Sailor Star Love (sailorstarlove@hotmail.com) with the help of (AmberSesht@aol.com) and Mark Berger (temjin_blue@hotmail.com) presents: an unauthorized Lemon flavor Sailor Moon MSTing of "REAL LOVE" by Awestruck (a.k.a) Maria Schmidt. Mystery Sailor Theater 3,000! Love Theme from Mystery Sailor Theater 3,000 (obviously to the tune of "Love Theme from Mystery Science Theater 3000") In the not-too-distant future Way down in Deep 13, Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank Were hatching an Evil Scheme. They caught three girls called Sailor Starlights and a Youko Just three teenage girls who disguised themselves as boys and sang. Their experiment needed a good test case, So they signed up with Chaos and Galaxia And shot them into space. (Get me down!) We'll send them cheesy fanfics, The worst we can find (la-la-la), They'll have to sit and watch them all, And we'll monitor their minds (la-la-la). Now keep in mind the Three Lights (and friend) can't control Where the fanfics begin or end (la-la-la), They'll try to keep their sanity With the help of their Sailor friends. Sailor Roll Call: Star Fighter! Star Healer! Star Maker! Kurama! MAKER: He's no Senshi! KURAMA: No, but I'm a Reikai Detective! FIGHTER: HA! Close enough! If you're wondering how they eat and breathe and other science facts (la la la), Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a show, I should really just relax For Mystery Sailor Theater 3000!" (Opening scene a corn field in Minnesota, it is dark, the moon casting a dreadful light and eerie music can be heard. Parting the corn are four figures when they come closer, we can see that they are Sailor Star Fighter, Maker and Healer. The only male figure, is a red hair youth wielding a whip made of thorns. His name is Kurama.) HEALER: Oh Stars! I'm having flashbacks of "Children of the Corn" FIGHTER: Told ya, you shouldn't have watched that Horror flick marathon... HEALER: What was I supposed to do? Stay in my room alone while you three watched it... MAKER: I remember, you were clenching Kurama's arm quite tightly. KURAMA: I didn't mind at first... but I think it took me a good day to get the sensations back in my arm. HEALER: Ooooh I'm sorry Ku-chan. FIGHTER: Would you two mind? We have a mad scientist hide-out to find... HEALER: Party pooper! (They continue on in the the field when they find a clearing; crop circle style. An old abandoned shack smack in the middle of it.) MAKER: This is it!!! Gang, I think we just found the entrance. FIGHTER: WHAT? That old shack? HEALER: In X-Files, the Cigarette smoking guy was in a old shack in the Appalachians in Quebec... So a Mad scientist hide-out in a corn field in Minnesota is just as logical... KURAMA: Yeah... And that neon sign saying "Forrester's hide-out" is a dead giveaway. FIGHTER: I don't know it might be a trap... HEALER: Well DAH!... What do you expect? He's insane! KURAMA: Anyway, it's the only place we found... MAKER: Granted, we better go in... Carefully. (They enter the shack, the door makes a really spooky sound. Healer grabs Kurama's arm.) KURAMA: Uh... Yaten, I might need that arm later... HEALER: Go-Gomen but this place looks like those places where teen aged couples and their friends get attacked by... (Just then snakes, scorpions, bats and other disgusting little thingies scurry between their legs) ALL: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! (The stampede passes them, leaving them shaking) FIGHTER: SNAKES! I HATE SNAKES!!.... aaa waitaminute... That's not me... MAKER: Never mind, let's check this place out. (They each take a door, Healer opens one and is face to face with a closet full of evil looking dolls. She gives a shriek as a doll open her eyes and says: "Let's have FUN!" She closes the door real quick, panting. Fighter opens a door and sees all the things you need to perform a satanic ritual complete with a Necronomicon type book. She closes the door.) FIGHTER: Nothing here... (Kurama opens a book he sees a corridor of twirling smoke he sees a house floating in the corridor and a screeching green skinned witch turning around it. He closes the door.) KURAMA: No way I'm going in there. MAKER: I found an elevator... I bet this will lead us to Dr. Forrester's hide-out. We rescue Sailor Moon and our friends and we get out of here... (They get in the elevator... they go down. They hear Sailor Moon theme elevator music) FIGHTER: Great! I better tell Haruka we found the place then... HARUKA's VOICE(staticky): Moshi-moshi... FIGHTER: Haruka, it's Seiya.... (The door to the elevator opens and they get out, the place looks like the Nostromo from the film Alien, they gulp but continue onward.) HARUKA(staticky): Oh, Seiya, we were just talking about you, let me put you on speaker phone. . . FIGHTER: Haruka! Just wanted to let you know that we're about to make that Dr. Forrester pay for what he did to us. . . HARUKA(staticky): Where are you?(blast of static) FIGHTER: We're in Minnesota. We found his lair, and we're about to go in. HARUKA, MICHIRU, SETSUNA: NANNI?!?!? (static make Fighter cringe) FIGHTER: We've got cool new attacks, and we brought along someone else to help. . .Yaten's boyfriend, Kurama. He's got a thing called a Rose Whip that. . . (Just then a very Alien like creature steps out of the shadows. Kurama uses his Rose Whip to trap the arm of the disgusting being. It jerks his arms and sends Kurama flying head first into a room. Kurama gasps as a vat full of green slime coats him from head to toe.) KURAMA: I'VE BEEN SLIMED!!! feel sleepy... HEALER: KU-CHAN! OKAY YOU! You're going down! HARUKA: Seiya, you fool! Get the (static) out of there! You can't take (static)urselves! He's too dangerous! MICHIRU: Come back t(static)! We've got a (static) that. . . (Healer and Maker watch in horror as the door, for the room where Kurama is, close. The Alien jettisons the pod into space with a loud explosion.) FORRESTER'S VOICE: BWAHAHAHAHA! One down, three more to go! HEALER: YOU MANIAC TAKE THIS! STAR CORE FUSION... FLARE!!! MAKER: STAR METEOR MAELSTROM! HEALER: THE HELL? MAKER: None of our power works... FIGHTER: OUPSIE! HARUKA(with even more static than before) : Seiya! (spittles of statics)re you still there? FIGHTER: Haruka, Haruka... Things aren't going too well here... Forrester's defenses against us will work... I think we'll have to AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGHHH! (Fighter lets go of her communicator as the Alien grabs her and pitches her right into Healer. She and Fighter fall into a similar room that Kurama was thrown into.) MAKER: FIGHTER! HEALER! (Maker gets smacked in behind the head and is pushed inside. The Starlight rush to the exit just as the Alien creature closes the door, grinning and it waves to them.) ALIEN: Don't forget to write! The Starlights gasps as the gravitical force smacks them roughly in the wall. Maker's head is smooched into Fighter's bosom. MAKER: MMMMPHTST! FIGHTER: STOP THAT YOU ^*$%#%^*&^& HENTAI! I'M NO AMI-CHAN!!! Suddenly the pressure stops and the three of them float in the air. Fighter glares at Maker who is just as red as a beet from embarrassment. Healer is laughing her head off. Suddenly a humming sound can be heard and the Starlights transformation melts and they revert to their boy body. SEIYA: OH SHOOT! YATEN: THIS SUCKS! TAIKI: What gives? Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: I run a clean station, there will be no running around in skimpy costume. SEIYA: They are NOT skimpy! TAIKI: I've seen skimpier costumes on "Baywatch". Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: Anyway, I guess everyone knows what's going to happen now, don't you? YATEN: Yeah, yeah... We're going to be stuck in the Satellite of Love 2 and be forced to read bad Sailor Moon Fanfics. Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: Not quite. You see, I find it dangerous to put all of you senshi at the same place. So you and that boyfriend of yours are heading to SOL 3... And you will be subjected to Sailor Moon fanfics all right... HENTAI SM fanfics... SEIYA: I hope we don't get a Blue Angel fanfic... once was bad enough... TAIKI: I hope we don't get an Oscar fic... YATEN: Just as long as nobody has the name Oceanus... (Their pod accosts to the Satellite of Love 3, the door opens and they walk along a corridor. They arrive in a main room. They see a still sleeping Kurama slumped in a corner of the room. Yaten rushes to him.) YATEN: KU-CHAN! YOU FIEND! What have you done to him? Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: Hold on to your horses, lover boy. He's just asleep... mmm FRANK!?! FRANK: Y-yes Dr. Forrester?... Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: Why isn't he awake yet? FRANK: Well... You see Dr... When I got his file I thought he would be in his Youko form... so I kinda made the sleeping potion for a 7 foot Youko rather than for a 5 foot 10' normal human being so... Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: FRANK!!! YOU IDIOT!!!! NOW HOW LONG BEFORE HE WAKES UP? FRANK: aaaa... maybe 2 parts of the Fanfics... Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: Very well, in that case, you will start without your little friend and he will join along when he wakes up... Now I hope you are ready. Frank tell them which fanfic they will have the pleasure... YATEN: Displeasure you mean... Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: A-hem... pleasure of sampling for the completion of our experiment... FRANK: Yes Doctor, the fanfic is called Real Love and it was written by Awestruck a.k.a. Maria Schmidt SEIYA: If you think that we are going willingly... Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: Who said you had a choice?! Frank, roll the fanfic... FRANK: It's on it's way... YATEN: OW! What the heck is that? What's going on? TAIKI: Don't look now but I think we have a LEMON SIGN! ALL: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! <6> <5> <4> <3> <2> <1> SEIYA: EEWWWWW!!! The floor is sticky.... What's down there? TAIKI: I don't think you want to know.... >Maria Schmidt SEIYA: The Meteo Goldbeam Bayers Presents... YATEN: MEEEOOOW! >"Real Love" p.1 TAIKI: Oh! A romantic story! YATEN: Yeah, right! I wouldn't hold my breath on that... SEIYA: Yah... It's supposed to be a BAD fanfic remember... > "I'm sick of everyone," Serena said as she shared an ice cream cone >with her boyfriend Darien, SEIYA: What? Darien was too cheap to buy her a cone of her own? >"They're all so depressing!" This was true. YATEN: This is also true of our situation, but are we complaining? TAIKI: I bet that fanfic will be as depressing... SEIYA: Okay, you're on, I'm betting a 1000 yens TAIKI: I see your 1000 and raise you 500 more... Yaten? YATEN: I left my money in my other suit... >"Raye mopes around all day fantasizing about becoming Mrs. Darien Chiba, SEIYA: And who wants to do that! YATEN: You mean besides Serena, right? >Mina is shut up in her room YATEN: In a straitjacket laughing wildly... TAIKI: DHYAHAHAHAHAHA! I managed to get out of this crazy fic. >because she dosen't want to look at another cute guy that will turn her >down. SEIYA: Don't you feel partly responsible for that Yaten? YATEN: Nope... >Amy is upset about Greg and that other girl YATEN: Hello? Who's Greg? Maybe you have competition, Taiki... TAIKI: Do you want to suffer, Yaten? >and Lita is still trying to get over Ken!" SEIYA: Who ran away with a blond bombshell called Barbie... YATEN: Who had as much 'talent' as Lita... >Darien flinched when he thought about Raye. He couldn't get over the way >she is hung up over him, STILL! It had been almost 4 years since the last >time they had kissed. SEIYA: I would have forgotten about him a LOT sooner than that! He's destined to be with Serena... People GET with the program... TAIKI: Yeah, well unlike Raye... a lot of fanfic authors never got it... >Darien had always felt special with Raye, but not completely in love with >her. They HAD to settle as friends. Raye just didn't understand that. YATEN: I think the author didn't understand THAT either... TAIKI: I guess it's part of the plot... \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\****\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\****\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\***\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\*******\\ SEIYA: Wouhou! Train track! TAIKI: It's just there to separate the action, Seiya.... SEIYA: D'OH! >Faintly, Chad could hear distant crying. He knew it was Raye, she was >always crying nowadays. ALL: Cryiyiyiying over you.... > "I don't get it! I offer her my undying love and she turns me down day >after day. She needs someone to love her. Love her more than Darien.", >Chad thought to himself. YATEN: Why tell us? Tell HER you dimwit! >"Why dosen't she give me a chance?" >"Why, dammit why?" TAIKI: If you'd stop that swearing, it might be a start! YATEN: Hey! who talked anyway? SEIYA: Chad?... Or maybe it's Raye still wondering why Darien dumped her? \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\****\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\****\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\***\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\****** ALL: Chatanooga choo-choo... >"Darien, yo, Darien! Hello? Anybody there?" YATEN: Did that Do-it-yourself lobotomy kit I ordered worked? SEIYA: Ooooh! A bunny rabbit, I will hug him and pet him and call him George... >"Oh, sorry Serena, I had other things on my mind. TAIKI: Should we riff that? SEIYA: Naaah... too easy! >What were you saying?" Darien replied sheepeshly. ALL: Baaaaahhhh! >"Darien, My parents want to meet you, SEIYA: And my dad wants to show you how his latest Uzi works... TAIKI: Feeling a little dark today, Seiya? >they think I'm dating someone to old and mature, will you come to dinner and >prove them wrong?" YATEN: They'll change ideas when they see you imitating that guy in Close Encounters of the Third Kind... SEIYA: What imitation? I like doing mountains with my mashed potatoes! >Serena had that miscievious smile on her face. Those deep blue eyes were >longing for an answer,but Darien just shrugged. "I don't see why I have >to prove myself to your parents or anybody. They should just trust your >word." Darien said directly to Serena with no look of emotion in his eyes. YATEN: OHMIGOD! They brain-washed Darien! SEIYA: You bastards! >"Darien what's the matter? You seem so distant all of a sudden, is there >someone else?" SEIYA: Of course not, Lizzie... err I mean Haruka... I mean... YATEN: maybe you should have let that one drop Seiya... >Serena looked longly into Darien's eyes and Darien couldn't lie to that >beautiful face. He quickly said, "No, not really, but I have been >thinking about someone though, Raye. I'm worried about her." Serena looked >hurt TAIKI: As she fell flat on her face.... >and confused by his remark. Her words came out slow, but confident, >" Darien, I think you still care about Raye," >"Deeply." SEIYA: Who said "Deeply."? Darien or Serena? YATEN: Serena... I guess... TAIKI: But why write it like that? It's confusing... SEIYA& YATEN: \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*************\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*************** ***********\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ All: Can't you tell me how to go on the A Train... > Amy sat on Mina's bed, trying to comfort her. YATEN: LESBIAN SCENE!!!! TAIKI: What makes you say that? YATEN: Because this is a lemon and that Serena and Darien are not really having a conversation that will lead to a lemon so I guess this is it! SEIYA: Come on... Mina and Amy... no way... >" Mina, you're absolutly gorgeous, no guy would be stupid enough not to go >out with you." TAIKI: Feeling stupid Yaten? YATEN: How many times I have to tell you!!! I'm NOT a lesbian... SEIYA: Unlike Taiki here YATEN: You shouldn't throw rocks yourself... Seiya... > Mina just lay there, tears drying on her saddened face. Even thoough >Amy was trying to comfort her, she still felt depressed. Amy kept talking, >but Mina didn't listen, she just lay there admiring Amy's beautiful breasts. YATEN: Told ya so! TAIKI& SEIYA: >She wondered how come they were so big, and hers barely growing. > "Amy, when did your breasts get so big? Every boy must go nuts over >them,especially when you wear a bathing suit. YATEN: Uh? Amy's breast are not that big... SEIYA: Yeah, they look normal size to me... TAIKI: They're just the perfect size for me... YATEN& SEIYA: FORRESTER'S VOICE: Get that mind of yours back on the fanfic at hand, Mr. Kou! TAIKI: WHY YOU!!! If I get my hands on you I will make you read the complete works of the Hentai Twins while listening to the Titanic Theme song on a continous loop until you finish reading... YATEN& SEIYA: FORRESTER'S VOICE: Been there, done that! >Will you tell me your secret?" YATEN: The secret is... Pop Secret! SEIYA: Two words Mina... Silicone Implants. TAIKI: She does not have Silicone Implants! >Amy replied by taking off her blouse. YATEN: WOAH! It can't be THAT easy!!! TAIKI: \\\\\\\\\\\\\******************\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\************\\\\\\\\\\ \\**********\\\\\\\\ SEIYA: ALL ABOARD! > Raye kept moping around the temple in a bathing suit. A red bikini, >it was that time of the month. YATEN: What the HELL is THAT supposed to mean? SEIYA: Mars' fuku is red does that mean she's perpetually at that time of the month. TAIKI: That would explain a lot of things... YATEN: Yeah... like why she seems to have PMS all the time... TAIKI: Right... like YOU should talk! >Chad knew this, he knew everything about Raye. If only Raye knew.... SEIYA: Knew what? No wonder that relationship is going no where... Talk to the girl you MORON... TAIKI: Calm down, Seiya... \\\\\\\\\\\\*************\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\************************\\\ \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ YATEN: Tickets, tickets please... > "Darien how could you! You guys broke up 5 years ago!" > "4" TAIKI: On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd definitely give this fic a 3... SEIYA: 2.... YATEN: 1... ALL: Blastoff!!!! > "Then its true, you still love her!" > "No" > "Yes, I can see it in your eyes!" TAIKI: I don't want to nitpick but... WHO THE HELL IS SAYING WHAT TO WHO? YATEN: I don't know... I'm all mixed up here... > "I love you." SEIYA: Who said that? Darien? YATEN: Your guess is as good as mine... > "Raye isn't here...." YATEN: Does that mean we can't have a threesome now? SEIYA: Eeeewww... Yaten... HENTAI... YATEN: This fic is supposed to be Hentai, so what's your point? > "I wasn't talking to Raye, I was talking to my lover." > "But Dar-" TAIKI: But Darien, is it really you talking or me... Oh I'm sooo confused. > Serena was cut off by a deep, passionate kiss from Darien. YATEN: That one way to shut her up... > "WOW!" > "Do you want more Serena?" > "Oh, yes." > "My apartment, 9:00" > "I'm there." SEIYA: Unfortunately... So will we... \\\\\\\\\\\\\\*************\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\************\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\ > Lita was looking at a picture of her and Ken, from 9th grade. > "Those were the days, the days that didn't matter. We were so selfish, >never even kissing. We should have. Should have........" TAIKI: Should have made passionate love till the wee hours of the morning. SEIYA: Should have stayed home and bake a cake or something... YATEN: Should have done anything in my power and get out of this fic. > Lita started crying then, uncontrollably. She needed someone. Not just >anyone, a lover. ALL: Send me a lover... \\\\\\\\\\\\\\*************\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\****************\\\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\ > Amy had stripped down to her lacy blue satin bra and began telling a >story. TAIKI: How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? YATEN: I don't know! TAIKI: There's liquid paper on the screen... SEIYA: BADUMB BOOM! TAIKI: How do you know a second one used it? YATEN: I don't know! TAIKI: There is writing over the liquid paper... SEIYA: BADUMB BOOM! TAIKI: How can you tell a third one came along? YATEN: Aaaaaaa... dunno... aha! TAIKI: She left some cheese for the mouse. SEIYA: BADUMB BOOM! >"You see, I was laying down once, and Greg was on top of me. I was >wearing this same bra and panties.." YATEN: I haven't changed since that day! TAIKI: YATEN! You're so GROSS!!!!!! > Mina's panties were getting wet. SEIYA: From what? She just started to talk! > "Greg cried out for me, TAIKI: Amy! Where are you? >but I restrained. SEIYA: The dog who wanted to jump and bite him. >Greg grabbed for my bosoms, but I slapped him. TAIKI: That's my Amy, show that hentai! SEIYA: Calm down, Taiki! >Finally, I reacted by plunging my hands into his pants and rubbing >his.....manhood. YATEN: YEAH, GO AMY, GO! TAIKI: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SEIYA: IIK! CALM DOWN!!! >He cried out for more, and I gave it to him. SEIYA: If you like Ice cream so much, here have some more, no need to yell. >His pants off, I lunged toward his manhood and rubbed so hard he shook. ALL: I'm all shook up... ohoho oh, oh YEAH YEAH YEAH! >without applying protection, SEIYA: I caught a major sunburn... >I licked his dick up and down. Very slowly, until he screamed with >delight. I was moving it in and out of my mouth faster and harder >until hise juices came out. YATEN: 'hise' juices? TAIKI: Typo... SEIYA: If you ask me this fic is a typo... >They tasted magnificent. Finally, after much grabbing, he took hold of my >bra and undid theback..." > Mina's panties were soaking with her love juices and Amy could smell >them, but she moved on with more passion in her voice. > "When my bra was gone he repeatedly stroked by breasts with his >manhood, still sticky and swelling from all the licking I did. SEIYA: Eeeew... Talk about disgusting... sticky... like this floor. YATEN: Thanks, Seiya, for a mental image I really didn't need! >Then he licked my nipple until it hardend. >Then, he sucked on it, expecting milk to come out I guess. YATEN: That moron thought she was a cow or what? >he stroked it, caressed it, and played with it until I said I wanted more. ALL: More, more, more... Baby I like it, baby I like it... >He took of my panties without hesitation. There was hunger in his eyes. >Hunger to withdo my virginity. SEIYA: "withdo"? Is that a verb or what? TAIKI: What... definitely what! >He began rubbing my love box. I screamed with pleasure. He opened my >pussy-dripping lips and began rubbing that too. YATEN: I understand the love box, but what else did he rub? SEIYA: STARS! That author made Ami a hermaphrodite... TAIKI: NOOOO!! NOT AN OSCAR FIC!!! >He then stuck his finger up inside me.He wiggled his finger, ALL: >eager to get more of my juices. TAIKI: Now, he thinks she's an orange. >When he pulled out his finger and tasted it, he was suprised on how >good it tasted. YATEN: It's finger licking good! >He proceded by releasing his manhood into me. SEIYA: Release the hounds. >I was small, and it hurt. TAIKI: I don't understand that sentence. YATEN: I don't understand that fic... >I told Greg to go TAIKI: Away and never come back! >on, and he did. It was hard and I began moving my hips up and down, >in the same motion. YATEN: Huh? What the heck? TAIKI: Don't try to understand, just nod and smile. >When he was completely inside of me he began to slow down. he could see >that I was falling asleep. TAIKI: He was that bad, huh? >He reacted by getting himself out of me, SEIYA: Thank the Stars! It's finished! >and then, he flipped me over. He began squezzing my butt. Harder and harder. >He then released his manhood into me through my buttox." TAIKI: STARS! That author has Amy speaking like Forest Gump! SEIYA: Ah got hit in my buttox... YATEN: Some fanfics are like a box of chocolate... You always get stuck with the ones you hate... > "Why are you telling this to me?" Mina asked. > "I want you to do it to me, Mina." TAIKI: I don't believe it... This is the worst come on I ever read. YATEN: Oh? I didn't know you read so many Hentai Fics... TAIKI: I read them for... comparative materials. SEIYA: Yah! Sure you do... > Amy began unclasping her bra and moving closer to Mina...... ALL: \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\***************\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\***************\\\\\\\\\\\\ TAIKI: LAST STOP! EVERYBODY OUT!!!! > Lita thought for a moment, "I'll go down to the arcade and seduse >Andrew." YATEN: Yah, like I have nothing better to do.. TAIKI: Weird, usually Lita is the target for lesbian scenes... > She had been thinking about who to make love to all this time. SEIYA: And since there aren't a lot of good looking guys available in Sailor Moon, I had to settle for Andrew... YATEN: What about Melvin? SEIYA: I did say: Good looking guys... TAIKI: You have to be pretty desperate to seduce Melvin. > Lita began dressing herself in the most sexy thing she could find: A >tight green leather dress that hugged her full-grown bosoms and held them >up. SEIYA: Sexy?! Why would she want to look like a hooker? YATEN: I wouldn't talk too loud Seiya, some people think we look like hookers... SEIYA: Oh yeah? Let them come to my face and tell me that! >She had already decided not to wear a bra or panties. She stuffed a >package of condoms between her breasts and walked off, in the >direction of the arcade. TAIKI: No bra or panties but condoms... a girl has priorities you know... \\\\\\\\\\\******************\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*******************\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\********* > Raye was laying in the sun, thinking about her one and only, Darien >Chiba. Oh, how she longed for him to touch her breasts, caress her love box, >and then get her pregnant. >She would then show off her preganancy to Serena, her love's girlfriend. SEIYA: "preganancy"? TAIKI: Drop it Seiya, if we were to nitpick every single spelling error we would still be here in the next Millennium... >Oh, how she hated Serena. YATEN: I guess we already figured that one out! >She took away her love with one tear. A tear. One measly tear and her >life with Darien was over. TAIKI: Over? It never really started, they only had a couple of dates... >One day she would get Serena back. >One day soon. YATEN: We're kinda wishing it ourselves, because this fic isn't going anywhere... \\\\\\\\\\\\\\****************\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\***************\\\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\*********\\\\ > "Darien, ha ha, stop!" She didn't want Darien to stop, not really. TAIKI: Make up your mind you want him to stop or you don't. > "Serena, get used to this!" SEIYA: Get used to it because it's going to be like that for a LOOOONG Time! > Darien was nibbling on Serena's ear and tickling her breasts at the >same time. SEIYA: Am I doing this right? >Every time Serena grabbed for his manhood, Darien would move swiftly, >brushing her with his cape. They were dressed as Sailor Moon and Tuxedo >Mask to start their night of passion. YATEN: Can you say "kinky"?... I knew you could. > "Darien please, it's my turn! SEIYA: To be Tuxedo Mask! YATEN: To ride the pony!!! BWAAA! TAIKI: to play spin the bottle! >I want to!" > "I'm not finished with you yet Raye!" SEIYA: D'OH! > "Raye?" Serena began to get red in the face from anger. YATEN: See Darling you already act like Raye, that's why I get confused. > "RAYE? Darien, HOW COULD YOU!!!!!! > "I ment to say Serena..." TAIKI: Yeah, right! As thought Darien would do a stupid thing like that! > "Yeah, you MENT to say Serena but you didn't. YOU SAID RAYE!!!!" > "I didn't mean it!" > "Well I mean this. Darien, it's over." YATEN: Does that mean this fic is finished? SEIYA: You can always wish but I really don't think so... \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\**********************\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\**** *************** ~end p.1 > Well, I hope you liked it! TAIKI: No, we didn't, but we're stuck reading it... >This is my first attempt at a Fan Fic. YATEN: It shows! >If you like it, There WILL be a part 2 coming very soon > ~Maria SEIYA: How many parts are there to this stupid thing? >Maria Schmidt >"Real Love" p.2 SEIYA: Real Love part deux. > "Amy, I don't think this is such a good idea..." TAIKI: Finally! Someone agrees that this fanfic was a bad idea. YATEN: Yeah, and it comes from Mina, too! >Amy was completly on top of Mina, naked. "Come on Mina, I saw you staring >at my breats and I know you want them. My secret is to make love to someone. >They grow." ALL: YATEN: This has got to be the most stupidest thing I ever heard in my life! >Mina said, "No they don't! I took biology last semester! You just want >me to make love to you. You just want Greg to be jealous!" SEIYA: This fic is all mixed up, Amy says stupid things... TAIKI: And Mina sounds intelligent. YATEN: It's downright scary!!! > "No Mina. I just made that up. *I* dumped Greg. *I* was the one who >slept with another person after him!" Mina was shocked. She never >thought Amy could be so mean and cruel. TAIKI: YEAH! NEITHER DO WE!!! TALK ABOUT NOT KNOWING A CHARACTER!!! SEIYA: Feeling a little dark, bro'? >"Who?" "I slept with Greg's older brother, Don. He walked in on us just as >it started to heat up." YATEN: Yeah, what a party pooper! > "Then why do you want to have sex with a woman?" Amy looked puzzled a >bit. "I just want more variety." TAIKI: Oh yeah, sure... YATEN: Uh... Technically, Taiki, you ARE a woman and if you go out with Ami then... TAIKI: YATEN: HEY! LET GO OF THE HAIR!!!! > "You know Amy, I think I know a woman that might sleep with you." Amy >looked excited. "Who?" > "Lita." SEIYA: I was wondering when someone would talk about lesbianism and Lita! \\\\\\\\\\\\\\***************\\\\\\\\\\\\***************************\\\\ > Raye was still laying in the sun, even thought it was getting colder. >She liked the cold. YATEN: Then move to the North Pole and quit bugging us! >It helped her think. "Damn you Serena. How could you take my love away from me? >I'll get you back you bitch. You are going to >pay. You are going to pay for the pain you've caused me!" > Chad could hear Raye rambling about Serena. "Damn you Darien! Look at >what you've done to my love! You'll pay. Trust me you'll pay." SEIYA: Man, talk about delusions here! TAIKI: I'll say. They both blame their problems on someone else. YATEN: Uh Guys, your riffs are getting way too serious and dull... > At that moment Raye got up. She decided to call Darien and see if she >could come over that night. > When she reached the temple she began dialing. "2-8-3-...6-3-8, YATEN: Try 9-1-1... or better yet, the nearest asylum! > No. I can't do this. TAIKI: FINALLY! She gets some sense! >I'll just drop in." TAIKI: I stand corrected... > Raye began dressing in the skipiest thing she could find. SEIYA: Why do fanfic authors think we like to dress in skimpy outfits?... >She ended up wearing a Sports bra and biker shorts. "I'll say that I was >out jogging, and just stopped by to say hi! That won't be to inconspiculous." TAIKI: Sport bra and biker shorts... Wasn't the weather turning cold? YATEN: Zis iz my creation! You cannot aske me to remember little detailz.. > Raye started running. Chad decided to follow. SEIYA: Maybe she'll run near the exit and I can go out! \\\\\\\\\\\\****************\\\\\\\\\\\\\*************\\\\\\\\\\ > "Darien!" YATEN: If you really love me then get me out of this crazy fic! > "No Serena. I want to make up with you, really!" > "Darien....." SEIYA: No really Serena, I want to yell "TUXEDO CRYSTAL POWER... MAKE UP!!" Aw... Come on! I don't have a nice transformation sequence. TAIKI: Oh Yeah... That transformation where his hat just lands on his head YATEN: Yah... It's actually good until... you see the hat! > "Come on Serena. We didn't transform for nothing." > "Yeah, why DID we transform?" SEIYA: Because it's kinky! I mean who would make love in their transformed state. TAIKI& YATEN: > "We transformed so that I could lay you on a bed of roses YATEN: OUTCH! Watch out for the thorns... TAIKI: You speak of experience, Yaten? YATEN: Shut up! >and so that you cand seduse me as the Princess." SEIYA: The HELL? She transformed into Sailor Moon... Not the Princess... > "That sounds pretty corney Darien, and wouldn't you be much happier >with Raye?" > "Serena, it was an accident!! I love *you*!" SEIYA: Oh Yeah? Well if you keep calling me Raye, you'll get a real accident! > "Stop trying to fuck me up! TAIKI: I thought that's what she wanted all along... >I *know* you love Raye. You just want to score with me." SEIYA: He shoots!... HE SCORES! ALL: >With that, Serena transformed back into herself and walked into the >bathroom. TAIKI: Tripped and fell face first into the bathtub. >Darien heard the door lock. Then he heard crying. TAIKI: Well, falling in that tub MUST hurt you know... >"Oh, Raye! Why must you >torture me! I know something is wrong with you, I can feel it when you're >near me. Is this just a plot to keep me and Serena apart? I want Serena to >be happy. Therefore I need you to be happy! ALL: HUH? SEIYA: THE HELL? TAIKI: WHAT THE HECK DOES DARIEN MEANS BY THAT? YATEN: I resigned myself from trying to understand the psychology of these kooky characters. >Instead, you're screwing up my relationship! I love Serena, but you love me! >What can I do? My beloved hates me!" ALL: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! > "No I don't Darien. And now I understand. Yuo just wanted to make me >happy. How can I stay mad at someone as sweet as you!" TAIKI: Talk about gullible... > They kissed then. With much passion. As their lips touched, Darien >could feel the anger from Serena dissapear. The kiss seemed magical. ALL: You have to believe we are MAGIC... >Until Raye came running through the door. YATEN: Of course she had to stop the action there... TAIKI: oooh I can't stand still! What a cliffhanger. SEIYA: CLIFFHANGER? \\\\\\\\\\******************\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\****************\\\\\\\\\\ > Lita was laying in a dark room. She could feel breath of someone next >to her. SEIYA: YAAAAAAH! LITA! RUN AWAY! IT'S FREDDY KRUEGER!!! >Then she remembered the night before. Her and Andrew had made >Love. SHe felt something under her back and felt around for what it was. YATEN: It was a bloody ax! She killed Andrew!!! TAIKI: This is the last time you watch an horror flick marathon. >When she saw it she remembered. It was the package of condoms. Lita >began to worry about it, SEIYA: Come on! Don't tell me they made love without using condoms! YATEN: Yeah! Talk about STUPID!!! >but thenAndrew woke up. Both of his hands were resting on her breasts. >Lita could still smell the musty scent of her love juices. "Correction," >she thought to herself, "Mine and Andrew's love juices." YATEN: New! "Mine and Andrew's love juices.", the new flavor from Old South! No cholesterol and full of antioxidant! TAIKI: For a limited time only! We include a serious Sexually transmitted disease! > Andrew began to caress Lita's breasts. He played with her nipples until >they were rock hard. That turned him on. SEIYA: That's nice Andrew, but what about the woman you are with? >He bean to flip Lita over, YATEN: Call me "bean"... Mr. Bean! >only to find that Lita didn't seem pleasured. "What's wrong darling?" Lita >just lay there. "Oh shit. She's probably sick from the wine we drank." YATEN: Because it couldn't be from the food we serve at Crown... SEIYA: OOOww... That stings... >Andrew thought to himself. Lita was. A sudden motion of sickness >overwhelemed Lita, and she got up and ran to the bathroom. She never >made it though. She threw up in the hallway. TAIKI: Did we really need to know that... >After she was finished, she realized that she was naked. YATEN: Yeah, right! Like you usually make love with all your clothes on... Uh-uh... >"Andrew, I'll help >clean this up, but first will you lend me something of Rita's to wear?" >"Sure. But the only thing I have is a very short nighty, and some lingerie. >I'll go get it." SEIYA: I didn't ask for your clothes you moron, I asked for Rita's! > When Andrew came back, Lita was covering herself up with a blanket. >"Here you go. They may be to little though, you're much bigger than >Rita. TAIKI: ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT? >You can change in the bathroom. It's down the hall to the right." YATEN: She was already naked and made love to him. Why would she be ashamed to put clothes on in front of him? >When Lita tried on the clothes, they *were* very small. The bra hurt, >but she wore it anyway. The nighty was a see-through green and that was >also very small. It barely went down to her waist. Most of it was >covering her breasts. YATEN: Where do these people dress? Frederick's of Hollywood. TAIKI: Maybe they took the copy of the catalog you hide under your bed... > When she walked out, Andrew had alredy started to clean up her >accident. When Lita bent down to help, her butt was exposed. Andrew >didn't seem to notice though. SEIYA: He didn't notice that? He is brain dead? >When Lita leanded over to get a rag, the >bra broke and her bosoms flew out of the nighty, SEIYA: WOO-HOO! Look at that blubber go! >which also ripped where her breasts were. Andrew liked this TAIKI: He's a breast guy, Seiya... YATEN: May I take your order, sir? SEIYA: I'll take... DA BREAST TAIKI: You two begin to worry me... >and bean to help Lita conceal them. SEIYA: There goes Mr. Bean again! >Lita put her arms over herself and Andrew removed the rest of the >nighty. "It's to bad we ripped your dress. TAIKI: What? They ripped a leather dress? How did they manage that? YATEN: I think you try to much to find something logical about that fic. >If only you had worn underwear." SEIYA: Yeah, right! Like a girl can stroll around in the street with only her underwear on! >lLta then took her arms away from herself and wrapped them >around Andrew. "Well, we could finish what we had started." Lita had a >look of hunger in her eyes. > "Hop on the bed you're going for a ride." SEIYA: Ride 'em cowboy! YATEN: Are we there yet? \\\\\\\\\\\\\\**********************\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\************* > Mina called Lita, but she wasn't home. "Amy, Lita isn't home." TAIKI: She isn't home... Yaten did you hear, Lita isn't home! YATEN: You don't say... Lita isn't home... My! Have you heard Seiya? SEIYA: Lita isn't home? No I didn't hear... > "Then I guess we should go for a little ride Mina. Take of your shirt." > "Alright." SEIYA: hahaha! OKAY! TAIKI: I think I'm going to be sick... \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*************\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\***************\\\\\\\\\\ "Hi Darien, I wa-" "Raye, what are you doing here? Get out!" SEIYA: Run, quick! Don't look back maybe you can get out of this fic. "Why?" "Because I already have company!" TAIKI: Two's company and three's a crowd Raye. "Serena?" "Who else?" YATEN: Well Dah! She's my girlfriend... > "Where is she?" TAIKI: Yeah I'm tired of playing hide and seek. > "I'm right here Raye. I'll leave know." SEIYA: That's right, I found a way out of this crazy fic... I'm leaving. Tootles!... > "Serena don't go!" Darien called after her. But it was to late, she was >already gone. TAIKI: Serena! Don't leave me behind with this lunatic... YATEN: Who are you calling a lunatic??? Darien sweatums... DYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (mimes the guy from the "Chain saw Massacre" and runs around in the theater chasing Taiki, while doing chain saw sounds with his mouth) TAIKI: Help! You can't do that in a kid show! SEIYA: Why not? It resembles what DIC did with the American version of Sailor Moon. > "Look what you did Raye! You just destroyed my relationship!" > "Just like she did to me." > "What?" YATEN: She did, she did, she destroyed my happiness... SEIYA: If you ask me she didn't do a thing to destroy your happiness... Your mental state, well that's an entire different story. > "When she found out she was the Moon Princess, our lives together were >over. But now, we can finish what we started." >Raye leanded in to kiss Darien, but he pulled back. TAIKI: Ewwww! Cooties!.... > "Raye, I *never* loved you! I just felt sorry for you." > "You dated me out of pity?" > "Yep." SEIYA: Ooooh That's gotta hurt! YATEN: Darien 1, Raye Big Zero! > "No you didn't. When you kissed me there was passion. we almost made >love!" > "*Almost*" TAIKI: And I almost puked listening to this dribble... SEIYA: Ewwww... TAIKI: *Almost* > "I'll kill Serena for taking you away from me!" > "You leave Serena alone!" > "Never." ALL: Never say never again... \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\****************\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\***************\\\\ > Well, there was part two. I hope you liked it! TAIKI: No comments... >Here is a name chart if you're confused: YATEN: Better yet. How about a chart to make us believe the plot. >Usagi-Serena >Rei-Raye >Ami-Amy >Makoto-Lita >Minako-Mina >Mamoru-Darien >Guy from Temple-Chad >Guy from arcade-Andrew ALL: TAIKI: Excuse me sir, what is your name? SEIYA: Yo dude, I'm Guy from Temple... YATEN: Hi, I'm Guy from arcade... TAIKI: For those who don't understand we're being sarcastic... Now if the author would have cared to do a little RESEARCH!!!! SHE COULD HAVE FOUND OUT THAT THEIR NAME WERE YUUSHIRO AND MOTOKI... SHE'S GOT THE INTERNET!!! DOESN'T SHE???? SHE POSTS HER STORIES ON THE NET!!!! THERE'S LIKE HUNDREDS OF INFORMATION SITES ON SAILOR MOON... ANYBODY WITH A LITTLE BIT OF VISION COULD HAVE SEARCHED FOR THIS INFORMATION... WELL????!!! SEIYA: Calm down Taiki.... > ~Maria SEIYA: Is it finished? Are we out of this crazy thing???? ALL: ALL RIGHT!!!! <1> <2> <3> <4> <5> <6> (They return to the central room. Kurama is there munching on some popcorn. When Yaten sees him, he runs and tackles him in a Serena style grip, popcorn fly all over the place.> SEIYA: I think Yaten is happy to see Kurama again... TAIKI: Whatever makes you say that Seiya? YATEN: Oh Ku-chan, don't let them take me back to this crazy place... KURAMA: I wish I could... But my powers don't work here for some odd reasons... TAIKI: You too... Darn... This is getting quite distressful. SEIYA: Yeah! DAMN! And the others who are in Satellite of Love 2 if only we could reach them somehow... TAIKI: Guys... I need a diversion. (Seiya, Yaten and Kurama try to figure out something to do...) Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: Well now that you are reunited with your little friend now. You will get back to the theater and... FRANK: Dr. Forrester... Why is the silver hair guy is holding that other guy like that... it looks weird... (Both Yaten and Kurama look at each other, they wink to Taiki who goes to work right away.) KURAMA: Did I tell you how much I loved you today? YATEN: Not since, we were in that corn field in Minnesota... FRANK: Doctor... What are they doing? Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: Calm down Frank... KURAMA: Mmmm that long, huh? YATEN: Seems like an eternity... FRANK: OMIGOD! IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE GOING TO.... (Yaten and Kurama start kissing making sure they give a good show to Frank who is completely freaking out.) FRANK: DOCTOR!!! DOCTOR!!! THEY ARE BOTH BOYS AND THEY'RE KISSING!!!!! Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: CALM DOWN FRANK.... FRANK: OMIGOD!!! THEY ARE STILL DOING IT!!!!! YAAARRRGGHHH!!!! (In Deep 13, smoke breaks out as Frank goes totally crazy and pushes a lot of button in the vain hopes that Yaten and Kurama will stop, they don't. Meanwhile Taiki is hard at work at a console, after a few seconds he is able to contact SOL 2) TAIKI: Please Amy, be true to character and please be working on your laptop... AMY: Hey guys... I broke through to somewhere... TAIKI: Amy! Is that you? Thanks the Stars! AMY: Taiki? Taiki! Where are you? I can see this communication doesn't come from Earth. TAIKI: Amy, we were trying to rescue you guys... unfortunately we failed... AMY: Oh no!... Did you get caught? TAIKI: Unfortunately... yes. Seiya, Yaten, Kurama and me are trapped on the Satellite of Love 3... AMY: Kurama too? Now our only hope lies with the Outers... TAIKI: It's going to take more than that to get out of here... AMY: I agree... Do you still have that zip drive of yours? Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: HEY! TAIKI KOU!!!??? WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE? (Sensing that Taiki might be found out. Kurama and Yaten decides to get the big guns out. They start to French kiss, Frank completely looses it.) FRANK: OMIGOD! DOCTOR MAKE THEM STOP THEY'RE SCARING MEEEEE!!!! Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF FRANK... AND LET GO OF ME... TAIKI: Yes... Yes I do, why? AMY: Hook it up to the console and I'll download you the things we came up with to bust out of here... TAIKI: Okay! We'll try and work together and put a monkey wrench in his plans... AMY: Precisely! TAIKI: Oh Amy... I wish we weren't separated like this... AMY: I know... I feel the same way... Think of damage we could do to his computer main frame together... TAIKI: Yeah... AMY: The... data has been sent... we better breakup before we're discovered... Amy out! (Taiki, a little disappointed, unhooks his Zip drive and hides it back in his jacket. He walks up to Yaten and Kurama while Seiya is munching on some popcorn. In Deep 13, Frank is still freaking out.) TAIKI: Get a room... YATEN: Mmmmismmismmammoommmm... TAIKI: Uh, guys no need to do this anymore... I got contact... (Yaten and Kurama ignore him and continue to kiss as though nothing was said. Taiki has a huge sweatdrop on the side of his head and gives up. He sees a huge water hose hovering before the kissing couple. He runs next to Seiya and grabs a bag of popcorn.) Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: CEASE AND DESIST, YOU TWO... I'M WARNING YOU!!!!! (Yaten and Kurama ignore him.) Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: VERY WELL... YOU ASKED FOR IT!!!! (Yaten and Kurama are shocked to receive gallons and gallons of VERY cold water. That has the desired effect as they are washed away from each other.) YATEN: GYAAAAAAHHH! COLD! Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: I hope you two get the message! Now hop back in the theater. You too, Kurama, you're joining them this time... YATEN: Oh Goody! Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: This is a serious experiment... so NO NECKING!!! or whatever disgusting things you two may do. Because a cold shower will be the least of your worries... YATEN& KURAMA: KURAMA: What is this? SEIYA: This means, WE'VE GOT A LEMON SIGN!!! (Seiya and Taiki run back into the theater, Kurama is confused still trying to wring his clothes. Yaten grabs him by the hand and leads him into the theater) Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: I'm warning you two.... YATEN: yah... yah... (Kurama sits down next to Yaten who snuggles besides him. Kurama passes an arm around his shoulder and they start munching a HUGE bag of popcorn Seiya just gave them.) <6> <5> <4> <3> <2> <1> >decadork@cris.com >Maria Schmidt >Here is Part 3. All Characters are property of the very talented Naoko >Tenchi. TAIKI: IT'S NAOKO TAKEUCHI YOU MORON!!!! SEIYA: Where the heck does that tenchi thing comes from? >The plot is MINE! YATEN: And you can KEEP it... no one wants it! >Warning! this is a lemon. If you are under 18, >you must stop reading NOW!!!!! Anyway, here we go. KURAMA: If you're over 18 and respect your intelligence you wouldn't be reading it too... > Real Love p.3 > "Uh, Amy, I really don't want to...." Amy was kissing Mina up and down >her neck and shoulders. "Amy please..." SEIYA: Leave me alone, Amy, I'm not interested... TAIKI: MWHAHAHAHA! I am NOT Amy... I am Zoicite! KURAMA: Gods! It's an Hentai Man fic! > "I love you Mina. I *want* this, don't you?" TAIKI: This author defiles my Amy... TAKE THAT! STAR GENTLE UTERUS!!!! (nothing happens) KURAMA: Uh, Taiki... Powers don't work... > "Well, I've never made love before, with a man *or* a woman." YATEN: I'd prefer to start with a man first. No offense Amy, but you're not my type... > "Oh, Mina, it's the most wonderful thing in the world! But enough talk, >just take off your shirt and hold me, caress me, love me...." TAIKI: oh stars... > Amy began to feel Mina's breasts. Mina's juices started to flow. She >*had* to admit, it felt wonderful. "I give up Amy. Pleasure me. Pleasure >me now!" YATEN: Oh Please!... This is soooo corny! KURAMA: Maybe I should have stayed unconscious... > Amy agreed by stripping Mina down to her simple orange lingerie. it was >lacy, but not impossible. KURAMA: HUH? but not impossible... What the heck does that mean? YATEN: There, there... now you now what we went through while you slept... TAIKI: Yep as you can see you didn't miss much Kurama... >Her panties were the most impressive. They >were lacy and noticibly wet from her period and love juices. SEIYA: PERIOD????!!!! EWWWW.... KURAMA: They made Amy into a period fetish... TAIKI: P-Period? f-f-fetish... YATEN: URK! Does that mean that Amy will... TAIKI: AIRSICK BAG! AIRSICK BAG!!!!!! Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: Just in front of you buddy, your friends in the Satellite of Love 2 needed them too... (Taiki takes the bag and is violently sick... Seiya and Kurama disgusted throw their bags of popcorn to the screen, only succeeding into making a big greasy stain.) YATEN: WHY YOU MANIAC! WHEN WE WILL GET OUR HANDS ON YOU WE'LL MAKE YOU READ THE COMPLETE WORKS (BOTH HENTAI AND NOT) OF CRYSTAL KNIGHT! UPSIDE DOWN IN A POLYESTER TEDDY WHILE LISTENING TO THE COMPLETE COLLECTION OF YANNI CDs AND FORCE FEED YOU WITH THE COMPLETE MENU OF SIZZLERS... Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: Been th... hey wait a minute even I ain't that kinky! >Amy thought TAIKI: WOAH! Let's stop there Mina! >that Mina was absolutly gorgeous. Mina's public hair was darker than >Serena's, but not as curly. Amy had seen Serena naked when she was >depressed acout Darien dumping her. Serena was depressed and Amy >undressed her to take a long bath. SEIYA: YAAAAAAHHH! PLEASE, DON'T TELL ME SHE MADE LOVE TO SERENA TOO! >This was when Amy was first interested in loving women. KURAMA: I guess this sentence is ambiguous enough to make us wonder... > "Amy, do me now! I can't stand it!" Amy began to rubb Mina's love box. >"Ohhhhh.... that feels sooooo good." TAIKI: ooooh I think I need some air... SEIYA: YO! FORRESTER! MY BROTHER NEEDS SOME AIR... (Seiya helps Taiki up and they go towards the exit) Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: AW! Very well... but you march back in here when he feels better. (Seiya and Taiki get out) Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: and now back to our regularely scheduled fanfic... YATEN& KURAMA: >Amy pulled off Mina's bra and slung it over her own breasts. "What are >you doing Amy?" KURAMA: Inquiring Minds want to know! > "Try to get it off Mina." > "Why?" YATEN& KURAMA: YATEN: Ku-chan promise me we'll never be as stupid as that when we make love!!! KURAMA: We'll never be as stupid Koibito... because we love each other, we're not after cheap thrills... YATEN: Yeah... Although some spice isn't bad... KURAMA: Yeah... not bad at all... Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: A-HEM!!!! (Yaten and Kurama see two giant mallets with their names on it materialize over their heads. They get the idea and sit back to read the fanfic) Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: That's better! (Kurama gives the finger sign) Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: Promises, promises... > "I'm supposed to be teaching you how to have sex, right?" YATEN: And putting another girl's bra is going to show her that? > "Wrong, I already know how." KURAMA: Wait a minute. didn't she just said she never made love before? > "How?" > "Welll, when artemis was a human, I pleasured him. YATEN: Stars! This fic is getting weirder by the minute... KURAMA: First a period fetish, now this... It's lucky Artemis was human... YATEN: Yeah... It would have turned into an Oscar fic... >Now shut the hell up and pleasure me!" > Amy layed right on to of Mina, their breasts touching eachother's hard >on. Mina ripped the bra off Amy with much hunger in her eyes. YATEN: I'm so hungry... Let's order a pizza! >Mina began >to twitch Amy's nipples with her toungue. Amy laughed in pleasure. YATEN& KURAMA: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YATEN: Yeah... right! > Mina >responded by taking Amy's panties off. She caressed Amy's love box. (Seiya and Taiki come back in. Taiki seems to be better he drinks some soda... Seiya gives Kurama a handful of unpoped kernels) SEIYA: Hang on to these if you get your powers back. You can use these to show the good doctor just how green your thumb is... (Kurama takes the kernels and nods) >She >then seperated her lips, fooling around with Amy. It was hard to see >what she was doing because of Amy's blue public hair. SEIYA: Excuse me, it was hard to see what she was doing? KURAMA: Is it safe to assume the author doesn't know that women aren't THAT hairy down there... >Mina suddenly felt >a hole, and eagerly stuck her finger up it. Amy screamed. Mina proceded >by pushing her finger higher inside Amy until she reached her organism. KURAMA: ORGANISM???? WHAT THE HECK IS THAT? DOES SHE MEAN? CLITORIS???? YATEN: Maybe she's touching her vagina walls, her canal, her inner lips? Her cervix? SEIYA: I sure as hell hope she isn't touching her penis... TAIKI: That's the problem with people who think they are mature enough to write a Lemon but unfortunately not mature enough to use term that all people would understand. KURAMA: Yeah... I mean take clitoris, other names have been used like pearl, button, nub... but organism... SEIYA: That makes it sound like she got a severe sickness or something... >She tickled the organism KURAMA: I guess she meant the clitoris then... I think... SEIYA: ORGANISM... DYHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! >and Amy cried out with much lust. Waves of >pleasue flew through Amy's body. "Oh god, I'm going to cum!!!" ALL: She'll be cuming around the mountain when she cums... >Mina >didn't understand this and stuck another finger in Amy. "Mina, get your >damn fingers out of my body now!!" YATEN: I don't get it... She wants to make love but she doesn't want to have an orgasm... I mean... WHAT'S THE POINT???? SEIYA: Yeah... What is it with some fanfic writers... they make their characters stop at crucial moments... > Mina did as she was told. She removed her fingers very slowly though. >This turned Amy on even more. When all of Mina's fingers were out of >Amy, Mina licked one of her fingers ever so slightly. She enjoyed the >taste. "Amy, have a taste of yourself!" YATEN: SAY AAAAAH! > Amy did. When Mina moved her >fingers toward Amy's mouth, their breasts touched again. Mina loved >this. With one hand, Mina fed her lover the cum. With the other, she >squezed Amy's right breast. She liked Amy's feeling so much she began to >suck all of Amy's large breast. Just then, Amy released all of her cum. SEIYA: Just like that... I thought Amy had better self-control... TAIKI: If the author though that; Amy wouldn't be in this fic. KURAMA: Touché! >It came out slow at first. Mina began lick her *area* slowly, but as the >cum came out faster, Mina's head became drenched in Amy's cum. ALL: KURAMA: hahahaha! I really doubt that could happen... > After Amy's outburst, she began to feel sleepy. Before she fell asleep >she thought one last thing, "That was the best sex I've ever had. I >guess I am a real lesbo at heart...." TAIKI: Is that me or does that sound like a self insertion here? OTHER: ________ > "Raye, get the hell out of my house now!" > "Darien, I love you! I've loved you for a long time and I couldn't do >anything about it because of that brat! Now that she dumped you, I can >finally express my love for you!" ALL: Express yourself, you gotta make him express himself. Hey,hey,hey. But if you want it right now. Make him show you how. Express what he's got, Baby ready or not!!! EXPRESS YOURSELF.... > "I'm flattered Raye, really I am, but I have to go to Serena!" > "Darien make love to me, make love to me now!" SEIYA: Pretty please with sugar on top... TAIKI: For a second there I thought you said "I'll let you go on top!" >With that, Raye took her >bra off and moved closer to Darien. "Back off Raye! Get the HELL out of >my life!" > "Mars Star Power!" KURAMA: MAKE UP! OTHER: KURAMA: Gomen... I always wondered what it felt like to yell that. > Now as Sailor Mars, she could control Darien. 'Mars Cellestial Fire >Surround!" > Darien was hit with a ball of fire. ALL: Goodness, gracious... Great Balls of Fire! >"Now, you will do as I say!" > "Not as long as the Princess lives! My love is there!" > "Mars, Fire Bird STRIKE!" KURAMA: YYEEEERRR OUT! > "OOHHHHH RAYE STOP!" > "Deep Submerge" ALL: > Immediatly the fir KURAMA: "Fir"... Isn't that a kind of tree? TAIKI: Yes it's in the same family as Pine, there is a fir on the flag of Liban, I think... around the building was put out. > "Sailor Neptune!" > "Go to the Princess Darien! KURAMA: WHOA! Did Darien change sex all of a sudden? PRINCESS DARIEN????!!! >Go now! I can handle her-" > Raye ran out of the room as fast as she could. She *had* to find Serena >and get rid of her. > The outer scouts were in town. ALL: The Outers are back and you're gonna be in trouble. Hey la hey la, The outers're back! > ~end part 3 KURAMA: How many parts are there left??! SEIYA: You're lucky, you just got here! > Sorry for any spelling errors! Please, only send me E-Mail if it is >IMPORTANT! I have to share a server and the other person I'm sharing >with dosen't like all the mail I'm getting! ONLY SEND E-MAIL IF IT IS >IMPORTENT!!! TAIKI: Loosely translated, I'm tired of all the flames. And she manages to spell important wrong... >You can also send mail if you have suggestions! I don't >mind that! I consider that important! KURAMA: I have a suggestion... Stop writing fanfics. >If you have a flame, send it! YATEN: I line my kitty liter box with them... >Comments can go with suggestions! Thank you a bunch Thanx for reading! SEIYA: Mmmm... as a suggestion I think I'll ask Mamoru to give me one of those deluxe Cyber Rose Bomb... I'd like to send the author a bouquet KURAMA: I got seeds for a really nasty kind of monster Venus fly-trap... SEIYA: Tempting... what does it eat? KURAMA: Bad fan fiction writers. >Maria Schmidt >Please, No one E-Mail Me For Any Reason! TAIKI: It's funny how bad writters write that... >Sailor Moon is property of NaokoTakeuchi/Kodansha, Toei animation. SEIYA: Well she got her info right that time... > "Real Love"p.4 YATEN: Does the p stand for Pepcid AC?... > "Gotta find the princess. W-Where could s-she be?" ALL: Oh Where are you now? Moonlight Princess Our Princess... Kotaete... Answer for me... > Raye was running >from Darien's apartment builing. She had gone out the back way. She was >now sitting on the back steps of the apartment building. "I'll go in the >front, maybe Darien and Neptune didn't leave yet." KURAMA: AAhhh... Wasn't she trying to get away from Neptune? > When she got to the front steps, she found a boy lying there, blood >streaming from his leg. He had short yellow hair. After searching him >for money or weapons, SEIYA: Oh yeah... when rescuing someone, check them for money first SURE! TAIKI: And weapons, Seiya... You never know he might be hiding a Nuclear Weapon down his pants. YATEN: Oh so THAT was the bulge... >she flipped him over. His face looked familiar, SEIYA: Was it Andrew? >but Raye didn't know who he was. Blood was covering half of his face, >and was still dripping from a deep cut. Raye drew attention to this man, >she thought he was rather handsome. TAIKI: Fine Raye, just fall for the blond guy and leave Darien alone. >Raye decided to take him to Darien's apartment to take care of his wounds. _________ > "Thanks a bunch Michiru! I was doomed for a second there." TAIKI: Gee golly gosh... Miss Michiru... > "Well, the important thing is that you are safe. But now we must find >the princess. I was sure Haruka would have been here by now!" YATEN: You know for someone who drives race cars, she sure is taking her sweet time... > "I'll call the rest of the scouts Michiru, you teleport through the >city and see if you can find Serena. It'll be better if you go as >Neptune. That way if you see Raye, she won't be able to harm you. Now >go! Find Serena!" > With that, Michiru left. SEIYA: Energize! > Seconds later Raye bounded through the front door. "Darien, help me! I >found this guy on the street!" TAIKI: Can I keep him? I give him a walk everday and I'll clean up any mess he makes... > "HARUKA!" > "Haruka?!!" > "Raye, get her a washcloth from the bathroom! Hurry!' > "But Darien, this can't be Haruka!" YATEN: You mean Raye is so cracked she couldn't recognize Haruka? > "oguhii.....ooohhhhh" ALL: Oh we-oh... yo-ho! Oh we-oh... yo-ho! > "Raye, she is waking up! Hurry!" > "OOOHHHH, princess,ohhhh" > "What about Serena?" > "Hurt, r-r-real-l b-b-bad, ooohhhh...." KURAMA: Have you ever heard of someone being hurt good? TAIKI: With some people, you'd be surprised... OTHERS: > Raye heard the conversation about Serena and felt much better at heart. >"She's gone! Ha!Ha!Ha!" > "What Haruka? What happened to my love?" > "Water......ooohhhh" YATEN: What do you mean water? She drowned??? > Darien quickly ran to get her some water. When he came back she was >sitting up. > "There. Now what about Serena?" > "She, she was r-real ma-ma-mad ab-bout s-something-g." TAIKI: Yeah! She was mad because all the Ice cream store were closed... > "Oh, shit." > "She r-ran toward s-some c-cars and t-the cr-rystal p-protected-d h-her >f-from any d-danger." > "How?" > "Everything went w-white." SEIYA: aaah... Care to elaborate a little more on that Haruka? > "How was she before you were hurt?" > "Three girls came and picked her up. One saw me looking and did this to >me. One other one dissapeered again. The one that beat me up left too. >The third one touched her breasts and undid most of her clothes. Serena >isn't a lesbo so she slapped the girl and ran. The third one then >disappeared." TAIKI: WHOA! WAITAMINUTE! WHEN THE HECK DID THAT HAPPEN? SEIYA: The only scene of action in this fic and it's gotta be a narration. YATEN: And she probably talks of the inners... and like Raye she didn't recognizes them. > "Was she okay?" > "Y-Yes." KURAMA: I told you everything went white!!! > Raye then stopped laughing and placed the washcloth on Haruka's head. >It was scalding hot, as on fire. Haruka screamed. SEIYA: HOT! HOT! HOT! YATEN: How about we read a good fanfic for a change... >Darien took off the >washcloth and threw it at Raye. "How dare you, you bitch!" > "Love me Darien. Love me like you never loved me before." KURAMA: I never did love you, why should I start now? > "How can I love you when you hurt my friends?" > "Just love me Darien." SEIYA: Aaaawww come on Darien, love me... TAIKI: That was corny, Seiya... SEIYA: So's this fic! > "Raye, yesterday, if Serena was dead, I could have loved you, but not >now, not ever." > "Then the princess must die." > Raye left the apartment determind to kill Serena, the princess. SEIYA: I'm gonna kill the wabit... hehehehehe! _________ > "Where am I? What is this place, it seems so familiar." > "That's because it's your home Serena, it's what's left of the Moon >Kingdom." YATEN: What do you mean it's my home??? I live in Jyuuban which is a district of Tokyo... I don't live on the Moon, in some sort of old run down castle... > "Mother?" > "Yes Serena, it's me." > "Am I dead?" > "Yes dear child. ALL: NANNI??? WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN? YATEN: Hey Forrester! Are you sending us the complete fanfics or parts... Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: That's the complete fanfic... TAIKI: This fanfic has more holes than Swiss cheese. >I've brought you hear to talk. Listen Serena, you must >watch out. All the scouts have turned evil, exept the outer scouts. YATEN: Well... They aren't now but they will be someday... and they'll betray you!!! KURAMA: Huh? But... Aren't you friends? SEIYA: That happened in Stars, Kurama, long story... and they didn't actually betray us you know... it was a plan to get to Galaxia... KURAMA: HUH? TAIKI: We'll tell you later... >You >must heal them, but I warn you, one will be exteremly dangerous. Watch >your back. They are after you. Everyone. Remember: Setsuna, Michiru, >Haruka, Hotaru, and Endymoin TAIKI: IT'S ENDYMION, ENDYMION!!!! >are on your side. Guard them carefully. I >have given you your life back. Do not try to destroy yourself again. SEIYA: What? She tried to commit suicide... WHEN? TAIKI: I knew she was upset, but knowing Serena, she would't act like that... YATEN: Have you seen ANYONE act like they should be in that fic? >Go >now. Protect the Earth and restore your friends. But I must warn you >princess, someone is not evil." SEIYA: Yah... It's Raye, she's not evil she's just insane... _________ > "Andrew, I have to go." YATEN: You're so dull in bed, I decided to take a chance on Melvin. OTHERS: EEEWWWW!!!! > "Just one more time. please!" > "Andrew, We have done it so many times you can't get an erection >anymore!" TAIKI: And he's STILL AWAKE???? SEIYA: That's one heck of a man... > "But you have no clothes." > "Yes I do. JUPITER STAR POWER!" > "You're Sailor Jupiter!" ALL: WELL DAH! > "Yes, and I must go. I have a duty to protect the princess." > "Drop your duty and come to bed." YATEN: I wanna do the horizontal mambo... I haven't done that yet... KURAMA: It's the same thing as the side way tango... > "I have dropped my duty. The princess mustn't live." __________ > "Mina, one more time, please!" > "I have no cum left." YATEN: I know I have it all on my head remember? > "Wait, I sense danger. TAIKI: DANGER! DANGER! Will Robinson, DANGER!!! Transform!" > "VENUS STAR POWER!" ALL: I'm your Venus, I am your fire, at your desire... > "MERCURY STAR POWER!" KURAMA: Aaawww... They forgot the make up part again... YATEN: I think you like those transformation sequence too much Ku-chan... KURAMA: I know I LOVE yours my little vixen... SEIYA & TAIKI: little... vixen?... YATEN & KURAMA: > "Let's go!" > "Yeah, Mercury, let's go destroy the princess." TAIKI: Okay, so the plot is make love till we drop and then we kill the Princess... SEIYA: For this fic it makes perfect sense... _____________ > "Mother really did give me my life back!" > "MOON CRYSTAL POWER!" > "Thanks moon." YATEN: WHO THE HELL IS TALKING???!!! > "Mars, I should have known." TAIKI: Does that answer your question? > "I've come to destroy you. MARS FIRE IGNITE!" > "Mars-" > "MARS FIREBIRD STRIKE!" > "M-Mars...." > "Dead Scream." SEIYA: You know this is getting sooo boring we can't find decent riffs. KURAMA: It's scary... but true... > "Thank-you Pluto. > "Go to Prince Endymoin, ALL: IT'S ENDYMION, DAMMIT!!! > he needs you." > "Not on less I get there first!" > "Mars Wait!" > "VENUS LOVE CHAIN ENCIRCLE!" > "OOOhhhh..." YATEN: WHO SAID THAT? SEIYA: The author didn't think it was important for the reader to know. > "Deep Submerge." > "Run Sailor Moon, we have it under control!" ALL: WHO THE HELL SAID THAT????? > "World Shaking" __________ > "Darien!" > "Raye." > "Darien..." TAIKI: You know a little description of what they are doing and where they are, would really be of great help... > "Raye, put some clothes on." > "No Darien. Make Love to me!" YATEN: Man... This is getting old... KURAMA: I'll say... I'm about to fall back asleep here! > "But Raye I......" SEIYA: I don't wannnaaaaaaaaaa! > "You will follow my commands!" KURAMA: Get undressed, kneel before me and call me Beloved Mistress of my burning heart!!! SEIYA & TAIKI: TAIKI: Kurama... I think we would like to have a word with you... KURAMA: I'm just kidding, guys... > Raye was on top of Darien on the couch, Darien stuggling to get away. > "Raye, get off me no-" > Raye kissed Darien. Their tongues intertwined." SEIYA & TAIKI: KURAMA & YATEN: Dr. FORRESTER'S VOICE: STOP THAT! KURAMA & YATEN: > "Raye, I'm NOT in love with you! Get off me-" > Raye's hands played with Darien's penis, trying to give him an >erection. SEIYA: Oh Yeah, like that's going to work! > "Raye, stop!I don't love you!" > "Yes you do!" > "NO!" TAIKI: He said no... N-O, NO! YATEN: Yeah and when it's no, it's a rape! Yeah I'm talking to all you PERVERTS OUT THERE!!!! > "Darien..." > Darien punched Raye in the jaw and got out of his apartment. ALL: > "Serena! You're safe!" > "Yes Darien!" > "No. MARS CELESTIAL FIRE SUROUND!" > "Darien and Serena collapsed to the ground. SEIYA: Are they wounded? TAIKI: As Raye won? KURAMA: Are Serena and Darien dead? YATEN: Do we care? ALL: NO! __________ > EndP.4 > NO E-MAIL!!!! > Awestruck TAIKI: When someone says no e-mail, it's a good indication that, they know people will flame it... YATEN: GUYS! I think the fanfic is finished... KURAMA: You mean it was never completed? ALL: ALLELUIA!!! <1> <2> <3>... (Seiya is taking a nap and Taiki is hard at work on his laptop. He's working with the material Amy sent him. Kurama and Yaten decide to take a stroll on SOL 3's bridge. YATEN: I'm sorry, Ku-chan... It seems we failed and we took you with us... KURAMA: Don't worry Yat-chan... I wanted to come and help you guys, and I feel better being with you than worrying at what might have happened if I didn't come... (They stop before the great panoramic window.) YATEN: Space... it's so beautiful and peaceful here... KURAMA: Tell me Yaten... Where's your galaxy? YATEN: You see that red star over that blue one?... well it's in between those two stars. If you travel in that direction you will see an orange star surrounded by three small stars, one green, one blue and one purple. That's where Kinmoku is... KURAMA: Sure seem far away... YATEN: It sure is... (Meanwhile on SOL 2... the inners are looking at SOL 3 with binoculars) RAYE: Amy wasn't kidding: I see Yaten and Kurama on the observation bridge. MINA: What are they doing? RAYE: Well... talking I guess. Kurama is holding Yaten in his arms... MINA: WHAT? let me see... RAYE: OUCH! Hey! Watch it Mina! LITA: What are you guys looking at?... RAYE: Well... Amy is busy at work with our escape plan and since we were tired of seeing Serena and Darien kissing all the time... MINA: We decided to check out towards SOL 3 and hope we... aaaaaaaaaa... They're going to kiss!!!!!! RAYE: WHAT? LITA: Quit hogging the spyglass Mina... We want to see... MINA: THEY'RE KISSING!!!! LITA: OOOOHHH KAWAII...!!!! RAYE: HEY! Let me see!!! OMIGOOOOD!!!! They ARE kissing... LITA: Yaten is lucky... at least he/she is in there with her boyfriend... (Just then Serena, Darien and Amy enter, they are surprised to see the girls exchanging binoculars and giggling) AMY: Huh? Guys? What are you doing? SERENA: Are you looking in the direction of SOL 3? DARIEN: You didn't believe Amy when she told you Seiya, Taiki, Yaten and Kurama were there? OTHERS: SERENA: DARIEN: What is it? SERENA: They go on and on saying they are sick and tired of seeing us kiss and what happens?... They spy on Yaten and Kurama while they kiss!!!! AMY: OH! OTHERS: AMY!!! AMY: I... I'm just looking if Taiki is there, that's all... (Deep 13) Dr. FORRESTER: That's it my little puppets relax and enjoy yourselves, because the next experiment will be your worst *nightmare* hehehe! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! FRANK: Surveillance scan beginning at SOL 3 Dr... OMIGOD THERE'RE KISSING AGAIN!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dr. FORRESTER: oh no... not again... The end... for now.... The usual disclammers: This is not a personal attack on the poster, just on what he/she posted. The Three Lights and Kurama's commentaries do not necessary reflect the views of Sailor Star Love. The characters of Seiya, Taiki and Yaten Kou are the property of Naoko Takeushi and Toei inc. As well as DIC for the american names. The character of Kurama is the property of Yoshiro Togashi and Toei inc. Dr. Forrester and Frank are the property of Best Brains, Inc. These characters do not belong to me I just borrowed them for a while.