From: "Warren" Subject: [UY][MST3K][Lemon] The Kidnapping Pt. 1 of 2 *TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS* (And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain) (The future isn't what it used to be....) "MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON TWO) EPISODE 20: URUSEI YATSURA: THE KIDNAPPING PT. 1 (A Urusei Yatsura Lemon MSTing) MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering my own ass here folks.... "Urusei Yatsura" is the property of Rumiko Takahashi and all the distributors of her work. "Urusei Yatsura: The Kidnapping" is the property of SMendou and he's welcome to it. I do not intend to offend this person for making fun of his work like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as another form of C&C. ;) Warning: This fic contains mature content and lemon content. If you are offended by such material, simply delete it and it's gone. If not, enjoy! (Cue "Mystery Science Theater 6.7 Love Theme" in 5....4....3....) It's the not-too-distant future, Last Sunday BC There was this guy named Joel Not so different from you or me He worked at Gizmonic Institute Just another guy in a red jumpsuit He did a great job cleaning up the place, But his bosses really hate him So they shot him into space!!!! Joel: (OH....MY....GODDESS!!!) Crow and Tom: (IT'S MEGAMI-SAMA!) (Instead of holding messed up video, Frank's holding a computer printout) We'll send him crappy fanfics The worst we can find (lalala) He'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor his mind (lalala) (Instead of where it shows the guys watching the movie, it shows them ducking behind their seats for 'Artemis's Lover'.) Now keep in mind Joel can't control When the fanfics begin or end (lalala) Because he used those special parts To make his robot friends; ROBOT ROLL CALL: CAMBOT: 'Text only'? Gypsy: 'Oh, my!' Tom Servo: 'Sweet-o!' CROOOOOOOW!!! 'I'm not a hentai!' If your wondering how Joel eats and breathes And other science facts (lalala) Then repeat to yourself *It's just a MiST* You should really just relax for MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7!!!! * * * DEEP 13 "WHAT DOES EVERYBODY WANT???" "FRANK!!!" A loud bass beat could be heard in the background as Dr. Clayton Forrester suddenly leapt out in front of the camera. He was wearing a sleeveless gray sweatshirt with a D.E.E.P 13 Logo and waving around the recently dismembered head of T.V's Frank. Frank's head was still bleeding a little from the neck and the words "DEEP HURTING" were scrawled backwards in red marker across his forehead. "WHAT DOES EVERYBODY NEED???" Dr. Forrester shouted. "ME!!!" Frank's head replied cheerfully. Dr. Forrester spun around several times in a circle and then set Frank's head down on the control panel while leaping from side to side for no particular reason. Frank's head began headbanging by itself to the music while Joel and his robots, Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot, could only stare at them in shock. "The hell?!? What the heck are they doing now?" Joel exclaimed. "It's either a rain dance or they've really got a bad case of ants...." Tom guessed. "WHAT DOES EVERYBODY LOVE???" Dr. Forrester screamed. There was a long pause. Frank glared menacingly into the camera. "WHAT DOES EVERYBODY LOVE???" He repeated slowly. Joel and the bots looked at each other. "Uh, Frank?" Crow replied timidly. "YES!!!" Frank replied in triumph. "YOU LOVE ME!!! YOU REALLY, REALLY LOVE....WAAAH!!!" Dr. Forrester nudged Frank's head off the control panel with his elbow. "Don't get a swelled head now, Frank." he muttered before turning his attention back to Joel. "Anyway, coneheads, as you've probably surmised by now, we've recently discovered the World Wrestling Federation and since our latest invention can somewhat be tied into the theme, we felt dressing up as a wrestler could only enhance the evil of our ways. "But why Al Snow?" Joel asked. "Can YOU think of a better excuse to cut Frank's head off?" Dr. Forrester replied with an evil grin. "Uhh, guess not." Joel bigsweated. "So, what is your invention anyway?" Dr. Forrester picked Frank's head off the floor and set it back on the control panel before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a laser pointer. "You may recognize this as the bane of wrestling shows everywhere. Widely available for a cheap price, this little item makes it virtually impossible for a wrestler to be interviewed in the ring or walk down the aisle without at least two or three lasers flashing in a wrestlers face. Some people have even had their eyes permanently damaged by these things! "HOWEVER...." Dr. Forrester paused for dramatic effect. "After careful study, we decided we could still make it just *that* much more EVIL by adding a small but effective accessory." Dr. Forrester reached into his other pocket and held up a small but powerful lens, complete with an f-stop and small clip. "You simply snap this to the laser pointer...." Dr. Forrester clicked the accessory into place. "And we'll just test it on Frank here...." "AUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHH!!!" Frank screamed as the laser pointer cast a wide beam of red light at him, illuminating his entire face and head. Wisps of smoke began to rise from Frank's hair as Dr. Forrester smiled at the screen. "As you can see, not only does the lens increase the size of the beam by 100x, it also makes it a little hot under the collar, or in Frank's case, *above* the collar." Dr. Frank chuckled as Frank's head managed to roll itself off the computer panel to the relative safety of the floor. "So, how do you like my upgrade, Booby? * * * SATELLITE OF LOVE "Aw man, you guys are really something! If you aren't inventing stuff to ruin the world, you're improving stuff that's already ruining the world!" Joel exclaimed, shaking his head in dismay. "Yeah, if you really wanted to improve that laser pointer, you should have rigged it so the laser accidentally points back at the person using it. That way the little twerp gets a taste of his own medicine!" "Crow!" Joel was aghast. Dr. Forrester chuckled. "Not a bad idea there, robot. You have some evil in you yet. But first, let's see what Joel came up with this week." Joel shot a look at Crow before gesturing at a Nintendo Entertainment System sitting on the counter. A half dozen game cartridges were strewn around it, along with a Game Genie. "Recently, I had the urge to play with my old NES. After blowing, tapping, cleaning and shaking the games for what seemed like hours...." "....he finally gave up and downloaded NES ROMS for his emulator!" Tom finished for him. "Uh, right. And it was during this point that I discovered just how lame some of these games were in terms of plot, characters and gameplay." Joel picked up the Game Genie, attached a game of Final Fantasy II to it and inserted it into the Nintendo. "So, anyway, I decided to modify this Game Genie and allow it to accept humorous comments from us at certain points in the game. Here, let me demonstrate it for you...." Joel turned on the Nintendo, only to have the screen flash on and off. He pushed the reset button repeatedly but only succeeded in changing the color of the screen flashing. He gave a nervous chuckle as he ripped the cartridge out of the machine and tossed it away. "Okay, for the sake of our invention, let's just *pretend* that Final Fantasy II is working and you've just reached the final level and boss. All of a sudden, Crow pops in to say...." Crow: That's Zeromus?!? So the ultimate evil is a hairball with marbles in it?!? "Or during a game of 'Renegade', Tom might remark...." Tom: Now THAT'S exciting! You just threw a guy off the subway platform for the hundredth time! Now tell me that isn't exciting gameplay?!? "And imagine the possibilities for us in 'Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!' Crow: Well, we made it to the Dream Match against Tyson, Little Mac! Just remember to cover you ears and join the Nintendo Fan Club Today! Joel: Who needs Gatorade when I've got Doc to rub my shoulder really, *really* fast! Tom: Is it just me or does King Hippo have a REALLY bad toothache? Crow: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT UNDER HIS PANTS!? "And so on and so forth." Tom added. "We call it the MES. The MSTing Entertainment System! What'da think, sirs?" Joel asked with a smile. * * * DEEP 13 Dr. Forrester snorted. "Oh sure, pick fun at the big N just because they were once a monopoly and didn't care that some of their games were crapola and peons like you were gullible enough to buy them anyway. That's really immature of you, Joel." "Oh, and increasing the size of a laser pointer to burn someone's face off is a shining example of maturity?" Joel shot back through the viewscreen. Dr. Forrester sneered at him. "No, it's a shining example of insanity. It's what we're best at, Joel. You don't screw us, we screw you, remember? And speaking of being screwed, your experiment this week dwells within a series you haven't tackled yet. It's a lemon story featuring the characters of Urusei Yatsura...." "Wait! Don't tell us! Henry J. Cobb, right?" Crow guessed. "No, it was created in 1995 by an SMendou and this story was actually the inspiration for the famous UY lemon from Todd Hill, 'The Prince and the Letcher'...." "Wow! All right! That was one of the best lemon series I ever read! This is gonna be good!" Tom exclaimed happily. "You don't really believe that, do you, Tom?" Joel inquired. "Nah, but I figured I'd take your advice for once and be optimistic." Tom replied. "Really? Hey! Thanks for giving it a try!" Joel exclaimed, pleasantly surprised. "Hey, any fic that inspired 'The Prince and the Letcher' can't be all that bad. I say, bring it on!" Crow added. Dr. Forrester smiled at the bots reactions. "Yes, well, in that case, I certainly hope you....*enjoy*....'The Kidnapping' by SMendou." Snickering loudly, he reached down to grab Frank's scalded head and place it once again on the computer panel. "Bring the hurt down on them, Frank...." Frank's head whistled cheerfully as it rolled over towards the file cabinet. Fortunately, it was already open and with practiced ease, Frank picked out the right fanfic with his teeth and rolled back over to the computer panel to feed it into the computer. He glanced up at the viewscreen to see Joel and the Bots watching him with worried expressions. Frank did his best to shrug without shoulders as he remarked. "Eh, it's a living." * * * SATELLITE OF LOVE As the viewscreen clicked off, Tom remarked. "Geez, even after getting his face burned off, Frank's still as cheerful as ever. He was even whistling a happy tune!" "Well, I wouldn't call 'Man Without a Face' a *happy* tune, exactly...." Crow said. "Well guys, it's that time again. You ready?" "Ready!!" The bots chimed simultaneously. Suddenly, alarms and sirens suddenly rang out. "OHHHH, WE'VE GOT LEMON SIGN!!!" Joel cried out. (Door 6: It slides open on both sides..) (Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you move on..) (Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.) (Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..) (Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and touches the door. The door vanishes.) (Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.) (Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor. You walk into it.) Joel emerged from the light into the theater with Tom in his arms, Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to him, Crow sitting on his right. >Shutaro Mendou <71603.1073@CompuServe.COM> Tom: Mendou wrote a lemon? Crow: And he has the nerve to call *Ataru* a hentai?!? >This is a Lemonesque story. If you are offended by this sort of thing >stop right now. Crow: However if you enjoy these types of stories, COMMENCE GROPING!!! Joel: You want to start this off on the wrong foot, don't you? >Also while this story may have sex in it I will try to make it an >actual STORY. Crow: Based on actual events? Joel: A live-action lemon. Cool. Tom: So any story that has sex in it is fiction? Crow: If Mendo or Ataru are involved, yeah. >Thank you again Crow: Oh, it was a joke! I don't get it. Tom: Thank you again for taking the time to read this far. >E-mail me at 71603, 1073@compuserve.com Crow: Over 93241, 1138 served! >I want to know what you think Constructive criticism will be greatly >appreciated. Joel: Okay, you forgot to put a period in between *think* and *constructive* How's that? Crow: Well, personally, I think constructive criticism will always be greatly appreciated though some might take more personally than others. How about you, Servo? Tom: I think constructive criticism gets a raw deal sometimes.... >Flames will be Laughed at and then Cheerfully thrown out. Joel: Capital letters will be Used and then Cheerfully thrown about. Tom: Don't like my story? Then GO SUCK A LEMON!!! >I hope you enjoy the story as well. Joel: Well, he seems nice enough. Let's give him a chance. Crow: Better yet. Let's drop a community chest on his skull! Joel: .... >I tried to make it more in the style of the movies and the overall feel >of Lum. Tom: Kinda squishy, and a bit rubbery. Crow: YES!!! *FINALLY*, a Urusei Yatsura fic that has absolutely, positively, NOTHING to do with the 'UY: Senior Year' storyline whatsoever! It's about damn time! Joel: Crow! No! We'll get flamed! Tell em, Tom! Tom: Sorry, Joel. I have to side with Crow on this one. You can only watch the UY cast get their asses kicked so many times by *Borg Boy* Ataru and his ninjas before it gets monotonous.... Joel: Yeah, I guess you have a point there. >This can be hard to do with a Lemon story as most that I have seen lose >much in the translation. Joel: Hey, at least Animeigo's started releasing the episodes again! Tom: Yeah, better badly-subbed tapes than no tapes at all! >SMendou >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Crow: It takes this many lines of pure cocaine to enjoy this story. Tom: Looks like a blank staff. Anyone care to write some sheet music for this lemon? Joel: 'Lemon Tree' comes to mind.... >Urusei Yatsura : The Kidnapping (Lemon) Joel: And now it's Urusei Yatsura: The Kidnapping (MSTing) Crow: Hey, at least it's not Urusei Yatsura: The Kidnapping (UY:TSY) Tom: A lemon that has someone being kidnapped? Never seen that before.... >It was Saturday and as usual, Lum was bored. Crow: Hey guys! I just thought of a new challenge for the FFML! Write any lemon you want beginning with that sentence and filling in Lum's name with the anime girl of your choice! What'da think? Joel: I think you need a new hobby. >She couldn't stand him any more. Ataru was being a jerk again as >usual. Tom: Oh well, it beats having his ninjas beat the living crap out of me, Da'cha! Joel: Guys, lay off the 'Senior Year' cracks, please.... Crow: You can't make us! You can't make us! >She could usually convince herself that Ataru really did love her. Tom: ....booty. Joel: ... if she completely ignored reality. >But today Lum wasn't sure. Crow: He usually finishes his girl chasing by supper! What's keeping him, Da'cha? >You see today was the Anniversary of their engagement/marraige. >Lum had a heartache that she had never felt before. Joel: That's what she gets for eating her own cooking. >Ataru never even gave it a second thought when Lum said that she >had a suprise for him today. He just said "Later Lum, later." Tom: I'm pregnant, and Cherry is the father! Crow: AUUUUUUUUGH!!! Joel: It is fate. >The breeze that came in through the window blew her long green hair >around. Crow: Yeah, the wind tends to do that. Tom: Uh oh, looks like we're in for some heavy imagery, guys.... >Tears began to flow around her cheeks. Joel: Geez, even her tearducts are weird! >Ataru's parents weren't home for the whole weekend and lum tried her >best to make it the perfect evening. Crow: All this whipped cream and candles for nothing! >Everything was perfect tonight. Everything was perfect. Tom: It's perfect I tell you! Perfect! Absolutely NOTHING will go wrong this night!!! IT'S PERFECT, I TELL YOU!!! PERFECT!!! PERFECT!!! PERFECT!!! BWAHAHA!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! PERFECT. Joel: Strange, I have a sudden urge to watch a Curt Henning match.... Crow: Yeah, let's see Lum bowl and golf and play basketball as perfectly as Curt does! Tom: Won't she need a video editor for that? >Everything except for the fact that the man that she loved more than >life itself was not there. Crow: Aww.... Tom: I feel sorry for Lum but you'd think a year of living with Ataru would have clued her in by now.... >Lum gave a deep sigh. and turned to the clock. it was 5:00. Joel: Argh....clipped....sentences.....must.....stop.... >Lum had told Ataru to be there by 6:00 but from his response earlier >to her she feared he wouldn't be home by then. Tom: But little did Lum know that Ataru was out celebrating the first anniversary of his *bachelor party*.... >The worst part was that they hadn't even made love yet. Joel: Gee, I wonder if the fact I generate 50,000 volts when I'm excited has anything to do with it? >"I could have alny man in the galaxy Darling" she whispered to herself. Crow: What about Alan Alda? Tom: Or Jabba the Hut? Crow: Ewww.... >"many have tried but I'm only attracted to you. You're the one >who eludes me Darling, All: You're the one! >but maybe one day I'll hear the words 'I love you Lum' come from your >mouth." Crow: Nah, he'd swallow first. Joel: .... >Lum continued to cry. Tom: Wah Wah. Life sucks. Deal with it. Joel: Well, *someone's* in a sour mood today.... >She looked at herself in the mirror and wished he were there wiping >her tears, but he wasn't and she was alone, waiting , hoping that he >would finally show up. Crow: Lassi....I mean, Darling! Come home! Tom: Shan....I mean, Darling! Come back, Darling! Come back! >She had never even kissed him, ever. Tom: Can you blame him? She'll tell everyone in a minute! Crow: So she posed nude for several adult KISS doll sets to spite him. Joel: Wait a minute! If this takes place a year from their first meeting, Lum should have kissed Ataru a bunch of times by now! Tom: You'd think she'd be more pissed by the fact that *HE'S* never kissed her.... >She began to want him more and more. All: Why not a little....MORE! >Soon she couldn't take it anymore. Joel: Must....provide....shoddy...masturbation....material..... >Lum closed the shades to the room and locked the door, just as a >precaution, Crow: Yeah, lord knows we wouldn't want Mr. or Mrs. Moroboshi to walk in and end up in a threesome.... Joel: Eep. >and began to take off her bikini. Joel: It was a Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Tiger Stripe Bikini! Tom: And so it begins! Crow: Yippee!! Me want lemon! Me want lemon! >She sat on The bed Joel: Oh....*THE* bed. Crow: What bed? I thought Ataru used a futon? Tom: Nitpick, nitpick, nitpick.... >and began to move her hands all over her body. Tom: And just think, I can do this 24 hours a day! Crow: Da'cha! >Tingles rushed through her as she slowly came to her breast. With >her thumb and forefinger she began to caress her nipple. Crow: Live from Tomobiki! It's 'Lum's Saturday Night!' Tom: No, it's an 'Evening at Lum's'! Crow: 'Come to Lum's Window!" Tom: '12 Hours with an Oni!' Crow: 'Urusei Yatsura Unseen!' Tom: 'Lum Enslaved!' Crow: 'Evil Oni: Sins of Lum!' Tom: 'La Blue Oni!" Joel: 'Lum's Usual Weekend'! Tom: 'I Oni Have Eyes For You!' Crow: Etc, etc, etc.... >The waves of pleasure began to move through her body. She woked her >other hand below her waist and began to tease her clit, faster and faster >it went until she felt spasms hit her hips. Joel: Quick, get the defibrillator! Her hips are going into cardiac arrest! >Then she moved her other hand to hold her lips open as her right hand >probed deeper. Tom: Her entire *hand*?!? Owie.... Crow: She's fisting herself.... Joel: Owie.... >for several minutes she stroked herself until finally she gave out a shrill >cry of ecstacy. She wanted more, Crow: You know, this ain't half bad.... Tom: Yeah, maybe Dr. F sent us a good lemon fanfic by mistake? Joel: Only time will tell. >slowly she moved her hand in and out again and she began to reach a >second orgasm. Finally she came in a gush leaving a nice sized wet >spot on the bed. Joel: GUSHERS! Fruit snacks with the *BURST OF FLAVOR!!* >Lifting herself up from the spot where the was laying Crow: The what? Woman? Girl? Hen? Oni? Babe? >Lum looked down at the fruit of her labor she gave a slight smirk. Tom: Hey, this is a lemon and I made lemonade! Crow: Da'cha! >"Well I suppose Darling's sheets needed changing anyway." Joel: What with all the other *mysterious* stains.... Crow and Tom: Ewww.... >After the sheets were changed It was 5:25. "Good," she thought. Tom: 25 minutes to reach orgasm without a vibrator! I beat my old time again! Damn, I'm good! Crow: Da'cha! >"enough time to take a shower and get ready in case darling shows up." Joel: But not enough time to use a capital in her sentence. >She knew it was an Impossibility, but she hoped nonetheless." All: Tom: STAY A WHILE....STAY FOREVER! Joel: That's *Impossible Mission*, Tom. Tom: I know! I threw in an obscure culture reference of a popular Epyx game from the 80's! Joel: Oh, okay. >As she stepped into the shower she prayed that her Darling, Ataru >Moroboshi would really be hers tonight. Tom: Glen Close *IS* Lum *IN* 'Urusei Yatsura: Fatal Attraction'! Joel: Can Lum even take a shower without electrocuting herself? Crow: I dunno but at least she's safe from Norman Bates wannabes.... >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tom: IT'S THE THREE DOTTED LINES OF DOOM! Joel: This reminds me of those big sheets of paper you got in third grade to do cursive on... Crow: Yeah, that was last year. Joel: Hey! Tom: Well guys, aside from a few grammar and spelling errors, this lemon's been pretty good so far. Crow: Yeah, maybe Shutarou is a pen name for Henry J. Cobb! Joel: Will you guys quit mentioning that poor guy's name? Tom: We're just paying tribute, Joel.... >AT 5:45 P.M AN EARTHQUAKE HIT TOKYO NOT SUPRISINGLY >THE EPICENTER WAS DIRECTLY UNDER THE HOUSE OF THE >INFAMOUS ATARU MOROBOSHI. THE SUPRISE IS THE HOUSE >ALONG WITH, EVERYTHING ELSE IN TOKYO WAS UNDAMAGED. Crow: THIS JUST IN: FANFIC BLOWS DEAD GOATS! Joel: Crow, NO! Tom: THIS NEWFLASH WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY MEGAPHONE BROADCASTING!!! WHERE WE SHOUT OUT THE NEWS 24 HOURS A DAY!!! STAY TUNED FOR SPORTS AND EXCLUSIVE COVERAGE OF WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP CHESS, RIGHT AFTER THESE PAID MESSAGES FROM MERV'S HOUSE O' MEGAPHONES WHERE THEIR MOTTO IS: SHOUT! SHOUT! WE'LL STILL DROWN YOU OUT!!! HA! HA! HA! >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Joel: Maybe it's an extreme close-up of a ukulele? >"C'mon Megane," Tom: AAAAAH! SELF-INSERTION! Crow: I'm sure the writer meant Megane in the series, Tom. >"NO!" >"Pleease" >"NO!" >"PREETY PLEEASE" >"NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO >NONONO!" Joel: This sounds somewhat familiar.... Crow: Ah, another first date comes to a end. Tom: PREETYPLEEASEPREETYPLEEASEPREETYPLEEASEWITH LOTSOFSUGARANDSYRUPANDSTUFFONTOP???" >"I'll swipe you one of Lum's panties..." Tom: Happosai throws his hat into the ring! >"Uh... O...K...NO! Crow: Well....mayb....NO!....uh....perha....NO!.....err....I gues....NO! >FOR THE LAST TIME ATARU NO. Tom: And that's the thousandth time I'm going to tell you! >THIS PARTY IS MY BIG BREAK I WILL NOT LET YOU RUIN IT >FOR ME! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME YOU LECHEROUS IDIOT?? Crow: BY THE WAY, HOW DO YOU LIKE MY NEW MEGAPHONE?!? >GOOD-BYE" All: And I say Hello! Hello Hello! I don't know why you say good-bye, I say hello.... >"FINE YOU SON OF A BITCH Tom: Considering Mrs. Moroboshi, isn't Ataru the son of a.... Joel: Don't say it, Tom. >LEAVE YOUR BEST FREIND BEHIND!!!!!!!!" Ataru screamed >"GO TO HELL" Joel: GO DIRECTLY TO HELL! DO NOT PASS PURGATORY! DO NOT COLLECT REDEMPTION! >Well That sucked, Tom: Pretty much, yeah. Crow: Compared to the opening lemon scene? Definitely. Joel: You're condemning it too soon! Let's see how it plays out.... Tom: Oh, all right. >His best freind had just left him behind to go to the social event of the >century, Joel: The premiere of 'Star Wars: Episode One'? Crow: Nah, the premiere of 'Pecker' Joel: .... >The Mendo Clan's 1000th aniversary." Crow: 1000 years and still rich! >Out of his whole class only he hadn't been invited. Tom: Maybe it's Ataru's heavy bodily funk... Joel: Or the fact that Mendou hates his guts. >The worst part was that everything was closed. Nothing was going on >tonight other than the party. Crow: Geez, it really is the party of the century.... Tom: You'd think it was 1999 or something.... >And because of the earthquake, everthing was closed. Joel: Oh, so it has nothing to do with the party? Crow: The same earthquake that did absolutely no damage to anything! >"Oh well let's see if that beefbowl restaurant is open." Ataru went to >grab his wallet and remembered that he had left it Megane's place. All: >"Shit!!" Tom: Happens!! >"Hello Ataru," out of nowhere popped Cherry. (Crow giggles like a schoolgirl) Tom: Sakurambo *IS* Leisure Suit Cherry! Joel: You called? >"My you look unlucky this evening" Crow: Look, I crapped out in Vegas, OKAY?!? >"How is it that you can appear at the times when It's the most > annoying Cherry" Tom: Yeah, Cherry's the pits, all right.... Crow: I've used every vibrator and penile implant I can find! Talk about an annoying Cherry.... >"FATE!!" Joel: ....BUT WHAT WE MAKE!! Tom: HASTA LA VISTA....CHERRY. >"Should've known" >"I may be predictable but I'm usually right." Crow: Right about what? Appearing randomly at unpredictable moments? >"Anyway,you know where I can find some free food?" Tom: Well, seeing as I've dedicated my life to Budda and self-sacrifice, I'll allow you to eat me. Crow: Uggh! Are you for real?!? No way!! Tom: Come on! Eat me! EAT ME! Doesn't my head look succulent enough for you?!? Crow: AHHHH!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!! Joel: Seriously though, Ataru, this is *Cherry* you're talking to here. If he knew where free food was, he wouldn't be talking to you! >"Isn't Lum throwing you a suprise anniversary party?" >" Gee... if it was a suprise than I wouldn't Know about it would I ?" >" Good Point. " Tom: Bad Punctuation. >" Anyway her cooking stinks." Crow: Hey, at least it wouldn't collapse an eco-system like Akane's cooking.... >"She said that she was ordering suliyaki just for you. >She's been saving up for months to throw this for you." Crow: *SPLAT!* Joel: Did I mention that bananna cream pie was for you? >"She did that for me?" Tom: That's not all she did for you, bub.... >"I can' t tell you it's a suprise." Crow: I also can't tell you she's horny as hell and waiting for you back home. Tom: You mean her horns have grown even bigger? Crow: Not only unlucky, but stupid I see. >" You've already told me you deranged monk." >"Well, I have haven't I ? Tom: I guess I have to kill you now. >Anyway I don't know what time it starts at. >Bye" Crow: Cherry the Monk, ladies and gentlemen! Let's give him a big hand....around his scrawny throat as we SQUEEZE AND SQUEEZE AND.... Joel: Easy, Crow, easy.... >"Wait... damned preist. Tom: Which priest? Crow: The damned one. Tom: Ah. >Wait, didn't Lum say that she wanted me at home by 6:00..? Joel: Wait, are the sentences in this fic redundant? >It's 5:55 right now, I've got to hurry." Crow: I've got to hurry.... Tom: Crow, we haven't MSTed that movie yet! Joel: It's a fanfic, you should really just relax.... >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tom: I sense a pattern here. Joel: Dot-Dot-Dash-Dot-Dot? Crow: Don't be cute.... Tom: Dot-Dot-Dot-Dash-Dash-Dash-Dot-Dot-Dot!!! Joel: I'll send an SOS to the world.... >Shinobu was lost in the Mendo house. Joel: Well, no wonder, considering she's supposed to be in *Mendou's* house.... >Wearing her brand new black evening gown. Crow: And nothing else! >"1000 years and they couldn't create a map of the place, figures." Joel: Lara Croft, she's not. >She was lost, completely lost, Tom: I never should have asked for directions from that handsome boy with the bandanna.... Joel: Well, I'm lost in love and I don't know much.... >other than having a bit too much to drink and being more than just a >wee bit tipsy, Crow: Yeah, she's wobbling like a card table with three legs.... >she had to go. BAD!!! Tom: GAH!! Okay, okay, so go already! >She had left more than a 1/2 hour ago and still couldn't find the >bathroom. Joel: *THRILL* as Shinobu looks for a *BATHROOM*! Crow: Yes, it's the much anticipated sequel to Jeffrey Wong's 'A Bathroom Experience'....'Shinobu's Sudden Urgency!' >And when the earthquake hit, she almost lost it. Tom: Well, at least she wasn't *Trapped* in the bathroom with Ataru.... >"Of the several hundred bathrooms that they had, why can't I find one >of them. Joel: Several hundred?!? Crow: Boy, the Mendou family must REALLY be fond of Mexican food.... >This house has got to be bigger than the Macross. Well anyway, the >search continues." Tom: Where the sam scratch is Spock, anyway?!? >"Miss Shinobu, there you are, I've been looking for you." It was >Mendo. Tom: So there's hundreds of bathrooms, and she can't find any of them, but Mendo can just run into her by coincidence? Joel: (Mendo) ...I want you to pilot something for me... Crow: That's Gendo, Joel. Tom: Mendo....Must be *Mendou's* understudy.... >"When you didn't return , I feared you had lost your way, and then, >when the earthquake hit I feared that somthing hideous had happened >to you. Joel: Death by shaking. Horrifying. >Right then I left my conversation with this Drop-dead gorgeous >pig-tailed girl to see if you were alright." Tom: Oh, Pippy Longstocking is here? Crow: Okay, either Ranma-Chan's trying to bum a free trip to China off Mendo or she thinks she's a girl again.... Joel: I'd like to be a fly on the wall for THAT party.... >"Shutaro?" >"I'm here,: Tom: Geez, he was just talking to you a second ago, of course he's there! >"Bathroom." >"Oh yes, I see. Well, there isn't another lavatory for another 72 >quadrents. Tom: Quadrents? Does he mean *Quadrants*? Crow: Ooooookay, so Mendo's house spans billions of light years in distance? Joel: Geez, it *IS* a big house! >Can you hold it?" Tom: Why? The lemon scene's been over for a while now. Joel: Tom.... Tom: Heh heh heh.... >"..............N..........o.........I.........ca.............n't" Tom: Ack....too....many....dots....Can't....breathe! Crow: J....o....el,....Ha...v..e.....y...o.u....e...v.er.....t...a...lk....e...d.... l....i...k..e....t...h...i...s.....w..h..e.n....y..o.u..ha...v...e.....t...o.... .... p....e...e....re..a...l....l...y....b.....ad? Joel: C...a....n't....s....a....y....t....h....a....t.....I....h....a...ve, Cr......ow. Crow: M...a..yb...e.....s...o...m....e...one.......s..l..ip..p....e.....d....... t..he.......f.......a....n..f.....i.....c......a.......m....i.....ck....e....y? >"Then I must resort to.......(drumroll).........The Mendo Clan Private >Lavatories_TM. Tom: Their motto: Need a john? Urine luck! Crow: Follow me, Shinobu. Tom: I'm thirsty!! Joel: I gotta go to the bathroom! Crow: Well, you two can help each other!! Tom: The 'duckman' sketch, ladies and gentlemen! >Shinobu followed Mendo into the Quadrent's Master Bedroom. As >they approached the far wall Mendo screamed : Crow: I've gone about as far as I can go! Tom and Joel: Yes sir! He's gone about as far as he can go! >"ALPHA, GAMMA, THETA, OMEGA, RAMU". Joel: AND SEVERAL OTHER MATH TERMS!!! Crow: Amaze your friends! Learn to play the organ with mathematical symbols in two easy lessons! >Instantly the wall opened and out came a full sized toilet. Tom: Man, did Tim Taylor design his bathroom or what? >"You are the first outsider ever to use the Clan Lavatories." Tom: So bow down and worship at the porcelain altar of Mr. P, mortal! Crow: I didn't know Mendo was a member of the Ku Klux Klan! >"Th..............anks................If..............you'll........exc......... ...use.....me" Tom: I...'m....g...o...ing......t...o.......s...t....i....ck........my.... f...in..g...er......do...wn.........my...thr....oat.....an..d.....p......u...... ..ke.... up..a..l..l....t..hes.e....s..t..u...pid....dots. >"But of course my lady." Joel: I bet she was doing the pee-pee dance, too. >From outside of the room Mendo heard a sound not unlike a downpour, >then a sigh of relief. Tom: My water broke! Joel and Crow: Uggggh.... >"Shutaro, that was very chivalrous what you did for me, thank you. Tom: Now rip my clothes off and make me your own! Joel: So girls get turned on when you escort them to a bathroom? I'll have to remember that.... >Why did you come searching for me, why me, I'm sure that there were >much more attractive girls you could make passes at and seduce." Crow: Well, you see, I did all of them already, and now I'm finished with them and down to you. Tom: So Shinobu freely admits Mendo is exactly like Ataru? >I was worried Shinobu, I couldn't stand it if somthing happened to >you. Ever since my first day at Tomobiki I've liked you the best." Crow: I like you, Shinobu. I'll screw you last. Joel: All those countless attempts to woo Lum away from Moroboshi was just a phase I was going through.... Tom: You know what it is, guys.... The author of this likes Ataru and Lum as a couple. So he's putting Mendo and Shinobu together to eliminate the competition. Crow: Ah! Kind of like the entire basis for the Akane/Ryoga relationship in fanfics. Tom: Natch. >"I've wanted you since I first laid eyes on you Shutaro" >"Shinobu" Joel: Huh? No, that's my name! You're Shutaro! >"Make love to me Shutaro" Tom: Uh....could you get off the toilet first? >Shinobu kisses him deeply. Mendo is stunned at first but joins in the >kiss. Joel: What was Shinobu kissing deeply if Mendo just now joined her? Tom: I can take a guess.... Crow: Hee hee hee! >Mendou was fiddling with the zipper to Shiobu's dress Joel: Hey, it was *Mendo* a second ago! Crow: Looks like the understudy's gone home and it's time for the young master to take over! Tom: Stunt butt! We need a stunt butt here, pronto! >but the zipper didn't want to give. Shinobu wanted to give Mendo a >little incentive and unzipped his fly. Crow: Moments later, the back of Shinobu's dress was torn to shreds. Tom: Whips it out, then zips it back up again! BWAHAHAHHAHAH!! Joel: Now it's spelt *Mendo* again. What's going on here?!? >Putting her hand through his underwear fly she began to >play with him. Crow: Red rover, red rover, let sausage link come over! Tom: So, you always give a handjob after urination? Joel: Hey, I washed my hands! > That incentive worked when he finally undid her zipper. Her > nightgown fell off in a second, Tom: Nightgown? What happened to the black dress? >Leaving her in a bra, panties, and pantyhose. Crow: Joel: Heel, boy! Heel! Crow: Great idea! I'll picture her wearing those too! Joel: >Shinobu told Shutro to stand back. He did. Shinobu began to >sultrily pull of hr under wear. Tom: Check it out! It's an incoherent striptease! Crow: Just like that Demi Moore movie....Incoherent! >When she was done Mendou licked his lips. Crow: Lip Balm! Try using it! Joel: Boy, if you did what I think you did, I'm really turned on now! >He realized now as he had before that she truly was a good looking girl. Tom: Not as *Drop-dead gorgeous* as that pig-tailed girl, but still good looking, none the less! Crow: You're sort of everything I've ever wanted.... > He dove towards her and began to suck on her breasts. Joel: ALL RIGHT!!! NIPPLES!!! Tom: SWEET-O!!! Crow: Yes, it's seducing women: The Happosai Way! >She gave a slight moan and began to sweat. Tom: Whip it! Whip it good! >Tracing a line with his tounge Mendo finally got to her nether-regions. >Using his tounge to tease her clit he brought her to the extreme of >pleasure. All: *EXTREME* PLEASURE!!! AHHHHHHHH!!! >He sent his face full force into her pussy Crow: Geez, is he trying to tunnel into her or what? Joel: Journey To The Center Of The Shinobu.... >and used his tounge to probe her inner area. Tom: Anal probe?!? What are you, an obnoxious alien? >"Oh Shutaro" she screamed Crow: Yeah, you could just *feel* the volume of that one. >as he brought her to the brink of an orgasm. She grinded her hips ino >his face as her juices came out. Crow: Ick, that's not kosher... >Shutaro began to remove all of his clothing. "Be gentle..." she said. Tom: Uh....okay. I'll take off my socks....one at a time.... very carefully.... >"I'ts... my first time." Joel: Really? I've done it countless times! Crow: Yeah, I could tell from your breast sucking technique. >She guided him into her and was wracked with pleasure. Tom: She's in the torture wrack! If Shinobu orgasms, she'll lose the title! >When he reached her Hymen he stopped for a second and pushed back >in with great force. Shinobu screamed as her walls broke down, >but then, her pain turns to pleasure. Tom: ...And our tenses are changed! Joel: Shinobu. When the walls fell. Crow: Shinobu. Her clothes uncovered. Tom: Mendou. His fly open. Crow: Lum. Her legs wide. Joel: Joel. His eyes closed. >The great pleasure she was feeling could never be achieved by >masturbating. Tom: Speak for yourself! Crow: Da'cha! >Her breaths became shallower and shallower as she rose to her climax. Crow: By this time her lungs were aching for water! >She could tell Mendo was ready too. With a shout she climaxed, Joel: TOGGG!!! >and right after, Mendo did too. Tom: BOOOMSHACALAKA!!! >"Shall we head back to the party, Shinobu?" >She looked at him with a flushed face "Sure. Why not? Crow: I don't know, Possibly something about being nekkid and soaked with bodily fluids? Joel: After all, the night is young and I've still got that Drop-dead gorgeous pig-tailed girl to lure to bed! Tom: Speaking of heading back guys, it's time to go. (Joel picks up Tom and walks towards the exit.) Crow: Carry me, too! Joel: Aw, come on, Crow. You're too big for that. Crow: Please! Joel: Well....okay, I'll come back for you. (Joel picks up Tom and takes him out of the theater. Then he returns for Crow and cradles him in his arms before leaving the theater.) Crow: Wheeeee! * * * SATELLITE OF LOVE "Bring out the box!" Crow did so and Joel reached inside to grab a bunch of fan letters and began to read them out loud. "As always, to protect the privacy of the people who wrote in, we've left off the last name and e-mail address of the senders. Don't worry, they're all genuine," Tom pointed out. "Out first letter comes to us from M.G. and she writes...." *Hi! My name is Goddess Shampoo (well, that's not my REAL name, of course). Your "Mystery Science Theater 6.7" fanfics are soooooo cool! I love to read them! Keep it up! (You just gotta love Crow...^-^) --- Goddess Shampoo* "Aiya! Thanks for the great letter, M.G! I love you too....though I'm not quite ready to be tied down though...." Crow replied. "Tied up, on the other hand...." Tom wisecracked. Joel chuckled as he reached into the box again. "Our next letter comes to us from Sk8ball13 and he writes.... *First of all, I'd just like to say that you are a genius. I have (as far as I know) every episode of MST67 except for 107 - which I would appreciate if you could send me a copy - and they're very inspirational, for the beginning MSTer, anyway. The first episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 I saw on TV got me into MSTing, but I had NO idea where to go, nor was I aware that text MSTing was such a popular "sport." After searching the web like a madman, I came upon Timothy McLees's Vault. I looked and looked through the MSTs, and as soon as I skimmed through one of your MSTs (103, if I remember correctly), I copied every single one from Tim's site. Like I said, your works are/were very inspirational. Your episodes became a template for mine, which helped alot, due to the alternating script/prose forms of MSTs. Since I don't know too many pop-culture references relating to anime, I've been staying away from MSTing anime fan-fics, but my school DOES have an indepent newsletter.... and I think you guessed it! The average intelligence of the staff and students at my school doesn't even hold a candle to that of a nutritious bowl of Froot Loops with skim milk. I get my materials from the poorly written and the even more pooly edited "stories." The characters I work with are actually myself and two of my friends in the year 2008, who became tied in with the sister experiment of the Satellite of Love by their/our employer at Stuff 'n' Junk Labs: Dr. Clayton Forrester! My friends and I actually started a company to produce the MSTs: Brains Ltd (get it? Brains *limited*? Har, har, harty har-har). We don't really make any money, it's just to make us feel better about our miserable existances. Oh, and the Oscar lemons are truly horrifying. I can't see what stopped Joel's head from exploding, too. Sk8ball13* "Wow! Thanks, Sk8ball13! Actually, I had a migraine for a while after Oscar Toon but then I took one of THESE...." Joel holds up a cup of steaming milk. "....and it was gone!" Joel finished with a grin. "Seriously, though, it makes us feel good to know we can inspire people to MST and show off their writing skills and humor." "Our next letter comes to us from Addison, regarding our MSTing of Shakari's 'California Dreaming'.... * Easily one of your best yet. Granted, the sheer awfulness of the story probably helped, but you've done hideous stories with somewhat weak MSTings before...this was solid hilarious. Even the opening segments (which, to be honest, usually bore me) were great---I especially liked the Hero's Quest bit. ^_^* "Uh....thanks....I think." Crow bigsweated. "Hey, those host segments are hard to write! I suppose you'd rather have us in the theater all the time, doing nothing but riffing and having my head blown off, eh?!? Why, I outta....!" Tom steamed. "Guys, guys! Come on, we dish it out, we can take it too. Addison isn't the first person to complain about our host segments and he has a right to his opinion! Besides, he liked the California Dreaming MSTing!" "I guess so." Crow muttered. "Better he like us for something than nothing, right, Tom?" Joel inquired. "Yeah, yeah, okay!" Tom sighed. "Okay, our final letter is from our old friend Keener and I liked it so much that I wanted to share it with all of you. He sent it as a reply to someone who was basically shredding MSTers in general...." Joel held the letter up to the camera. *I happen to know of at least one MSTer who is different, he seems to understand something that the casual joke cracker, first stone throwing riffer does not... that an MST is supposed to be funny, and to make a certain kind of fic, go down easier. Doing one's best Beavis and Butthead impersonation does not help. Yes, the reader is probably aware the fic he's reading is substandard, otherwise he wouldn't have bothered with an MST. Saying stuff sucks is... categorically... unfunny. Megane understands this. Comments are made not to hurt an author's ego, not to flaunt some sort of fanfic Masters degree, but to genuinely entertain the reader. A spoonful of Joker juice to make the Lemon go down, so to speak. He chooses his stories carefully, looking not for the worst, or the most controversial, but for the one that gives him the best ideas for funny material. I can't read your average Oscar fic or Dr Thinker fic without him. His versions of Joel, Crow and Tom Servo comfort me, make me find that most amusing nuggets in what is generally not a sparkling moment of fanfiction. As for finding fault without putting anything out on his own, he includes with every MST, a 10-40K beginning and ending, he doesn't spend time with his characters "dreading" the next fic, he has them cavorting, living lives, growing, changing and living and breathing as very real creations. A long time ago, I helped him work on his technique's... know what we worked on? Not rifts... not spot the ingrown plot misconception... we worked on the characterization of Joel and his companions. Now, after two years of working with them, I know for a fact his grasp of them exceeds my own, even when I had foolishly convinced myself of some sort of expert status. His characters grow, they remember old fics, they remember old events, plot events that happen in their lives... they change, they expand... there may be someone else's work in the guts of the machine, but I promise you, Megane doesn't write MST's... he writes fanfics about Mystery Science Theater 3000... real, actual fanfics with more, well FUN, then just about anything I've ever read. I agree, most MST's aren't really worth mentioning and most of the MSTers would be better served writing fics instead of booing them. But, Megane, he's writing a fic, and it's a really good one and I for one can't wait till the next one.* "Kinda makes us sound like a family, huh?" Crow remarked, his voice trembling a bit with emotion. "Yeah....kinda gets you right here....uh, well, I can't move my arms to thump my heart but you know what I mean." Tom added. "What else can we say, Keener, but thank you." Joel said with a smile. Suddenly, alarms and sirens suddenly rang out. "Wow, I'm so moved by that letter, I'm actually seeing colored lights now!" Tom remarked with wonder. "Me too! And I can hear bells chiming! It must be my spirit soaring with happiness and the satisfaction of a job well done....or else someone substituted my battery acid for LSD!" Crow exclaimed. "OHHHH, WE'VE GOT LEMON SIGN!!!" Joel cried out. TO BE CONTINUED IN URUSEI YATSURA: THE KIDNAPPING PT. 2.... Hello! I was originally going to make this a single part MSTing but it's simply too long so I split it into two parts and made sure the second part was available along with this one, to be read at your discretion. As with part one, there's lots more to come in the second part so don't skip it or you'll only be missing out on some great riffs and a special musical parody of a famous Gillbert and Sullivan tune. ;) From: "Warren" Subject: [UY][MST3K][Lemon] The Kidnapping Pt. 2 of 2 *TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS* (And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain) (The future isn't what it used to be....) "MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON TWO) EPISODE 20: URUSEI YATSURA: THE KIDNAPPING PT. 2 (A Urusei Yatsura Lemon MSTing) MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7 This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred. Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering my own ass here folks.... "Urusei Yatsura" is the property of Rumiko Takahashi and all the distributors of her work. "Urusei Yatsura: The Kidnapping" is the property of SMendou and he's welcome to it. I do not intend to offend this person for making fun of his work like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as another form of C&C. ;) Warning: This fic contains mature content and lemon content. If you are offended by such material, simply delete it and it's gone. If not, enjoy! * * * (Door 6: It slides open on both sides..) (Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you move on..) (Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.) (Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..) (Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and touches the door. The door vanishes.) (Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.) (Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor. You walk into it.) Joel emerged from the light into the theater with Tom in his arms, Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to him, Crow sitting on his right. Joel: Ready guys? Bots: Ready! Joel: Let's do it! And for the readers at home, check out the midi link at http://math.idbsu.edu/gas/pirates/html/p13.html and feel free to sing along with us! Crow: Just remember to wait until you hear the bassoon before you start singing or you'll get confused! Tom: Here we go.... Tom: This is our song, about the plot, within this le-mon fan....fic. We've thrown our hands up, in the air, and said we just don't get....it. This lemon really makes no sense, so why should we, recap this shi....? Joel: Tommyboy, we have a job, so come on and get on with it! Tom: Well, Lum was sad, because her darling, A-tar-u, would not come home. And there-fore, she decided, she would let her fin-gers search and roam. But then, when she was done, she was un-sa-tis-fied, and did decide.... Crow: She'll take a shower, wait some more, and if he's late, She'll zap his hide! All: She'll take a shower, wait some more, and if he's late, she'll zap his hide! She'll take a shower, wait some more, and if he's late, she'll zap his hide! She'll take a shower, wait some more, and if he's late, she'll zap....his....hide! Joel: Then, we cut to, Mo-ro-bo-shi, as he pleads with, Me-ga-ne. No re-la-tion, to the au-thor, writing this, as we sing plain. A-ta-ru has nowhere to go, the earthquake closed down, eve-ry-thing.... Even though the earthquake, really didn't damage an-y-thing All: A-ta-ru has nowhere to go, the earthquake closed down eve-ry-thing.... Even though the earthquake, really didn't damage an-y-thing.... Joel: A-tar-u begged and whined, for Meg-a-ne, to help him get inside. A-tar-u offered, Lum's pan-ties, but Me-ga-ne had, too much pride. He said, I will not let you ruin me, This is my biggg...break! A-tar-u, in so many words, told him to go, jump in a lake.... Tom: Things went bad to worse, when out popped Cher-ry, that annoying priest. Predicted doom, for Mo-ro-bo-shi, told him of, Lum's tasty feast. A-tar-u rushed for home, as he re-mem-bered, Lum-Chan's dinner date. We can't help thinking, as he left, the monk remarked, 'This is Fate'.... All: We can't help thinking, as he left, the monk remarked, 'This is Fate'.... We can't help thinking, as he left, the monk remarked, 'This is Fate'.... We can't help thinking, as he left, the monk remarked, 'This...is...Fate'.... Crow: In the mean-time, in-side Men-do's home, Shi-no-bu searches, for a john. She claims there's seve-ral, hund-red of them, what the HELL is going on?!? Then she in-hales, tons of dots, be-fore Men-do finds her a loo. She thanks him and when she is done, she kindly offers, to be screwed.... All: Then she in-hales, tons of dots, be-fore Men-do finds her a loo. She thanks him and when she is done, she kindly offers, to be screwed.... Joel: Men-dooo fum-bled, with her zipper, trying hard, to pull it down. Shi-no-bu smiled, and with her hand, un-zipped his own, and felt around. Leaving her in bra, pan-ties, stockings, she began to dance. Mendo couldn't help but ask, 'Is that strip-tease for me by chance?' Tom: Then Men-do...with a dash...of O-O-C...drove at her am-ple chest. And with the pow-er, of a hoo-ver, sucked her firm, and supple breasts. Crow: By this time, Shinnn-no-bu's lungs, were aching, for a ci-gar-ette! Joel: And when they finish, lovemaking, then Mendo will, collect his bet! All: And when they finish, lovemaking, then Mendo will, collect his bet! And when they finish, lovemaking, then Mendo will, collect his bet! And when they finish, lovemaking, then Mendo will, collect...his...bet! Crow: Well, we hope, you liked our song, we really tried, to make it rhyme, man! Tom: But after all, we're not as good, as Gill-bert, annnd Sull-i-van! Joel: So join us now, as we con-tin-ue, MST-ing 'The Kid-napp-ing' Crow: Re-mem-ber, we're as clue-less, when it comes to what is hap-pen-ing! All: So join us now, as we con-tin-ue, MST-ing 'The Kid-napp-ing' Re-mem-ber, we're as clueless, when it comes to what is hap-pen-ing! Joel: Whew! Now THAT was fun! >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tom: *INTENSE* *LINE* *ACTION*!!! Joel: Sayyyy, what's a scene change like you doing in a lemon like this? Crow: Not *that* kind of line, Joel.... Tom: If I said you had a beautiful taser, would you hold it against me....please? Joel: Stay frosty, Tomcat.... >Ataru raced through the streets to get home. Lum was there. He had >to get there. Sukiaki was there. He HAD to get there. Crow: Sukiaki, whatever the hell that is, WAS there! Tom: And so was G.I. Joe! Joel: Hey, he was calling it *suliyaki* earlier! Continuity! >He ran and ran and ran.......................... Joel and Crow: Tom: This fic sucked and sucked and sucked.......................... >and ran until he finally got home. Tom: Did I mention he ran? I think I left that out... Joel: Ataru Moroboshi *IS* Forrest Gump! >Ataru glanced at his watch 5:59. Good, right on time. Sraightening >himself up he waled in the door. Crow: Ataru's into S&M with doors? Joel: That Moroboshi is one sad strange little man.... >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Crow: ANTZ! Now playing at a theater near you! Tom: OKAY, WE GET IT, THE SCENE CHANGES!! AUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!! Joel: And I thought Shakari's scene changes were annoying. >"Lum! Son-in-law!" Tom: Cologne? What the heck is she doing here? Joel: Tom, never ask that question in a lemon. >"Lum! Son-in-law!" Tom: LUM-SAN! LUM-SAN! Crow: SON-IN-LAW! SON-IN-LAW! Tom: Fork! Crow: Spoon! Tom: Great taste! Crow: Less Filling! Tom: John! Crow: Marsha! Tom: Chief! Crow: MCLOUD! >It was Lum's father. Crow: You're not her real father! >"Hey !!!!!!!!!!!!" Ataru screamed. Joel: Uh....y-yes? Something I can do for you? Crow: PAPA!!! YOU'VE COME HOME!!! >" Happy Anniversary son-in-law.." He said as he glided down from the >second story window. Tom: Sorry, I'm late. I promised Rei I'd come to her window first.... Joel: Oh, Chris will just LOVE that one.... >"Where's Lum?" >" I don't know, " Ataru said with a downtrodden look on his face. Crow: How sad I am....how sad I am....nobody knows....how sad I am! >"she's gone." Tom: A suspicious gust of wind was seen lurking in the area. Joel: Frankly, I don't give a damn. >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tom: I feel as if my head is going to explode... Crow: Oooh, Three lines, that's rare! Joel: It was *four* lines before, wasn't it? Tom: Good. Let's hope they'll *all* vanish by the end of the lemon. >Every time she had disappeared before she had left somthing, some >indication that she come back, or some indication of where she was >going. This time there was nothing. Joel: Do you know who did it? Have you figured it out yet? Crow: Marvel as Moroboshi struggles to find a single clue! Tom: Where's Robert Stack when you really need him? >Nada. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nothing. Joel: Squat! Crow: Bupkus! Tom: The Big Doughnut! >Weirder still, was the fact that he ship was still in orbital park. Crow: Orbital Park. Providing a safe place for planets to play. Tom: Is that anything like South Park? Joel: They killed Mendy! Those bastards! >She simply vanished without a trace. Somthing was definitely up. >Only one person had the Technology to find her. Crow: Bill Gates! >We knew she was on the planet. That was the first >clue. Time to get the people he knew would help. >"Father-in-law" he screamed, "to Mendo's" Tom: TO THE BAT MOBILE!!! Joel: Geez, what the hell is he on, anyway? >"Oh stupid son in law , I Don't know where it is." he replied. Crow: It's under.... STATELY WAYNE MANOR.... Joel: He's an alien, dammit, not a map! >"Just look for the property that's bigger than Tokyo." Ataru said. >"You can't miss it" Joel: Bigger than Tokyo? Try bigger than the flipping universe! >On the way to Mendo's A message came in on the VidPhone. Crow: Vidphone? What is this, 'The Jetsons' now?!? Joel: Father-in-Law! Stop this crazy thing!?! Tom: You missed a period back there. Just letting you know. Bye. >An Oni soldier appeared on the screen. "I just got this message sir." Tom: You have mail! >He said to the king."Benten from the Gods of Luck is also missing, >What could this mean?" Crow: They're screwing like jackrabbits in the bushes? Tom: Usagi is an exhibitionist? Joel: I give up. Crow: Really?!? Joel: Nah. Crow: Dang. >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Joel: You gotta admit, for all its faults, this lemon's got a ton of great lines! Tom: Three little lines from fic are we.... Crow: Haven't we sung enough Gillbert and Sullivan already? >Mendou and Shinobu finally made it back to the party. Nobody seemed >to notice them walk in a bit flushed. Crow: Yeah, there's been a lot of *flushing* in this lemon, eh? Tom: Too bad we can't flush this lemon down the toilet.... Joel: You'd think after what they did, they've both have a Royal Flush.... >The reason was that most people were watching this guy with a ponytail >run like a bat out of hell from this cat who was chasing him. Tom: Ranma, you lovable nut! What WILL you do next? Crow: That's not Ranma, he has a pigtail, not a ponytail. Joel: Not if this is from before he drank the Dragon's Whisker soup.... >t was a hilarious sight yo behold. Crow: Hey yo. Survey says: This fic blows. Joel: Yo behold, it's a pirate's life for me! >"Hey Mendo your finally back. I was looking fot ya." Mendo was > trying to remember the guy's name. He met him at Furinken High. Tom: Last time on "Still Waters Run Deep".... >He always wore a bandana and his name started with an R............... Crow: Ryu? Joel: But Ryouga isn't afraid of cats! Why was he running? >Before Mendo had a chance to finish his train of thought the mystery >man asked him "Hey where's the bathroom?" Tom: Yeah, that's what this lemon needs, ANOTHER extended 'bathroom searching' scene.... >"The door in the back of the room on the center of the wall." Tom: You'll have to jump to reach it. >Mendou replied. "Please do wash your hands. Or I will be forced to >shoot you." Tom: Ha ha! I'm kidding of course! I have servants to do that sort of thing for me! >"Gotcha.... Later." Crow: This fic DARES you to read it. Tom: This fic DARES us to MST it. >"IT WAS THERE THE WHOLE TIME >???????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Shinobu screamed. Crow: Yet another writer who thinks he can make up for a complete lack of dramatic content by putting in lots of punctuation marks! Joel: Think that really works? Tom: Let's try it! Crow: HOW ARE YOU TODAY, JOEL????!?!?!?!?!!!!!!! Joel: FINE, THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW ABOUT YOU?????????!!!!!!!!!!!! Tom: SURE IS NICE WEATHER TODAY, EH???!!!!!!!!!!!!!???!!!??? >"Well," he replied "You never asked me. Besides we were too far away >at the time; you couldn't have made it. Anyway the other way was much >more f........................." Tom: ....ucked up, just like this fanfic! Joel: Tom.... > Crow: Don't be alarmed! It's just Shinobu peeing again! >Mendo turned his head. Joel: Must've passed a pretty girl. >The Crowd was now watching the same cat now chasing a the red-haired >girl he was talking to before." Tom: B....But Ranma doesn't wear a bandanna! Crow: And he doesn't really have red hair! Joel: Shush! > Tom: Shinobu should really cut down on lentils. >The entire pary of 10,000 looked up to see Crow: The entire *thrust* of 20,000 looking down at them. >the Oni mothership above them. The ceiling was gone. A beam of >light shot down from the ship dropping Ataru right in the middle of >the room. Tom and Crow: Joel: Ataru Moroboshi *IS* Mr. Bean! >All at once, 1/23 of the guests at the party said "ATARU I TOLD YOU >NOT TO COME HERE YOU PARTY CRASHING BASTARD. YOU >EVEN SCREWED UP THE CEILING! YOU MORON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tom: The other 22/23 of the guest were too plowed off their asses to take notice. Joel: Let's see... 1/23 of 10,000... that comes to 435 people. Tom: And all those people said all that at the *exact* same time? Wow, that's not bad.... Joel: I'll bet they'd really wail with the Yoda Chant! >Ataru screamed back. "THIS IS IMPORTANT. ITS URGENT >ITS TRUELY VERY URGENTLY IMPORTAN..." >"GET TO THE POINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" >"Sorry, ...ahem... Crow: It's this fanfic, it's really getting to me. >Lum is missing!" Joel: Quick, someone call Luigi! >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tom: Joel: Make a note. Death of fanfic occurred at 01:22 Hours. Crow: Oh, it's three lines parallel to each other! How nice! Joel, would you mind if I committed ritual seppuku right here? Joel: Honey, I thought we discussed this, No ritual seppuku until AFTER the fanfic! >2hrs. later the search is still going on. Mendo is on the phone >talking to his agents. Crow: For the last time, you're not looking for *SPOCK*! You're looking for an alien princess with green hair and horns! What? You found her!!? Quick, put her on the phone! Hello? Hello? Who's this? Princess Kalm?!? Who the hell is Princess Kalm?!? You idiots!! You got the wrong alien princess!! >He gets a sad look on his face. Tom: Cause I'm sad....I'm sad....you know it....you know.... >"...nothing , then call me back later and keep searching" Joel: And if you still haven't found her, at least get me the phone number of that drop-dead gorgeous pig-tailed girl! >An attendant walks up to him. Crow: There he is! Get the straightjacket! Don't let him get away this time! >"Damage report Jeeves." Crow: I've just finished looking over the library, sir. Fortunately, the Wooster archives sustained little damage.... Joel: Actually, I'm Smithers, sir. You're mistaking me for your last attendant again.... >"Yessir. 100,000 windows were shattered, the roof of the banquet > hall was completely destroyed, 3 extras died, the... hours'derves were > ruined..." Crow: That's what happens when you invite Gwar to play for your ball. >"Oh God...not the hours'derves! Anything else?" Joel: My nose, my arm, and four of my ribs....oh, you mean the house, sir? >"Yessir the Plumbing in the hall bathroom broke, And we found him >there." Points to black pig with bandana aruond neck. We found it >crawling in a tux sir, what shall we do with him?" Tom: Oh, COME ON! You're telling me *P-Chan* managed to find a bathroom but Shinobu was totally clueless? Give me a break! Crow: And Ryouga doesn't....the red haired girl isn't....and the ponytail is....ARRRGHHHHH!!! PARADOX!! PARADOX!! Joel: Oh, calm down, guys. It's just a lemon for pete's sake. >"He looks tasty, put him with the other pigs, maybe I'll boil him >when I get back" Crow: And boy, wouldn't we ALL like to be there when P-Chan changes back into Ryouga.... Tom: Heh heh heh.... >As Jeeves took the pig back it almost looked like it was >praying. Crow: Bwee bwee bwee bwee bweeee! Joel: Translation: The world is a dark and lonely place.... >Ataru comes up to Mendo and begins to speak "Lum's dad thinks we >should call the police." >"Has he no faith in my forces?" Tom: Use the forces, Mendo! >"Not when half of your forces are searching Tahiti and the others >are in the Riviera" Joel: Hey, at least they're searching the right planet this time.... >" That's natural, they've finished searcing Rio" Crow: Oh sure! Blame it on Rio! >"I'll call the cops. 'nuff said" >Ataru picks up the phone and calls the police and when they finally >answer: "Hello Police!" Tom: Sorry, we're busy playing grenade roulette... Bye!! Joel: BRITTAN!!! >"Yes I'd like to report a missing person. She's about 5'10" and has >green hair and horns" Tom: Princess Kalm is missing? OH MY GOD! Crow: Sorry, we can't help you so *police* don't call us again! Hee hee hee! (Joel reaches over and disconnects Crow's left arm, bapping him over the head with it before tossing it across the theater.) Crow: Oh no! I've been *disarmed*! Hee hee hee! Tom: Keep it up and your head'll be next, Crow! Crow: Okay, okay, I'm sorry. >"You don't watch TV much do you. Turn on any channel. Bye." Joel: COPS....in Tomobiki! Tom: Did you say Moroboshi? As in the infamous Ataru Moroboshi? Crow: Yeah! Tom: *click* Crow: Hello? Hello? >Ataru hangs, up puzzled Mendo comes up to him. "Well, what did they >say?" >"She said turn on the TV." Crow: Hey! It's MTV....And they're actually playing VIDEOS!!! Tom: Pppph, That'll happen. >"Jeeves turn on the TV!" Mendo commanded. "Yes sir." Jeeves replied. >As Jeeves goes to turn on the TV the tension mounts until finally.... Tom: THAT'S IT!!! I'M THROUGH BEING YOUR TRAINED MONKEY!!! DIE! DIE! DIE! Crow: Quick, switch to PBS! They're rerunning our series again! >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Joel: Well, it's not ringside seats but it sure beats the nosebleed section. Crow: Yeah, like you'll be able to see anything with all the cardboard signs blocking your view.... Tom: All black ropes? Must be NWO. >TV: (presented in script format) Tom: FANFIC: (presented in incomprehensible format) >An unknown's face and body appear on the screen , he is very well built. >He speaks with a southern accent. Joel: Oh my gosh! It's Mean Mark Callaway! >UNKNOWN: I am Arthur ruler of the Windarians You have Ignored >my requests. Crow: Pull the other one! Tom: I am! And this is my trusty servant, Patsy! >Now I will make good on my claims to rape one of these two girls. Tom: I would complain about a 'Windaria' crossover, but I'm sure no one remembers 'Windaria'. >We created the Earthquakes to disract people while we kidnapped Lum. Joel: So *THEY* were responsible for the earthquake in *Trapped*! >We are SUPREME............HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!! >ahem... Now, down to business. Tom: Geez, mood swings anyone? Joel: Think this guy is related to Jinnai from El Hazard? >The screen pans down to Lum and Benten in shackles Crow: All right! It's LEMON time again! And bondage to boot! Tom: Sure took long enough. >Lum is in her bikini except for the bottom which is down to her knees. >Benten is in the same position. Crow: Reverse cowgirl!! Tom: Yee Ha! >UNKNOWN (OFFSCREEN): Joel: TONE DEAF.... >I told you that if The Oni and the Gods of Luck didn't >surrender to us within 2 hours of this original broaadcast we would >have our way with one of them. Now I make good on my promise. Crow: We're going to Burger King and have them serve it *our* way! >In another two hours, If you have not surrendered the one who was >raped will die and the one who wasn't will be. Do you understand me ? Tom: Look, pal, we've barely understood ANYTHING after the first lemon scene! >You'd better. And now on to the show... >Benten you're first. But first I give Lum a taste of what's to come. >By the way I'm Zed not Arthur. Tom: Well, I can see how someone could mistake him for....huh?!? Joel: Dr. Zed from Owl Magazine went bad! Say it ain't so! Crow: He'd going to take over the world with grade school science projects! Tom: How would you feel if it was MMPR 'Zedd'? Crow: About the same as I do now. >Lum and Benten have very scared looks on their faces as Zed comes >closer to Lum, she tries to move away. He massages her clit for a few >seconds. Afterwords he signals someone to come "get" benten. Crow: Take out the last two letters and you have my general feelings of this scene. Tom: Excuse me? Yes, you there with the bandanna! Would you mind doing me a little favor? >The Man, gets behind her Crow: No, no, you've got it backwards! It's behind every *man* is a good woman! >and begins to pump. Tom: Say, this would be a great option on athletic shoes! Joel: Uh! Uh! Lumey don't play that! >Benten Attempts to drown the sensation. She's a cold fish. Crow: Cod, this scene sucks.... Tom: If I get outta these shackles, I'm gonna kick some bass! >ZED: Rmember in 2 hours benten dies and Lum gets raped. You will >never find me in time. Joel: Then how are the Oni supposed to let you know they've surrendered? Crow: I've got a home made volcano and I'm not afraid to add some VINEGAR!!! >I AM SUPREME Tom: I AM OMEGA!!! AND TOGETHER WE ARE OMEGA SUPREME!!! >I"M INVINCIBLE Crow: I AM WOOOOOOOOMAAAAAAAAANNNNN.... >HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Tom: HAHAHAHAHA!!! I HAVE A MEGAPHONE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! >Think I'll have a go. Crow: So he's a goer, eh? Know what I mean, know what I mean, nudge nudge? Joel: Wasn't Zed supposed to have a *southern* accent? >Zed then shoots the man raping Benten and kicks him aside. All: YAY!!! >Zed gets on his knees and begins to lick Benten's pussy. All: BOO!!! Tom: Dear god, NOT MERLIN OLSON!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Crow: Benten, the pussy's cold, you're a lousy butler! Joel: Crow.... >Lum can't bear to watch what is going on and shuts her eyes. Joel: I'm with you, Lum. >Benten's face became flushed as she swore at Zed. Tom: He's giving her a swirly! Crow: Thou art a beslubbering, swag-bellied bladder! Tom: Somehow I can't picture Benten swearing in Shakespeare.... >He slapped her once, pulled out his dick and began to rape her. Crow: Oh yeah, this is 'must see TV'. Tom: Yes, it's the All-Rape Network! Joel: Tell me when it's over! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tom: 'Flatliners'... Starring Keifer Sutherland. Crow: It's over, Joel! Joel: Whew! >At seeing this Ataru's, Megane's, and Mendo's rages grow they see >what is happening Crow: Among other things.... Joel: Crow, please.... >and know that they must stop it from continuing. Joel: That's it, guys! End the fanfic! Do whatever it takes! Tom: You don't really think that'll work, do you? Joel: Hey, it's worth a shot. >Mendo barks at the console Crow: Ruff! Ruff! Arf! Ruff! Joel: Cute, Crow.... >"Give me a trace on that transmission. " >The Console beeps back "3rd planet of Tao Alpha" Tom: So the Mendo Conglomerate uses morse code to relay information? Crow: You'd think with all their money, they'd be able to afford a talking model.... >"Now the ultimate of engineering, created by Biko my chief engeneer, Tom: And we have third crossover!! >The.............(ta-da) Mendou Super Space Suit_TM." Crow: Hey, you ripped off *my* mobile suit design, you bastard! >"Great," Ataru retorts "how do I get it on?" >"Well", Mendo answers. "First you find a girl, then you take out >Captain Willi..." Tom: ....am Shatner's CD and make out to 'Mr Tambourine Man!' >"The Suit you MORON, THE SUIT!!!!!!" Crow: Some people can pull off humor like this. This author, however... >"No Idea" >"None at all ?" >"Nope" Tom: Not a clue? Joel: Nein. Crow: No chance in hell? Tom: Nyett. Joel: No way? Crow: Nevermore. Tom: None whatsoever? Joel: Negative. Crow: Ladies and Gentlemen! The 'No' Sketch! Thank you very much! >"OOOOOOOOOOK... Mendo, How about a different plan?" Ataru suggested. Tom: How about hijacking the space shuttle and popping the hatch once we reach orbit? Joel: Well, that'll get *us* out of the fanfic but Lum and Benten would still be trapped! Tom: Aw, crap. >"Sir," he says to the King, "What's your fastest ship?" Tom: Well, I once had a juice master sent from Neptune to Oniboshi in under a millennium! Crow: Uh....did I forget to mention Oni ships are built for fuel economy, not speed? >"The Alpha," the King replies "But it only holds 4 people. And only >3 get guns." Tom: How convenient! Joel: Cause damn it! I'm a cheap bastard that would rather save a couple of bucks then lend more firepower to save my daughter! >"Megane!" Ataru Barked "Mendo, Shinobu come on! I lead the Attack!" Crow: Hey, who died and made you leader, hentai? >All 3 say "Yessir" (none know why) Joel: None know why the grammar stinks... Tom: Yessssssssir! Yessssssssir! Crow: But he doesn't know the territory! >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Joel: Anyone get the feeling the author had to write a lot of lines in school? Tom: Yes, and this lemon is his way of extracting revenge on the world! SWEET SWEET REVENGE!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! Joel: Uh, Tom, are you feeling okay? Tom: Of course! Why wouldn't I be? Hehehehe.... >On the way to Tao Alpha C, Ataru thinks about Lum and the times that >they've had. Joel: Time after time.... Crow: Uh oh, heavy introspection on the horizon! >From the first time they met, to the time that she saved him >from humiliation that one Christmas. Tom: ....he had never stopped chasing after women and breaking Lum's heart over and over again! Crow: ....he still had yet to get lucky with one of Lum's hot friends! >She always stood by him and never gave up on him. Joel: Yeah right! *pursuing above and behind him* is more like it! >All she asked of hom was his love, and she never got paid. Tom: Loving wife by day. Sensual hooker by night. Lum *IS* Oni Angel! >He comes to the conclusion that he really does love her. And knows >that he has to do this. Tom: He loves her and where she goes, he'll follow! Crow: Man, the things I do for a lemon scene.... >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Joel: Maybe the lines signal a tense change? Tom: Lines Lines everywhere! WILL SOMEBODY GET ME A DRINK!?!? Crow: Woah, Tommy! It's okay! Don't lose it, man! Tom: My head hurts, daddy.... Joel: There there, Tom. Sooner or later, they've got to run out of lines. We survived too many goofy scene changes to fall apart now. Tom: O...okay, I'll try to keep it together. Joel: Good for you. You can do it! >When the Alpha arrives and everybody gets out, Crow: It's Miller Time! >the guns are given to the guys. Tom: You don't mind fighting with your bare hands, do you Shinobu? Joel: Sure! After all, I'm not some poor little wuss that needs a weapon to defend himself like SOME people I know! Crow: Ouch. >After a short distance, they come to a Three way fork in the >tunnel. Tom: W Joel: You can't go that way. Crow: E Joel: You follow the path until you reach a dead end, forcing you to go back. Tom: N Joel: There is a door blocking your path. It is locked. Crow: USE KEY Joel: You don't appear to have that item. Tom: BREAK THE DOOR DOWN Joel: You can't do that. Tom: THE HELL I CAN'T! SMASH THE DAMN DOOR DOWN NOW!!! Joel: Okay, the door is smashed already! Geez! Crow: Don't you wish all text games were like that? >"Mendou you take the right , Megane you take the left, Shinobu you >stay here and gaurd the ship " Ataru ordered. Crow: Whatever you say, bossy boots! Joel: Which direction will you take, Ataru? >"I'm taking the middle." Tom: Oh. Right. Stupid question. Joel: Can someone explain to me why we needed that scene? Tom: Remember 'pad the film'? This is 'pad the fic'. Crow: And who elected Ataru as leader anyway? Tom: I guess everyone's still nervous about the whole UY:TSY thing.... >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Crow: So many lines. You'd think we were at the DMV or something. Joel: Or a really popular amusment park ride. Tom: Remaining calm....Will not get upset....Maintain low tones....Loud is not aloud....Silence is golden.... >After 40 minutes of boredom and running Joel: Oh they must have read X-Raider too, huh? Tom: There was running in X-Raider? >Ataru finally sees some light, Crow: The band, Elwood, the band! Tom: Go into the light, Moroboshi! >"No traps or anything, This guy is overconfidant. " Joel: And Ataru is overenunciating! >finally he makes it through. All: Break on through to the other side! >Zed turns to se Ataru standing In one of the room's three >doorways with a laser gun. Tom: Bachelor number three is a 17 year old male who likes girl chasing, cock-a-doodle-doo noodles, and Benny Hill reruns. Officially known as the most lecherous being in the universe, here's Ataru Moroboshi! Joel: I have come here to chase cute babes and kick ass! And you've kidnapped the crown jewel of my harem! >"Trying to take me on huh, well you'll have to get Bob first" All: PRAISE "BOB"!! >Zed claps his hands. Tom: Oh, he's happy and he knows it! >Suddenly A HUGE human comes out to beat Ataru to a pulp. Crow: Uh, would it be redundant to say he's huge? Joel: I think so. Tom: So Glen Manning legally changed his name to Bob? >"BOB ZMASH" "BOB KILL" as Bob is saying this Zed is laughing. Crow: Ah yes, the terrifying power of the mighty....Bob. Tom: This is too stupid even for *ME* not to laugh at! Joel: BOB WANT DORITOS. BOB HATE MOSQUITOES. >"God I HATE it when that damned monk is right." Joel: It is fate. Tom: Somebody get me a slingshot! >At this point Ataru turns to what he's best at, Crow: Girl chasing? >he runs, for several minutes he runs until he in caught in a corner. Tom: Ataru must be trying out for that new Prefontane movie.... >Suddenly as Bob runs toward him he dodges out of the way. Bob hits >the wall with a Base shaking thud. All: Wah-wah-wahhhhhh. Joel: Quick Ataru! While he's down! Go for the dreaded Legg Sweepy Thing! >"BOB ANGRY" Bob grabs Ataru's gun and throws it away. Tom: BOB HAVE DIFFICULT CHILDHOOD. Crow: BOB HAVE LOTS OF INNER RAGE. Joel: BOB SPELT SAME BACKWARDS AND FORWARDS. >suddenly a girder, loosened by the thud, falls on Bob; SQUISH. Joel: DID BOB MENTION BOB'S HEAD MADE OF TOFU? Tom: As long as it's not Bob from 'Zeriam', I don't care. Crow: Ah, hell! I knew I should've let Bob Villa design my fortress! >The gun that Bob threw just happened (In an anime sort of way ) to hit >Zed. knocking him unconcious. Joel: You know, it's an anime thing. Crow: You have GOT to be kidding me?!? Tom: And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the INCREDIBLE action sequence from 'Urusei Yatsura: The Kidnapping!' >Ataru realizes his chance and begins to un-shackle Benten, Crow: ....leaving Lum behind so he could finally chase girls in peace. >For a second he nuzzles her pussy and continues to un-shackle her. Joel: Our hero, ladies and gentlemen! Tom: Ah, Lum's gonna shock me again one way or another, might as well take advantage of her best friend who was recently raped on national television.... Crow: This Ataru must be the one from 'Always my Darling'.... Joel: I think you're right. >Lum looks severely pissed. Crow: What?! It's just....uh...er....another form of girl chasing! Yeah! That's the ticket! Tom: I don't suppose there's any chance Bob will wake up and kill Ataru, is there? Joel: Wishful thinking. >"Darling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Crow: Personally, I'd call him something else right now.... >"Don't worry Lum." he said "Just because I love you dosen't mean >I'm not a lech. I'll try to cut down though." Tom: I figure 3 gropes a day will do it! Crow: Just don't invite your mother over for a visit anytime soon.... >Lum thought she was dreaming, Did he really say it? "Darling did you >just..." Tom: ....do something really sickening with Benten while she was unconsious and helpless? >"Yes," he affirmed, "I Love you Lum." Joel: ...And we have even more OOC from Ataru!!! All: WHOOOHOOOO!!!!!! Crow: Yes, nothing brings about your true feelings like being kidnapped and nearly raped! >He un-shackles her and kisses her full, Crow: ....voluptuous breasts? >on the lips. Crow: Oh. >She is starled at first,but joins in on the kiss. Tom: Then Benten wakes up and sees them kissing and decides to join in and together they have an intense threesome to.... Joel: You're thinking of 'Prince and the Letcher' Tom.... >Ataru then signals for a rescue ship, Joel: TAXI!!! >While she pulls up her bottom Crow: Lum's bottom is sagging?!? NOOOOOOOO!!!! Joel: I think the author means her bikini bottom, Crow. Crow: Oh, thank goodness! >Ataru checks to see if Benten is ok, she has passed out from exhaustion. Joel: Oh, *NOW* he checks to see if she's okay! Geez, what a scumbag! Tom: I think she's still out! Let me pitch her nipples a little to be sure! Crow: That Zed....Man, he's like Sting in bed! >Suddenly Zed gets up, Tom: I AM REVIVED!!! >"Why is it that people always chose the middle tunnel, the other ones >are traps but they always choose the middle one. Crow: Zed points out a major game design flaw in many a text game. Joel: What ever happened to 'Go West Young Man!' anyway? >No matter, you'll soon be dead anyway." Tom: Geez, we haven't heard THAT line before.... >Just then a laser bolt flies past Ataru's ear and hit's Zed in the >crotch. It's Mendo. Joel: Owww! Why do you hate my groin so?!? Tom: Urrrk....G....give my laugh....to.....Trevor....uhhhhh. Crow: The moral? Never make a villain out of a beloved character from Owl Magazine. Tom: Yeah, I shudder to think what would happen if the 'Mighty Mites' went bad.... >"Nice one, Mendo" Ataru said Joel: You ruined my big fight scene, dummy! >"Actually Moroboshi, I was thrying to hit you." Tom: Pyahh! Putyh! Sorry, had some hair in my mouth. >"Why Me?" Crow: Why not? Tom: Why us? >"You sent me to the right, you S.O.B. you have no IDEA how many >traps were in that damn tunnel." Joel: Well, why didn't you use your........Mendou Super Space Suit_TM? >"Sorry." Crow: You have no idea how sincerely I mean that.... >A voice echoed through the room. Joel: I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE NIGHT!!! Crow: YOU NUZZLED BENTEN'S PUSSY....HENTAI. HAHAHAHAHA!!! DID YOU THINK YOU'D GET AWAY WITH IT? HAHAHAHAHA!!! DID YOU THINK....I WOULDN'T KNOW? >It was Megane. "Moroboshi, you have no Idea as to how many traps there >were in the left tunnel. I almost died 147 times. I'm gonna KILL YOU!!" Tom: And now we see Dustin Hoffman as Megane. >"Sorry" Crow: Save the apologizes for the author's notes, pal. >Mendo looked at Zed and his anger began to well up inside of him. >In a flash it exploded. Tom: So Mendo's a Super Saiyen on the side? Joel: Either that or he studied stress management techniques from the Big Cheese.... >"Well," Mendo said. "at least the shot wasn't a total waste. It hit. It hit >Mr. Soon-to-be-living-the-rest-of-his-short-ass-life-in-agonizing-pain, >Mr. Rapist over here! Tom: I'm living my life in agonizing pain right now!!! Crow: A 'Pulp Fiction' crossover?!? Author, do you have no shame?! >"So," Ataru said "What now?" "I'll tell you 'what now'." Mendo explained. >"I'm gonna get a couple of pipe-toting niggers with a pair of pliers and >a blowtorch to get to work on the homes' here! Tom: Geez, did Bob Guerin proofread this fic or what? >You hear me Hillbilly boy, This ain't over by a start! I'm gonna get >midevil on your ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Tom: And ass hard to chew!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!! Crow: At this point, the fanfic has totally thrown up its hands and said, I just don't know.... >I mean," Ataru said "where do we go now?" >Oh..sorry...uh... ahem...excuse me. Crow: I forgot my damn lines! Help me! Joel: Gee, I couldn't tell when you butchered 'Pulp Fiction'. >Let's go Home" Tom: Jet Jaguar! Let's go home! All: >----------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tom: ARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHH!!! (The bottom of Tom's head suddenly explodes in a burst of flame, the blazing dome shooting up towards the ceiling like a rocket, Crow and Joel watching in astonishment. Just before it reaches the top of the theater, it abruptly runs out of fuel and plummets to the ground, a smoking twisted hulk.) Joel: Oh, good one, SMendou! You blowed up Tom real good! Crow: Guess the lines were just too much for the poor little guy. And for a moment there I thought he'd reach LEO.... (Joel rummages under his seat, grabs a new head with some rubber bands, and goes to work fixing Tom) >4 weeks later... Tom: Epilogue. Crow: Okay, a month just passed. >"How are you Lum" >"Fine Darling, how are you" Joel: Great! I'm off to do some girl chasing! See ya! >"Great." Ataru kisses Lum she Kisses back. Crow: Is it just me or are Lum and Ataru just going through the motions? Joel: Their spirits are completely broken. Tom: Not to mention my skull....Owie.... >"I love you Lum" >"I love you Darling, Will you ?" >"If you're ready." Joel: Please do! Tom: Okay. *ahem* The end. Joel: Oh darling! I'm so happy! Crow: Da'cha! >" Do me darling" Tom: Do the Lum! Crow: How appropriate. A spermkiller commercial in a lemon. Joel: When did Lum become Irish? Tom: That reminds me of an Irish ditty I heard on an episode of Cheers. Mind if I sing a variation of it? Joel: Knock yourself out. Crow: Everything we read....was CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! Everything we read....was CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! Tom: That was beautiful, Crow.... >Ataru began to rub Lum's breasts through her top Lum felt the >sensation go through her body like a shiver. Tom: Darling....You're making my timbers sooooo HOT.... >She reached back and undid her top letting her breasts come into his reach. Joel: Yeah, all those tissues were in the way before. Crow: Joel! Don't ruin the fantasy! >Ataru began to suck her breasts Crow: We've got one word for ya! LEMON!!! Tom: Well, at least he doesn't dive into them like Mendou.... >and he felt her tense up from the sensation. Slowly he moved his >hand under her bottom and began to finger her clit. All: Wiggle, Wiggle, Wabble Wabble! Wiggle Wiggle, Wabble Wabble! >It never felt this good when she did it herself. Ataru slowly removed >her bottom Joel: He did WHAT?!?! Tom: She's wearing a rubber gag butt? Crow: Cool! Detachable butts! Now I can do her *and* spank her at the same time! >and buried his face in her cunt. Tom: Mike! You in there? Joel: >Nibbling and licking he sent shivers through her whole body. Crow: Oh, who does he think he is? David Cronenberg? >She alternated from having her eyes open or shut as the pleasure shot >through her. Tom: ....like a harpoon through the gut. Joel: Camera 1! Camera 2! Camera 1! Camera 2! Crow: Let's see the money shot! Joel: Crow.... >She couldn't believe the fact that all of he fantisies were finally coming >true. That's all her mind would let her think as, Tom: ....the author had shut down most of her higher brain functions until the lemon was over. >suddenly, her G-spot kicked in as she reached orgasm and gushed out. Joel: Her G-Spot gushed out? Ickies! Crow: I'm sure that's not what the writer meant....At least, I hope not. >She had never come that hard before. Ataru swallowed some of the >sweet juice. Tom: 100% Pure Florida Oni Juice! >Next it was Lum's turn she seductively removed Ataru's clothing. Crow: Needless to say, it was too provocative to describe in detail. Tom: Thank god for small favors. >When she got to his underwear she simply ripped it off and took a >good long look at his sex. Joel: Hmmmmm....male! Right, Darling? Crow: Whew! Only one set of genitalia. We're safe! Tom: Darling, have you ever read the Kama Sutra? >It was much bigger than she thought it would be and that pleased her. Crow: He is huge. I am pleased. >She looked up at Ataru and smiled. Ataru couldn't wait for what was >ahead. Joel: Bad pun.... >Suddenly she took him into her mouth using her tounge to >tease his glans. Joel: Lookie, I got your penis!! >Ataru began to moan he felt like he was on fire. Joel: Yeah, whatever, Chief Smoke, get on with it! Crow: Is it just me or am I ENGULFED IN FLAMES!?!? YAHHHHHHAHAAAH!!!! Tom: I'll bet the writer was after he posted this story.... >This was his first time too. He never imagined that it could feel this >good. His penis started to contract and he let out a huge moan. Joel: The contractions are only two minutes apart! >Lum began to suck harder to entice him. It worked. Crow: I'm enticed! >He spewed forth his load in her mouth. All: Spewwwww!!! >Lum swallowed his fluids and then took him in her mouth again she >felt him re-harden for the one final task. Crow: Lemon Cliché Number #333: All women swallow and like it. Tom: Lemon Cliché Number #196: It takes no time at all for men to become aroused after they've spewed. Joel: Maybe Ataru's on Viagra? >Ataru lay on the bed waiting; waiting for Lum to mount him. Crow: Here's Ranma! >He didn't have to wait long. She guided herself onto him as he pushed >up to break down the wall. Tom: Gee, he makes it sound so romantic, doesn't he? Crow: ...But it's been torn down since 1989! Joel: Wrong wall, Crow. >Lum screamed out and then began to breath hard. Crow: By this time, my lungs were aching for smoke! Tom: And her stomach was aching for umeboshis. >As Ataru began to maon Lum began to cry out. Crow: Darling! I never knew you were dyslexic in bed! >Slowly she came to climax screaming in utter pleasure. "Darling ! >Darlinng ! Yes Darling! DARLING!!!!!!!!!!!! >DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARLING!!!!!!!! All: SHUT UP!!! Tom: Well, I see Lum saves *her* megaphone for sex. >I LOVE YOU DARLING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!" Crow: .....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! I FORGOT TO GIVE YOU PROTECTION!!!!!!! Joel: Crow.... >AS WITH ALL URUSEI YATSURA THE STORY IS NEVER >REALLY OVER. All: OH YES IT IS! >TO BE CONTINUED........... Tom: ....in a MUCH better rewrite called 'The Prince and the Letcher'! Joel: Tom, 'The Prince and the Letcher' had the UY characters OOC too, and 70% of the story was nothing but really long sex scenes! Tom: Well, yeah, but at least the lemon scenes were plentiful and well done. And the story *WAS* better! Crow: Guys, can we discuss this outside? We're holding up the fanfic. >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- >---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Crow: Who's lines are those anyway? Joel: This is Clive Anderson saying goodnight! Good night! Tom: Commence vamoosing! (Joel picks up Tom as Crow rises from his seat) >So, did you like it? Crow: Oh joy. Author's notes. (Everyone resumes their seats) Joel: Did you like it, guys? Crow: Well, it could have been worse. I mean, it *almost* had a plot. Tom: Yeah. And the author at least tried to put some humor into it, even though some jokes were pretty lame. >It was fun writing it but I wanted to make a few things clear: Crow: (Author) The lines were used just to fill up empty space when I ran out of ideas! >1: ANY FORM OF RAPE IS DIGUSITING ALL RAPISTS IN MY >OPINION SHOULD BE CASTRATED!!!! I ONLY USE IT TO MOVE >THE STORY ALONG! Tom: Yeah, nothing solves writer's block like a rape scene. Crow: And I think people who use all caps to 'scream' should be castrated, too. >2:WHEN I USE THE WORD "NIGGER" I DO NOT MEAN IT IN A >DERROGATORY SENSE I AM SIMPLY TAKING A QUOTE FROM >A MOVIE (3 GUESSES WHICH ONE. INITIALS P.F.) Joel: Gee, that's a tough one. >3:HAVE FUN LOOKING FOR ALL THE IN JOKES. E-MAIL ME >WITH THE ONES YOU FIND. Crow: If YOU don't know where they are, don't expect US to hunt 'tm down. Tom: If you want a real challenge, count the number of times the author used the word 'flushing'. >4: E-MAIL ME WITH COMMENTS ABOUT THE STORY ; GOOD >OR BAD AT 71603.1073@compuserve.com Joel: Well, at least he has a sympathetic ear for his critics.... >THANK YOU FOR READING >SMendou Tom: SMendou... Is that anything like Smegma? Joel: Tom, sometimes you're as bad as Crow. >A WORD ABOUT THE TEXT VERSION: Crow: Crap. >THIS IS A LATER VERSION THAN THE .WRI ONE I'VE BASICALLY >FIXED THE GRAMMAR ERRORS All: Tom: Oh sure, The grammar! What about the spelling mistakes? The plot? THOSE STUPID DOTTED LINES OVER AND OVER AND OVER....!!! Joel: Woah, woah, Tommy! Get a grip! The fic's almost over! Don't blow your top again! Tom: Sorry, guys, it's just this was a tough one.... >AND LENGTHENED A COUPLE PARTS UP FOR EAASE OF READING. Crow: Not to mention flushing, running and screaming. >I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS ONE. >SMendou Joel: You mean there's more of these things? Aw man.... Tom: Crow: Uh oh! Quick Joel! Get him out of the theater! (Joel and Co. quickly rush towards the open doors.) * * * SATELLITE OF LOVE "Whew! That was a close one!" Tom exclaimed as they emptied onto the bridge. "I'm okay now, guys." "Man, I can't believe that fic actually inspired Todd Hill to write 'The Prince and the Letcher'. I would have gone mad," Crow remarked. "Actually, if you really think about it, a lot of great stories came from ideas that were sound but poorly executed in other stories," Joel said. "Yeah, and then lots of really bad knockoffs are made stealing elements of that great story and the cycle continues with the next great story and so on and so forth...." Tom continued. "Well, yeah, I guess that's true." Joel frowned. "But just look at Dr. Thinker's 'Judge Brainitite'...." "Seen it! Taped it!" The bots chorused. "Just bear with me here. Judge Brainitite had a very creative and unique plot but the grammar was so bad that it just totally destroyed it. But it still has a lot of potential to become a great story with some rewriting, proofreading and a good spellchecker," Joel pointed out. "Yeah, wasn't someone trying to rewrite 'Sailor Moon meets Father Christmas' into a decent fic a while back?" Tom recalled. "Gee, I wonder if anyone will ever rewrite one of Oscar's fics into something good?" Crow asked. "If anyone does, all I can say is good luck! You'll need it!' Tom wisecracked. "So what you're saying, Joel, is even though 'The Kidnapping' was a really bad lemon fanfic, it paved the way for a better fanfic and thus served a useful purpose?" Tom inquired. "Exactly!" Joel smiled. "So next time we rip apart a fanfic, just think of what that fanfic has the potential to become someday!" "Oh, I get it!" Crow suddenly exclaimed. "Like when Toho released all those low budgeted Godzilla films with unknown actors and guys in goofy rubber suits to pave the way for the big budget, Americanized version, with state of the art special effects and starring actors that voiced the 'Simpsons'!" "What? No, that's not...." Joel began. "Oh yeah! And the original black and white version of 'Psycho' with that stodgy Alfred Hitchcock paved the way for Gus Van Sant's colorized, remake, with nudity, extra blood, and the added bonus of hearing Norman Bates masturbating, made it even better!" Tom remarked. "Wait a....no....that's not what I meant...." Joel tried to protest feebly. "Don't forget the David Hartman remake of 'Miracle On 34th Street'! Now THERE was a remake of a film that was crying out to be tampered with and updated for the 90's!" Crow added. "Oh, just forget it." Joel muttered as he noticed the red light flashing on the counter. "The mads are calling...." * * * DEEP 13 Frank's head tried to scream as Dr. Forrester yanked his hair with one hand and tried to shove his sock-covered hand down his throat with the other. He glanced towards the screen and noticed Joel and the bots staring at him. Quickly, he released Frank's head as it gasped for breath. "Oh, Joel!" Dr. Forrester stumbled. "Um, I was just....er....showing Frank the proper way to apply the manable claw with Mr. Socko." "He's just jealous cause everybody want me....WAAAH!!!" Frank yelped as Dr. Forrester nudged him off the console again with his elbow. "Say sirs, that wouldn't be the *Mads Elbow*, would it?" Crow asked. Dr. Forrester attempted to cock an eyebrow but only succeeded in furrowing his brow. "Merely laying the smack down on a subordinate, Joel," he replied while picking up Frank's head. "Frank, know your role and get your ruddy poo candy skull over to the button and give it a press!" "Make me! Nyahhh!" Frank's head retorted, sticking his tongue out. "Easily done." Dr. Forrester replied as he slammed Frank's head down on the button. "Owie...." THE REAL END.... (Feel free to hum the closing theme as you read my author's notes.) Whew! It's finally done! Sorry if it went a little long! I originally planned to cut the action scene with Bob out since there wasn't much action but in the end I finally decided to leave it as is. My next project will be another wrestling oriented double team with Lynxara, watch for it! :) I'd like to give very special thanks to John Felix, Gary Kleppe, and Lynxara who proofread and gave me C&C on the MSTing. I couldn't have finished it without their help and I can't thank them enough. :) I'd also like to thank Timothy McLees, Luna and Artemis, Chris Bergstrom, Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight), Michael K. Neylon, Demon Stalker, Oscar, and Sakura for being nice enough to post my MSTings on their webpages, as well as Theo Mintesnot for coming up with a love theme for this series by changing a few words. I changed a few myself but it was his idea and I appreciate it. :) Finally I'd like to thank SMendou for writing "The Kidnapping" and giving me a lot of material to work with. I hope you're not too offended. It's all meant in good fun. If you are, feel free to MST my own works, I won't mind a bit. C&C, as always, is appreciated. (fcasper@yesic.com) Feel free to send in any anime fanfics that you would like to see MSTed and I'll take a look at it. Also, if you're interested in seeing any previous episodes of this series, I'll be happy to e-mail them to you. ;) Sincerely, Megane 6.7 P.S. My friend, Lunari, has written several excellent Sailor Moon stories and if you are interested in reading it, contact her at lunari@sprynet.com and I'm sure she'll be happy to send a copy to you. :) Also, Jack Acid has his own series of MSTings, which should soon be posted on Shinji's site and is a very talented computer graphics artist. You can find some of his works in the art gallery at Shinji's site and you can contact him for his MSTings at samearly@hancock.net Shizen's Versatile Home Page V3.0 (My MSTing and Fanfic Pages can be found here.) http://svhp.webjump.com/ (Alternate site: http://www.tass.org/fanfic/MST3k/) Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/ SEASON ONE ------------------ 101- "GAMES" by Artemis (SM Lemon) 102- "ARTEMIS'S LOVER" (Original Draft) by Oscar (SM Lemon) 103- "SAILOR JUPITER VS. GODZILLA" by The Flashman (SM/GODZILLA CROSSOVER) 104- "JUDGE BRAINITITE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic) w/short "RANMA 1/2: ACCUSED PT. 1" by Karmin (R1/2 Fanfic) 105- "THE WAR" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic) 106- "TRANSITIONS" by Richard Lawson (Nuku Nuku Fanfic) 107- "HELLRAISERS" (Original Draft) by Aaron Eaton (La Blue Girl/Overfiend/Original Crossover) 108- "MEN OF BOKKEN" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic) 109- "BISHOUJO SENSHI ROYAL RUMBLE" by Ken Hoinsky (SM/WWF Crossover) w/short "THE DINNER PARTY" by Chris Curzon (SM/RL Crossover) 110- "XMAS SPECIAL: SAILOR MOON MEETS FATHER CHRISTMAS" by Dr. Thinker (SM Christmas Fanfic) SEASON TWO ------------------- 201- "THAT GIRL" PT. 1-2 by Oscar (SM Lemon) 202- "VIRGIN WARRIOR SAILOR MOON" by Umino (SM Lemon) 203- "*R*P*M*" by Flynn (SM Fanfic) 204- "RANKO'S LIFE" PT. 1-2 by Hitomi Ichinohei (R1/2 Fanfic) 205- "TRAPPED" by Mr_Jazz (SM Lemon) 206- "OSCAR TOON" PT. 1-4 by Oscar (SM/DBZ/WB Crossover) 207- "CALIFORNIA DREAMING" by Shakari (Mutiple Crossovers) 208- "A RANMA 1/2 FANFIC" PT. 1-2 by Sheep (R1/2 Fanfic) 209- "TRIANGLE TANGLE" by CATS (SM Lemon) 210- "THE KIDNAPPING" PT. 1-2 by SMendou (UY Lemon) SEASON THREE ---------------------- 301- "A WET DREAM COME TRUE" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Lemon) 302- "TORTURED ECHO" PT. 1-4 by Trakal (R1/2 Fanfic) 303- "RANMA KILLS!" PT. 1-2 by Sir Asayogure (R1/2 Fanfic) 304- "OKONOMIYAKI SUMMER" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Fanfic) w/short "UNDER THE MISTLETOE" by Mike Rhea (R1/2 Fanfic) SHORTY! ------------- 101- SUBLIMINALLY SEDUCE WOMEN INSTANTLY! 102- THE UGLIEST WOMEN ON THE NET! 103- PHEROMONES! 104- THE INTERNET SPY AND YOU!! OTHER MSTINGS I'VE CONTRIBUTED TO --------------------------------------------------------- "DIMISIONAL TROUBLE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic) "MOONDUSTED" by Stephen Ratliff (SM/TNG Crossover) Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/ "THE COUNTESS CHRONICLES" by Lin Lin (SM Dark Lemon) "9 1/2 CHIPMUNKS" by Toon Dreams (Rescue Rangers Yaoi Lemon) Lefty's MSTings http://lefty.simplenet.com/MSTings/index.htm 'MYSTERY WRESTLING THEATER 3000', POST 105: DOUBLE TROUBLE! (Two interviews with the Ultimate Warrior and '3:16 Rulzs!' by Oracle) Mystery Wrestling Theater! http://members.aol.com/mrnoun/MWT3K.htm "THE DAY OF EMERGANCE" by Jeffrey Lee (Ranma 1/2/Eddings/SM Crossover) Gary Kleppe's Comics and Manga Page http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics OTHER GREAT WEBPAGES WORTH VISITING Suicide Blast Homepage http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/3342/Suicide.html The Official Homepage of Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong http://www.anime.sobhrach.com\~jeffwong\index.html Flashman's Flash Point http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/3105/ Website Number 9 MSTings http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/mistings.shtml Lord Carnage's Cursed Fanboys Page! http://members.tripod.com/~CarnageBooga/index.html A Sailor Moon Romance http://moonromance.simplenet.com/ Zen's Fanfiction Page http://www.mindspring.com/~databank/fanfics.html Webdragon's Lair http://members.tripod.com/~WebDragon/ Sakura's Lemon Fan-Fiction Archive http://anime.muck.com/~sakura/main.html Sean Gaffney's Webpage http://www.thekeep.org/~sean/index.html >"We are SUPREME............HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!! >ahem... Now, down to business." Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) 1999 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Keep Circulating the Fanfics....