CALF MST: Ami-chan The Flashman (MXJK767C@Prodigy.com) On the FFML (Fan Fiction Mailing List) there are four *Good* MSTers. (Meaning they MST good stories while trying to give solid advice at the same time.) One, is Christopher James "God Boy" Angel, God of Moments Another, is Andrew Huang. A normal guy who's friends with Nanami Jinnai. Another, is the Eternal Lost Lurker, who watches over the world for fics to MST from his orbital space station, the Lurkerdome. And then there's Flashman. A Sentai Warrior. We thought it might be fun if we stuck the four of them together and forced them to watch crappy fanfics instead of their normal stuff. Enjoy. [Shot opens on the Lurkerdome.] In the not too distant future, In Texas way down there, There lies a private theatre, And Lurker lives in there. [Shot closes on the Lurkerdome, fades through the walls, onto a picture of Lurker and Hikaru. It holds like that for a second, and then a big red 'X' appears over it.] But this story's not about him, And the girl that lives there too, It's about him and three guys, Who were locked up in that zoo. [The screen is filled with images from our MSTs] Their names known far and wide, Their exploits make you laugh, But from now on they go by The Production name of CALF! Roll Call: Chris! [Picture of God-boy in his trenchcoat. Green-blue energy swirls around him, and he's in full armor form.] Andrew! [Picture of a blank room. Andrew seems to fade into existence, his morning star at the ready.] Lurker! [Image of Lurker going super-Sayajin] Flashman! [Image of Flashman firing off the Flash Blaster] [Quick short shots of each of their faces, ending with a cow's face, looking perplexed as the four guys facefault around it.] If you're wondering where that cow came from, or other science facts, Just repeat to yourself "It's an MST, I should really just relax." For Mystery CALF Theater 2000! Mystery CALF Theater 2000 Episode 1: "Ami-Chan" by: Unknown MST treatment by: The Eternal Lost Lurker (EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net) Christopher James "God-Boy" Angel (c_j_angel@hotmail.com) The Flashman (MXJK767C@Prodigy.com) Andrew Huang (alhuang@hcs.harvard.edu) ____________________ From a launch pad in Houston Texas, a purple space station launched into space, where space stations were intended to be. On that space station, a man in his early twenties, who looked much like Mirai Trunks of Dragon Ball Z fame, with his hair a few shades more purple, awoke as his bed room shook. "What's going on?" he thought, groggily, "An earthquake? In Texas?" "Computer," he called out as he stretched and yawned, " what time is it?" "The time is 0830 AM," the synthesized voice of the Lurkerdome computer replied. "Time to get up," the man thought as he looked out the window, "The sun looks really nice set against the stars like that..." Then it hit him. "STARS?! KUSO!" Then he uttered the phrase which earned him the name of The Eternal Lost Lurker, "NOW WHERE AM I?!" He didn't expect an answer, but got one as the computer said, "The Lurkerdome is in high Earth orbit, as per the 'Eclipse Objective'." "The what?! Computer, explain." "Unable to comply. 'Eclipse Objective' is not to be revealed to you and the three who await you on the bridge." Lurker frowned at that last piece of information and got out of bed, put on his purple suede jacket with the "ELL" patches on the sleeves, and raced for the bridge. "Maybe someone in there has answers..." he thought. THE BRIDGE "I WANT SOME ANSWERS AND I WANT THEM RIGHT *NOW*!" the tallest of the three, a man who was dressed in green armor with two arm blades on each of the suit's wrists, exclaimed, "I go to sleep and then wake up HERE!" "Don't look at me," a man clad in gold spandex with a blue chest plate and a golden helmet with a black visor covering his eyes replied, "The same thing happened to me. AND I WANT SOME ANSWERS TOO!" The two then turned to glare at the obviously average human being, an oriental man with glasses and mussed black hair. The man said as he raised his hands in the universal hey-don't-kill-me gesture, "Same here. Please stop looking at me like that." The three of them were in what looked like the bridge of the Technodrome from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, with the exception that the entire place was colored purple. At that point, the door opened and the Eternal Lost Lurker rushed in. He stopped short as the three in the room caught sight of him and the spandex wearing one said, "Maybe this guy has some answers..." "Hey! How the hell did you three get in here?!" "... or he might not." the normal man added. Lurker said, "Computer! Identify source and arrival method of intruders." The disembodied voice of the computer responded, "Computation error. No intruders are present aboard the Lurkerdrome." Lurker blinked, then glared at the other three. "Okay, who are you guys, and what are you doing on my ship? I want answers, and I want them *now*." His eyes began to glow purple. The masked man and tall one, obviously didn't like being threatened and stepped forward, however, the normal man jumped in between them and exclaimed, "WHOA! Let's not fight, please? This is all a misunderstanding. Maybe we should introduce ourselves first? My name's Andrew Huang." After a few moments to take deep breaths and calm down, the group nodded and the tall man went first, "My name is Christopher James Angel, God Of Moments." "GOD-BOY?!" the others exclaimed. Chris winced and said, "Don't call me 'God-Boy'." "Sure thing..." the spandex wearer replied, "God-Boy." Chris towered over him and growled, "And who are you, little man?" The masked man handed business cards to the others and said, "My card." Then he muttered under his breath, "Just because I'm five six and a half, everybody mocks me." On the card was written, "FFML?" Lurker asked. "Free Flow of the Multiverse League." Flashman replied. "SI?" Chris asked. "Special Investigator." "D.B.T.C?" Andrew asked. "Don't Bend The Card." The rest of the group sweatdropped. Suddenly, the main view screen flickered to life and the image of a man in a lime green lab coat and the face of a mad scientist, looked down on them. "Greetings," the image said, "My name is Doctor Clayton Forrester and you are just in time to take part in my latest experiment." "And that," the face of a pudgy man with white hair added from the lower left corner of the screen, "makes you lab rats." "Frank," Forrester said, "don't interrupt or, as a fellow associate of the Fraternal Order of Mad Scientists would put it, I shall have to hurt you." TV's Frank backed out of the shot as Forrester continued, "Now, you're probably wondering how I got you up there. Well, you see, I've recently joined up with this marvelous organization called the Eclipse Syndicate, and thanks to that alliance, I now have the power to place anyone and anything I want, into a space station and trap them there with a null field that takes away all their super powers. In this case, I hijacked your Lurkerdome, as you so tackily call it, and decided to see what happens when I show four self-insertion character who are less than perfect, instead of the annoyingly perfect ones that clog the multiverse, a very evil thing called bad fanfiction." Frank's head entered the shot again and added, "Actually, we're already showing bad B movies to some boobs on another satellite and we didn't want to repeat the same experiment." "FRANK!" Forrester roared, "I shall deal with you later." Turning back to the screen as Frank slinked away, Forrester concluded, "Just so you know I'm not joking, I'll be sending up your first fic right now. It's a wonderfully sultry slop heap of a lemon called 'Ami-chan' by one who wishes to remain unknown. Enjoy." The view screen winked off and, after a shocked pause, Andrew said, "But I don't read lemons." "You'd better start then," Lurker said, "'Cause I don't think you're going to be given a choice." "Ooooooh, no I won't!" Andrew exclaimed. "Ooooooh, yes you will!" the others said. "Ooooooh, no I won't!" Andrew repeated. "Ooooooh, yes you will!" the others repeated, suddenly grabbing Andrew. At that point, bright purple lights strobed all over the bridge as alarm klaxons blared. Lurker looked up, and declared, "WE'VE GOT LEMON SIIIIIIIIGN!" [Door C: It's a TV, with Urd sitting atop it in a seductive pose. You fly through the TV screen, which shatters on contact.] [Door A: It's EVA Unit 01. It's mouth opens and you fly down it's throat.] [Door L: It's a huge stone wall. Son Gohan and Son Goku appear at your sides, and they KameHameHa a hole in it for you to go through.] [Door F: Your way is blocked by a giant monster. A huge robot steps up and roundhouses the monster, knocking it out of your way.] [Door Pro: A plain door. Skuld, Nanami, Hikaru, and Usagi appear to grab you and throw you through it.] [Inside the theater, Chris, Lurker, and Flashman are all seated comfortably in the front row, facing the screen. Behind them, Andrew hangs from the ceiling by his ankles, arms duct-taped to his sides.] Andrew: [muttering] I told'em I wouldn't do bad lemons. I told'em, so I did...buggrem. [The lights dim, and the fanfic rolls...] > Ami's sexual experiences started at the age of fourteen. After >staying after school very late, she was confronted by two of her Flashman:(Imitating Janitor) AMI! Remember to lock up when you leave this time. >classmates. >They were very direct and asked plain out: "May we rape you? We'll pay!" Ami's >answer was no, but they raped her anyway. Flashman:(Imitating Ami) I hate when that happens. Lurker: Ummm...isn't that pretty much the *definition* of rape!? Chris: You have to give them this much, they asked fisrt. Lurker: And how many rapists have you met that would do that, hmm? Andrew: Can I kill them? I'm feeling a bit stressed. >They wrestled her to the ground. Joe fondling her breasts out of the tight bra, >Kai's finger probing deep into her womb. Joe began to unbuckle his belt, but as Lurker: Okay, so Kai rammed his whole arm up Ami's vagina to finger her womb? This girl has got to have one incredible... Chris: [*THWAP!*s Lurker] Just *don't* go there. Lurker: [rubbing his head] I wasn't going to! Honest! Ite... >he did, the buckle hit Ami in the head and knocked her out. Lurker: If your belt buckle knocks out the girl you're raping, you might be a redneck. Chris: Word, the thing's gotta be a lead brick! > When she awoke, she was covered in cum. It was in her mouth, her eyes, all >over her chest, in her womb, and she could even feel it inside her butt. As she Chris: Uhhh....they musta been just a little pent up, ne? Andrew: Bleargh. >got up to collect her clothes, she felt a strange feeling between her legs. She >reached into her vagina and pulled out a wad of cash. She counted it. $50! Lurker: Whoa...I've heard of easy money, but that's ridiculous... Flashman: Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, CHING-CHING! Chris: She should charge more. Andrew: Mastercard or Visa? Ah, too bad I only have a Discover card. [pause] Andrew: ...there's a bad joke in there somewhere, I'm sure. > This gave her an idea, which she formulated as she pulled her panties and >bra on. As she slipped into her skirt and what was left of her shirt. First off, >she would have to buy a new school uniform. Lurker: And of course, the fact that two guys just raped her never enters her mind...she's in the Kasumi zone... Chris: Indeed. Taking this awfully well, isn't she? Flashman: I think she forgot to wear her face mask in chemistry. Andrew: I think she licked the spoon, too. Lurker: She licked *something*, anyway... > The next day she approached Joe and Kai with this proposal: "I will let >you and any of your friends rape me after school on whatever day you want." But >this was her condition: she would charge $50 per person per orgasm. Chris: You have now entered...the Twilight Zone. I'm sorry, but NO FREAKING WAY! Lurker: Agreed. I mean...per orgasm? Realistically, that's going to be one per person....she needs to charge about four times that. Chris: [growls, reaches for the *THWAP!* stick] That's not what I meant! >She also >reserved the right to charge extra for various reasons (i.e. if they wanted to >ruin her school uniform, or cause pain to her (like pummeling her with fists or >fucking her when she wasn't wet), etc.) They agreed and met her after school in >the darkened hallways. Lurker: Ami has just turned into everyone's worst nightmare--the whore versions of Nabiki and Nanami combined. Chris: NOT an image I needed, thankyouverymuch. Andrew: ...NANAMI! GET ME OUTTA HERE! PLEASE! WAAAAH!!!!! > There were five of them the first night. At first, she only saw Joe. He Flashman:(Imitating Ami) Yooooo JOE! Chris: [pulls out the *THWAP!* stick] Don't make me use this! Lurker: [grabs the stick and *THWAP!*s Flashman] >ran up and grabbed her arms, forcing her against the wall. He took out a knife >and began to cut each button off of her school uniform. Threatening that he >would kill her if she screamed. Ami, of course, knew this was all done to >increase his pleasure, so she went along with it. Joe pulled her shirt back >roughly and looked in dismay at her plain cotton bra. Lurker: Oh yeah. I'd be disappointed too if I were staring right at Ami's semi-bare chest. Chris: Nah, he was hoping this time she'd have a D cup. Lurker: Honey, I Blew Up The Boobs? Flashman:(Drooling) Female... flesh... Chris: [Smacks his forehead, and hands Flashman a napkin] Control yourself, lad. Sheesh. Now if it was Makoto that's be a different story. [pause] Hey, she's got more 'talent'. Lurker: [dryly] And here I thought God-boy liked Rei's talents the best... Chris: [sighs] For the record: Makoto (hey, I like tall chicks), then Rei, then Ami, then Setsuna (Heeellloooo NURSE!), then Minako. Andrew: *gurgle* Helb...by nose is bleedig, an I gan't mobve. > "What is this crap", he screamed. He punched her in the stomach. Flashman:(Recovered) At that point, Ami realized the relationship wasn't working. (Turns to God-Boy) And for your information, Ami takes fourth behind Usagi [I like pettite], Makoto [and the other way isn't bad either] and Setsuna [I'll agree with you there]. Lurker: Guys...now is not the time... >Ami fell >to the floor. "I was expecting some sexy lingerie, bitch!" He kicked her in the >stomach again. Ami felt as if she were going to throw up. She now felt a second Lurker: I feel like *I'm* going to throw up... Chris: I do believe, this is the stupidest thing I have ever read. >person come up behind her and begin to lift her skirt up. "Same at this end", >she heard Kai say. He kicked her right in the pussy. Now she lay flat on the Lurker: Hey! No fair! Cruelty to animals! Ura: MROWR! HISS! Andrew: Whe'd you ged here? An somebody gibve me a dissue already. Or at leasd, cud me down. >ground. The cold marble stone pressing against her semi-exposed chest. She was >in immense pain. A third person turned her over. "Who gives a shit", he said, >"it comes off anyway". And he ripped her bra off. This man was the Chris: As much as I'd hate to agree with ANYTHING in this fic, I do believe that what's IN the apparel is more importent than the apparel itself. What can I say? Happosai I ain't. Lurker: Yeah...for one thing, you're about what, five feet too tall? Flashman: Yeah, and you're a couple hundred years too young. Chris: And I have standards. Andrew: Well, I donb't gnow about you, bud I find a bartially undressed female do be seggsier than a gombledely nagked one. [The others stare at him.] Andrew: Whad? An somebody gibve me a damn dissue, already. >first one >that night to show any of his skin. He pulled his penis out, waiting a few >seconds before it became erect. Then he stuck it between her breasts and began >moving it back and forth. She felt others, sloppily removing her panties and >tearing out pubic hair with it. She stifled a scream. Flashman: Well, I'm NOT. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!! Andrew: [bugeyed] Owch. Lurker: Ummm...I think this is taking it a bit far... Chris: [rolls his eyes] See that faint speck in the distance WAAAAAAY behind us? That was the line, we crossed it a WHILE ago. Lurker: Oooohhhh, *that's* what that was...I thought it was Munihousen... Flashman: What depresses me though is that Munihousen is still a LONG way in FRONT of us. Chris: Be afraid. Be VERY afraid. > "What the fuck??!", said an unknown fourth person, "Why isn't she shaved?" Flashman: O_o Ami's the bearded lady?! Lurker: Don't you know? That would cost an extra 20 bucks! Pubic hair doesn't grow on trees, y'know! >Then she felt the cold metal of a knife slide in between the lips of her sex. >This feeling scared her and she arched her back. The man on top of her pushed >her back down with immense strength and continued his journey toward orgasm. She >narrowly escaped being cut by the knife. "Next time, bitch", she heard from the >vicinity of her legs, this was a fifth person, "You better be shaved." The man Chris: I can't stand a woman with chest hair! >on top of her was beginning to move quicker and quicker. Then he >stopped...waiting for something. Ami waited too. Then he slapped Flashman: ALRIGHT! The author's got writers block! Maybe this thing will end soon! Lurker: Well, we can dream, anyway... >her. "Open your >mouth, you cunt!" She obeyed. The man began his pleasure again. At the same Flashman: Shoot. Lurker: Make up your mind! Do you want her to open her mouth or her cunt? Andrew: Bleargh. Again. >time, she felt someone enter her between the legs. 'Not wet...extra money', she >thought. Then she felt something warm enter her mouth and realised that one of >her 'assailants' had his penis in her mouth. He already had a little Flashman: I never realized how appropriate those first three letters in "assailants" were until now... Chris: [*THWAP!*s Flashman] Andrew: I said, somebody ged me down. I wan' do hid him doo. >bit of cum >on the tip from his excitement between her breasts. Finally, he came into her >mouth. Ami nearly threw up the moment her tongue came in contact with it, but Lurker: I nearly threw up the moment my eyes came in contact with this lemon... Flashman: It could be worse... This could be "Mako-chan". Chris: Nah, it'd be better. After all, she's got more.. [Chris is drowned out as the others *THWAP!* the living daylights out of him] >held on. She choked both from the cum and the penis hitting the back of her >throat. Her eyes were watering. The man finally pulled his penis out of her >mouth. Then he dried it off on her shirt and walked away. Flashman:(Deadpan) He's such a caring soul. > Now the man inside of her pussy gave her an instruction: "Struggle", was >all he said. She maneuvered to try to get his penis out of her, but he grabbed >her waist and held on. Ami began to squirm. The man tried to hold her by the >waist but couldn't. He grabbed her hands and pushed them to the floor. All the >while, he was moving in and out of her. She tried struggling harder and he >slapped her. He continuously slapped her until she stopped struggling. This was Lurker: Is this making sense to anyone else? Chris: They MUST be contortionists, that's all I can tell. Lurker: That, or relatives of Stretch Armstrong... Flashman: Or related to Doctor Octopus... Andrew: Whad aboud EBA-03? Chris: It's a Twin Angels fic! Lurker: Ugh. At least there aren't any tentacles in this... >fine with him, he grabbed her breasts with both hands and began squeezing them >and using them as a purchase with which to thrust himself inside of her harder. Lurker: Owch. That's gotta hurt. Flashman:(Sarcastic) And what gave you THAT idea? Andrew: [twitch] Suddenly, I'm in da mood for some milg. Ackg. My brain is startig to meld. >Every time he thrusted, she would arch her back, as if in pain. Because frankly, >she was. But the arching seemed to increase his enjoyment even more. He came >inside of her, she could feel his body shaking with the pleasure of his orgasm. >Then he pulled it out and walked away. Chris: I bet he gets a lot of second dates. Flashman: That's two... > Joe was next. He sat down at her head and told her to turn over. She did >and found herself staring right at his penis. "Suck it", he said. Flashman: Are you ready... Break it down! (Sings the Degeneration X Theme.) Lurker: [looks at Flashman like he's lost it.] Andrew: Isn'd id a liddle lade for dat? >She hesitantly >took his piece of warm flesh into her mouth and was about to begin when she was >startled by a strange feeling. It was a penis in her butt! Startlement quickly Lurker: Oh no! It's a penis in her butt! Chris: I think there were Tibettan monks who saw that coming. Lurker: Tibetan monks saw the penis in her butt coming? @_@ >turned into anguish as the man moved into her narrowest passage and began taking Lurker: He moved into her nostril? Ugh...kinda gives a whole new meaning to "up your nose"... Chris: [*THAWP!*s Lurker] Lurker: Itai! Cut that out! Flashman: [LEO Punts Lurker] Lurker: Kusottare... Andrew: Gud me down! I wanna hid him doo! >his pleasure. She tried to ignore it as much as she could and took Joe's penis Lurker: Oh yeah...just ignore having a penis in your butt...not difficult at all... Chris: What, was this written by Space Moose? Flashman: More like The Hentai Man. Lurker: Nah...Hentai Man's got more class than this. ...not MUCH, mind you... Andrew: Agdually, thad's nod hard do beliebe. >into her mouth. She sucked it and moved it about with her tongue. As the pain >in her rear became more accute, it became more apparent in her face, which was >already red. She couldn't breath well with the penis in her throat. And every Lurker: Yeah, I guess that *might* obstruct the air passages...>_< >time it hit the back of her throat, she gagged. The pain and the gagging made Lurker: I'm gagging just from reading this piece of... Flashman: LURKER! Let's not sink to the authors level... please? Chris: Too late. Andrew: I don'd thing id's possible to singk thad low. Not withoud an exgavation drill. >tears begin to roll down her face. She heard Joe say: "Good. Good." The tears >obviously pleased him, so she stopped trying to shut out the pain and let it all >hit her. More tears ran in torrents down her face. The man behind her finished >and left his cum inside her butt to slowly dribble out. She couldn't help but >think: "How the hell is he going to get rid of the smell??!" But not for long as Lurker: 'Scuse me.... Chris: Must...find...D...key.... Flashman:(Weakly) You smell what The Rock's cookin? UGH! Even saying it, I felt dirty. Andrew: Arghlgl. >Joe's thrusts were becoming faster and harder and pretty hard to stand. It was s >struggle just breathing now. His penis seemed to fill her whole mouth. So she Lurker: Gee, I wonder why... Flashman: I hope this isn't a self-insertation... PLEASE don't let it be a self-insertation! Lurker: Yeah...last thing we need is another Shakari, obsessed with a twelve-millimeter penis... Chris: [Opens his mouth to speak, then closes it with a snap, then mutters.] NOT gonna go there... >was relieved when she felt more warm cum squirt into her mouth. Joe was moaning. Lurker: I'd be moaning too, if I were cast in this fic...moaning in agony... Andrew: I would habe gilled myself by now. >Then he pulled it out and let more cum squirt out into her eye. She cringed, but Lurker: O_o That must be a sight... Andrew: Thad's some aim. Flashman:(Imitating Ami's Mother) I always told you you'd put your eye out with one of those. (Pause) Oh god... WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH ME?! (Slaps himself) >Joe didn't mind, because he was already done. He had a bit of a stunned look on >his face and he was shivering. 'I must have been good.', she thought. Joe Lurker: Considering you didn't do anything but lay there like a sheep? Chris: To quote a phrase: "How to have a good orgasm..." Did you really need the 'good' in that title? Flashman: Well, playing a perfect victim needs it's own style. Just ask Naru. >eventually pulled his pants up and walked off. Flashman: I'm sensing a theme here... Lurker: Naw, y'think? > All that was left now, was Kai. He said to her: "Just rest...I'll do all >the work." Then he sat on top of her stomach and began to masterbate. He derived Lurker: Why not? Everyone else has... Chris: Integrals! He derived integrals! Yeah, that's it. Andrew: If I eber find the author, I'm going to differentiate his ass. Flashman: I was hoping for something more like morals. Lurker: Morals? In THIS fic? >visual pleasure from the state her body was in. Bruises on her breasts from >violent hands. Her shirt half hanging off her arms, the buttons strewn all over >the hallway. The tears and cum all over her face and dribbling out her mouth. >The pool of cum that had gathered around her legs from when it dribbled out. Her >skirt pushed up around her waist to allow access to her pussy. He drew on >thoughts from the previous night: Ami's unconcious body covered in cum. His cum. Lurker: Fresh tart with frosting. Yum. Flashman:(Singing to the tune of "Come With Me") Cum from me... Lurker: [BAPBAPBAPBAPs Flashman] [Andrew's eye twitches.] >And blood that had trickled out of her pussy--obviously, it had been her first >time. Then he thought about the whole situation...the reason he had picked her >out of all the other girls in the school. Sure, she was beautiful, sure she she >great hips and breasts. He looked at her breasts and a shot of pleasure ran >through him. But the single most exciting thing was that he was raping the >smartest girl in school. The appeal of someone totally innocent--he Chris: Yeah, that's what *I* think about when I'm looking for a girl to date. "Hey, look at the brains on that one!" Flashman: Smart is sexy. That's why Ami's considered the sexiest Senshi in countless fan polls. Chris: [snorts] Bah. Shy is sexy, smart is intimidating. If Makoto had Ami-level shyness, she'd have 10x as many fans. And if Ami had Rei's personality, she'd have WAY less fans. Andrew: Well, I sdill likge Asuga bedder than Ayanami. >was almost >sure that she never thought about self pleasure. All this became too much for Lurker: ...no. I won't even go there. Flashman:[Putting Flash Blaster back in holster] Good.. >him to stand and he ejaculated all over her. 'Wow!', he thought, 'there must be >a couple spoonfuls there!' He got up and began to walk away. Then he remembered Lurker: Thank you, that's a *lot* more than we needed to know...>_< Chris: [Holds up his hand] All those who could have gone without seeing that, raise your hand. All except Andrew:[Raising hands] YO! Andrew: [swinging back and forth like a pendulum] GED ME DOWN! Oh, an' 'yo'. NOW GED ME DOWN! >something. He walked back and stuffed money into her pussy--in later ventures, >this became the formal was of giving her her payment. When Ami finally found Lurker: Kinda makes you wonder what they do about making change... Chris: [smacks his forehead] Flashman:(Facefaults) LURKER! >enough strength to sit up, she found that she ached all over. The boys had been >VERY rough that night. She reached between her legs and pulled out a wet wad of >cash. $700! She put her clothes on-or what was left of them-and walked out of Chris: And now, a word from out sponsor: [Holds up a sign] USE A CONDOM Chris: For those of you who are left, back to the....thing-that's-too-bad-to-be-called-a-fic. >the school. She rode the subway home. She was alone on the train except for a >dirty old man who also raped her. I mean...can you blame him? You're alone on Lurker: You can pretty much blame *any* rapist... Chris: What is this, La Blue Girl? Lurker: Looks more like La Blue Hair from here... Flashman: DAMNIT! HAPPOSAI! YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR!!! >the train at night, a lonely old man, there's a pretty, young school girl with >only part of her shirt on and her breasts all but hanging out all over the >place. What would you do? He didn't pay her, but he didn't steal her money, Lurker: Oh, well that makes it just hunky-dory then. >_< Flashman: Didn't steal her money? Well then... DAMNIT! GRANDPA HINO! YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR! Chris: What is this, Taboo Sailor Moon style? Andrew: I'd pugke, bud I'd choke on id. >either. So she went home and went to bed. She woke up the next morning and could >barely move, she was so sore. So the boys went to her house after school and >carried out their sexual activities there. She went through this just about >everyday of her high school life. But by her own accord. Many times they had >told her: If you want us to stop doing this to you, we will. But she never asked >them to. I mean...how else was she going to put herself through college? Lurker: Gee...I dunno. I mean, her mom's a doctor...doctors sure can't afford to put a kid through college, right? -_-;; [The lights come up. Chris, Flashman, and Lurker stand, and stagger out of the theater.] "That...was painful," Lurker said. "Yeah..." Chris agreed. "I hope like hell we never have to go through anything like that again." "I have a bad feeling we probably will," Flashman commented. "Not if I can get control of the Lurkerdrome back from that jackass in the green lab coat," Lurker said as they emerged into the bridge. "My mother built this damned place, I should be able to get it back under my...control...what the HELL?" The others began to ask what prompted Lurker's outburst, but it became unneccessary as they stepped out onto the bridge. In the middle of the main control console stood a large, fat brown cow, with a familiar black-and-white emblem on its flank. It stared at them blankly. "What the hell is a cow doing on my bridge?" Lurker demanded. "Ah, but it's not your bridge anymore," the voice of Dr. F rang out from the main speakers. The viewscreen lit up, revealing the visage of the mad scientist. The breast pocket of his lab coat now sported the insignia of the Eclipse Syndicate. "Don't even think about trying to regain control of the station, 'Lost Lurker'," he said. "Any attempt at tampering with the control systems will prompt CyberCALF," he gestured to the cow, "to detonate the 50-megaton nuclear warhead contained in its stomach." He smiled nastily. "Compliments of Blade Bot." "Kusottare..." Lurker growled, clenching his fists. "Forrester, as soon as I get out of here..." "That won't be happening anytime soon," Forrester laughed. The viewscreen went blank. "Well this is just great," Chris said. "We'll find a way out of here," Lurker said. "I'm not about to let some crackpot take over my home without a fight." He paused. "We could be here a while...there are some spare rooms on the habitat level I'm not using. Make yourselves at home. Don't touch the red door," he warned. As the other two made their way to the lift, Flashman said, "You know...I can't help but think we forgot something..." In the theater, Andrew swung frantically from side to side, struggling with the duct tape pinning his arms. "GEEEEEEEED MEEEEEE DOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWN!"