From: Shadow Subject: [OT] [MST] The Party Date: Friday, August 04, 2000 11:50 PM My second MST! What the hell, it's not like I can get any worse. Think I should start posting these to AGFFH for those who can't get this NG? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- My Quick Disclaimer: This lemon is the property of Sailor Venus Gal, and any copyrights belong to her. This MST is done without permission, if anyone cares. Mystery Science Theater is owned by Best Brains. And a bunch of other stuff I'm gonna add later. (I need to get the copyright information for Sailor Moon, Darkstalkers, and Tenchi Muyo!. Oh yeah, Reboot too.) MST vers. 1.000000002: Further Torture Prologue In the year of our Spooge, 2345, the virus known as Megabyte escaped from the Web into the real world and took over a space station in an attempt to conquer the Earth. Finding the work of the Forrester family, he has followed their attempts to drive a population insane by exposing them to bad lemons. Using the method he discovered to get to the real world, he extracted random test subjects from old anime series and placed them inside the space station in an attempt to drive them, and the rest of the world, insane. Among these subjects are Minako, also known as Sailor Venus. The original (male) Zoicite, though he has the breasts of his female counterpart. The catgirl Felicia, from Darkstalkers, and the most recent addition, Tenchi Masaki. Let's watch, shall we? *** It had been one week since the crew's last lemon on the Satellite of Lust. Everyone was feeling very worried. Mina: I'm feeling very worried. Zoicite: Let the narrative do it's thing, all right? Megabyte had been strangely silent since the mysterious shadowy figure had hacked into the communications system and promised help to the crew... which had never arrived. Mina: That bastard... Zoicite: Hey, I said- Mina: It's finished, okay? Felicia: What're we supposed to do, anyway? We've already explored most of the Satellite. Mina: Yeah, and SM:AS is only so entertaining for so long. Zoicite: Especially since you don't know how to beat one simple boss. Mina: IT'S HARD, OKAY?!?!?!! Zoicite: Use Saturn's Death Reborn Revolution about ten times. Mina: *deadpan* Goddamn video game..... *communicator beeps* Felicia: Maybe that's him. Zoicite: Which one? Felicia: Who cares, I'm bored. *the 'mysterious figure' appears on the viewscreen* Figure: Mina? Fel? You guys there? Mina: Yeah, we're here. Felicia: Thanks for all your help, by the way. Figure: Sorry, I've been busy. Listen, I found you guys some help. I got somebody from another anime series. He's supposed to be some kind of destined hero or something. *a white portal appears near the crew, and Tenchi Masaki is thrown through it, bounces on the floor a few times, and lands at Mina's feet.* Tenchi: Urgh... *stands up* Uh, where am I? Mina: *stares at him* This is supposed to be a destined hero? Figure: Give me a break, I only started watching the series last week! Tenchi: Where am I? Felicia: How's he supposed to help us? Tenchi: Can someone tell me where I am? Zoicite: I could do better than this guy! Tenchi: WHERE THE HELL AM I?!?!?! Figure: You're on the Satellite of Lust. These guys'll explain how things work. *beep beep, beep beep* Figure: Ah, shit, Megabyte's placing a call. I'm outta here! (and, of course, Megabyte replaces the 'Dark Figure') Megabyte: Ah, my little lab rats. *eyes Tenchi* Who are you? Tenchi: Umm...I'm....uh.... Mina: He's Tenchi. Megabyte: I don't remember extracting you... Felicia: Well, you did...really! Megabyte: Then where was he last week? Zoicite: He was.......in the bathroom! With me! Megabyte: 0.o I don't think I want to hear about it... *pause* Megabyte: Regardless, your next lemon will be sent in mere moments. *ominous voice* Are you afraid? Felicia: We just watched Mina curse at a TV for twenty minutes. We're hardened. Megabyte: Good, because this particular lemon takes place in one of your universes. Minako's, I believe. Mina: Huh? Mine? Tenchi: Uh, what're we supposed to do here? Zoicite: (whispering) I'll tell you later. Megabyte: Now I shall destroy your will and take over your minds!!! Tenchi: Aww, why couldn't it just be Ryoko? At least she's in love with me... Megabyte: You'll never see your precious Ryoko again, boy! AHAHAHAHA!!! Tenchi: o_o Zoicite: Something wrong? Tenchi: I honestly don't know whether to be happy or sad. *Lemon Sign flashes* Mina: Uh-oh, we've got Lemon Sign! *dog bone* *6, a picture of Tracey in a bonfire* *5, fossilized screenshot of a Super Metroid screen* *4, all the Digimon being squished by the Monty Python foot* *3, Goku going Super-Saiyan* *2, Furby being raped by a Rhydon* *1, a big wheel of swiss cheese* >Title: The Party Tenchi: Republican or Democrat? Felicia: It's not that kind of party. >By: Sailor Venus Gal Mina: Another crazy fan girl. >Email: SailorVenusGal@aol.com Zoicite: Do we mailbomb her? Mina: Let's wait till after the lemon. >The Party Zoicite: We already covered this. >---------- Felicia: That's the worst ASCII sword ever drawn. >"Hey Mina!" Mina: What? All: *deadpan* Zoicite: That was from the lemon. Mina: Oh...sorry. >Serena called, running down the hall. Felicia: She then tripped, smacked her head against a rock, and was knocked unconscious for the remainder of the lemon. >It was last period Mina: Which reminds me, I need some tampons. Tenchi: Uhh.....I didn't need to hear that.... >on Friday and the weekene Tenchi: Weekene? Felicia: Must be some kind of local festival. >had begun. "Darien is throwing Tenchi: A hissy fit. >a party and he told me Zoicite: (Serena) I'm a bitch. >to tell you that you're Zoicite: (Serena) A bitch too. >invited." >"Really? Cool. Is it formal?" Mina loved getting dressed up. Mina: Only for special occasions. Anything else, I'd go around in panties and topless...decency laws permitting. >"No, I don't think so. It's at 8 at Darien's apartment." Serena said. "Well, >I have to go now, I've got detention again! Felicia: There's a shocker. Mina: That girl spends more time in detention than she does making out with Darien. >See you at 8!" Serena waved and >ran down the hall to Miss Haruna's room. Tenchi: She was sidetracked by a naked man with a horse cock reading Tolsky. *everyone stares at him* Tenchi: What? What'd I say? >"This sounds like fun! Now all I have to do is wait!" Mina said, packing her >books into her bag. Zoicite: And her bag into her ass. Mina: HEY!!! *thwap!* >--------- Tenchi: My sword's better than that one. >After pondering what to wear for some time, Mina: You kidding me? I'd slap on blue jeans and an orange sweater if I can't decide for twenty minutes. >Mina decided on blue jeans and a >pale orange sweater. Mina: o.0 Tenchi: What a coincidence. >Checking her red hairbow in the mirror, she headed out Zoicite: For Timbuktu. >the door to walk over to Darien's. Mina: The guy lives three miles away, and I'm walking? >When she got there, she rang the doorbell Felicia: And suddenly exploded. Mina: Hey, this is me you're joking about! >and Darien answered wearing gray sweatpants but no shirt. Zoicite: So this isn't a really obvious sign of an impending rape? >"Oh! Tenchi: (Darien) I don't know what that hooker is doing in my pants, I swear! >You're early, but come in." Mina: (Darien) I was just having my way with the sofa. >He said with a smile. Felicia: And a hardon. >Mina walked in and >noticed the apartment was pretty dark. Tenchi: And she couldn't see that from the outside? Mina: These people are just stuck on the dumb blond stereotype. >She was beginning to get a strange >feeling of dread in her stomach when she heard a clicking noise. Felicia: (Darien) Damn, out of bullets! >"What was that?" Zoicite: (Darien) Just me putting on my slavedriver's mask and preparing my whips. >She spun around. Felicia: And decided to become a ballerina. >"Just Zoicite: (Darien) Jacking off while imagining you naked. >turning on Mina: You couldn't turn me on with the Big Bill dildo at full power. >the outside light." Darien said with a smirk. Tenchi: (Smirk) I really wish this guy wouldn't involve me in his rapes... >"But...you don't have an outside light." Mina: Again, dumb blond thing. >Mina pointed Zoicite: And the courtesy police came in, told her it wasn't polite to point, and shot Darien 25 times. >out and Darien began >walking towards her. "Darien, why is it so dark in here?! Felicia: (Darien) Because the lights are out, dumbass. >Darien?!" Tenchi: (Darien, moaning) Ohh, Laz-e-Boy, you're so soft and full of bargains! >Mina was beginning to Mina: Party!!! >panic Mina: Close enough. >but Darien kept walking towards her. Zoicite: (Darien) Damn inertia! Felicia: He then kept on walking, through the wall and off his neighbor's balcony, then died on impact. Tenchi: You guys are a little odd. >"Silly Mina. Silly, carefree Mina..." Mina: You better believe it, assface! >Darien said, grabbing her wrist. Felicia: (Mina) That's my wrist, moron. My ass is down here! *Whack!* Mina: Not funny! >"Let go of me!" Mina said, preparing to fight him. Zoicite: (Mina) Venus Star Power make-up! >Darien saw her getting >ready to defend herself and said, Tenchi: (Darien) I have weak knees, so aim low. >"Do you really want to hurt me? Mina: Yes! >Hurt Serena?" Mina: Yes! Er, I mean, no! Just you. >Mina thought for a second. "What about Serena?" Zoicite: (Darien) She's in the bedroom playing naked Twister with the other Scouts. Wanna join them? >"Well, if you hurt me then you'll be hurting her too. Mina: Great! Get me a hammer and we'll have a blast! >She doesn't have to >know." Felicia: She doesn't know much anyway, so no problem there. >"Know what?!" Mina cried. Mina: This 'dumb blond' thing is going a little too far... >"What happens tonight." Mina's eyes got wide as Darien pushed her onto the >couch. Zoicite: (Mina) Ewww, what the hell did you do to this poor couch?! Tenchi: (Couch) I have been violated!! Felicia: We all have, at this point. >"But, the party!" Mina said, hoping her friends would come and save her. Mina: Serena's a ditz, Ami's probably studying, Rei's doing some temple thing, Lita's probably cooking something. These are the people I'm counting on? Zoicite: You're being a little hard on your friends. Mina: Just pointing out the truth. *sniff* Tenchi: Are you all right? Mina: WAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! *throws herself at Tenchi* I miss 'em so much!!! Tenchi: Umm...um... *tries to comfort her* >"Cancelled. I caught a cold." Felicia: Comes from humping your refrigerator all day. >He paused, then, noticing her nervousness, said, Zoicite: (Darien) My pants will fit a baboon! >"Relax, stay awhile." He moved onto the couch, beside her. Felicia: The ejector seat was then activated, and he was launched into space. >"Why? Why me? Serena's your girlfreind!" Mina said as Darien began to lift >her sweater. Tenchi: Suddenly he discovered a little man under there, screamed, and ran out. Mina: *calming down* You're funny... Zoicite: (to Felicia) He's funny, but if I said that, she'd smack me. Felicia: She probably will later. Zoicite: That doesn't make me feel better. >"Serena's not ready. Zoicite: She's still trying to figure out oral. *SMACK!* Zoicite: Oww... Felicia: She's baa-ack. >Niether are you, but I need this." He whispered in her >ear. He tossed her sweater to the floor revealing an orange lacey bra. Mina: Why does everyone assume I'm obsessed with the color orange?! Zoicite: Fine, what color bra are you wearing now? Mina: *COUGHorangeCOUGHCOUGH* Zoicite: Riiiight..... >"This is wrong, Darien. Tenchi: (Mina) You're supposed to drug me first! Mina: Yeah, what rapist school did you go to, you jackass?! >You're making me choose between my best friend's >feelings or being raped!" Felicia: Wait a minute, if she chooses to be raped, doesn't that make it at least semi-consentual? Mina: The author's an idiot. Probably doesn't even own a dictionary. >She swatted his hands away from her bra clasp and >he slapped her. Zoicite: (Darien) I'm sorry, I thought I saw a fly. >Mina fell onto the floor Mina: And was sucked into a parallel dimension where people wrote stories that made sense. >and let Darien undo her bra and >throw it onto her sweater. Tenchi: (Sweater) OOWWWW!!!!! Watch it, that thing's lined with lead! Zoicite: (Bra) Superman just can't mind his own business... >Tears streamed down her cheeks as he began to Felicia: Tango! >squeeze and fondle her breasts. She let out a small yelp of pain Zoicite: What, does she have open wounds on her tits or something? Mina: Apparently the author hasn't been laid yet either. >and Darien >slapped her again, All: ASSHOLE!!!!!! >sending her sprawling across the floor. Lying on her >stomach, Mina felt Darien's strong hands lift her up from the floor, turn her >over, and set her down on his bed. Felicia: And the bed suddenly came alive and ate him. Mina: (Bed) FEED ME!!!!! >In the darkness of his bedroom, she could >see a bulge in his sweatpants. Tenchi: It was actually Al Gore, come to kill them all. >Darien stood at the edge of the bed and pulled >Mina's feet until her butt was on the edge of Zoicite: Oblivion!!! >the bed and her legs were >spread, one on each side of him. Felicia: So why doesn't she just close her legs around his neck and choke him to death? Or at least make him pass out... Mina: Lack of intelligence on the part of the author. >"This should be good." Mina: Yeah, we can see if he can hit the mark WITHOUT HIS EYES!!!!!! *she jumps at the screen and attacks it, but Tenchi holds her back* Tenchi: You'll just hurt yourself! >He smiled as he began to unzip her jeans. Felicia: And the zipper came alive and ate him! Mina: Now it's just stupid. >He pulled >them off her and leaned over her to suck on her nipples. Zoicite: (Darien) Is there supposed to be three? *THWAP!* Zoicite: I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Mina: You should be! >They began to harden Felicia: Into little needles, and she stabbed him to death. >as more tears poured down Mina's face. After a few minutes, Darien leaned >even further over her, put one hand behind her head, Tenchi: And suddenly felt an irresistable urge to dance a polka! >and gave her a >passionate kiss. As his tongue probed into her mouth and throat, Zoicite: She bit it off. Mina: I don't know whether to be bored, offended, or just plain pissed. Tenchi: The second and third seem to be a good idea. >his free >hand went back to her breasts, then to her lower stomach, where he poked >gently at her sensitive spots, and then down to her lace orange underwear. Mina: OKAY, THAT'S IT, I AM NOT OBSESSED WITH ORANGE!!!! Felicia: You know you're wearing an all-orange outfit right now. Zoicite: You look like a blinker. Mina: Grr.....goddamn Toei..... >In one quick movement they were on the floor. Tenchi: Gravity will do that to you. >Mina just layed there, trying to >ignore him and the feelings she was getting. Mina: Standard revulsion, I'm guessing. Zoicite: I don't know, he's still kinda cute. Mina: Not *that* cute. >Then Darien pulled away from her >and dropped his sweatpants to the floor. Mina gasped at how big he was Mina: Oh, come on, that is total bullshit! Tenchi: What, it's an exaggeration? Mina: It's a flat-out lie. I caught a glimpse of him in the shower, and I had to take a second look. Tenchi: Hm? ........... Oh. >and thought about what pain might be in store for her. >"Let's make love." Darien said to her, cupping her breasts in his hands. >"This isn't love." Mina said quietly and then cried. "You don't love me!" Felicia: What, she *just* figured that out? >"No, you're right, I don't. This is for my pleasure, and not passion." He >said and smirked. "You're a virgin, aren't you?" He squeezed her breasts and >she yelped out a yes. Then he took his hands away from her chest and put them >on her knees. Zoicite: He must have some kind of knee fetish or something. Mina: I always knew he was an odd boy. >"Then this will be your first time." He said, pushing her legs >wide apart. Darien positioned himself to enter Mina Tenchi: But the bouncer threw him out. >and she braced herself. >Then he Zoicite: Tripped, fell out the window, and died on impact. Mina: Cool. Zoicite: *looks at her* You're not gonna slap me? Mina: Nah, I say bash the rapist beyond recovery. >shoved himself Zoicite: Out the window!!! Felicia: He can push himself? How...talented. >in and out in one quick motion. Tenchi: But suddenly the police arrived, busted down the door, and shot him 635 times. >A small trickle of Mina: Wine. >blood Mina: That's some nasty wine. >fell Zoicite: Out the window! Mina: Now it's just annoying. >from her and Darien went back Tenchi: To Arkansas. >in and out. Zoicite: I love Kevin Kline. >He began pumping her >faster and faster until Felicia: He struck oil!! >Mina thought she would burst. Mina: What am I, the Pillsbury Doughgirl? >"That hurts..." She murmered, but a hard slap silenced her. Zoicite: I suddenly have this urge to call Joe Pesci... Felicia: Having Casino flashbacks? Zoicite: Hell yea. >"You don't like it? Fine!" He said, and pulled out of her. Mina: Finally, he's coming to his senses. >"We can come back >to that. Now", He said, grabbing her breasts and pulling her to a sitting >position,"you can please me." Mina: Crap, he's still an insane fuck. >"Huh?" Mina said, subdued from the pain. Zoicite: I remember when I hit you guys with fireballs, and a little vaginal insertion is all it takes? Mina: Guess so. Zoicite: Boy, that's cheap. >Darien pushed her head down to his >member and said, Tenchi: (Darien) If you squint, you can see Jesus in the ballsac. (I'm going to hell, I just know it) >"I think you know what to do." Felicia: And she suddenly took out a knife and...! >Mina understood and Tenchi: Chopped the sucker off. >began to run her fingers up and down the shaft. Then she >began to run her tongue over it and finally, she Zoicite: Bit it off. >began to suck on it. She >felt it harden in her mouth and prepared for the white liquid that poured >into her a few seconds later. Zoicite: Would I get smacked if I did a milk joke? Mina: Yes. Zoicite: Okay......... >"Swallow it." Zoicite: Cum: It does a body good! *SMACK!* Zoicite: Oww... It was worth it. >Darien said with a cruel smile. Mina obeyed, trying not to Tenchi: Laugh when she tasted raspberry tea. >throw up. Then Darien pulled her head back up and untied her bow. Zoicite: Unfortunately when he did, her body fell apart like a puppet. *Mina tries to slap him, but he ducks* Zoicite: Nyah! >He took her >face in his hands and gave her Tenchi: An enema. >another passionate Mina: Game of Scrabble. >kiss as he layed her back >down. He layed on top of her for a minute, touching her breasts. Zoicite: Suddenly they inflated and exploded in his face. >Then he >stood up and began to lick her opening. Then he buried his face in her pubic >hair, tasting her. Felicia: Tasting? Does that involve a cattle prod? Tenchi: For some reason I see it as having some sort of taser involved. >Then his member entered Mina again, Tenchi: And this time the bouncer anal-raped him. >and he pumped faster Mina: If anyone does another oil joke, their bodies will never be found. Felicia: I didn't say nuthin'... >than ever, holding her breasts for stability. Zoicite: Call me old-fashioned, but I'd hold onto the waist or something. >Then he finished. Felicia: (Darien) You're about a quart low. Mina: Grrr.... Felicia: Geez, don't take it so personally... Mina: How can I not?!?! This is a story about *my* rape! What the hell was that skank fangirl thinking?!?!?! >"You're a mess. Go take a shower." Darien pointed to the bathroom and Mina >got up dizzily. Tenchi: Suddenly she tripped, bumped into him, and knocked him out the window. >"um-ok." She staggered into the bathroom and turned on the warm water. She >was letting the water hit her sore breasts when Darien came in and locked the >door behind him. Mina: I am never taking a shower again... Tenchi: Personal hygiene is important, you know. Mina: Well...maybe if I was with you... *wink, wink* Tenchi: Ummmm...... *major sweatdrop* >He got into the shower with her and kissed her long and hard >for several minutes, Felicia: Don't his lips ever get tired? Zoicite: We've pretty much abandoned all laws of normal physics here. >and then her began to touch her pussy. Mina: Don't you start with Artemis, you bastard! >He shoved three >fingers into her and she arched her back in pain. Mina: Come on, I've had more than tha- *stops talking* Zoicite: *grin* Hmm? What was that? Mina: *sweatdrop* Nothing, nothing! >"Darien, please...No more..." But Mina was helpless in his strong embrace. >He pressed against her so hard that she thought she couldn't breathe. He >pulled his fingers out and said, "You tell anyone, you're dead." Felicia: This takes me back to the days when I'd play 'You show me yours, I'll show you mine'. Zoicite: *wistfully* Boy, those were the days... >Then he left >the bathroom, dried off, and got dressed. Mina finished her shower and got >dressed. She left immediately. No one ever found out, because Mina never told >anyone. Mina: You gotta be kidding me. Zoicite: You mean you would've told someone? Mina: Hell yea. I'd play the innocent rape victim and get that bastard sent to jail. Tenchi: What about Serena? Mina: You think I'd let my best friend go out with a rapist? Come on, let's get out of here, this author's stupidity is depressing me. *exunt* Mina: Boy, that sucked. Zoicite: Really. I pray we never read anything more from that girl. Tenchi: It wasn't *that* bad. Felicia: Yeah, not as bad as the one last week. Tenchi: Hm, I'm glad I didn't get here last week, then. Zoicite: Don't worry, we have videos. Tenchi: Um, I think I'll respectfully decline. *the communicator beeps* Mina: Great, what now? *and...it's Megabyte* Megabyte: Ah, my little pets. How was the lemon? Mina: A personal insult to me, my friends, and my lifestyle. Megabyte: Good, good. How about the rest of you? Felicia: Really stupid. Zoicite: Immature. Tenchi: Offensive to anime everywhere. Megabyte: Ah, good. I'll be sending more soon, so better prepare... for the next one could be your last! *evil laugh* *Megabyte disappears, and the 'Figure' appears* Figure: Hi guys. Having fun? Mina: Like a root canal. Figure: Heh...sorry about that. I'm still trying to figure out which parts of the system I have access to. Felicia: Couldn't you try to figure out how to get us out of here? Figure: Right now, that's impossible. I know for certain I can't access any of the higher functions. That includes the teleportation and phase shifting programs. Zoicite: Damn... Mina: Could you at least tell us your name? Figure: Uh, no. I don't want to risk Megabyte finding access to my archive. But for now, call me John. Tenchi: Hm? Why John? John: I'm using a backdoor access key that utilizes an inactive electronic key instead of an active one, which would alert the system to an intruder. All: o_o John: The program's name is John_Doe.ex_, so I figured John would be fine. Zoicite: Okay...John. Felicia: Try to get us out of here, okay? John: Hey, I got nothin' better to do. Stay sane, okay? *the viewscreen goes blank* Tenchi: So...what do you guys do for fun around here? Mina: Well.... *slips her sweater off* I can think of a few things... Tenchi: Uh... heh... yeah... ^_^;;;;;;; ----------------------------------------------------------------------- So, how's this for a post-vacation present? Right now my objective is to get a plot for the sequel to Indianapolis Charmander before Charmy gets back, but in the meantime, I'm gonna just empty out my already- overflowing head of ideas. That, and jerk off. Bye now. The Master of Eternal Darkness, Shadow -- BIG SIG vers. 1.5.9 Congratulations!!! You have been deemed worthy to view my BIG SIG!!!!!!! Kuragari no Hateshiganai no Sensei =================================== Currently holding: 6740 Magic Points 33 Weirdness Points 82 Chicken Points 5 Ass Song Points 4 GIVE ME YOUR POINTS! points 5 Evil-Twin-In-A-Can's 45 Genius points 7 Lab Assistant points 3 MTGWNSOHL points =================================== Current Obsessions (in no particular order) Breath of Fire 3 Legend of Mana Rayman 2: The Great Escape Suikoden II Ayla from Chrono Trigger (yes, still!) Copyrighted Phrases "Yo Queiro Pussy!" "Death by Anal Rape!" "Watch the tits!" The Old Laptop Have you heard of this? I have a laptop from 1990!!! Here are the specs! 386 Win 3.0, DOS 6.2 16 mHz processor 60 MB hard drive B&W 5" LCD monitor with brown spots 3.5" floppy drive Dead battery (only works off the AC cord!) And it still works, ladies and gentlemen!!! Random Quotes "Dreams are the stuff of fantasy...enjoy them when possible, remember them always." "I'm not addicted to drugs. I'm just addicted to yellow dots in front of my eyes." Icy Lock: I yelled at the voices in my head in public and named them. Shadow: Oh, have you met Bob? "Fantasy is what goes on inside your head. Reality is everything else." "You want to know what the Force is? It's my cock! You happy now?" -Dennis Miller as George Lucas "He's a dickhead!" "What's a dickhead?" "A giant penis capable of intelligent speech." -Blast from the Past Random Links My E-mail Address terisan_iii@hotmail.com My Personal Archive http://www.geocities.com/shadow_archive/ My Favorite Site for Free Music http://home.netvigator.com/~chorus/ Winamp - High-Fidelity Mp3 Player http://winamp.com Random Excerpts Excerpts from Merc's- The List of Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord ================================================= If I'm sitting in my camp, hear a twig snap, start to investigate, then encounter a small woodland creature, I will send out some scouts anyway just to be on the safe side. (If they disappear into the foliage, I will not send out another patrol; I will break out the napalm.) If I burst into rebel headquarters and find it deserted except for an odd, blinking device, I will not walk up and investigate; I'll run like hell. I will decree that all hay be shipped in tightly-packed bales. Any wagonload of loose hay attempting to pass through a checkpoint will be set on fire. 'Slutty the Reindeer Song' By Mewbie Selphie: That's hilarious. So it WAS A Reindeer! Slutty, the horny reindeer! Squall: Had a very moooist cunt! Zell: And Whenever menn saw it! Selphie: It would soon become humped.... Squall: All of the other reindeer.... Zell: Would fuck her till her pussy burst!! Selphie: And all the dicks' sizes... Squall: Matched up to a Sausage Wurst! All: Then one cummy Christmas eve! Santa came to say... Slutty with your cunt so tight! Won't you join me in my sleigh tonight! 404 Poem, posted by Denjiro (author unknown) Once upon a midnight dreary, while I websurfed, weak and weary, ...Over many a strange and spurious website of 'hot chicks galore', ...While I clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, ...And my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour. ..."'Tis not possible," I muttered, "give me back my cheap hardcore!" - Quoth the server, "404".