From: monica@pipeline.com (Monica Shin)

For those who don't know, Raideen was a delightful ^^;; sentai anime
that came out a few years ago w/bishonen galore and a rather amusing
afterward to the transformation. I saw all of it (unsubbed, of course)
in August and September of '97, and here's one thing that came out of
that... A m/m relationship is the focus of this fic. 

Monica Shin
1/99


Night on the Grass: by Monica Shin

Ruins of building are still prominent in the landscape of this part of
Japan, even though more than a year has passed since the God-Raideen
had launched its attack on the planet. Even with all the communities
rebuilding with the Raideens help, some places have just been
consigned as trash with nothing to save. I can't help shaking my head-
it's only an hour away from Tokyo, and yet, you would think it was
another world from that thriving metropolis... 

Still, it fits my mood well enough. It's usually deserted- but if
there does happen to be anyone here, they're probably scavengers
trying to find a few trinkets or salvageable items left behind in the
devastation. Even after the God-Raideen had been stopped by all of us
in Raideen Superior, the world hasn't returned all the way to the
place it had been before... Not that I'd been expecting that or
anything, but it would have been nice. 

Looking out at the dead, ruined scene before me, I can't help but feel
something... empty, almost. Sad, certainly. Why? Why have I been
feeling so depressed lately? I should be happy, shouldn't I? The
threat against the Earth is gone. Now, everyone is just so much more
relaxed as the Angels and the Hearts, having mock competitions on
stage with each other as idol groups, not as real enemies. Helping out
as Raideens, not having to fight... 

But. I sit down atop of a larger pile of rubble, and start to throw
pebbles at the devastated land that had once been a street. The rocks
hit the ground, and seem to be swallowed by the tall grass and the
sinking sun. I sigh as I watch the blood-red sunset, unobstructed by
anything in the horizon. 

Sooner or later, this place will probably be bulldozed down, and left
to become another memorial to all those who had perished on that
horrible day... but for now, it is my sanctuary, my only place of
escape in this cruel dark world... Crinkling my nose at that last bit
of purple prose, I can't help but chuckling. Well, something like
that.

If someone does happen to stumble upon here, all they will see is one
rather depressed boy... I'd like to think young man, but everyone
seems to think I am still a child, so boy it is. Although no one who
had survived that day of fire and death should be thought of as more
mature than a mere child... 

If that person stumbling by happens to be a young lady who follows
music and groups, she might recognize that boy... young man...
whatever... as the black-haired keyboardist of the current hit, the
Hearts. That is, if the young lady is perceptive enough to match the
rather plain, depressed person before her with a member of that
flamboyant band.

As it is, the only things that seem likely to happen upon this site
are some crows or some derelicts... Hopefully, mentioning crows
wouldn't bring down that Crow from the sky. I look up involuntarily,
but don't see the form of an overprotective Kazuya, so.. I'm almost
sure that I've gotten away from Kazuya-san, but one can ever be too
sure with him. 

Still, I think I can say with all certainty that I am totally alone-

"Fujimaru-kun? What are you doing here?" 

I start at the light voice behind me, and turn my head toward the
person who has defeated at least one certainty in my life... Just one?
More than one, certainly... Hayate flies up from the ground to the top
of the rubble, and smiles at me. "Hayate-kun... Shouldn't I be asking
you that?" 

Hayate sits down next to me and gives me a curious look. I notice that
he had been smart enough to take off his shirt- both because of the
unusually hot day, and because he had been flying, after all- and
ruining good shirts isn't something even Raideens should do on a
regular basis. Of course, we had, when there had been an enemy... but
now, there was no excuse. Not now, when there were truly very few
things left... and now was nothing, compared to what it must have been
like, right after that day.

I frown to myself as I remember the stories of the hardships, of the
desperation during the first few days. No one knew where to get
anything and riots had been common. No one knew how many had died
after that day, because of the massive scale of the destruction, and
the monsters- both supernatural and human- who had taken to hunting
weaker prey... 

It hadn't hit people until weeks and months later- after a semblance
of order had been established, and the fear and desperation everyone
had been feeling had lessened a bit. That was when people had realized
that their world was totally different. Little things, really. They
noticed that their favorite store had been destroyed, or that a
certain television show had been canceled... not really significant,
considering all they had lived through, but some people had just
snapped, and... 

We had come back- the five of us- from the darkness that we had been
transported to with the God-Raideen, to a devastated world. We had
come back with the knowledge of how we could fix it, and in what time
period, to do what we had to do. We had all heard what the God-Raideen
had said- that demons must be destroyed. We had seen it destroy the
Earth, because of the Raideens. It thought that the Raideens were
demons, and it would do anything to perform its functions of
destroying all demons- and it didn't care that Earth would be a
casualty.

I had been the one to recognize the comet flying by, telling us that
we had a year, where we could destroy the threat that would make the
God-Raideen come back to destroy again. What we had to do was really
simple. Just get rid of all the Raideens. Just that... I realize that
I've been staring out into space for the last five minutes, and give
Hayate a sheepish smile. "Sorry about that, Hayate-kun. But really-
what are you doing here?" 

He gives me a grin, and replies, "I followed you, of course. You were
really distracted- during that whole hour, you didn't even notice I
was there." 

"Oh." My reply is short, almost curt. Hayate gives me a look asking me
what's wrong, but doesn't ask me anything. Instead, we sit watching
the sun set in companionable silence. Finally, I ask him in a quiet
voice, "Why did you follow me?" I look at him through the gray
darkness, and see his face turn away from me just a little... his eyes
are in shadows, covered by his longer hair...

"Because... because-" He turns toward me abruptly, and gives me a
fierce look. Almost angry... "Why have you been avoiding me? Why? What
did I do? You told me we were friends! But-" He stops himself, and
looks down at the ground. Taking a few stones from the pile next to
me, he starts to throw them into the darkness, looking away from me. 

I start to answer, but find that I can't. Somehow, I can't say
anything at all as I watch his bare arm's smooth motion, launching
rubble into the broken pieces on the ground. He shivers slightly, and
puts on the jacket that he had tied around his waist as he had been
flying. I'm cold myself, so I wear the coat I'd brought along just in
case.

The silence between us stretches out, tighter and tighter, until it
snaps. Hayate throws a rock with too much force, overbalancing him and
the rock that we're sitting on. With a loud cry, he starts to fall
with the rocks. 

"Hayate-kun!" I can't help screaming out his name as I catch him
mid-fall, hovering in the air. "Damn... another jacket." I hear myself
say that, and then can't help but start to laugh. It was ridiculous-
all of that danger, and we had over-reacted to a pile of rocks...
Hayate starts to laugh also, and then closes his eyes and leans
against me. His breath against my chest makes me shiver and I hold him
for a moment, suspended there between the stars.

"Hayate-kun, are you all right?" My whisper cuts through the moment,
and he looks up at me with an almost panicked look in his eyes. He
gets one arm out of his jacket as quickly as he can, considering he's
being held up mid air, and then jerks away from me as soon as his own
wings can support him.

"I- I'm fine, Fujimaru-kun. Thanks..." Hayate flies a small distance
away from me to a clear spot on the ground, and I follow him quietly.
He's managed to find the one place where it almost seems like nothing
had happened here. A little grassy knoll with a few flowers growing
here and there- almost idyllic. Actually, it kind of reminds me of
that preserve in Africa that-

I close my eyes for a moment, and then open them again. Now- I pause.
Now is not the time to think of that, is it? A small, bitter smile
creeps up on my face for a moment before I notice and sigh quietly.
Hayate has lay down on the grass, stretching out and looking up at the
stars. I follow suit, and gaze up at the vast emptiness that I could
reach out to if I wanted to...

Hayate's whisper makes me want to close my eyes again. "Fujimaru-kun.
You never answered my question... why? Why haven't you been talking to
me? I thought that after all of this was over, we could go back to
being friends... 'cause I thought we were friends, no matter what
Kazuya-san made you do-" 

I laugh out loud at that, and then I do close my eyes. Looking at the
dark inside of my eyelids, I let that day in Africa flash before me
again. "Kazuya-san didn't make me do anything. Don't you understand?!"
I sit up, opening my eyes, and look down at him for a moment. His eyes
are wide, uncomprehending. For a guy who's supposed to have an IQ of
250, he just never seems to get it...

"Don't you see? I asked Kazuya-san to give me the responsibility of...
of killing you. Of destroying you. I asked him!" 

Hayate's eyes are filled with shock as he also sits up and grabs my
shoulders. "You... why? Why-" Feeling his hands gripping me with more
force than he probably realized, I steel myself to look up at him and
tell him something-

Except... Except I'd forgotten that if I look up at him, I look into
his eyes. Into his incredibly large, deep, brown eyes that are now
filling with pain and tears... Hayate doesn't let go of me and forces
me to keep on looking at him with sheer willpower alone. "Why did you
do that? I thought that we were-"

Dammit. I hadn't wanted... I didn't want to- Why the hell am I crying?
I can't stop the tears as they start to run down my face, droplets
falling onto Hayate's hands. His voice is tinged with panic as he
notices my tears. "Fujimaru-kun? What- what's wrong? I'm sorry- if you
don't want to-" I wrap my arms around his waist and let my head go on
his shoulder. 

"Fujimaru-kun..." His whisper breathes against my ear as he holds me
tight, his arms warm against my neck. Hayate doesn't say anything
more, letting me cry on his shoulder for what seems like years...
Finally, I pull away and rub at my eyes, trying to put a smile on my
face. Even I can tell that it's can't seem terribly genuine.

The words are pouring out of me now, for some reason. Why...
"Hayate-kun. Don't you understand? I killed you!" He's about to
interrupt me, but I don't let him. "I know that you're alive, that
you're here. That somehow, you managed to survive. But it doesn't
change the fact that if I could have, I would have."

I shudder as I remember holding Hayate's still body in the hot sun.
Dying... "I was willing to do that- to do that to my only friend..."
Quietly, I smile and look down at my hands. "I know- the Hearts... But
that's different. Family is what they are- sometimes I don't like them
very much, but they're going to always be there. But you...
Hayate-kun. You were the first friend I had ever made on my own. The
only friend that I feel so-"

I'm saying too much. Beyond too much. But for some reason, I just
can't shut up- "That I was able to do that, to the person that I think
I-" Choking it off somehow, I manage not to say it. "That I was only
unsuccessful because of luck- I'm a devil. A monster..." I look up
from my hands, my eyes almost blind. 

Suddenly I chuckle and feel Hayate shift in reply to my bitter tone,
putting a hand on my arm in concern. I pull away, and ask him in a
shaking voice, "Did you know? The only time I was happy during those
days was when I truly realized what it meant. That I was a Raideen,
too. Of course, it meant that I had to die... I had made little
scenarios about being in the afterlife, after I was killed, or I had
killed myself... however it happened, I knew that my death was
inevitable."

"It was more of a dream- I would be dead, and you would come running
up to me and tell me that you understood why I had killed you. Or you
would be running away and I would never be able to catch up with
you..." I feel hollow inside as I smile at Hayate. Reflected in his
eyes, I know exactly how pathetic I'm being. Taking a deep breath, I
stand up from the grass. "I- Hayate-kun, sorry. I didn't mean to...
I'm messed up, aren't I? Never mind-" 

Hayate's hand reaches up and grabs mine. He pulls me back down into
the grass, not letting go of my hand. "Fujimaru-kun..." Hayate's voice
is just a little uncertain, as if he was on the edge of some huge
cliff and he thought someone was going to push him. "Fujimaru-kun.
Please-" He looks away for a moment, before forcing his eyes to look
at mine. Chocolate one second, and the burgundy the next... I'm
drowning in them. They're not sad anymore, those eyes- they're
shining, anticipating. "Please. Finish your sentence."

I could say 'What sentence?' but I know that it won't work. I guess
that 250 IQ managed to catch something... "To the person that I think
I-" I know I'm blushing horribly, but I can't seem to stop myself. I
stiffen myself up, and finish it in a rush. "The person that I think I
love. You- Hayate-kun, I think I love you..." 

I wait for the rejection, and look up when he doesn't say anything. I
look up to meet a gaze that somehow doesn't have hate or fear in it.
Matching love... happiness... "Fujimaru-kun... I- I think I love you
too." Hayate said it as rushed as I had, but those words...

"How- how can you? After what I did- after what I tried to do-"
Somehow, irrationally, some part of me is still trying to make it
obvious that this has to be a dream, that he can't possibly mean it. 

"Fujimaru-kun... from all that you just told me... I would have to be
an idiot not to realize how much pain you were in, and how justified
you were in doing what you did."

Hayate smiles, and takes his arms out of his jacket. He sits close
beside me and drapes it over both our shoulders so that it means us
having to cling to each other for any kind of warmth. Inside me, I
feel that warmth breaking through the last knot of darkness I had
stored within myself.

Smiling, I sigh and lean against Hayate's bare chest, and turn my head
toward his. He had been doing the exact same thing, and somehow we
manage to bump noses... We manage to exclaim simultaneously, and then
start to laugh. We both flop down onto the grass, and somehow, I'm
staring straight into Hayate's face, and neither of us are laughing.

We stare at each other for a timeless second, before my mouth moves to
meet Hayate's with a light touch. I move my hand to his neck, moving
him closer to me, and his arms wrap around me in a warm embrace that
abolishes the need for the jacket lying under us. Our lips meet again,
and lock onto each other in a starved way... we hadn't even realized
we had been needing this...

Finally, the long, amazing kiss breaks off, and we both pant in each
other's arms. "Fujimaru-kun- I don't think I love you." 

I stiffen in his arms as I hear what he says. "Oh. I see-" 

Hayate's light tap on my forehead stops my mind's spiral into
darkness, and he smiles into my eyes. "Fujimaru-kun, I don't _think_ I
love you. I _know_ I love you. Okay?"

I nod and smile back feeling both incredibly silly and relieved. But
no anger at all... Not at him. Never again. He's mine- my brave,
naive, wonderful Hayate... Looking at him speculatively, I ask in a
teasing tone, "What could we possibly find to do at night all by
ourselves?"

Hayate laughs, and then pulls me down next to him. "I think we should
find out, don't you?" His lips stop speaking as I touch mine to his,
and then we're both quiet for a while... Well, no. That's a lie...
we're definitely not quiet, but we're not really talking now, are we?

I can't help giggling a little as Hayate's overgrown haircut brushes
against my stomach. He gives me a fierce look, to which I shrug
helplessly. I grin after I get an idea, and flip him over so that my
breath is warm against his back. He struggles for a bit, before I
tickle him to submission. After that, he's still, probably wondering
what I'm about to do.

Taking my headband off, I gently place it on his forehead. Tying it so
that his hair was out of his face and mine, I shake my hair out with a
smile. "As long as my hair doesn't do the same thing to you, it should
be all right-" I stop as Hayate's hand reaches up to where I had
placed my headband. Just a little worried, I look at him with a
curious frown. "Don't you like it? If you don't, I'll just-" 

Hayate's smile was so bright as he just says, "Thank you." I blush and
nod, only to be pulled down by Hayate back onto the grass. His lips
meet mine, and I feel 'home' and safe...

The next morning, I wake to find that we're rather terribly tangled in
clothes that we had tossed off haphazardly the night before. I wake
Hayate with a kiss, and he moves his head from my chest with a slight
moan. "Wake up, sleepy. We should get back before they come looking
for us, ne?"

Hayate smiles at me sleepily, and then nods. "I suppose..." Taking his
coat, he lets his wings extend fully, when he starts at my laugh.
"What?" 

I point to his clothes that are in a pile on the grass. "You may want
to wear those..." 

He blushes a bright red, and grabs the clothes quickly. Interesting...
I had no idea that blushes could extend so far down a person's body...
As he dresses, Hayate starts to laugh also. "I'm used to being naked
from being Owl, I suppose... I didn't give it much thought, and it's
not like I got any sleep last night..." He sticks his tongue out at me
and then smiles. I lean over to him and give him a slow, lazy kiss.
Hayate leans against me and sighs. "What are we going to tell
everyone?" 

I shrug, not really knowing what to say. "We'll see how they react,
and... well, it's not like they can really do anything." But even as I
say that, we both have somewhat sick expressions on our face. 

"Fujimaru-kun... let's just hope they don't mind."

I nod, and we both put on all our clothes before leaping into the sky.
Glancing at Hayate, I feel that he's reveling in the flight as much as
I am. I give a loud shout, and here him echo it in the air. I reach
over, and almost shyly take his hand, and his grip is tight and sure.
We don't let go for the whole trip back...

We land near the place where all of us have been living. It's a rather
convenient building- a renovated theater with enough room for all
everyone to live and practice in. Hayate smiles at me nervously, his
breath coming a bit faster in anticipation of the conflict inside.
Looking at the building, he sighs and notes, "I'm glad we were able to
find it, considering Reiko-san couldn't just let us live at her place
anymore. I mean, she's married now and all... besides, our old place
is a bit small for all ten of us." 

I nod and then take a deep breath, before replying, "Let's hope we
don't have to move out..." I let go of his hand, but we nevertheless
go in as a unit, side by side. I hear the sounds of music and jumping
inside, and realize that they must be practicing... I give Hayate a
serious look, which he returns, and he opens the door to the stage and
goes in, with me close behind. 

"Hayate, Fujimaru! There you are..." Hishou's enthusiastic voice
trails off as he looks at both of us. Everyone else's greetings or
reprimands dies out similarly as they all look at the two of us with
somewhat stunned faces. Looking down at myself, I wonder what's wrong.
After all, we're not that dirty, and-

Finally, Ikazuchi says, "Well... I was expecting this, but not quite
so soon." Then he laughs, and asks in an off-hand way, "I wonder how
many girls are going to drop both our bands now that our cutest
members are unavailable..." 

They all stare for a moment before Kyle chuckles and follows up with,
"Or how many fans we're going to get because of the relationship..."

Everyone else starts to chime in merrily, and the tension breaks down
quickly. Both of us are almost tossed around as all of our- well, our
family, really- either congratulates us or offers us sage advice about
love and life... 

My utterly lost expression must have caught Kazuya's eyes, as he sighs
and leads me away from the crowd for a bit. "Fujimaru. Were you
planning on keeping it a secret?" 

I shake my head uncertainly. "Well, we were going to sort of tell you
all quietly and-" 

He laughs a true laugh for a moment, and then tells me with a grin,
"Next time, don't be quite so obviously messy. But even then... well,
don't lend Hayate-kun your headband, and don't let him put so many
hickeys on you. Okay?" He shakes his head again, and pushes me back
into the crowd.

I flush as I realize that of course, my headband was on Hayate, and
that- Blushing even more brightly, I go over to Hayate and repeat what
Kazuya had just told me. He turns even more red than I had, and then
starts to laugh rather helplessly. I join him, and give him a quick
kiss which leads to even more of a commotion. Even Hishou and Kazuya
joins in on the roughhousing, leading me to rethink my whole
conception of the two as the adult leaders...

Still, among the crowd of totally childish, immature Raideens, I feel
that this is where I belong... and when Hayate gives me longer kiss in
return, I know that I'm home.