Relations

Blame
That is what I give to you
Maybe some hate on the side
To make a meal of pain
You ruined my life
But worse
Ruined the lives of those I love
Lying, cheating, stealing

I couldn't ignore it

Everything I detest
And still I loved you
Second chance? More!
A plethora of chances
Each one a new betrayal
Blotting away the stream of trust
Septic wounds in my soul
Love betrayed turns to rancid hate

I should have killed you

Instead I became you
Cold, calculating
I passed on the pain
Misery loves company, they say
I created a corporate empire
Now I face the ghosts
Haunted by my hateful past
No, I didn't kill you

I killed myself instead

When my body survived
I strangled my spirit
Therein lies your victory
I returned hate with hate
Spite seasoning my life
A new outlook, a new window
A new reality filter
Lent dark tint to all

I can't yet forgive you

I am memory, interpretations
Now known to be false
With the foundation of lies
The once solid psyche
Crumbles to dust
Leaving me homeless
With all my misplaced blame
I ask one question

Can you forgive me?

-megazone, adrift in a sea of confusion, deceit, and hate, 8/9/93