nabiki." He had to convince her that he was sincere. Easy to do, in theory, because it was all the _truth_, in a way. Nabiki could be so suspicious, though. Ranma leaned forward and lowered his voice a bit. "Look, Nabiki, just today Akane hammered me twice, I had three challenge fights, and got chased all over Nerima by Happosai and a mob of mad women. Shampoo was maybe trying to drug me or something when she showed up with some food for me, then Ukyo showed up with some food, too, and started a big fight over me. All I wanted to do was get away. ...and it's not even dark, yet. Kodachi will probably show up tonight and try something, and I'll probably end up running all over again to try to get away. Akane will probably hammer me a couple more times, too." Ranma leaned back in the booth, looked to the side while playing with his pigtail, and chuckled a bit. "I ain't trying to get you to feel sorry for me or nothing. I can handle all that, but I can't get any time to _think_ about things... and I need to." This was the hard part. Would Nabiki help? For free? Leaning forward again, Ranma took a deep breath and, finally, got to the point. "I need to go on a training trip by myself. I need to get all this straight in my mind. I... I... c-care about Akane, Nabiki. She can't be happy with all this, and there just don't seem to be no way out of the whole, huge mess. Mostly because of me." Ranma dropped his eyes to the table top in embarrassment. "I don't know what to do or what I want except for Akane being happy. I want that, but I don't know how to get it." Now he looked up into Nabiki's eyes. "I need you to help me do this. I need to get away for a while by myself, and I don't know how to do that, either. If I let anybody know I'm going, my old man will want to come, too. Your Dad will want to send Akane along. All the other fiancees and rivals will end up sneaking after us, and it'll be like I'm at the head of a big parade. All the fights and distractions and stuff will just keep after me where ever I go. I need you to give this letter to Akane after I'm gone and tell her what I'm trying to do. I also need you to come up with a way to cover for me, and also maybe send everybody off in the wrong direction so I can get clear. I was just going to take off in the middle of the night, but everybody would go crazy if I did that. They'd all think I was running away." "Isn't that what you're talking about, Ranma? Running away?" Nabiki asked, disapprovingly. "No! err... no." Ranma tried to calm down as heads turned toward their table at the noise. "It's like the Saotome Secret Technique, Nabiki. I need to get clear, figure out a new strategy, and come back. I _will_ be back!" "How long are you talking about, Ranma?" "I don't know, exactly. More than a week, less than six months. However long it takes, I guess. I don't want to miss too much school, but the holidays are coming up..." "Why should I help you, Ranma?" Ranma jumped in surprise. "I just _knew_ you were going to ask me that. I figured I had to be able to answer that question before I could even talk to you about the rest of the idea. " He started twiddling his fingers together and stared at them as if this were the most fascinating thing he had ever seen. "I been thinking about this for a long time, now. Look, Nabiki, you're probably the smartest one of us, so I know you can probably do this, even though I ain't got no idea how. Your family is important to you, just like mine is to me. I know that. The future of both our families is involved, here. The way things are now, there ain't no future except what we got now, only worse. Things have been getting worse, Nabiki. You know that. Akane almost died this last time in China at Phoenix Mountain. _You_ could of got hurt, at the wedding. If this goes on, somebody's going to get hurt, Nabiki. Maybe Akane, but you or Kasumi could get hurt, too. I... I'd hate that..." Ranma's voice trailed off as he sat, looking at his hands on the table. His hands drew up into fists as he thought about what he had just said. Was he getting through to Nabiki? Nabiki had to lean forward to hear Ranma's final, quiet words. She was surprised to realize she very much wanted to hear what he had to say. Ranma was just full of surprises today. Did he really care about her and her sisters this much? "Look, ummm... If our parents have their way, you and Kasumi will be my sisters. I... I ummm... don't mind that idea very much. I don't know what you want for the future, Nabiki. Maybe what you want is just for me to be gone. Maybe you want the same thing our parents want. Maybe you don't even care about any of this and just want some peace and quiet. I don't know. Thing is, any way you want it to be, this idea of mine could be the beginning of the way for you to get it... Because, I can't _believe_ you like things the way they are, and this is maybe a way I can figure out how to change them or start to change them. That's why you should help me." Nabiki settled back and thought for a moment. A wry grin lit up her face after a time and she said, "Wow, Ranma! You actually do have a brain, even if you hardly ever seem to use it. You're saying I should help you because it's in my own best interests. That's almost thinking like a business person. I'm impressed, Ranma. The question is: Can I believe you?" Ranma started to sputter, but Nabiki held up her hand to silence him. "My turn now... ok... the best books about business warn of a classic mistake that a business person can make. It can be the worst mistake. It's not trusting someone when you should. It's how you miss the biggest opportunities of all." She rested her elbow on the table and cupped her chin in her hand. Staring intently into Ranma's eyes, she thought for a few moments. "Ok. I'll do it... But!" She fixed Ranma with her hardest glare. The one that had been known to make people who couldn't pay what they owed her faint, from time to time. "You'll do this my way, no questions asked, and you'll give me two promises. Promises on your honor, Ranma." "What do you want me to promise?" Oh boy, this could be bad. "First, no excuses, Ranma. Your father is real good with excuses and I notice you are too, sometimes." Ranma winced and tried to look appologetic and innocent at the same time. "Ok, first promise: Unless you are dead, you will come back. Second, when you get back, you will work hard... HARD, Ranma... to make sure that Akane isn't unhappy once this is all worked out." "I can promise that. I do promise to do those two things... on my honor as a Saotome." "Good! Give me the letter for Akane. Do you have a destination in mind?" "Not really. When I was real little, me and my old man spent some time on Hokkaido. I thought maybe I'd go there, first." "North, hmmm... I can do it. Alright, I'm going to assume that you want to leave as soon as possible...?" At her raised eyebrow and significant look, Ranma nodded. Nabiki nodded back and said, "Pay the lady, and let's get out of here. I've got things to do. Come see me again tomorrow after school, in my room. ...and remember, Ranma, no questions. Just do what I tell you to do." Ranma nodded, just a bit stunned at this side of Nabiki which he'd never seen before. When he turned back to ask her something, after paying the bill, she was gone already. 'I hope I don't regret this,' he thought to himself. * * * As Ranma walked northward along the country road outside of Kisarazou, a small town across the Bay from Tokyo, he wondered to himself if maybe Nabiki had watched too many spy movies. Still, as bizarre as her plan had been, it seemed to be working. It felt good to be on the road, again. Maybe he'd even be bored, after a while. Boredom would be a wonderful thing. Few people in the world were able to appreciate better than Ranma how that famous Chinese curse about interesting times really _is_ a curse. Despite the weight of his pack on his shoulders, he felt light enough to fly. He began to whistle, badly. Now to get to Hokkaido... * * * To be continued... *HEY!* Huh? We're from the fiction police, and you aren't going to get away with that! Get away with what? That was a cheap trick, bucko. Trying to skip out on telling about Nabiki's plan. No way! Tell it, lad, or else you'll be spending quality time, very low quality time and a hell of a lot of it, in the Bulwer-Lytton Institute for the Fictionally Challenged. Gods, no! Not that. Please not that. Ok. Ok. Let's see, the plan... Let's see... It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly a shot rang out. No. Wait. That's not the plan. The plan was.... * * * *knock* "Nabiki? It's me. You in there?" "Come in, Ranma." As Ranma entered Nabiki's room, she leaned over and turned up her stereo. She motioned him over to her and began to whisper in his ear. "You have more than one set of those Chinese clothes, don't you? The red shirt and black pants?" Ranma nodded. This was amazing. Nabiki was crackling with energy. It was that 'other side' that he'd never seen before yesterday. If this was the 'business' Nabiki, it was easy to see why she was so successful. It was almost impossible to imagine saying "no" to this person. "I need a set of those clothes, then." With a puzzled expression, Ranma began to unbutton his shirt. "Jeeze Ranma," whispered Nabiki, slapping his hands away from the buttons. "Not now. Idiot. Give me one set later tonight and be sure to wear the same thing to school tomorrow. Also, pack your back pack tonight and leave it in the closet in the dojo before you go to bed. Don't pack any personal stuff like your toothbrush or pictures. Leave it all here. You can buy replacements once you are on your way. Leave most of your clothes, too. It'll all be here when you get back. This envelope has your instructions for tomorrow. Read them tonight. If anyone sees them, the plan is blown. I'm serious. You better be careful about that. I don't know... eat them or something after you read them, but you better be sure you remember what you are supposed to do. There's no second chances here. Got it?" "Yeah. I got it. I leave tomorrow, then?" "Yes you do, and that's your last question, Ranma. Remember, just do what I tell you." "O-ok, Nabiki. Thanks. A lot." "You're welcome, possible future brother-in-law," Nabiki chuckled. "That really got to me, you know. Still..." she said, fixing him with one of _those_ stares, "...it might be pretty handy having a brother-in-law who is a world class martial artist, and who owes me a B*I*G favor, hmm?" The usual big sweat drop formed on Ranma's head. "One last thing: take this thermos and put it in your book bag. Fill it with hot water at school tomorrow morning. When you get to the train station tomorrow you _must_ be in your male form. This is in case of emergencies." Startling herself and shocking Ranma right down to his toes, Nabiki impulsively leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Come back to us as soon as you can, Ranma. I sure hope this works out." She then grabbed his shoulders, spun his unresisting body around and pushed him back out the door. * * * Ranma stroked his cheek thoughtfully as he walked toward Nerima station. Nabiki had thought of everything, so far. Kuno's crazed attack just at the end of lunch period had given him a reason to leave school early. Naturally he had been splashed during the fight and gotten glomped, which was bad, but then he had to go get hot water, which was good. Ranma wondered if Kuno's attack was part of the plan. He was almost to the station and was congratulating himself on avoiding water all the way there when a passing truck splashed him. He ducked into an alley near the station and used half the water in the thermos to change back. 'Save some, just in case,' he thought. 'Gods, would anybody believe it could be this hard to avoid water?' He continued on his way, vowing as he went that he would try to avoid the common male problem of premature congratulation in the future. Ranma, still male if a bit damp, got to platform three and found the (unisex as is usual in older train stations in Japan) bathroom. "Let's see, third stall from the left... got it." The stall was occupied so Ranma waited outside after dumping the thermos and filling it with cold water. He noticed an eye peering out at him through the gap at the edge of the door. Then the door opened and a girl in a Furinkan High uniform; who he vaguely recognized as a classmate of Nabiki's, came out, nodded to him and walked out of the bathroom. Ranma entered the stall and looked around. First change form, then change clothes. There was an unfamiliar girl's school uniform hanging in the stall along with a cloth band like Ukyo's to flatten his breasts. The notes had said it was for a private girls' junior high in Yokohama. That was just after the part about this being serious disguise, not stupid stuff that would only fool Ryouga, so shut up and wear the damned girl's uniform. Sighing, Ranma climbed into the girl's clothes. Surprisingly it fit well. Still, he _was_ fairly small in his girl form, maybe he could pass as junior high age. The blonde wig helped, as did the glasses. Tuck the pigtail into the fuku in order to hide it. Oh man, the book bag resting on the toilet was pink and green and had pictures of bunnies(!) on it. 'Gods, I hope no one recognizes me. I'd die of embarassment!' Ranma thought. It came as a shock to realize that was the whole point (dummy!), and that this was probably Nabiki's little way of making him really get into the part. 'Ok. I'll do like the note said and skip a little. I. Will. Not. Say. Tee hee, though!' thought the cute little girl to herself. "And if anybody tries to give me candy, they die!" she muttered darkly in her high, feminine voice. Ranma-onna stuffed the clothes he had been wearing into his own book bag along with the empty thermos, and read the note that was inside the new book bag along with a soft side attache case that just fit. Depart bathroom, leaving his old book bag on the shelf above the sinks. Walk down the platform (Remember to skip a bit. You are a happy little school girl, after all.) and when you find the crowd of girls wearing the same uniform you are, join them. Board the train to Yokohama with them, but get off at Sakarakacho station for the next change of disguise. Catch the express train to Yokosuka. 'How the hell did Nabiki know this school was going to have a class field trip to Nerima today? No... don't ask questions. Just do what she says.' Ranma-onna stifled his questions and tried to concentrate on playing the role and on blending in with the rest of the girls without being questioned by them as the train pulled away from the station. The watching eyes of the patient, if slightly inept, ninja barely noticed the little blonde girl who exited the bathroom and rejoined her classmates further down the platform. They did, however, notice the damp young man with black hair in a pig tail wearing a red shirt and black pants who left the bathroom a few minutes later carrying a school book bag over his shoulder. Because of the crowds of people on the platform and in the station, Sasuke was unable to get close enough to overhear what the young man said as he bought his ticket, or to get a good look at his face, but questioning the ticket agent (after an appropriate bribe) revealed the young man had purchased a one-way ticket to Nagasaki via Osaka. "Saotome has left Nerima! Master Kuno must hear of this!" thought the ninja as he hurried away to do his duty. * * * As she walked through the courtyard to the front door of the house, Akane's thoughts were a chaotic jumble. She paused outside the door to collect herself and to focus her thoughts. 'Just imagine this door is the curtain, and I'm about to step onto the stage... and give the performance of my life! Oh no, can I do this? I miss Ranma-kun, already!' Three slow, deep breaths. 'Calm. Cool. I do this every day. I can do this in my sleep. This is going to get pretty embarrassing, but I can do it. I will _not_ fail Ranma-kun! I _am_ the Tomboy.' Step forward and open the door. "I'm home!" said Akane, as she removed her shoes. 'Where's Ranma?' she thought, getting deeper into the old, familiar role as she walked down the hall to the living room. 'It's so typical. I waited and waited for him at school and he never came to get me to walk home together. Inconsiderate baka. He's probably off chasing Shampoo! Grrr... When I get my hands on him!...' Akane looked around the living room. Genma-panda and Soun were playing shogi, as usual. Nabiki was talking on the telephone. She could hear Kasumi working in the kitchen. There was no sign of Nodoka. It looked like she wasn't visiting tonight. No Ranma, of course. "Where's Ranma! Has anybody seen him?" Akane asked sharply. Soun frowned and shook his head while the panda held up a sign, . Kasumi came out of the kitchen carrying a tea tray, and said, "Hello, Akane. I haven't seen Ranma since this morning. Would you like to have some tea?" Nabiki's hushed voice rose to audibility, "...so call me when you get back. And thanks. Bye bye." She hung up the phone. "Akane, I need to talk to you. Soon." "But, have you seen Ranma, Nabiki? And yes, older sister, I'd like some tea, please." Nabiki, looking a bit annoyed, said, "I haven't _seen_ him, exactly. Not since lunch time, anyway. Look, can we take the tea upstairs and talk?" Nabiki took a cup of tea from the tray, thanked Kasumi, and stood expectantly waiting at the bottom of the stairs. Realizing that Akane was simply standing there looking confused and doing nothing, Nabiki gestured toward the tea tray in Kasumi's hands and toward the stairs while raising one eyebrow enquiringly. "Shall we go, Akane?" Nabiki had, of course, lived her entire life in the Tendo household. After all that time, she was quite familiar with the early warning signs of what she had come to call, to herself, a "Tendo Chaos Storm." Realizing that Akane's next words would either abort or trigger the crisis that Nabiki could sense brewing, and further realizing that Akane's stability and good sense were pretty weak reeds to base any hope for near term peace and order; Nabiki sighed deeply and took a gulp from her tea, and sighed again. She went to Kasumi and replaced the cup on the tea tray. "Thank you so much for the tea, dear older sister, but I don't think we'll be needing it just now. Will you please take it back to the kitchen for now? Please?" At her final word, she put her hands on Kasumi's shoulders, turned her and gently pushed and urged her toward the kitchen. Meanwhile, her mental countdown clock expired. Right on schedule, Akane spoke the words that would set the emotional tone for the rest of the evening: "Do you know something about Ranma? What has that Baka done, Nabiki? Tell me! Tell me what that pervert is up to now!" Nabiki walked to the stairs, again, and abruptly sat down on the bottom step. 'Oh jeeze, Akane!' she thought to herself, as the final few moments of peace and calm expired. 'Even for you, that was a dumb thing to say. I wonder if there is a way to run a betting pool on something like this. We should be hearing from Father about now...' "RANMAAAA!!!" Soun Tendo bolted to his feet and did a magnificant standing broad jump from no information whatsoever to a totally erroneous conclusion... figuratively speaking of course. Literally speaking, Soun bounded across the room and fell to his knees in front of Nabiki. His face twisted with equal measures of anger, fear and concern. He raised his trembling hands to Nabiki's shoulders. Tears began to track their way down his cheeks. "Oh my poor, dear, darling, little girl! What has that boy done to you? Tell me, so I can punish him for it!" He began to weep in earnest. "Oh, tell me, tell me, my beloved daughter! It doesn't matter what it is. I'll always love you, anyway! Waahhh!" Across the living room the panda, now standing, gesticulated wildly while making incomprehensible grunting and growling sounds. No one paid any attention. Kasumi burst from the kitchen, wringing her hands. "Oh my! Has Ranma done something to Nabiki?" Akane stood in the middle of the room, arms thrust straight down and rigid at her sides, fists clenched and knuckles whitening. She was trembling. Shadows of emotion -- puzzlement, fear, anger (naturally, this is Akane Tendo, after all) -- flickered across her face like lightening dimly flashing across the looming side of a distant but approaching thunder cloud. Her head twisted and jerked as she locked her eyes in turn on each of the people in the room. Nabiki, the quiet center of the building storm, was trying to think of a way to calm things down. Her eyes were fixed on Akane's face, trying to make contact. 'Let's see. I don't think I can _say_ anything at all that would make a difference. Accurate communication is nearly impossible in this environment. Ok, it'll have to be misinformation. If I can just make Akane start to think more about talking to me than getting mad and hitting someone, I might be able to...' Finally, Akane's face turned to Nabiki. Their eyes made contact. Nabiki smiled a droll, ironic little grin, rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders struggling to project the message: "Isn't this all just too silly and dumb to believe?" Baffled incomprehension began to dominate the emotions on Akane's face. Nabiki began to feel faint hope that something might be salvaged from this mess. At that moment the sound of the front door crashing open was heard in the living room with the dramatic inevitibility of a body falling out of a closet in a badly written murder mystery. 'Shit!' thought Nabiki. 'I forgot. It's the Worst Possible Moment(tm). Someone else _has_ to arrive to make things worse. I wonder who it could be? That was the door, so it's not Shampoo.... Oh, damn! the list is so long. Oh well, time for plan 'B'. *sigh* It looks like dinner will be late, again. And I'm hungry, too. Ranma, you better appreciate all the work I had to put in on this thing when you get back.' Nabiki disengaged herself from Soun, rose to her feet and began to move toward Akane who had turned expectantly toward the hallway. Believing she was the only one present who _knew_ that this was not Ranma arriving gave Nabiki a certain advantage which she intended to exploit for all it was worth. 'I'll trip Akane and hog-tie her if I have to, in order to keep her here. Damn! All this crap just so I can get her alone for a few minutes to talk to her. Is this the nuttiest family in the world? I wonder if anyone would want to bet on that...' Trying hard to make a grand entrance, Kuno bounded into the living room. "Forsooth! It is I, the Blue Thunder, having recently learned that the cowardly Saotome has fled the scene mine heart is fixed upon a celebratory date with thee, my fair Akane Tendo, and my precious Pig-Tailed-Goddess that we may joyously proclaim our passionate love to the very heavens abov... URK!" His rush to embrace Akane was interupted by her fiercely driven fist impacting on his jaw. Kuno staggered back a step and visibly collected himself. "That didn't hurt, you know." Nabiki, arriving behind Akane and putting her hands on her sister's shoulders, thought, 'Oh good. Kuno. I can use this.' She waited as a few key words of Kuno's speech percolated through the minds of the others like bubbles through cold molasses: Saotome. Fled. Recently. Nabiki was so focused and keyed up that it seemed to her as if events were moving like a slow motion replay in a televised soccer match. She carefully and critically observed the responses of the most stupid person present in order to time her interjection properly. (In an effort to promote peace and harmony we will not identify which person among her family and acquaintences currently present in this scene is considered by Nabiki to be the _most_ stupid. In all honesty, though, it must be said that she wasn't particularly impressed by the mental vigor of _anyone_ in the room.) That (carefully unnamed) person's body first relaxed a bit and then began to tighten up as their lungs began to fill with the air needed for a certain to be incredibly stupid and inappropriate exclaimation. Judging the moment carefully, Nabiki fired her first shot, so to speak, in a very loud and very clearly articulated voice, "Kuno! The Pig-Tailed one is with Ranma! Go to him and you will also find her!" Isn't it amazing what the literal truth can do, sometimes? The lungs of everyone in the room abruptly deflated. "Huh?!?" the battle cry of the mentally challenged rang out. "UNTHINKABLE!" Kuno thundered. (well he is the Blue Thunder, after all) "I will punish thee, Saotome, for this unspeakable, unbearable... Un!... Un!!... ARGHHHH!!!!" The rich, red, wine of rage rose in Kuno's cheeks (Gods! Can Shakespeare turn a phrase or what?) as his effective intelligence inversely plunged to near houseplant levels. A bit worried that she might not get it in before Kuno became unable to comprehend spoken language, and still... with the careful, meticulous skill of a picador goading an enraged bull in the ring, Nabiki planted her penultimate barb: "Catch Ranma and save the Pig-Tailed-Girl! Run like the wind and rescue your love!" Moving with difficulty, Kuno forced his adrenaline flooded, rigidly locked muscles to turn his body toward the hallway. With the slow majesty of a steam locamotive departing the station, Kuno began his exit as he also began to gobble the inarticulate accompaniment of a classic running conniption fit. "UNSPEAKABLE! FIND! PUNISH! MY LOVE! SAOTOME! RESCUE! HONOR!" and so on. Nabiki quickly shifted her grip on Akane as she let loose her final arrow of confusion and hoped for the best. "KUNO MUST KNOW WHERE RANMA IS! FOLLOW HIM AND GET RANMA! GO! GO! DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY!" Soun Tendo and the Panda, emotionally battered and shaken as they were by these events, lusting to take action, _any_ action, driven nearly insane by the urgent need to _do_ something... fell for it. They stampeded out the door determined to catch up with Kuno and what?... Well, who knows? Where did they all think they were going? What did they think they would do when they got there? Is the exact content of the emotion wracked mind of a truly stupid person doing totally dumb things a territory we want to explore very deeply? I think not. Except to note this: unknown and unnoticed by the three left in the the house, the small stampede of morons pouring out of the Tendo home attracted the attention of two unseen lurkers listening outside the house who quickly decided to follow. Thus did two leaping, flitting forms comprised of an attractive, leotard clad woman gymnast and a purple haired young woman of Chinese ancestry join this cavalcade of mental incompetency. Perhaps others would also be drawn in. Maybe every stupid person with violent tendencies in Nerima would join in gasping, straining, stubborn, relentless pursuit of... nothing at all. Maybe they would all just keep running and running and running far off into the misty distance, lose their way and never be able to find their way back. Nope! Too much to hope for, even in a story. Meanwhile, back at the Tendo home a few moments later (I've always wanted to say that in a story), Nabiki was lying on top of Akane who was struggling to get up and join in this celebration of total idiocy. When Akane had predictably lunged toward the door after her father, Nabiki had, to put it bluntly, tripped her and fallen on top of her. She was now whispering urgently into Akane's ear: "Akane, it's all bullshit. They don't have a clue. I know what's going on. Calm down, sister, and I'll tell you." Akane flipped over onto her back, leaving Nabiki kneeling over her stomach. She was almost weeping out loud in anger and shame and confusion and who knows what all as she flailed her arms and kicked her legs trying to get away. Her red face and tear tracked cheeks melted Nabiki's heart. "I don't normally do things like this, but you need some shock treatment, sister mine." With those words, Nabiki leaned down and planted a kiss on Akane's lips. Akane's body first stiffened in shock then lolled loosely as she relaxed under this final onslaught of weirdness. 'Nabiki!' she thought to herself. 'What the hell are you _doing_? Oh yeah, she's trying to give me a shock and get me to calm down. What would the Tomboy do? Oh, yeah...' At least this part wasn't all that unpleasant, if the truth be told. The momentary release of days, weeks even months of stress left Akane weeping like a lost child. Kasumi rushed forward, dropped to her knees by Akane's head and began to stroke her hair. She didn't understand what was happening, but felt she must do something to help her distraught sister. Nabiki backed off a bit and knelt over Akane with her forehead pressed against that of her sobbing sister gazing lovingly down into her blurred face. In a choked, high pitched, little girl voice, Akane asked, "What's happening, Nabiki? Oh I'm so confused. Things have just been so awful since the wedding. What's happened to Ranma?" "Kasumi, I think we can all really use that tea, now. Would you please get it for us?" Kasumi nodded silently and left to get the tea while Nabiki helped Akane up and walked her to the table and sat down next to her with her arm around Akane's waist. Nabiki grabbed a napkin from the table and gave it to Akane who wiped her face and blew her nose in it. When Kasumi returned with the tea, she settled down at Akane's other side, poured three cups and leaned into Akane with her arm around Akane's shoulder. "Now, Akane, I want you to listen carefully to this, and think about it, a lot, before you decide anything. First of all, understand that Ranma feels the same way you do. He loves you, I think. He is also just as confused and bothered and mixed up by all this as you are. He hasn't been able to figure out any way to fix things, either. He had an idea of something to do to maybe help things get better and came to me to help him get started. This is what happened...." * * * Still whistling cheerfully (if badly) as he hiked northward toward Chiba Prefecture, Ranma wondered if the second change in gender and clothes (thank the Gods) at Sakarakacho Station had really been necessary. Still, who would notice another salaryman in a cheap suit riding the train and then the passenger ferry from Yokosuka to Kisarazou among literally hundreds of thousands of similar salarymen in the Tokyo area? As promised, his backpack was waiting for him in a locker at the ferry terminal at the other end. Ranma stifled a wry grin as he thought of the 'other' items in the locker and the suggestion in the last note. Then he realized he was all alone and let the grin grow into a cheek stretching smile. He laughed out loud. Presumably someone would steal the softside attache case with the cheap suit in it that he'd left in a trash can at the ferry terminal and also that disgusting pink and green book bag similarly abandoned at Sakarakacho Station, or not. It didn't really matter. Anyone good enough to follow his faint trail was welcome to find him. After all, this hiker is not Ranma Saotome. Oh no, he is just another, typical wandering martial artist with a bandanna tied around his head and carrying an umbrella on the top of his large backpack. The umbrella for fending off the inevitable water and the bandanna to hide his hair in case the umbrella failed. A young woman hiking in the country wasn't an unusual sight, but a young woman with red hair...? 'Even Ryouga can have a good idea. I should have started carrying an umbrella a long time ago. I wonder if I can do that trick he does with bodies of water,' Ranma thought to himself. 'Hokkaido _is_ another island, after all.' To be continued... - = O = - - = O = - Any and all responses, comments, suggestions and/or observations (even including flames) are very much appreciated. I'll try to respond to them all. If any kindly readers would like to read any of my other stories, other parts of this story, or occationally rough draft versions of my works in progress, they can be found at David Eddy's web site (Thanks Dave!) at: http://nabiki.newberry.edu/DEddy/fanfic/bob_barnes/index.html The "prequel" for this: "The Masks We Must Wear" is also available at the r.a.a.c ftp site. Or you can request directly from me at rbarnes@moscow.com Thank you for letting me share this with you.