jugurtha@teleport.com (Paul A. Herring) AND NOW FOR A COMMERCIAL: Evil Disgusting Tentacle Thingie: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Now you are my plaything, human flesh puppet! La Blue Girl (SCARED, CRYING RIVERS LIKE USAGI): NO! Stay away from me! WAAAAAAAH! Tentacle Thingie makes a grab for her, but misses. La Blue Girl runs to the far end of the room, but there's no way out: she's cornered. We get a close up on her face as, trembling, she looks at Tentacle Thingie imploringly. It edges closer and closer, drooling and grinning and, uh, very excited, if you know what I mean. Tentacle Thingie: HAHAHAHAHA! La Blue Girl (WEEPING SOFTLY NOW): Oh, God. . .why does this keep happening to me. . .I'm always being harassed. . . Akane (IN FOREGROUND, FACING AUDIENCE): Ladies, is this your life? Pervert Demons coming in the night to molest you, unwanted suitors stalking and kidnapping you, sex maniacs (CUT TO VISUAL OF ATARU CHASING A HAPLESS WOMAN DOWN THE STREET) refusing to take "NO, DAMMIT!" for an answer? Well, we here at Yo-Yo Dyne have the solution! Akane whips out a HURKIN' HUGE chrome and titanium mallet. It looks like something Thor from 2099 would have. Akane: Introducing the new H-57 PervBuster 2000(TM)! All the impact, half the carrying weight, computerized extension controls on the handle here-- (She presses a few touchpads. With a whir the mallet extends and retracts it's length)--and optional rocket assist on the rear for those *extra* hard heads! Let's see how she works, shall we? She turns to the scene behind her. Akane: Hey, Blue! Tentacle Thingie has La Blue Girl by one arm, and is about to grab the other and rip her cloths off. She turns to the sound of Akane's voice. Akane: Catch! La Blue Girl catches the mallet. Instantly she whirls, and proceeds to pummel Tentacle Thingie into dust with it. La Blue Girl: Take THAT! And THAT! And THAT!! Tentacle Thingie: Ow! Ow! Ow! Soon, there is naught but sushi left. La Blue girl jumps for joy. La Blue Girl: YEEE-HAW!! Thanks, Akane-chan! I need never worry about hentai again--this thing works better then my sword! She runs over to Akane, and hugs her in gratitude. Akane sighs, and runs her fingers through Blue's hair. They kiss. La Blue Girl shoves her tongue into Akane's inviting mouth. Wrapping their arms around one another, the two come together as one in the heated darkness. Akane moans in ecstasy as she caresses La Blue Girl's ample chest while La Blue Girl's left hand moves up under Akane's skirt (where she's not wearing panties) and inserts THREE FINGERS INTO HER HOT, WET, TIGHT, DRIPPING-- Tentacle Thingie, suddenly reanimated: HEY! This is supposed to be a commercial! Akane and La Blue Girl, now wearing bondage gear: Whoops. Oh, sorry. Tentacle Thingie (eagerly): . . .But can I join in? Akane and La Blue Girl (in unison): NO!! With their hammers, they pound him (it?) into the earth's core. Akane: So for all your personal self-defence needs, forget mace! Get your own PervBuster 2000(TM), or the all new Diamond Stealth PervBuster 2000S(TM)! In department stores and weapons outlets everywhere. Announcer (VOICE OVER): To order, write to: Yo-Yo Dyne International Ltd. 666 Mother Kali Blvd., Athenapolis, Lemuria, or call 1-800-DEAD-ATARU. All major credit cards accepted. END This sucker came into my head this morning, and took me less then an hour to write. And to think I'm seeking a job in advertising! Just wait'll I start doing commercials for Nike and GM! --Paul Herring