NOTE: All characters original to the Tenchi-Muyo! TV1 series portrayed in this story, as well as all those from the Tenchi-Muyo! Ryo-Ohki OVA series, are the sole property of AIC and Pioneer Animation. Any appearance of them in actual life is purely coincidental. Tenchi-Muyo! material and paraphernalia listed within is copyright Pioneer Animation 1997. Kyoto Minamoto, Muriyaki Kushiragi, Chisako, Chi-Ohki, and all other related characters are the sole property of Joseph McKenzie and Keiichi Masaki. Please direct C&C to Keiichi Masaki and/or Chi-ohki . Episode #22: No Need for A Past! "What the hell just happened?!" The evil Kyoto is livid. Here he had had the major threat to his plans trapped, with the most powerful weapons in his arsenal aimed at him from both directions… …and they had the nerve to disappear. "I… I’m not completely sure, my lord." In spite of the magnitude of this failure, the evil Washu is completely calm. "It appears that they executed a fold at the very moment that our dimensional blasts struck." She pauses, then continues. "Astrogational scans seemed to indicate that the fold was an uncalibrated one; they could be anywhere… anywhen. The spacetime-warping effect of the dimensional cannons also added to the unpredictability of their location. They could be in Oz or the Golden Lands for all we know." "Don’t tell me our problems! Tell me what we can do to fix them!" Kyoto’s sword hand grips the hilt of his light sword tightly, as if ready to carry out the time-tested tradition of killing the messenger with bad news. "Normally, there would a temporal trail that we could trace easily. There still is, but it’s really scrambled. We could get a hundred possible routes, and none of them the correct one…" "Argh… fine, fine, do what you have to." Kyoto stands up abruptly. "I’ll be in my quarters. Tell me when you have something useful to go on." "Oh, my aching… everything…" Kyoto slowly pulls himself to his feet, using Edgatho for support. "What happened to us?" Digital Washu stands up. "Let me see… we engaged an uncalibrated space/time dimensional fold at the exact moment that two blasts of dimensional cannon fire impacted us. The time/space differential was misaligned by a factor of 1.235 to the third power of chaos. This misalignment caused a 2.5—" "In plain language, please!" growls Ryoko. "We’ve been blown to kingdom come." Everyone on the command deck face-faults. "Oro?" croaks Tenchi, massaging the back of his head. "That’s right, Tenchi. I have no idea when we are…" "Do you at least know where we are?!" begs Kiyone-yoni. "Well, that shouldn’t be too much of a problem. Checking astrogational charts… well, that was easy. I’ll show all of you where we are." Digital Washu pulls up the astrogational charts on one holo, with a nearby planet for immediate recognition on another. An almost crystal-like, blue-green world with splotches of white and purple, encircled by a pair of perpendicular, intersecting rings… "Jurai," Ayeka whispers. "We’ve returned to Jurai…" "That’s correct," Digital Washu agrees. "We’re in an orbit just beyond Jurai’s larger moon." "Not the Jurai we know," Yoni notes, checking the scanners. "I’m not picking up any radio or tachcomm traffic, no air or space traffic of any kind, no fusion or tachyon trails that would indicate any kind of FTL drive… nothing that would indicate any kind of advanced civilization." "So this… is ancient Jurai?" Tenchi asks, dumbfounded. "Cool, I can’t wait to leave my mark!" chirps Chi-Ohki, bouncing over to the viewport. Kyoto slams his elbow down on Chi-Ohki’s head. "Aho ga… Another time. We’ve got serious stuff to do right now." "Like what? Take a leak on the tree of Jurai?!" This time Tenchi and Ayeka add their elbows to the onslaught coming down on Chi-Ohki’s head. "One thing that confuses me," notes Yoni. "why are there real rings around Jurai? I though the rings were just defense satellites." "In our time, the rings are mainly composed of defense satellites," agrees Ayeka. "However, in ancient times the rings were real, made up of the remains of a moon that had been destroyed long ago. It was only when we began expanding into space that we started using the materials of the rings for ships and defense satellites." "Can you pick any large concentrations of people?" asks Tenchi. Yoni checks her sensors. "There don’t seem to be any really large population centers, nothing on the scale of Tokyo or Yachika. However. There do appear to be several fairly large towns, about eight to ten thousand people in size, located nearly on the site of the Royal Palace." "London of another world…." mutters Kyoto. "Shall we set down and take a look around?" asks Ryoko, who is in the process of wetting down her spikes of hair, tying them up in a bun, and pinning them in place with a large gold hair pin. "What are you doing, Ryo-chan?" asks Ayeka. "I figure it’s safer to have my hair in a normal-looking hairstyle until we know just what the current fashion is down there, Ae-chan," Ryoko answers. "Good idea," Tenchi concurs. "Of course, couldn’t we just focus a sat-cam down on them?!" Kyoto sweat-drops, embarrassed at not having thought of that. "…why didn’t I think of that?" "I can think of several reasons…" Ryoko answers, a wicked grin on her face. "Don’t, Ryoko…" Soon, after a camera satellite has been deployed: "I’ll be damned… look at them!" Tenchi looks slightly awed. "It’s like we’re watching an old samurai movie." "Indeed," Kyoto agrees. "Chisako, estimate technology and sociological level." "Based on satellite scans, technological level appears to be that of pre-Meiji era Japan, roughly AD 1690 reckoning by the Western calendar. So far, scans have proved inconclusive as to current sociological levels; best estimate is that the major population independent city-states with loose trade agreements, and each city ruled by a council of noble families, the senior-most family being the "royal" one. As you and Lord Tenchi have noted before, Master, pre-Meiji Japan seems to be the dominant technological and stylistic analogy." Indeed, the city seems like a set from The Seven Samurai or one of the Lone Wolf and Cub movies. Kimonos and haori-hakama appear to be the predominant clothing, and many men carry katana-style swords on their waists. Most women wear their hair up in buns or down their backs in long braids; young men seem to favor the topknot-style ponytail favored by samurai. "Well, at least what we know what to wear during all those lovely dinner parties down there," Ryoko quips. Kyoto indicates a range of mountains near the city. "We’ll set down there." * * * No one notices a handful of new people walking into the town, even in its infancy, Yachika for trading that new and exotic faces come and go everyday. Tenchi, dressed in a red gi and white hakama and carrying a katana-style sword, tentatively touches a cross-shaped scar on his left cheek. Even if he is descended from one of the greatest swordsmen in Japan’s history, he still feels a little guilty usurping his identity. "Oro… I can’t believe I’m doing this…" On his left side, Kiyone-yoni giggles as she takes his arm. "Kenshin, I’m hungry…" Tenchi’s eyes widen. "Oro? Kiyone-yoni—I mean, Kaoru-dono?" On his right side, Yoni (in dark blue shorts and an oversized matching tunic, as opposed to "Kaoru-dono’s" purple kimono) takes his other arm. "Himura! Pay some attention to me, too!" Her hair is hanging in a long braid down her back, as opposed to "Kaoru’s" simple ponytail. "Ano… Misao-dono…" "Oi! Kenshin! We’re hungry too!" Kyoto, dressed in white pants and a matching gi-like jacket with the kanji for "evil" on the back, runs a hand through his now-spiky hair. "Let’s get something to eat!" "Gyunabe! Gyunabe!" cry out Momoko and Mirei, oh so kawaii in kimonos and carrying cabbits in their arms. The sat-cam scans had shown that cabbits were a popular pet in this town, with many young girls and ladies carrying one or more in their arms or hair, and the two young girls had hurried to follow this tradition. "Ken-san, where are you going to take me for lunch? You said you would buy me lunch today!" says Ryoko, her hair now lying down flat and long and strangely appealing down her back, in as flirtatious a voice as she can muster. "Ano… Megumi-dono…" "Kenshin" tenses as he feels "Kaoru" and "Misao" starting to get annoyed on either side of him. "Oro oro oro oro oro…." "Oi, woman, stop flirting with him!" comments Sanosuke, chewing on a fish bone. "Remember who you’re married to." "I remember, and that’s why I’m flirting with him." Behind his parents, Kyo, himself in a gi and a hakama with spiky hair, barks in laughter. "She got you good, Sanosuke." Kenshin laughs. "Hai, de gozaru yo. You left yourself wide open for that one, Sano." "Onigiri! Onigiri for sale!" A middle-aged man comes up, carrying the sweetened rice balls on a tray. They’ve evidently been made with children in mind, for they are decorated to look like little rabbits or various other animals. He smiles and turns his attention to "Ayame" and "Suzume." "Would you two ladies like some onigiri?" Ayame tugs on Kenshin’s hakama. "Ken-ni!" At the same time, Suzume tugs on his gi. "Ni-san!" The two of them chorus cutely, "Onigiri, please?" "Hai, hai, de gozaru yo." Laughing, Kenshin reaches into his gi. "How much for the onigiri?" The old man holds up two fingers. Kenshin promptly extracts the desired amount and drops it into the man’s hand. "Arigato, de gozaru yo." Smiling, the peddler gives the two girls each a bunny-shaped onigiri. "Have a nice day." He promptly disappears back into the crowd of people on the street. Kenshin smiles as the two young girls wolf down their onigiri, then he asks, "Are you still hungry?" "Hai, hai! Gyunabe, gyunabe!" Yahiko laughs again. "You have no choice now, Kenshin." "Oro… I guess not. Come on, de gozaru yo…" On Chisako’s command deck, Ayeka shakes her head in awe. "Amazing. They’re almost immersed in their false personas." "I agree. It’s almost eerie," Washu notes. "Should we be worried?" Mitsuki asks. "Perhaps…" muses Chisako’s AI. "The personas our scouts are using have been taken from a classic anime series…" "I don’t believe we have anything to worry about," Katsuhito says reassuringly. "In fact, those personas aren’t completely false." "Oh? Would you care to elaborate, Lord Katsuhito?" The AI’s voice holds a note of challenge. "Certainly. My wife’s family was descended from Kenshin Himura… just a moment, I have that family roster here somewhere… ah, here." Katsuhito pulls a thick scroll from his gi. "Kenshin Himura married Kaoru Kamiya in 1880…" "I thought your wife’s family was named Masaki as well, Great-grandfather," Ayeka points out. "Oh, it is. Kenshin’s mother was a Masaki, but their line died out because she was the only child; no sons. Their eldest daughter Yoshiko married Akito Masaki; while they were both technically of the Masaki line, their blood was four or five levels of consanguinity apart. Ieyasu was their eldest son; his only daughter, Eiko, was my wife." "Yeesh, like I was really in the mood for an exploration of the Earth branch of the Masaki family tree…" Washu mutters. "At any rate, Kenshin and Kaoru Himura actually existed, and were Tenchi’s ancestors. Sanosuke and Megumi Sagara also existed, as did Misao Makimachi—who later married Aoshi Shinomori—and Yahiko and Tsubame Myôjin…" "Sagara, Lord Katsuhito?" Chisako’s AI pipes up. "Master Kyoto was also on Earth at the time of the Bakamatsu no Doran, under the name Sôzô Sagara…" (We apologize to any Rurôni Kenshin fans who might have been offended by this. It was just too funny to pass up. —Authors) In the Akabeko restaurant… "Ack! Ack! Ack! Ack!" Yahiko hunches over and gasps for air. He had been in such a hurry to wolf down the gyunabe he had literally bitten off more than he could chew. "Yahiko!" Kaoru slaps him on the back, forcing the offending food particle out of his mouth. "How many times do I have to tell you to not eat so fast?!" Megumi giggles behind one hand. "Looks like Kaoru-san and Yahiko-kun are getting along for a change." Chuckles run around the table at that, but the companionable silence is suddenly broken by a loud slurred voice yelling, "Damn government!" Their attention, as is of that of many of the restaurants other patrons, is drawn to the source of the disturbance: three older men, obviously drunk, and obviously disgruntled. "Who are they?" whispers Sanosuke under his breath. "The postal workers of the past?" Kenshin smirks. "Welcome back, ‘Sano’. I was starting to worry that you were slipping too into character." "Really? De gozaru yo? You say that way too much and the same with oro." "Hey, saying oro is a family tradition!" The conversation is cut short when a saké dish is sent sailing into the back of of Kenshin’s head. With a cry of "Oro…." he falls over. "Kenshin!!" "Ken-ni!" "Ni-san!" "Himura!" "Ken-san!" The five women at the table move to Kenshin’s aid, leaving Sanosuke somewhat disgruntled. His eyes lock on the thrower of the saké dish, who doesn’t seem to even realize what he’s done. In fact, he’s on his feet and yelling at one of his drinking companions. "I dare you to try saying that again!" "Are you alright?" asks Kaoru as she helps her husband back up into a sitting position. "Hai, de gozaru yo… My head’s going to be feeling that for a while, though." Kenshin turns his attention to the drunkards. "I don’t know much about the political situation hereabouts, but it sounds like they’re supporters of some civil rights movement." "Oi! Aho ga!" Kenshin and company suddenly realize that the insult has come from Yahiko, who is on his feet and glaring at the drunks in the booth across from them. "Do you realize that you just hurt someone while you were arguing?! Apologize first, then go back to your arguing!" The three men, their faces now red with anger as well as drink, glare at Yahiko. "Do you know who the hell we are?! We’re from the Civil Rights—" "Shut up! Anyone who drinks, gets drunk! And you three are drunk! Now, apologize!" "Nani?!" The largest of the three men rises and glares at the young man who dares to defy them. "It would take a brat like you ten-thousand years to learn what we know!" Growling, Yahiko starts to reach for his shinai, when he is cut off from a voice across the room. "Please, don’t fight!" The harmonious voice of the waitress comes as she walks up behind the three men who are now on their feet and standing in the middle of aisle. "Huh? Stay out of this!" The largest man turns around and slaps the waitress across the room. She is promptly caught by Sanosuke, who is now somehow across the room. "Oi oi… For a civil rights movement, you guys don’t seem to give much of a damn about the rights of others." The other two men rise to their feet, hands reaching for the swords at their sides. Sanosuke, however, is perfectly calm. He turns his attention to the waitress. "Are you alright?" "H-Hai!" Megumi sticks her head out of the booth. "Oi! Sanosuke! Quit flirting with that girl, remember who you’re married to!" Sanosuke half-facefaults. "I am not flirting with her!" The waitress clears her throat, a faint red coloring her cheeks. "Um… Sir… your hand’s on my…" "Huh?" Sanosuke looks down, and jerks as he realizes that his hand is on the waitress’ shapely rear-end. "Oro…" A moment later the table from the booth impacts with Sanosuke’s face. The three Civil Rights men sweat-drop as the man who had challenged them crashes to the floor, courtesy of a table thrown by his wife. Nearly everyone in the restaurant gasps a moment later as the man rises to his feet. "Oi, Megumi, you’re always spoiling my monologues… where was I?" "You were taking those three to task," the bartender says helpfully. "Ah yes, thank you." Sanosuke returns his attention to the three "civil rights supporters." "Seems to me that you three have a different definition of freedom than other people… like the right to get drunk and argue?" The restaurant is plunged into total silence, save for the scraping of katanas being drawn from their sheathes. "Who the hell are you, kisama?" growls the shortest of the activists. "Oh, I’m just your ordinary specialist… but one with little patience for hypocrites like yourselves. A real man wouldn’t hit a woman for trying to stop a fight, or deny responsibility for injuries inflicted upon another… or profess support for civil rights while disturbing those of everyone around you." He smiles viciously. "Care to take this outside?" Soon the three men are facing off against the one intruder, with a large crowd gathered round. "I can’t believe Sano is doing something like this at a time like this," Kenshin mutters. "I can," Megumi chides him. "You’re not worried, are you?" "For Sano? No. For the other guys…" Sanosuke places both his hands on his hips, a sneer on his face. "Go on. Take a shot. I won't move." He points at the center of his forehead. "Put one right here." Yelling, the largest man rushes forward, his right fist thrust out in front of him. While he's rushing at Sanosuke, his left slips behind his back, drawing a wakizashi from a hidden sheath. He brings it up in a slashing motion, aiming for Sanosuke's chest… …And finds himself stumbling past, neither fist nor sword having connected. It is then that the searing pain his left arm registers. He looks down to his left arm… to find it missing, sword and all. He turns to see Sanosuke standing with a bemused expression on his face. In his right hand he holds a giant sword that the drunk had not seen in his blind rage; in the other, his missing arm. "Um… Looking for this?" "Augh! My arm! My…" He starts to wobble on his feet. Sanosuke slams the tip of his large sword's blade into the ground. "You're lucky I didn't use my full power. If I had, it'd just be picking on weaklings again. Because of that, I'm not gonna hit you… I'm not gonna hit you… Ah, the hell I ain't!" And his fist sends the drunken amputee slamming through the nearest door. Sanosuke then turns his attention to the other two activists. "You have anything to add?" The two men, now obviously cowed, shake their heads. The false fire the drink had provided has now worn off, and they are whimpering like lost children. "Good. Now go get your friend, and give this back to him." He hurls the arm sword first at the two men. It buries itself up to the hilt in the wall right next to one's head. That unfortunate passes out in a pool of his own urine. Sanosuke retrieves his sword, resheathes it, and dusts his hands off. "That felt real good." "Aho ga…" mutters Yahiko. "What? You wanna go a round?" "Halt!! Halt!!" Kenshin looks, and his face falls. "Oro…" He has good reason for 'oro'-ing. Katana-armed police has just surrounded him, Sanosuke, and the ladies. "Come with us now!!" barks the apparent leader. "Really?" Sanosuke makes as if to draw his sword again, but Kenshin cuts him off with a wave of his hand. "Don't." He turns to look at the police group leader. "We'll go peacefully." He then adds with a wry expression, "Take us to your leader." * * * "Damn you!! Damn you all to hell! You blew it up!" The lone astronaut laments what has happened to his beloved homeworld. "Shut up!" The astronaut is reduced to cinders a moment later when a blast of green energy strikes him. "This is the wrong world again, Washu!" "I'm sorry, my lord! The astrogational computer gave me the wrong coordinates again!" "Well, they certainly aren't on a world where apes evolved from men!" The evil Kyoto rubs his temples. "Oh, well, at least this isn't that other world…" Washu shudders at the memory of the last alternate universe. "Ah, well, just blow it up, like the rest of them. Then find us new coordinates." "Yes, my lord." In a brilliant flash of white light, the Evil Kyoto, along with Washu and two guards disappear. A moment later, a white-hot blast of purple-white energy races down from the skies, cutting through the planet and out the other side. As the planet disintegrates in a raging ball of molten rock and flame, Akiko disappears once more into fold. * * * "Kyoto no baka!" Slapping her hand against her forehead, Muriyaki gazes on in acquiescence as her Kyoto and the rest of the group is carted off by the police force. Ever since the group had disembarked Chisako, those remaining behind have watched on through the aid of the satellites dropped in orbit. "What's he gone and done now?" asks Washu, bringing herself to a sitting position, a bag of potato chips clenched in her left hand. "My idiot brother just got into a fight and cut off a guy's arm! Now, he and the rest of them are being carted off by the police!" "Is that all?" Washu sighs and shakes her head. "I was sure that Kyoto would have done something even more moronic by now! When he was at the Science Academy, he tripled the materials in an experiment to make it more interesting. It blew half the campus up!" "I didn't know Kyoto was a student at the Science Academy," Ayeka muses, digging her hand into a bowl of rice crackers. "No, dear. This was when he was teaching at the Academy." The two younger women facefault. Washu continues, "Once he resigned, the Academy did everything in its power to erase any record of his presence there. They didn't completely succeed, though. Because of something he did to the central computer matrix, every day at noon 3-D holographs of naked Nekojin women would appear all over campus --not to mention on the desks of some of the prominent professors. To this day, they haven't been able to find that piece of code." Muriyaki starts rubbing her forehead again. "Onii-chan no baka…." * * * "Achoo!" Kyoto rubs his nose. "Someone must be talking about me." "Let's just hope that it's not the mayor or whoever runs this place deciding on whether or not to have you hung for public display," Ryoko hisses. "But Ryoko, you've never complained about how I'm hung…" Kyoto finds himself the victim of a nasty kick to the face a moment later. "Daddy, what's he mean by hung?" asks Mirei. "Orororororororororororororororororororo…………" Yoni leans over and whispers it into Mirei's ear. Mirei turns bright red. Kiyone-yoni shoots a glare at her double. "Why did you tell her?" "She's getting to the age when she's gonna start learning about these things, anyway. Best if she learns it from us." After a moment, Kiyone-yoni nods reluctantly. "Orororororororororororororororororororo…………" "Is Uncle Tenchi feeling alright?" Momoko asks, absently petting the cabbit in her lap. "And why won't he stop saying oro?" asks Ryoko. "We can be out of character now." "Were we ever in character?" quips Kyoto, realigning the broken bones in his nose. A moment later, Ryoko kicks him in the nose again. "That's for making that horrid-sounding noise." "Anyway, Tenchi says oro all the time. It's genetic. You've just never noticed it before," explains Yoni. "Orororororororororororororororororororo…………" * * * "Anata!" The honey sweet voice rings from the lips of a beautiful lavender-haired girl, wrapped in a dark blue kimono with white carnations dotted across it. "You forgot your bento again!" "Hmm?" The young man with waist-length black hair looks up from slipping on his wooden sandals. He smiles as he sees the woman rushing toward him. "Ah, thought I'd forgot something." He stands up and accepts the box, then pecks the woman on the cheek. "Thank you, kimi." He then tucks his sheathed katana into his waistband and settles his haori into place. "Well, I'm off." "When will you be home, Ten'chi?" the wife asks. "Sa'sami will want to know when to make dinner." The city-state's governor smiles at the mention of their eight-year old daughter, then ponders his wife's question. "I'm not really sure. According to the police chief, this situation might take all day… I'll try to be home by sundown. Good-bye, Aye'ka." He strides out towards the street. "Ah, Ten’chi-dono, there you are," Yachika’s police chief says in greeting. "Good to see you too, Kiyo’ne-okashira," Ten’chi replies, giving his best friend since childhood a quick hug. His "little sister" was a rarity: a female samurai who had risen to a position of high authority. Even now, she wears the traditional clothes of a samurai and her hair up in the high ponytail so favored. "So what was so important that I had to be here first thing in the morning?" "See for yourself." Kiyo’ne is clearly on the edge of laughter. Ten’chi’s brow furrows. It can’t be too bad if she’s amused (if you account for her wicked sense of humor), but the very fact that she won’t tell him what specifically is going on disturbs him. Kiyo’ne leads him back past the offices in the front to the cellblock. In the largest holding cell sit about eight or nine people of various ages. Surprisingly, the only males in the cell are: A teenage boy with spiky hair young-looking samurai with his hair tied at the nape of his neck, who is glaring at the door. A tall, lean, muscular man with hair similar to the boy’s and a sneer to match. Unlike the boy, however, this man looks like he has the power to back up his rage. And a young man, somewhere in age between the other two, with his longish hair tied at the nape of his neck and a calm expression that does not mask the restrained power. "I’ll talk to those two, the older guys," Ten’chi indicates. The guards nod and move into the cell. The ladies start to protest, but Ten’chi quickly assures them, "Don’t worry. We won’t hurt them. We just want to ask some questions." For some reason, the women hush immediately at the sound of his voice. As their men are led from the cell, they peer out through the bars, expressions of surprise and recognition on their faces. Ten’chi is quite confused by their reactions, but pushes the thought aside. "All right, gentlemen," he says as they enter one of the interview rooms, "tell me, just what have y—" His eyes widen as he takes a look at the younger man. If his hair were tied up at the top of his head, he’d look just like… For his part, Tenchi is staring at their interrogator. If his hair was tied at the nape of the neck instead of up top… "Who the hell are you?!" both men cry at the same time—and in the same voice. The tall man looks back and forth between them, and his eyes widen in realization. Only one word comes to mind right now, and he says it. "Oro…" THE END i Bakamatsu no Doran: the bloody Japanese civil war that lasted during most of the 1860s. The war was fought between supporters of the shogunate (the Bakufu) and revolutionaries who wished to abolish what they felt was an oppressive system of government and adopt some Western ways (the Ishin-shishi). The end of the war saw the fall of the Shogunate. Many of the characters in Rurôni Kenshin fought in the Bakamatsu, and the scars remain—both physical and emotional—even years later… ii Kisama: there are a number of words for "you" in Japanese, and kisama is probably the worst that one can use. Subtitlers often translate it as "bastard"; while not literally accurate, the amount of contempt carried with it is comparable. Kisama is often used as an expletive, one of the few "curses" in the Japanese language. iii-dono: a Japanese honorific. Best translated as "lord/lady" (i.e., Tenchi-dono = Lord Tenchi). Also translatable as "Mister/Miss." iv Okashira: a Japanese word for "leader" or "boss." Often applied to the person in charge of a security detachment, or of a specific group (i.e., Aoshi and Misao are both okashira of the Oniwa-banshu, and are referred to by the Oniwa-banshu as okashira).