fcasper *TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS* (And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain) (The future isn't what it used to be....) "MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" EPISODE 7: HELLRAISERS (A Urutsukdoji/La Blue Girl/Original Flavor MSTing) MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 and Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering my own ass here folks.... "Urutsukdoji" and "La Blue Girl" are the property of Toshio Maeda and all the distributors of his work. "Hellraisers" is the property of Aaron Eaton and he's welcome to it. I do not intend to offend him for making fun of his work like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as another form of C&C. ;) (Warning: This fic contains some adult content and language.) THE SATELLITE OF LOVE 14:20 HOURS "MOKO TAKABISHA!!" Joel Robinson exclaimed as his thrust his hands out in front of his body. To his surprise, no ki-blast shot out from his palms. "TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN!!" Joel tried again but his punching speed remained the same. "Guess pop was right, I haven't been training enough.... "Ranma! You come for date with Shampoo!" Gypsy exclaimed in as cute a voice as she could manage. She rushed towards Joel, wearing a purple haired wig and pink outfit. Actually, it used to be a white outfit before someone threw a red shirt into her white load of laundry a while back. She quickly wrapped herself around Joel, who was dismayed to say the least. "Hey! Let go of me! Shampoo, I ain't interested....!?!" Joel whined in vain as Gypsy maintained her death grip. "RANMA! What do you think you're doing!" Joel turned and saw Tom Servo wearing a short blue/black wig and welding a large wooden mallet, thanks to a special attachment. "A....Akane, it's not what you think!" Joel gasped as Gypsy held him protectively and exclaimed. "Ranma love Shampoo best...." "Why, you pervert!" Tom exclaimed as he began to raise the mallet.... "She's lying! It's not true! I don't feel that way about her at all!" Joel tried to reassure the furious girl, his fear temporarily causing him to forget that Gypsy could hear his every word.... "Ranma no play with woman's heart!" Gypsy screamed as she unwrapped herself from Joel and suddenly dove towards the floor where a bucket of cold water was conveniently placed. She reemerged a moment later, wearing a fake pair of cat ears at the same time and began meowing. "Meow." Gypsy whispered. "ARGGH!! IT'S A CAT! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!!" Joel screamed as he did the Tokyo shuffle all around the bridge of the satellite, waving his arms around wildly.... "Ranma! At last I finally found you!" Another voice proclaimed. Joel was too panicked to notice Crow T. Robot as he stalked towards him, wearing a yellow and black bandanna and welding a red bamboo umbrella. "Prepare to die, Ranma!" Crow proclaimed as he opened the umbrella and tossed it at the unprepared Joel.... Of course, since Crow lacked the superhuman strength and skill to make it spin and stay in the air, the umbrella bounced off Joel harmlessly and falls to the floor. "Damn you, Ranma!" Crow cursed as he assumed an offensive stance. "I will have my revenge!" "Cool off, Ryouga!" Joel replied as he grabbed another bucket of cold water and tossed it's contents at him. Unfortunately, Crow saw it in time and dodged, the water rushing past him towards one of the SOL's computer panels.... "Uh oh!" Gypsy exclaimed in her normal voice as the water splashed all over the console. A moment later, it began to short circuit and finally it blew up in a display of pyrotechnics. "Uhhh....Gypsy, was that console a vital system?" Crow nervously inquired. "We're not going to start descending to earth now and burn up in the atmosphere, are we?" A frightened Tom added. Gypsy sighed as she checked the diagnostics. "There's no danger to the ship....but that panel controlled the atmospheric pressure controls to your rooms. Until it's fixed, you'll have to stay on the bridge.... "How long?" Joel asked, dreading the answer. Gypsy shook her head. "Could be days....Could be weeks...." "WHAT?!?" Tom exclaimed in horror before turning to face Joel. "Oh, good one, Joel! We just HAD to use real water with this sketch, DIDN'T WE?!" "Hey! I'm not the one who's too wussy to take a faceful of water!" Joel replied as he gestured at Crow. "Who are you calling a wussy, Joel!" Crow replied as he resumed his combat stance. "Ranma! I'll beat the hell out of you for that!" Joel grinned as he realized Crow was only teasing but Tom wasn't as he grumbled. "My entire collection of underwear....I'll bet it's floating all over the place in my room right now...." "Calm down, Happosai." Crow needled. "You'll be back with your precious collection in no time...." A strange smile came over Tom's face, a remarkable feat since his mouth was made out of a gumball machine dispenser. "You're taking this pretty well, Crow. I'm impressed...." "It's not the end of the world....So our stuff floats up in the air and when the room's fixed, it'll collapse into a heap. Our rooms were already a mess...." Crow replied cheerfully. "That's true....but don't you have a cordless lava lamp?" Crow froze. Solid. "And if that lamp falls to the ground or smashes against the wall, won't it burn up all your comic books and issues of the Picardian? Not to mention...." "NOOO!!!!" Crow screamed in horror as he started to rush towards his room. Joel rushed after him, shooting a glare at Tom who chuckled to himself. A moment later, the red light began flashing. "Uh....guys?" Tom called out before realizing no one was available to answer the call. So he hovered over the red button and placed himself down on top of it, activating the viewscreen. DEEP 13 A frown came to Dr. Clayton Forrester as the image of the Satellite of Love revealed only one of Joel's annoying little friends present. "Hey! Where's Joel!?!" "Joel had to take care of something...." Tom replied. "He'll be along in a few minutes.... "Inconceivable!" Dr. Forrester exclaimed, furious. "How DARE he make me wait! FRANK!!!" "You bellowed, Dr. F?" T.V.'s Frank replied as he came into the lab. "Joel actually has the nerve to make me wait for him like a common rube would wait in the line of a supermarket!" Dr. F griped to Frank. "There, there, Dr. F....Joel has nowhere to run and nowhere to hide....he'll accept that eventually." Frank reassured him. "You....You really think so, Frank?" Dr. Forrester replied, his eyes going all mangalike and sparkly. "I know so, Dr. F...." Frank replied. Just then, Joel returned, carrying a whimpering Crow underneath his arm. "Sorry I'm late, Dr. F." Joel apologized, taking a moment to cuff Tom over the head as he passed by. "Well, now that we're all present....Let's get to the invention exchange. Since you made me waste 30 seconds of my precious time, I will go first...." Dr. Forrester gestured behind him where a pair of seemingly ordinary glasses were resting on the desktop. "These glasses are actually a viewscreen. They run on solar energy and power tiny microchips hidden in the sides of the glasses. Once activated, they project a series of erotic impulses to the temples, all the way to the pleasure center of your brain." "Sounds great...." Crow sighed, distracted by thoughts of his precious magazines going up in flames.... "What's the catch?" Joel inquired. "All too simple." Dr. F replied with an evil grin. "Basically, as long as you wear the glasses, I can invoke whatever emotional response from you as I wish, all disguised in the form of erotic images, all without the wear knowing about it. I'll slip these glasses into society and when enough of the human population has purchased them...." "You'll drive them all into a fury and start a war, right? Or make them so depressed, they all commit genocide, forcing the survivors to surrender to you, right?" Tom guessed. Dr. Forrester clucked his tongue. "Nothing so gauche, Tom. No, I'll make them so happy that they'll simply be BEGGING me to take over the world! After all, happy workers mean obedient and unquestioning workers! BWAHAHAHAHA!!! "He's got us there, Tom...." Joel remarked. "Oh well, at least everyone will have a nice day." "Don't worry, be happy!" Tom chimed in. Dr. Forrester sneered at them. "All right, wiseacres....Let's see what you've come up with this week!" "Glad you asked...." Joel replied as he went behind the counter and placed an electronic alarm clock attached to a small device on top of it. "This is a solution for all the college students that like to stay up all night partying or are suffering from a bad hangover. It's a machine that is placed next to your bed and monitors your REM sleep. When you go to sleep, the machine registers how much rest your body requires in order to be fully awake and alert for classes and completely over your hangover. "Once this is done, the machine uses this portable flux capacitor to force time and space to a standstill, allowing the student to get the rest he or she needs before going to class. Once that level of comfort has been reached, time returns to normal and the student goes about his business." "What do you think, sirs?" Tom asked. Dr. F. raised an eyebrow. "Isn't it a little *inconvenient* for the rest of the universe, every time an individual freezes time just so they can sleep in?" "Why? If time is frozen, they wouldn't be missing anything, anyway, right?" Tom pointed out. "What about the space time continuum?" Frank suddenly spoke up. "It'll continue....eventually." Tom replied. "Yes, I suppose it would....Anyway, your experiment this week is a unique blend of two hentai anime series, along with some original characters mixed in for color. It's called "Hellraisers" by Aaron Eaton, and I hope it goes down hard! Send them the fanfic, Frank...." "And awayyyyy it goes...." Frank replied. * * * SATELLITE OF LOVE Joel was still trying to comfort a saddened Crow when alarms and sirens suddenly rang out. "OHHHH, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!" Joel cried out. (Door 6: It's a ancient piece of paper. You shoot a flaming arrow into it and it burns away.) (Door 5: It's made of dubbed anime from Animeigo. You take great pleasure in smashing through it. (Door 4: It falls towards you, missing your foot by millimeters.) (Door 3: It's made of Windows 95 software. It *crashes* to the floor before you can even touch it.) (Door 2: It's a soap bubble. You have to pop it to get through.) (Door 1: It swirls open from the center.) (Door .7: The camera pans downward where a small hatch pops open.) Joel walks into the theater with Tom in his arms, Crow following close behind. Stepping over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to him, Crow sitting on his right. "You feeling better, Crow?" Joel asked, concerned for his friend. "Yeah, I guess so...." Crow replied. >From eaton1@media2.hypernet.com Thu Aug 21 15:09:15 1997 >Received: from media2.hypernet.com (media2.hypernet.com [204.176.40.20]) by >tendo-dojo.ranma.net (8.6.11/0.0.0) with ESMTP id PAA02093 for ; Thu, 21 Aug 1997 15:07:48 -0400 >Received: from aaron.hypernet.com (204.176.40.96) by media2.hypernet.com >with ESMTP (Apple Internet Mail Server 1.1.1); Thu, 21 Aug 1997 15:22:12 -0400 >Message-ID: <33FC91EB.9790C6FA@media2.hypernet.com> >Date: Thu, 21 Aug 1997 15:07:24 -0400 >From: Aaron Eaton >X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.01 [en] (Win95; I) >MIME-Version: 1.0 >To: Fan Fic Mailing List >Subject: [FFML][orignal][draft]Hellraisers Book 1:1[LEMON] >X-Priority: 3 (Normal) >Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii >Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Tom: Thanks for including all that useful information along with your fanfic, Aaron. We *REALLY* needed to know all that junk.... >Book 1:1 Crow: 1:1? What is this, the bible? Tom: I give 1:1 odds that this fanfic's gonna blow.... Joel: Crow.... Crow: ....lung butter. >Is here and this will take you out of this world MIND YOU THIS >IS HENTAI (Contains Graphic Violence, Graphic Sex, Adult >language) Tom: (imitating Spiffy) You sick bastard! Crow: What about nudity? No nudity? How can they call it a *hentai* fic without the nudity?!? Joel: Calm down, Crow.... Tom: Adult Language....Does that mean there won't be any baby-talk? >SO IF YOU ARE UNDER 18 DONT READ THIS Crow: ....unless accompanied by an irresponsible adult. Tom: 18 what? Inches? Why I.... Joel: DON'T go there, Tom.... >BUT IF YOU ARE OVER 18 GET READY TO BE BLOWN AWAY >WITH THE NEWEST GROUP IN THE FANFICTION WORLD THE >HELLRAISERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tom: (singing) Raise a little hell, Raise a little hell....Raise a little hell.... Crow: Only *REAL* hellraisers hold the capslock button down when they speak.... >(PLEASE READ THE OVERVIEW FIRST) Tom: (singing) Over view, over dale, we will hit the dusty trail.... Crow: Hey! Dr. F never sent us an overview! Joel: Are you surprised? Crow: Not really. >Hellraisers Book 1:1 -- Hellraisers United Crow: United, they stand! Divided, they fold like a pack of cards.... Tom: Hellraisers United. Their slogan: Come on....DOWN! >Chapter 1 Naroth's First Strike Tom: Jackie Chan....This time he's fighting for Hell! Crow: (imitating Naroth) On behalf of the Fanfiction Characters Union, we demand reasonable plots, less death scenes, more IC characters and dumb ideas, and most importantly....We demand more lemons per year with the opinion to choose our sex partner(s).... Joel: (imitating Artemis) And if you even THINK of putting me or anyone else with Oscar again, WE'LL WALK!!! >Maieson walked out on the deck of the house around 3:00 A.M. he >had a nightmare of Nagumo and the demons he controled somehow >Maieson had a feeling he would face Nagumo or his demons soon he >the 26 year old holder of the soul that changed his life upside down and >inside out first he heard voices Tom: Woah! Woah! WOAH! Who's narrating this thing? The Micro Machine guy? Crow: I've heard of run-on sentences but this guy could outlast Terry Fox! Joel: SENTENCE: a word, clause, or phrase or a group of clauses or phrases forming a syntactic unit which expresses an assertion, a question, a command, a wish, an exclamation, or the performance of an action, that in writing usually begins with a capital letter and concludes with appropriate END punctuation. >he heard voices he felt pain then comfort and a voice Tom: (imitating voices) Add some commas....add some apostrophes.....add some periods.... Tom: And don't forget a plotline. Joel: I think he's trying to get to it..... >He didnt know why he got the honor of being torured with immortality Crow: He never should have let that old knight talk him into drinking from the Holy Grail.... Tom: I told him not to eat the mermaid's flesh...but NOOO....he didn't want to listen.... >but he knew he felt stronger every day and he had a friend in the form >of the soul All: (singing) He's a SOUL man.... >"Nightmares about Nagumo Maieson" the soul said in his head "yeah >again I know he's comming but I cant stop him myself" Crow: Well, if you really want to stop him from coming.... Joel: Don't even think about it, Crow. Crow: .... >Maieson said "be paient you have friends and they will be your strenght >I know youll be victorius Switchblade" Joel: This guys got more voices in his head than Sybil.... Crow: So the soul's name is Switchblade? I'm confused.... Tom: I'll bet he's Swedish.... Crow: I wonder if he's related to a certain Ukyou fan who used to have an ASCII picture of Ukyou for a .sig file... >Switchblade thats the name of the soul inside Maiesons body a soul that >has helped him through some hard times including when he broke up with >Rain his high school sweethart. Tom: I guess he isn't singing in the rain anymore.... Joel: Tom.... Crow: (imitating Maieson) I tried to be supportive but when Rain entered that Mortal Kombat tournament, that was the final straw.... Tom: (singing) Shang....Tsung....won't you come....and wash away the Rain.... Joel: Okay guys, quit raining on Maieson's parade.... Crow: Can't rain all the time.... >the Soul has been his mentor and friend since he appeared when he >was 18 Tom: And how exactly did this *soul* appear? Crow: Old enough to drink, old enough to vote and now I even have my own soul! Life couldn't be better! Joel: Are you sure his soul is old enough to drink? What's the legal drinking age in Japan, anyway? Tom and Crow: SPAM IT, JOEL! >and they have grown acustom to their surroundings in Kobe, Japan and >also Tokyo. Tom: OH MY GOD! Aaron finally used a *COMMA* Crow: So Soul and Maieson live in three places at once? Joel: They own three summer homes? Man, I have to live in a puny Satellite.... >"Maieson" said a sweet female voice Crow: Hmmm....Can't be Rain, she had a bitter, masculine voice.... >As Maieson turned he saw Megumi , Amano's Sister Joel: Somehow I can't picture someone like Megumi with a sweet voice.... Crow: All those deep-throats with tentacles and she's still as sweet as ever.... Joel: Crow.... >"Oh I didnt know anyone else was up" Maieson said >"well I could'nt sleep either" Megumi said >"Nightmares" Tom: About capital letters? Crow: About being in such a horrid fic? Joel: (imitating Megumi) It's the Gatekeeper! HE WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!!! >"yeah about Nagumo" >"same here" >"well I dont know if we could beat Nagumo or his army of demons >Maieson" >"well Megumi well find out soon enough" Crow: As will we....whether we want to or not. Tom: Better late than ever.... Joel: Well said. >As they stood their they heard the faint roar of a lion at the zoo 2 >blocks away Joel: I guess the lion isn't sleeping tonight.... Crow: Not bad, but can they hear the sound of one hand clapping? Tom: Or a tree falling in a deserted forest? >and then nothing the streets were quiet except for som crickets Tom: When did Sonny Curtis and Buddy Holly get into this fanfic? Crow: Wrong crickets, Tom. Joel: (imitating cricket) So, did you score with Pfil last night? Crow: (imitating cricket) Yeah, but now the elder says I have to marry her, according to their laws. I tried to fight it....but the law won. >and then they heard something that they have not heard before Tom: The Bird? Crow: Everybody's heard about the bird! Joel: Maybe it's a compliment? >an explosion and a roar as the building just 2 blocks down explodes Joel: First there was an explosion....then the roar....then the building exploded....Is it just me or does that sound like it's out of sequence? Crow: This fanfic is out of sequence.... Tom: If this fanfic is out of sequence, let's hope the ending is around the corner.... Joel: Amen. >switchblade senses something ......... Crow: So that's why there aren't any periods after every sentences. He's been saving them for those damn '.........' >could it be Nagumo or a band of his demons trying to lead them out >into the open Joel: Or could it simply be a demolition company going about their daily business? Tom: Anything is possible in fanfiction.... >"It Nagumo isnt it" >"Wake the others Megumi it time to go to work" Tom: (imitating Megumi singing) I....don't wanna work! I just want to bang the demons all day! Joel: Tom.... >"Gotcha" Megumi said just before another explosion occured even closer >to the house >"And Hurry" Crow: Quick, Megumi! Hurry up and wake the others before the explosions give them a rude awakening.... >Maieson put on the clothes he usally wears a black jumpsuit >and a red cape and a mask Tom: Who's he supposed to be? Zorro? Crow: Tuxedo Kamen in long johns perhaps? Joel: Spawn? >one that looks like it says to others >"Don't Fuck With Me" Crow: But when he shows it to women, the *don't* mysteriously vanishes.... Joel: Crow.... >Soon the Others woke up and got dresed and proceded to the site of the >latest explosion as soon as they got there there were about 10 Demons >and A man in a Black Cape Crow: Batman? Joel: Nuclear Man? Tom: The Shadow? Crow: Dr. Mindbender? Joel: Darth Vader? Tom: Frank Costanza's lawyer? >with a distinct scar on his cheek. Tom and Crow: OHHHHHH....Darkman! Joel: His whole face is a distinctive scar.... >"Naroth you son of a bitch your gonna pay" Switchblade said as he took >out his swords Joel: I guess we'll presume Naroth was the man with the cape? Tom: (imitating Switchblade) I got these swords on loan from Cervantes De Leon.... Crow: No wonder Maieson's hearing voices if he took *those* swords.... >Naroth Nagumo's Stool Pigeon Tom: Why don't Naroth use a toilet like everyone else? Crow: You know what they say, a bird in the hand is worth two in the tush. Joel: Crow.... >why did Nagumo Send him on a mission like this, was Nagumo trying >to piss the Hellraisers off, if Nagumo was he did a damn good job as all >of them were going after a demon and Switchblade was going full speed >at him as Switchblade hit Naroth he was sent flying into the building >next door as he impacted on the concrete building Tom: Wow! Naroth must really be put together if Switchblade was sent flying just from hitting him.... Crow: Maybe Naroth's an Otaku in disguise? Joel: A distant relative of Twister or Crys perhaps.... > Naroth got back up and was changing into a Demon Master and carrying >a sword of pure fire as he advanced twords Switchblade Joel: Souledge meets Soulforge. Only one sword can survive.... Crow: I didn't know Naroth was a paladin.... Tom: If the sword's made of pure fire, how can he hold it, much less strike anything with it? Crow: And where's his chariots? >he sent a fire blast at him Switchblade dodged out of the way and hit >the demon Mido was fighting. Crow: Where the hell did Mido come from? Tom: The far side of the moon? How the hell should I know?!? >"If your Attitude is as bad as your Aim your allready dead" Switchblade >said Joel: If this fanfic is as bad as your grammar, kill us now.... Tom: (Imitating Kenshiro) Hey, quit ripping off my lines! Crow: Fist of the Naroth Star.... >as he prepared a blast of his own as Naroth dodged out of his way >Switchblade let one of his swords fly and grazed his side as blood >gushed out Crow: (imitating Switchblade) Ouch! I nicked myself! Tom: And Switchblade has the nerve to comment on *Naroth's* aim!? Joel: Certainly doesn't live up to his name, now does he? >Switchblade's sword returned to him and started to charge with reckless >fury Joel: That's what happens when you try to fight with a possessed sword.... Crow: (imitating sword) Oops, your fingers slipped....oops, your fingers slipped....Oops, you fingers slipped....heh heh heh...sucker. Tom: At least only *one* sword turned on him. Where did the other one go? >as Naroth got his senses he saw two flashes and pain Joel: Which flashes? Honey or Dirty Pair? Crow: (imitating Naroth) Yeow! I stubbed my toe! Oh, the pain! >Switchblade had won as Naroth Tom: What?!? Crow: You mean Switchblade and Naroth were one and the same? Joel: Now I'm REALLY confused.... >and the remainder of the demons ran away Naroth spoke "Foolish >Immortal well meet again count on it you have not heard the last of >Nagumo's empire" and disapeared in a cloud of fire Tom: The empire will strike back! Then it'll strike back again in videos several times, then back in the theaters and finally on video yet again! Crow: Don't forget the laserdisk and DVD's.... >Nagumo was sitting on his throne in Edo Castle In Osaka Joel: Was that supposed to be a scene change? Crow: The action's so hot and heavy, the author can't even be bothered to add some stars or dashes.... Tom: Damn! Guess I'll have to save those jokes for the next MSTing.... >waiting for a report on Naroth he had sent him and 10 demons off to >shake up the Hellraisers and kill them if possible little did he know >that Naroth appeared seconds later with two sword cuts one across the >stomach and one across the chest. Crow: I guess the sword that disappeared came through after all.... Tom: (imitating Naroth) I got this chest wound from the battle but the scar on my stomach came from emergency surgery. I accidentally ate some of Akane's cooking.... >"Naroth reporting Lord Nagumo" >"What do you have to report" >"We failed to kill the Hellraisers but we did..." Crow: ....get our asses kicked by a sword. >Before Naroth could finsh Nagumo slapped him across the face as >Naroth cringed back Joel: If he cringed back, how could Nagumo have hit him? Tom: Maybe he feinted? Crow: By the way, guys, wasn't this supposed to be a lemon? Tom: Well, it is sour.... >he felt the cheek and it felt like a baseball bat hit it Tom: Which, as everyone knows, is *much* more painful than being hit by the baseball itself.... >"You Fool and I guess the Demon I sent with you were killed" Crow: (imitating Noroth) That's *was* killed, my lord. Tom: (imitating Nagumo) Don't be cheeky! >"Yes Lord Nagumo" >"I see Commander Naroth You have failed even 10 Demons is enough >to kill at least 1 of them and you killed none of them im wery mad at you Tom: (imitating Naroth) I'm wary sorry, sir.... Crow: Be wary, wary, quiet....We're hunting hellwaisers....heheheheh.... Tom: Fudd Syndrome strikes again! Joel: Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE! >but you will get another chance soon believe me" From the corner of >his eye he saw Faust Munihausen Nagumo's advisor and General of >the demon forces and a person who hated the Hellraisers espically >three in particular Switchblade, Amano, and Himi thoes three >have ruined his life Crow: Uh, Aaron....You forgot to mention the general's name.... Joel: If Switchblade ruined his life, why doesn't he attack Naroth? After all, they're the same person.... >first Amano for shredding half of his body Himi for being the True >Cho-Jin and Switchblade because he as foiled many of his >plans in the past since Munihausen has the green orb of the Evil King >and has the abilties to destroy buildings and many other things Tom: Orb? What is this? Magic: The Gathering? Crow: I wish Aaron would sacrifice his fanfic for his Orb.... Joel: (imitating General) I can destroy entire buildings and many other things such as PERIODS, COMMAS, SPELLING, CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, and yes, even the VERY PLOTLINE ITSELF!!! BWHAHAHAHAHA!!!! >but after several attemps he couldnt defete one of the Hellraisers or even >trap one Crow: And what's worse, he couldn't spell to save his life.... Joel: The Hellraisers snatched victory from the jaws of *defete*! Tom: I wish Hellraisers was now in the jaws of DELETE. >and now he has been advisor to Nagumo for some time and Naroth >has hated being leader of the attacks every time he has returned >with no good luck he has gotten punched, kicked, even stabbed by >Nagumo Crow: And that's just when Nagumo's pleased with me.... Joel: (imitating Naroth) Try dropping a ten ton weight on my head! Maybe THAT will get me out of this fanfic! >and sometimes he wonders why he was chosen ... Tom: (imitating Naroth) Oh why? Why must I be the one to suffer the indignity of being a boring, drab character in an incoherent fanfic like this? Why have the gods forsaken me?!? WHY!?!? Crow: (applauds) Very nice, Tom! Joel: (imitating Liu Kang) I am the chosen one.... >"Blind Luck" Naroth thought "very well Lord Nagumo I will wait for >new instructions" and quickly disapeared. Tom: (imitating Nagumo) Strange....Why did Naroth disappear like that? He didn't utter a single word.... >Later In the house Switchblade was really angry he knew Nagumo >would send some demons after him Joel: (imitating General) Did I mention scene change warnings? I can destroy those too! BWHAHAHAHA!!!! >but in there current state they wouldnt had won with that many >Demons against them even 10 should have been enough to kill them >but for some reason they won but not without people hurt Tom: DEEP HURTING.... Crow: (melodramatic voice) We are but hurt.... >Mido had gotten some of the backlash from the fire blast from Naroth >and also some cuts and bruses Crow: Which is amazing, since we only caught the briefest glimpse of her during the fight scene.... Joel: I'll bet those wounds are self-inflicted.... Tom: Or maybe Mido defeated the demon using her *unique* skills.... Crow: Ranma has *nothing* on Miko Mido when it comes to *ANYTHING GOES* martial arts.... Joel: Crow.... Tom: Yep, you have to hand it to her....she sure knows how to blow those demons away.... Joel: Tom.... >Amano was beaten all to hell he had two demons on him Joel: They're still fighting? I thought it was over? Tom: (imitating Amano) Hey! Leave me alone! Go to Megumi for that, you sickos! Joel: Tom.... >Buju held his own but not without some bruses Crow: Tsk tsk tsk....No self-control at all.... Tom: Where are all these guys coming from, anyway?!? Joel: Buju! Once a mild mannered reggae musician from Texas, he came to Tokyo to do battle with the forces of darkness! >Megumi had a gash the lenght on a pencil Crow: Wow! That must be one big puss.... Joel: Crow! Tom: (imitating Megumi) M....m....my pencil!!! NO!!!!! OH, THE HUMANITY!!! Joel: Let us have a moment of silence for Megumi's pencil and it's tragic end.... (Tom and Crow lapse into silence while Joel hums *Taps*) Tom: (imitating Megumi sobbing) Now w...who will keep me company during those long, lonely nights..... Joel: Tom.... >in her midsection and was being attended to by Himi who had allready >healed herself while all this was happening Tom: (imitating Himi) Nyah! Nyah! I can heal myself and you can't! Joel: (imitating Megumi) Hey, shut up! I'm still in mourning over my pencil! >Switchblade took off the mask and smashed the table they were sitting by >in half. Joel: Table for two? >"Hey Maieson calm yourself" Mido said as Maieson walked away from >the table "Nagumo had us where we wanted us and what happened he >sends Naroth to do his dirty work!!!!" Maieson said as he threw a chair >at one of the walls Crow: (imitating Maieson) And it's all your fault, you stupid furniture! Joel: (imitating Maieson) This is where I get my revenge for all the slivers I've had to endure!! Tom: Somewhere, a carpenter is crying.... >"Damn it Maieson dont be such a pissass about it all we need now is you >in a bad mood" Buju said clinching his ribs Joel: (imitating Buju) Mmmmm! You know, this take-out dinner I ordered from Swiss Chalet was worth every penny.... Tom: (imitating Buju) Boy, Maieson, you really screwed up today didn't you? Who taught you how to fight? A dairy farmer? Boy, do you suck! There. Are you in a bad mood yet? >"Nagumo has us today Buju but why did he do that to piss us off well if >he did hed did a fuckin good job" Maieson said as he punched through >the wall he was closest to Joel: Leave the house alone, you big bully! Wasn't beating up on the furniture enough for you?! Crow: Where's Bob Vila when you really need him? Tom: How about Tim Allen? Joel: Tim Allen? He'd do more damage than ole Maieson over here. >Amano came over to Maieson as painful as it was and slapped Maieson >in the face Joel: Bye, Amano. Nice knowing you...or at least what we know of you from the story....which isn't that much really.... >"Dont you go loco on us Tom: Loco? Since when did Japanese use Spanish words? Joel: What, you never read "Akane por siempre" by Oscar? Crow: OSCAR?!? Joel: Not the Oscar you're thinking of, Crow.... >it was you who brought us together and made us the team we are today >and right now this stuff will happen it does when a new group gets >together it cant be helped you have to live with that" Tom: I never thought I would say this....but this fanfic actually makes *LESS* sense than Judge Brainitite! Crow: Judge Brainitite was *Shakespeare* compared to this mess! >"I know but Nagumo...." > "FUCK NAGUMO YOU HAVE BIGGER FISH TO FRY MAIESON >AND IF YOU SAY ANYDIFFRENT ILL KILL YA" Joel: ....by forcing you to read the *uncensored* version of Artemis's Lover! Tom and Crow: (gasp in horror) How cruel! >Maieson never saw Amano this angry since the bar fight in Kyoto where >Amano completely leveled the bar down Tom: (imitating Amano) WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T SERVE MAN-BEASTS IN HERE!?!? Crow: Give him a break! Come on, give him a break! Just give him off a piece of that Kit Kat Bar.... >ever since he has listened to Amano and never mouthed off to him but >if he wanted to now was the time as he grabbed Amano by the collar and >gave him a look like a lion hunting for dinner Crow: Which lion? The one that faintly roared at the beginning of this fanfic and was never mentioned again? Joel: Doesn't he know lions always hunt in prides? Tom: What are you, Scott Shanon now? >"Listen Amano im in a bad mood because Nagumo has tried in the past >to suceed in killing us and he came damn close today and it terring me >apart Crow: This fanfic is *terring* me apart.... >so if you want me to say anything diffrent i will but dont try to >kill me because I wont hesistate to kill ya because right now im not in >the mood to kill one of my own group but if you want to youll be sorry >got it!!!" Joel: Got it? We don't even know what the hell you're talking about?!? Crow: I thought Amano was the one who wanted to kill....and then Maieson grabbed Amano and threatened to kill him because he wasn't in the mood to kill him....but Maieson said he'd be sorry if he tried to kill Amano .....ARRRRRGH!!! THIS FIC MAKES NO FRIGGING SENSE!!! Tom: (singing) Slow the plot down matey, slow the plot down.... >Maieson then released Amano went into the gragage took his >bike out for a spin to relax and to take his mind off Nagumo. Crow: But if he does that, he won't have any personality left! Tom: Wait a minute....Maieson is tearing up the furniture and walls and then threatens to kill Amano for bugging him and *Amano* is the one that took his bike out to be alone? I don't get it.... Joel: Don't ask me. I'm still trying to figure out what the heck a *gragage* is.... >Chapter 2 Switchblade's Battle Crow: Ohhhh....Aaron remembers to inform us when a new chapter begins but forgets just about everything else! Tom: Remember Switchblade....Knowledge is half the battle. Joel: (singing) G.I. Joe! >Maieson had driven over 15 miles before he stopped just outside Kobe >where his favorite place was Jagged Rock Crow: It *was* my favorite place but I lost interest in it when I realized that it was nothing more than a rock with indentations cut into it.... Joel: Jagged Rock. A combination of heavy metal and a guy with a blender.... >was a outlook point it points out twords the Pacific ocean twords the >U.S. he has been trying to think what the U.S. looks like and how the >people will treat people like the Hellraisers like some terroists or saviors All: Terrorists! >but he probally will never know then a familiar voice came to him Joel: (imitating Maieson's mother) Robert Peter Maieson, you get down from that jagged rock this INSTANT! Crow: (imitating Maieson) Aw, Mom.... Joel: (imitating Maieson's mother) Hurry up now or we'll be late for church! Tom: (imitating Maieson's mother) Oh no! Your clothes are soaked with blood! Were you fighting with those neighborhood demons again? Just wait till your father get home, young man! >"Maieson still your same cranky self huh" The soul said jokingly Joel: That's MR. Cranky to you, pal! Crow: Yep, still reviewing movies as always..... >"Put a sock in it a bad mood" Maieson thought >"well its no entirelly your fault but it couldnt be avoided either" Tom: I wish this fanfic could have been avoided.... Joel: Hey, just do what I do. Think of this fanfic as the sun. Don't look directly at it. Crow: This fanfic is like the paparazzi. They can't be avoided and they're just doing their job. Kinda like a mime.... >"I know the demons that we fought were tougher than then they ever >were it like Nagumo used his own power to boost their strenght 10 >times what it was even Buju got injured and he usally kill about 15 of >them himself but even he had problems getting at least 5" Joel: Man, this fic just keeps going full speed ahead.... Crow: This fic makes "The Professional" look like a slow ride to Grandma's house.... Tom: For god's sake, put in a period now and then! I like non-stop action as much as the next guy but.... >"Nagumo wants you to know he has you by the balls and he proved it Joel: ....By forcing you to sing soprano? >with bringing Naroth to do his dirty work thats whats getting me >Nagumo usually does the leading himself" Crow: Nagumo and Naroth must do a lot of ballroom dancing.... >"Yeah that is what bothers me to Maieson does he have a plan" >"Who knows maybe or maybe not" Maieson said "Well I dont >know Maieson Just be on your guard" The soul said as his voice >disapeared Tom: You mean Maieson could actually *see* the soul's voice as it talked to him? Crow: (imitating soul) I'm still here! I've suddenly developed laryngitis! >As Naroth sat in his room at Edo Castle he thought how he could take >the shit Nagumo has done to him recently Joel: Scene changed again.... Tom: Hey, we have to read this thing! If anyone taking shit, it's US! Joel: Tom.... >he felt his cheek and it still hurt Nagumo had hit him before but not >this hard he pondered this as Faust Appeared in the doorway >"What do you want Munihausen" Tom: That's Faust! His name is FAUST! Crow: Who's Faust? Tom: I thought Who was second? Crow: No, no, Who IS Faust? Tom: If who isn't second then who is faust? Crow: That's what I'm asking you! Tom: Are you sure Who is Faust? Joel: THIRD BASE! NOW SHUT UP!!! >"Hah you couldnt even hurt Switchblade the only thing you hit was >one of the demons how patheti...." >Before Munihausen could finsh the sentance Naroth slammed >Munihausen against the wall "Look Faust I dont need this from you >or Nagumo Crow: Faust of all, make up your mind! Are you going to call him Faust or Munihausen? Tom: Faust things faust.... Joel: No more puns, please! >so piss of if your here to make me more misrable than I >allready am" Tom: (imitating Munihausen) Well, If you insist....Just give me a moment to open my fly and.... Joel: Tom.... >"no ive heard that Maieson is at Jagged rock Crow: Exactly where did he hear about this? The grapevine? Tom: Some friends, romans and countrymen must have lent him their ears.... >and I wondered if you want the opptunity to kill Switchblade Yourself >one on one or eleven to one" Munihausen said Crow: He wants to challenge Switchblade to a game of basketball? Joel: Kinda hard to play basketball on a jagged rock.... Tom: They'll have to play with *Sudden Death* rules. First one to slip and fall to their death, loses! >"Good Ill leave immediatly" Joel: If not sooner. >Maieson watched the sun rise as he allways does but something wasnt >right Crow: Hmm....I guess it is a bit strange that the sun is rising at 10:00 p.m....although that pretty mushroom cloud is a nice touch.... Tom: (singing) There's a bright golden haze on the meadow.... >he felt he was being watched the wind felt good on his face but >the smell of salt water woke him up even more Tom: (imitating Maieson) Oh, I must have fallen into the sea again. >as he got up to leave he heard a fimilar sound and sight of sulfur and >fire as Naroth appeared with 10 more demons Joel: (imitating Naroth) Meet my dream team! >"You bastard you couldnt stay away could you" >"silence Maieson your soul will be Nagumos one way .... or the other Crow: Let us pray it isn't the other.... >ATTACK!!!!!!!!!" All: COBRA!!!! >as the order was given all 10 of the demons charged twords him >"oh shit FIRE BLAST" Tom: Quick! Get the baking soda! >As the blast hit the middle of the crowd 5 were burned on contact >but the other 5 took a swipe at him two took him down and held him >by the arms as Naroth hovered over him like a vulture >"Games over Maieson YOUVE LOST" >"NOT YET" Tom: 7....6....Damn it, where's that quarter?!?....5.....4.... >as Maieson kicked Naroth 5 feet back and crushed the two >demons heads together Crow: Naroth has five feet? Man, I figured the author would at least attempted to tell something like THAT to the reader... >the other 3 demons charged him but neglected the rock cliff as >Maieson stepped out of the way the three demons fell off the cliff into >the drink 50 feet below All: (Muted trumpet imitation) Wah-wah-wahhhhhh. >"You want to catch me Naroth come get me" >"catch you I want to KILL YOU" Naroth said Crow: (imitating Maieson) Kill me? I want you to CATCH ME! Tom: (imitating Naroth) Do you expect me to catch you? Crow: (imitating Maieson) No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to KILL ME! Joel: I wish someone will kill me right now.... Crow: Why? Do you expect us to KILL YOU? Tom: No, Mr. Crow, He expects to BE CAUGHT! Joel: Enough already! Let's get back to the fic! >as he charged in Demon form with the sword of flame as he struck >Maieson in the chest as Maiesoncringed he felt pain for the first time >he took out a potion and threw it at Naroth the Burning oil didnt feel >good to Naroth as he clenched his face Joel: (imitating Naroth) Nope, this doesn't feel good at all. Nope, I'm definitely unhappy at the moment. No doubt about it.... Tom: And I thought aftershave was painful.... Crow: (imitating Naroth) Damn you, V.O. 5 hot oil! Damn you to hell!!! >this was the chance Crow: To make something of himself? Joel: To win 11 dollars in a beauty contest? Tom: To get out of this fanfic while the getting's good? >Maieson he jumped on Naroth and took him down and proceded to >pound on him some more and spoke after each punch >"WHERES... YOUR.... INSTINCT.... NOW ....... FUCKER...... >NOW ....DIE......." Crow: (imitating gangster) Where's your messiah....NOW? Tom: Speaking of instincts, Maieson's got a killer combo.... Joel: (imitating Naroth) My instincts are basic and usually fatal.... >Before he could snap his neck Naroth pushed Maieson off stood up >and disapeared in a cloud od fire before he left he said >"Next time it will be diffrent Maieson Nagumo will have your soul >HAHAHAHA" Tom: Then Nagumo will be the *soul* man! HAHAHAHAHA!!! Joel: Let's see....he escaped to fight another day....He vowed revenge....and then he finished with evil laughter. Yep, Naroth's well on his way to becoming the traditional villain. Crow: Not quite Joel, he still has to put Maieson in a death machine and tell him his entire evil plan for no particular reason.... >"Next time Naroth youll be dead" Tom: So be sure to tune in next time, same Hellraiser time, same Hellraiser channel! >Later back at the house Himi had just finshed with Buju and the rest >and was wondering where Maieson was but no sooner then Himi said >it a familiar sound was visable....... Crow: The sound is visable? >It was maieson on his bike and as soon as they saw him he fell off the >bike as it crashed into the telephone poll just by the house Joel: (imitating telemarketer) Hello there, Sir or Madam! I represent the Yu Yaki Gumo Carpet cleaning company in your area and I wondered if you would be interested in participating in a survey for....ARRRRRGH!!! Tom: The latest polls show Maieson falling rapidly.... >and Maieson was clutching his chest as Himi came out she checked >Maieson's chest and saw the wound Naroth did Tom: (imitating Maieson) Himi! Look what Naroth did! Wahhh!!! Crow: (British accent) Oh no! It's the war wound! The wound! THE WOUND! >"Get him inside and hurry" Himi said as Buju and Amano brought >Maiesons unconsious body inside and Himi went to work fixing up >Maieson if it wasnt too late allready. >Chapter 3 -- Maieson's Folly Tom: Being in this fanfic? Crow: Allowing Aaron to write a story with him in it? Joel: (singing) Deck the halls with Maieson's Folly, Fa la la la la la....la la la la.... >When Maieson woke up his chest was in bandages and it was nighttime >when he tried to get up he felt his ribs hurt and decided to lay back >down Tom: (imitating Maieson) I knew there had to be a reason for those bandages.... Crow: But the bandages are on his chest, not his ribs.... Tom: Gee, an inconsistency. Who'd thunk it? >he felt like he got hit with a freight train as soon as he groaned Joel: Geez, I hope he doesn't sneeze or who knows how he'll feel.... >Amano walked in the room with a bandage over his head and eye. Tom: (imitating Amano) I AM THE PIRATE KING!!! >"Well what happened to you you look like as bad as I feel" Amano said >"Damn Naroth he suprised me with some demons I got rid of them but he >got me" Crow: (imitating gangster) You got me, you dirty rat! Joel: (singing) He got you, babe.... >"Suprise Attack huh well it dont suprise me it looks like he did a good >job on ya" >"No shit Amano look what happened to my chest" Tom: (imitating Maieson) I grew breasts! Joel: That would explain the bandages around the chest.... Crow: Who knew Naroth was a plastic surgeon on the side? Joel: I wonder if Ukyou helped him with his bindings.... >"Well ... Could have been worse i could have been dead" >"true" Tom: Give me plot....or give me death! >Maieson looked at his arm and saw he had road rash he couldnt anything >after he got about 5 blocks home Crow: Where's a Sega Genesis when you REALLY need one?!? Tom: I like the Playstation version better myself.... >"what happened to my arms and legs" Joel: He had to pay for his operation.... >"Well you pulled in the wrong way and well lets just say you wrecked >your bike when you came in around 40 mph the bike went into the >telephone poll but you went crashing into the house itself" All: Okay....YOU WRECKED YOUR BIKE WHEN YOU CAME IN AROUND 40 MPH THE BIKE WENT INTO THE TELEPHONE POLL BUT YOU WENT CRASHING INTO THE HOUSE ITSELF >"damn and I just tuned up that bike" >"dont worry man ill work on it it not beyond repair" Tom: No checking the oil or polishing the fenders or any of that crap! I'm going to repair the bike and that's it! No more. No less. >"When I get back up and walking ill help" Joel: What's the matter? Too lazy to drag yourself over? Crow: He's got no arms and legs remember? Tom: So? Let him use his teeth! If it's good enough for Bonk.... >"ok but dont strain yourself when you see the bike in the condition its >in" Joel: Okay, but can I lose control of my bodily functions and cry like a baby? >"No Problem" Joel: Groovy! >As Amano left Maieson thought of the things Naroth could have done >if he hadnt fought back Tom: (imitating Maieson) If I hadn't defended myself....Naroth might have....might have....kicked my ass! Crow: Or even worse, forced him to watch re-runs of Charles Grodin.... >but he heard a familiar voice as she kissed his forhead and she knew >who it was Joel: Mom? >"After all of this stuff happened i thought that a kiss would cheer you >up Maieson" Mido said as se hovered over the bed Crow: *Se* what happens when you don't check for spelling errors. Joel: Si, senior. Tom: (singing) Under the se.... >"thanks Mido but im not in the mood to be cheered up right now" >Maieson said with a serious look on his face Tom: (imitating Maieson) Leave me alone! I'm having a moment of introspection.... >"I heard about Naroth's suprise attack why does Nagumo want you so >bad" Crow: Too darn cute, I guess. >"For the soul of Switchblade thats why he wants to capture me and >transfer Switchblade's soul into Nagumo so Nagumo can corupt the >soul to evil if that happend he cant be beaten thats why he wants me >dead" Joel: Wait a minute....if Nagumo can become invincible by transferring Switchblade into him, how come Maieson isn't invincible right now? Crow: Maybe the demon is stronger when he's evil? Tom: Evil will always triumph because Good is a momma's boy.... >"Oh dear thats gonna be bad if that happens" Crow: (imitating Mido) I'll probably be forced into becoming his love slave and he'll have a bunch of really long tentacles.....hmmmmm.... Joel: Crow.... >"Dont worry Mido as long as im alive it will be a cold day in hell >before Nagumo takes my soul" Tom: (imitating Satan) Damn furnace is on the blink again! >"its good to hear that you wont give up" >Then Mido gave Maieson a kiss on the lips and left Maieson had been >Mido girlfriend for 7 months now and had not had sex with Mido once Crow: LOSER! Joel: Maybe he's Catholic? Tom: Actually, when you think about it, who'd want to sleep with Miko after all the demons that she's.... Joel: Tom, just leave it at that....thank you. >but because she is the leader of the Miroku clan and stull a virgin and >she must still be one Crow: Mido's no virgin! She gets raped in just about every episode of La Blue Girl.... Tom: Maybe the author means she's never slept with a human as opposed to a demon? Joel: How would you guys know anyway? You've never even seen La Blue Girl! (Tom and Crow bigsweat) Tom and Crow: Uh....sure, Joel. >but since Mido entered Maiesons life its been one adventure after another Crow: Handjobs, blowjobs, fondling.... Joel: Crow! >espically because of the way she battles the shimika demons with sex >and opponing clans as well its just been too wierd for Maieson to handle >even he could'nt fathom what these battles were about but now Maieson >is as curious than ever. Tom: I guess no one bothered to explain the birds and the bees to Maieson.... Crow: No one bothered to explain it to us either. Say, Joel.... Joel: Not now, guys.... >"Thinking with your dick not your brain" The soul interupted Crow: Technically, I'm still using my head. Joel: Crow.... >"Shut up this is serious I cant explain this wierd problem one day I >will but its just racking my brain out untill then" Tom: Puberty sucks, don't it? >"dont worry just remember a relationship is not based on sex even if it >is with a sexcraft master ill tell ya not from experience with them but >with other relationships other people have had with the soul bearers in >the past" Crow: (imitating Switchblade) We souls like to kiss and tell! Joel: He likes to switch with the other hosts once in a while.... >"Ill keep that in mind now what about trying to heal me up some" Tom: (imitating Maieson) Hey, watch those hands, buster! Crow: (imitating Switchblade) Sorry, thought you said *feel*. By the way, you have some really nice breasts.... >"Yeah Yeah hold your horses" the soul said Tom: Keep a tight grip on Genma and Ranma till he's good and ready! >as his voice disapeared form his head Joel: (imitating Maieson) Ahhh! We're no longer part of the collective! We're not Borg anymore! >A few hours later it was morning and Maieson was up and about >wondering what happened to Naroth and his plans to kill him >"oh well" Maieson thought "I guess since I made his face look like some >tenderized hamburger he wont try for awhile" Joel: Too bad he didn't make his face look like a Manwich or he might have scared him off for good.... Crow: Manwich: The sandwich that reminds you you ate it. >Naroth did not return to Osaka as he would usually he went to find >someone he knew outside Osaka as Naroth walked around in New >Osaka he pondered the question Tom: ....What the hell am I rambling on about?!? Crow: To be coherent or not to be coherent, that is the dilemma.... Joel: Let's see....Naroth didn't go back to Osaka because he usually finds someone outside of Osaka so he walks around New Osaka, a completely different Osaka, pondering.... Crow: Osaka to me! Osaka to me! Give the reader a little respect! Just a little bit! >"is Maieson the immortal that he is Tom: ....Or am I just glad to see him? >or is he a pain in the ass who stronger than hell" He wondered this as >he walked in to the bar "The Bastards Bar" Joel: (imitating Spiffy) You're all sick! Sick, I tell you! SICK!!! Crow: The Bastards Bar: Where nobody knows your parent's name.... >ordered a drink and sat down. he wondered if the man he was looking >for was here but he should know soon enough. Tom: (imitating Naroth) I sure hope the guy walks up to me and introduces himself because I haven't got a clue who it could be.... >Amano was laying down in his bed tossing and turning wondering if >he had did the right thing in pissing of Maieson earlier id he hadnt of >done that Naroth wouldnt of kicked Maieson ass his guilt was on his >consious all night Tom: He's losing me guys.... Crow: I was lost about 5 paragraphs ago.... Tom: What paragraphs? This story hasn't stopped since we started for crying out loud!?! The pace of this story is moving faster than the monster in The Relic! Joel: Amano's feeling guilty about pissing off Maieson because if he hadn't done it, Naroth wouldn't have kicked his ass....I think that's what he means, anyway.... Crow: (imitating Amano) Man, fighting the Overfiend was a lot less complicated..... >when he couldnt sleep he got up when he went out into the dining >room he saw Maieson sitting down in one of the chairs outside >having a smoke >"got one for a friend" Amano said >"yeah" maieson said Tom: (imitating Maieson) But he hasn't arrived yet....heh heh heh.... >Maieson handed a cigarette to Amano and lit it for him >"so feeling better allready" Joel: Oh yeah....(wheeze)....Nothing like a good smoke....(cough)....to make my injuries feel a whole lot better....(choke).... Crow: You shouldn't smoke those....they'll kill ya.... >"Yeah since im Switchblade I get all of the abilties and one of them is >healing" Crow: Can he heal this fanfic? Joel: (imitating Switchblade) I got all the abilities! Speed, stealth, strength, swordplay....I can even produce screwdrivers and scissors from my body! And check out all these individual corkscrews.... >"well ya look ok from what i can see" >"looks can be deceving" >"oh really you could of fooled me" >"dont give me that shit Amano because of this injury Naroth gonna >die first then Munihausen, and finally Nagumo and im gonna enjoy >ripping his goddammed head off his fuckin shoulders!" Tom: Then Nagumo won't have to worry about dandruff flakes anymore.... Crow: (imitating Nagumo) Hey, my head is tingling! Joel: That means it's been decapitated.... >"hey Maieson calm down you know Naroth was a sneaky bastard and >your not the only one who wants all of Nagumo's Empire destroyed all >of us do and this attack gives us more strenght" Tom: So in essence, they're playing rope-a-dope with Nagumo? Joel: (imitating Amano) We'll stand here and get beaten up time and time again until they're exhausted and then we'll push them over! Brilliant strategy! >"Amano you sound like me when i first got the soul of Switchblade" Crow: (imitating Amano) I screamed incoherently that I was possessed? >"well since you've got stonger we've gotten smarter it looks like youve >missed the whole point of why we came together" >"I havent forgoten but just strayed off from the path" >"strayed i say lost" Tom: Much like the plot of this fanfic.... >"dont start..." >"what Maieson youve gotten more violent since you met Naroth last >night and sent him through that wall and now this incident at Jagged >Rock was the puller for you get with the program" >"You know Maieson Amano's right" the soul interupted Tom: and so's Howard Johnson! >"Stay the fuck outta this" Maieson thought >"Maieson either shape up or ill have to beat some sense into you" Amano >said as he was getting really pissed off >"you wouldnt dare Amano" >As Maieson said thoes words Amano sent Maieson throught the side of >the patio and falling twords the ground as Maieson hit he kiped up and >thought Crow: (imitating Maieson) Ouch, that hurt.... Tom: (imitating Maieson) I wonder how Miko would feel about doing it with Megumi in front of me.... Joel: Tom.... >"Shit Amano's serious" >As Amano descended Maieson jumped back and decided if Amano wants >to finsh this he will agree and started to charge power up Joel: I never knew Maieson was a Solider of the Future.... Tom: With the power of soul, anything is possible.... Crow: (singing) He's got the touch....He's got the power..... >"FIRE BLAST" Tom: Original name for an attack, isn't it? >The fire blast missed Amano by mear inches and Crow: Boy, talk about a *mear* miss.... >Amano tackled Maieson to the ground and Amano started to pound on >Maieson as he did to Naroth and this only enraged Maieson to the >point he had so much power in him he had to release it Tom: (imitating Maieson) Good thing I had thirds at the Taco Bell Salad Bar! Crow: Now all he needs is a lit match and a good aim.... Joel: You guys.... >and pushed Amano off him as Amano got up he saw that fire was >surrounding Maieson Crow: Come on, feel the burn! (Suddenly the screen goes white) Tom: Huh? Crow: Is it over? >Chapter 5-- Aliance of Evil Joel: Hey, what happened to Chapter 4? Tom: Who cares? Be thankful for small favors.... Crow: Some things are not meant to be questioned.... >When the group went back inside they were in awe of Maieson's new >found strenght and wits in that battle killing all of the demons just >with his powers and smarts Crow: Where as before, when he was weak and stupid, he only had an *UZI* to rely on.... >and this put many of Maieson friends in a state of shock how could the >soul in his body be so atuned to each other he has had the soul for 7 >years and has been his guide but with all the things that has happened >since then the power to beat Naroth and very severly and also beating >those demons himself but now Maieson was tired and thirsty he then >grabbed a beer and started to drink Tom: Is it my imagination or did the author realize that paragraph was going nowhere and therefore decided to change the subject? Crow: Is there ANY lemon in this story or what?!? Joel: There might be some lemon in the beer.... Crow: That's not what I meant Joel.... Tom: Our riffs are dirtier than this fanfic.... >he ploped his body down on one of the chairs and relaxed knowing that >the Hellraisers would live to fight again. Joel: Or, in another fanfic, whichever you prefer.... >Meanwhile in New Osaka Naroth had been waiting for this man for a >few hours then finally there was a rumble of thunder outside and the bar >went silent Tom: Kunou had arrived. >out walked a man who was dressed in a red cloak and a red >mask with a pattern of an axe on it Joel: (imitating Naroth) Loved you in Mask of the Red Death! Crow: But to the color blind Naroth, he was wearing a grey cloak and a grey mask..... >he walked in and grabbed the bartender and shook him and spoke. Tom: (imitating red man) Sorry pal, I mistook you for a magic 8-ball.... Crow: (imitating red man) Hey! How come you didn't bake?! >"the usual bartender" Crow: (imitating bartender) He's on vacation, you'll have to settle for me.... Joel: (imitating bartender) One Shirley Temple....Coming right up. Tom: How about a Madonna? It's a Shirley temple but without the cherry.... Joel: Tom.... >the bartender gave the man in red a beer and sat in a dark corner Tom: After conquering the martians, Santa's life hit rock bottom.... >Naroth knew that this was the guy he walked up to the table Crow: Because only a bad guy is stupid enough to sit in a dark corner.... >"Excuse me sir but i have a buisness proposal that you that could be >intrested in" Tom: I'm selling these fine leather jackets.... Crow: It's only one night and you'll be paid 10 million dollars. All you have to do is participate in a threesome with this white cat and a thirteen year old hermaphrodite named.... Joel: CROW! Tom: Now that's what I call an indecent proposal.... >"Youve gotten my attention, Speak" the man in red said >"well ive heard you have heard of the Hellraisers" Joel: Hmmm....oh yeah! Those are the guys that go around raising hell, right? >The man in red look even more intent on listening to Naroth >"Ive heard of them go on" >"well im gonna offer you a chance to get rid of the Hellraisers once and >for all if your intrested" All: WE'RE INTERESTED! WE'RE INTERESTED! >"im intrested what do you want in return" >"Robert Maieson's Head on a stick" >"DID YOU SAY ROBERT MAIESON" Crow: No, he said Robert Maieson's head on a stick. Pay attention! Tom: Maybe he means Robert Morrison? Joel: (imitating man in red) I'm still pissed over that P-Chan/Akane lemon he did back in April! Everyone else forgot about it but I didn't! Revenge will be mine! BWAHAHAHA!!!! >"yes have you heard of him" Tom: (imitating Naroth) Oh yeah! The guy that kicked my ass a little while ago! Hears voices in his head, right? >"I SHOULD OF IM HIS TWIN BROTHER JULLIAN I AM KNOW AS WAR MASTER" Tom: Wha....? Crow: Oh, BROTHER.... Joel: I AM THE TERRIFYING, ALL POWERFUL, ALL SEEING, WAR MASTER...... Jullian. (Joel and Tom start to crack up while Crow shakes his head in disbelief) Crow: That's like naming the Terminator, Archibald. >"well do you accept" >"Yes without a excuse" Tom: (imitating Jullian) If I mess up again, I won't give any excuses! I'll just hang my head in shame.... Crow: Just like the author. >As Naroth sat there with his chance at getting rid of Maieson once and >for all Jullian Maieson his twin brother Naroth laughed knowing that >victory was near. Tom: Uh oh! JULLIAN is coming! Watch out for JULLIAN! Crow: Joel, I'm scared! JULLIAN'S going to get us! Hee! Hee! Hee! Joel: JULLIAN'S gonna get medieval on Maieson's ass.... >TO BE CONTINUED IN BOOK 1:2 Crow: ....buckle my shoe.... Tom: 3...4...shut the door, skip the sticks, and let's get the hell out of here! >Any Question or comments email me at Eaton1@media2.hypernet.com >Ill try to answer as many questions as I can answer thanks... >-- Aaron Tom: Here's one....What were you thinking?!? Joel: How about....What the hell was that whole story about?" Crow: Of all the names he could have chosen for his villain, why settle on JULLIAN? Joel: Well, At least the fanfic's over....now we can breathe.... Tom: Not till we're out of the theater, Joel.... * * * SATELLITE OF LOVE "It's that time again....Bring out the box!" Crow did so and Joel reached inside to grab a bunch of fan letters and began to read them out loud. "As before, to protect the privacy of the people who wrote in, we've left off the last name and e-mail address of the senders. Don't worry, they're all genuine." Tom pointed out. "Okay, before we get to the fan mail, I thought I'd share these few two letters with all of you. It took quite a bit of digging up to find these particular letters...." Joel explained. "What letters are they?" Tom asked. "Well, not too long ago, Aaron posted the fanfic we just MSTed on the FFML, and someone replied to it." Joel said. "The reply was very harsh, harsh enough that Aaron actually posted that message onto the list, which he figured would give him a good enough reason to hate the FFML." "What do you mean?" Tom asked. "Well, in the next letter, you'll see. Anyway, him having posted this letter only gives the FFML more of a reason to hate him. This letter, is from a Robert, and he wrote..." >Aaron...no offense...but I really, really think you're wasting your >time. If you can't even bother to figure out how to write without >using run-on sentences when you post rants, announcements, apologies, >and all that to the ML, people aren't going to expect you to learn >how to write properly for your fanfic even with punctuation and >spellchecking. I'm sorry, but you just aren't a writer. Please give >up before you cause yourself any more misery. "That's pretty harsh." Tom commented. "Actually, Rob was being nice." Joel said matter-of-factly. "I remember coming across a letter where he said "Basically his entire fanfic is a block of babble." "If Robert was being kind, I'd hate to see when he's mean." Crow said with a shudder. Joel shrugged his shoulders and continued on. "Well, here we have a letter from Aaron Eaton himself that he posted onto the FFML concerning those comments Robert made about his story. Of course, his post takes it out on the entire list." >Subject: > Farewell > Resent-Date: > Sun, 24 Aug 1997 10:47:17 -0400 >Resent-From: > fanfic@fanfic.com > Date: > Sun, 24 Aug 1997 10:31:08 -0400 > From: > Aaron Eaton > To: > Fan Fic Mailing List > > >Ok Since I got a disturbing message from Robert Morrison I decided to >unsubscribe and quit but If I ever do make it with this story Ill be >laughing at all of you know now this dream I had (though not fufilled it >is not shattered either) so goodbye and from my heart >GOOF FUCKIN RIDENCE > >--- Aaron Eaton > >P.s. If anyone I have talked to wants to reach me I will be at >Eaton1@media2.hypernet.com -adios Fuckers "If he was going to flame the FFML," Crow said with a smirk, "he should have at least made sure his rants were correctly spelled and edited. What's *GOOF FUCKIN RIDDENCE?*" Joel smiled. "Don't worry about that. The FFML had a ball commenting on these letters and his lack of grammar, spelling and punctuation." He produced some more letters from Aaron. "Strangely enough, a few hours later on the same day he flamed the FFML, he had this to say...." >Subject: > [FFML] [FFML] OK Well This is a start > Resent-Date: > Sun, 24 Aug 1997 01:43:06 -0400 >Resent-From: > fanfic@fanfic.com > Date: > Sun, 24 Aug 1997 01:44:47 -0400 > From: > Aaron Eaton > To: > Fan Fic Mailing List > > >All right I've Spell checked the First Book and Im going to try starting >On punctuation but it might be a long process but I might get a friend >to help me so I dont make the same mistakes twice so Hellraisers Will >still be released on the fan fic mailing list hopefuly soon but it will >take awhile but If anyone want me to overview the series the characters >are from I will send somethhing on the mailing list when Hellraisers is >re-released > >-- Aaron Eaton > >"Well you cant make an ommlet without breaking some eggs" "I guess Aaron realized you can't burn your bridges behind you...." Tom chuckled. "Well, at least he's trying to make it better." Crow said. "You have to give credit for that." Joel took out another letter. "Well, that's all that I could find so far. I'm pretty sure there's a lot more floating around, but they're a bit hard to find. Anyway, this nice fan letter comes from Bonnie and she wrote... *I can't tell you how much I've been enjoying your "Sailor Moon" MSTings. Even though I'm not a fan of Anime, I know a good MSTing when I see it. It takes rare talent to take something as repulsive as "Artemis' Lover" and make a genuinely funny and enjoyable reading experience out of it. But the thing I've enjoyed most about your works is the host segments. I like how you've done them in "novel" form, rather than "script" form--it really makes you feel like you're watching the MSTing unfold on television. And your geniune affection for the Joel-era characters shines through. You've captured the one quality which separated the Joel episodes from the Mike ones--the soft candy center under the brittle surface, the genuine love between Joel and the bots. (I have always preferred the Joel episodes for that very reason. The Mike episodes may have great MSTing, but the chemistry between the characters will never be quite the same). Keep up the great work! Bonnie* "And thank you, Bonnie for the nice letter! We always appreciate the people who take time out to give us C&C and we can't begin to express our appreciation for them." Joel replied with a smile. "I just have one question...." Crow remarked. "What does Bonnie mean by the "Mike" episodes? And why is that name so familiar? I know I've heard it before but for the life of me I just can't remember where....Oh, well." "Our next letter comes to us from the creator of Ranma 1/2: Accused, which we MSTed in the forth episode before Judge Brainitite...." Joel continued. "Uh oh...." Tom and Crow swallowed nervously. Joel skimmed the letter a bit. "Hey guys! Check this out!" *I absolutely *LOVED* (no sarcasm intended) the MiSTy you did of my fanfic. Admittedly, looking back, it was not my best and I found myself cracking up with laughter at it! If you like, I'll send a nice little Tenchi fic your way you're more than welcome to MiSTify if you like. That was a great job! Keep up the excellent work. :)* "Cool! He has a sense of humor!" Crow applauded. "Great...that's all we need. A Tenchi fic for Dr. F to torture us with...." Tom grumbled. "Cheer up, Tom. Maybe it won't be all that bad...." "I've heard that before...." Tom replied sarcastically. "Here's a letter from Aweke and he writes...." *Hello. I was reading your kewl MSTs, and I realized that most anime fans don't know about MST3k. Could you try to put an intro about it in your next MST, and put the listings for it(5 and 11 pm Eastern, 2 and 8pm Pacific)? I think it would be a help. Oh yeah, nice remake of the episode where there's an Evil Mike and stuff with Joel.* "Hmmm, he has a point....Some people might not be aware of what MST3K is all about." Joel said. "The best place I've found for information is the MST3K FAQ page at http://www.mst3kinfo.com/mstfaq/index.html It pretty much describes the concept of the show and how it came to be. Hope that helps." "Basically, in a nutshell, Joel's being forced to watch all these cheesy movies and fanfics by Dr. Forrester in an effort to find the one that'll break his spirit and then Dr. F will use it to rule the world. He built Crow and I in order to help keep his sanity during the experiments and to keep him company." "We could sing the theme song....but we're running out of time. Do we have time for one more letter, Joel?" "Yeah. This one comes to us from the Flashman, creator of Sailor Jupiter Vs. Godzilla and he writes.... *Hello, I've been enjoying the MSTings you're doing and hope you continue them for a long time to come. Now a few comments about each of them... 1) "Games": A good first effort. The "hipcups" joke was good as well as the "levitating Mina" running gag. 2) "Artimis's Lover": GACK! Thank you VERY much for cutting out the majority of the Lemon scene. Also, I hope Tom has fully recovered from his bout of Cat Fist. 3) "Sailor Jupiter VS Godzilla": My favorite one... for obvious reasons. :) BTW, if Joel ever has to play "Duke Nukum" again, remember the invincibility code. 4) "Judge Brainite": Not much to say on this one. It was good. 5) "The War": Dang that intro was long. BTW, if Crow even THINKS of continuing that story and I find out about it, I'll come up there and turn him into a microwave. BRING ON THE CHICKEN CANNON! 6) "Transitions": The Satalite of HATE??? Nice touch. Again, the intro was a bit long, but it was nice to see that even good fics can be MSTed. That's all I have to say about that. Keep up the good work. See ya, The Flashman May The Spirit Preserve You!* "Everyone seemed to think the intros to the last two MSTings were too long so we hope you liked this one better. Shorter intro, longer MSTing, and a segment at the end you can choose to read or not." "You mean, some people might have already skipped this part?!?" Crow replied, shocked. "Hey, it's their loss if they did...." Tom pointed out. "Well, that's just about it for this week....I'm Joel Robinson and on behalf of the Satellite of Love, Deep 13 and my friends here, I bid you a fond farewell for now! Say goodnight, Crow." "Goodnight, Crow." Crow replied. * * * (FADE TO BLA....) "HOLD IT!!!" DEEP 13 "Not so fast! We fade to black when *I* say we fade to black and not before!" Dr. Forrester exclaimed as T.V.'s Frank stood beside the button, sweating profusely. "Now, before we depart, I want to know why the forth part of today's MSTing suddenly vanished into thin air? Care to explain this to the readers, Frank?" Frank bigsweated. "Uh....We were running long?" Dr. Forrester held out a fist. "You see that?" Frank slapped the fist down only to have Dr. Forrester's other hand come around and smash a wooden mallet over Frank's head. Frank's face became peaceful as he started to tip over. Dr. Forrester nudged him the other way and smiled as Frank's head impacted on the button on the way down to the floor. "OK, now you can fade to blac....." THE REAL END. (Feel free to hum the closing theme as you read my author's notes.) Lucky MSTing number 7 is at an end. Can 11 be far behind? Normally, at this point, I would give very special thanks to Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong, whom, without his help and C&C, I wouldn't have been able to finish this MSTing. However, this time he went above and beyond the call of duty by working together with me on this project and he deserves as much credit for this MSTing as I do. :) I'd also like to thank Timothy McLees, Luna and Artemis, Chris Bergstrom, Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight) and Sakura for being nice enough to post my MSTings on their webpages. I'd like to give special thanks also to Robert Morrison for helping us find the original draft of this story. We appreciate your help and are in your debt. :) If there's anyone else I missed, I apologize. Finally I'd like to thank Aaron Eaton for writing "Hellraisers" and giving us a lot of material to work with. I hope you're not too offended. If you are, feel free to MST my own works, I won't mind a bit. C&C, as always, is appreciated. (fcasper@yesic.com) (jeffwong@li.net) Feel free to send in any anime fanfic that you would like to see MSTed and I'll take a look at it. Also, if you're interested in seeing any previous episodes of this series, you can check them out at the following webpages or, if you wish, I'd be happy to e-mail them to you. ;) Also, there's a meeting of fanfic writers every Sunday, starting at 3:30 P.M. at Anime.Terratron.Com on IRC. New members are always welcome. Sincerely, Megane 6.7 and Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong Tenchi's Vault of Anime MSTings http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/4007/MSTings.html (Celebrating it's one year anniversary, Tenchi's webpage is now bigger and better looking than ever! Check out the new features and enjoy the MSTings of an ever-growing number of talented authors.) Shizen's Versatile Homepage http://www.winnipeg.freenet.mb.ca/~cto427/index.html (Shizen was nice enough to dedicate a webpage to me for my MSTings and it also contains a link to my other stories and the stories of Robin "Lunari" Seabaugh, who's assisted me with my MSTings.) The Official Homepage of Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong http://www.li.net/~jeffwong/index.htm (Author of the popular "Usagi's Usual Morning" and "The Least One Can Do" series. He is a great human being and has assisted me with several of my MSTings.) Gary Kleppe's Comics and Manga Page http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics (Another author with a vast selection of terrific Ranma 1/2 fanfics and a great human being.) Website Number 9 MSTings http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/mistings.shtml (Huge collection of MSTings, Anime and Non-Anime.) A Sailor Moon Romance http://moonromance.simplenet.com/ (The source of some of my MSTings and updated weekly with new fics.) Jupiter Knight's Great Sailor Moon Fanfic Archive http://www.dragonfire.net/~JupiterKnight/fanfics.htm (A great source of Sailor Moon Fanfics.) Zen's Fanfiction Page http://www.mindspring.com/~databank/fanfics.html (One of the most controversial fanfic writers today and one of my favorites.) Webdragon's Lair http://members.tripod.com/~WebDragon/ (The author of many wonderful short stories and the occasional lemon.) Sakura's Lemon Fan-Fiction Archive http://anime.muck.com/~sakura/main.html (Ever growing collection of Lemon Fanfiction from all walks of Anime.) The Shrine O' Oscar http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/4007/Oscar.html (Home of all the Oscarfic MSTings and final respects paid to him....) SEASON ONE ------------------ 101- "GAMES" by Artemis (SM Lemon) 102- "ARTEMIS'S LOVER" by Oscar (SM Lemon) 103- "SAILOR JUPITER VS GODZILLA" by Flashman (SM Fanfic) 104- "JUDGE BRAINITITE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic) w/short "RANMA 1/2: ACCUSED PT. 1" by Karmin (R1/2 Fanfic) 105- "THE WAR" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic) 106- "TRANSITIONS" by Richard Lawson (Nuku Nuku Fanfic) "it was you who brought us together and made us the team we are today and right now this stuff will happen it does when a new group gets together it cant be helped you have to live with that" Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Keep Circulating the Fanfics....