From: nansjns@aol.com (NansJns) Hiya! Welcome to my biggest fanfic to date! This is what happens to me after I start thinking about the strongest anime characters I've seen over the years. This is going to be an all-out fight, as well as one of the biggest cross-over messes you'll ever see! Brace yourself for martial arts, magic, cyborgs, androids, romance, perversion, and the occasional flash of nudity! But before the fun can start, the legal muck. (I.e., Disclaimers!) All Sailor Moon characters belong to Naoko Takeuchi, Ranma characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Dragon Ball Z characters belong to Akira Toriyama, Tenchi & friends belong to Hitoshi Okuda, the Dirty Pair that I'm using belong to Adam Warren, (I don't consider the Dirty Pair Flash girls to be the _real_ Dirty Pair), Cutey Honey and those connected to her are the property of Go Nagai, The Slayers belong to Hajime Kanazaka and Rui Araizumi, and last but certainly not least, Battle Angel Alita belongs to Yukito Kishiro. And none of these people are even remotely close to being me. On the other hand, Kavindra and Ranieri _do_ belong to me, (huzzah! Some people in this story are actually mine!) so you'll have to ask to use them. And now, the preliminaries! (What, you thought the fight would start in the first chapter? Sorrrryy! First, we need to set up the reasons for the fight, and then get our fighters together!) ************************************************************************** ****** The Ultimate Showdown Men Vs. Women By NansJns Ch.1: A Contest? They existed outside of normal space-time, and watched as hundreds of thousands of different realities unfolded over the years. Though they had no bodies as the people in the realities they watched actually had, Ranieri was in all aspects male and Kavindra was in all aspects female. They seldom spoke to each other these days, as all they had to say to each other was spoken millennia ago. But then, one day, as Ranieri watched one particular dimension while Kavindra was focusing on another, he spoke. "These men are incredibly strong for mortals," the words came out before Ranieri was actually aware of them. The sound of his voice startled both of them, and Kavindra looked to see what he was watching. A tall, handsome, muscular man with spiky black hair dressed in an orange training outfit was fighting with a strange looking green creature. Several other men were endeavoring to help, but were swatted aside like flies. The Tall Man suddenly began to glow, his black hair became gold, and his black eyes faded to pale blue. "Impressive," Kavindra said, not actually impressed. Oh, she was impressed by him, the Tall Man, but she was fond of any attractive man. "But I've seen far stronger women." Ranieri scoffed. "You haven't been watching this reality as long as I have," he smirked. "No woman, or man for that matter, is stronger than Goku." "Goku? The man who's glowing?" Kavindra asked. "Yes, of course!" Ranieri was annoyed. How could she not know such simple facts? "Hmph. I've seen women stronger than that," Kavindra shrugged and moved back to the reality she'd been watching. "Show them to me, then! Let's see these 'strong women'!" Ranieri followed her. She glanced at him over she shoulder, her expression unreadable, and walked over to one window into a reality. "Here, then. This woman, Cutey Honey," She pointed to a woman with short, red hair wearing a read and blue spandex outfit with a diamond-shaped opening on the chest. Pale yellow boots and gloves, and a heart choker and ribbon on her arm completed the ensemble. She was bringing a thin silver sword down onto a monster. "Cutey Honey grants you no mercy!" she screamed as her sword glowed and the monster exploded. "You see? She didn't even get hurt," Kavindra smiled. Goku had been battered and bleeding from his fight. "She used a weapon," Ranieri answered. "Goku fights bare-handed. It's not a fair comparison." Kavindra scowled. "That weapon is part of her body." "Doesn't matter. It's still a weapon," Ranieri shook his head. "Fine, then. This woman fights bare-handed. Alita," Kavindra pointed to a different reality. This woman was smaller than Honey, with black hair. She wore a completely covering black cat suit, with knee-high brown buckle boots and an overcoat. They watched as she took down an opponent that was literally ten times her size and killed him with one blow to the face. Ranieri simply sighed. "She's a cyborg. Show me a flesh-and-blood woman who is stronger than a man!" he demanded. Kavindra was truly getting infuriated now. He continued to make excuses and refused to admit defeat! "All right! This girl, Akane Tendo!" Kavindra opened another window to show Akane, a sixteen-year-old, with long dark hair, beating up thirty boys at once. She won the fight and moved on. Ranieri laughed. "That is a window of the past," he said. "I've seen this Akane as well!" the image changed to the present where Akane, now with her hair cut short, was being beaten in an arm wrestling match by another girl with long purple hair. Kavindra was silent a moment. "Wait, of course! Why didn't I think of them sooner?" She smiled and went to another reality. "Kei and Yuri, the Lovely Angels!" The red haired Kei and the raven haired Yuri were fighting another criminal and winning. "And, of course, the Sailor Soldiers!" Kavindra cried with gusto as she pointed to another reality, where nine girls in Sailor costumes were fighting monsters. Ranieri watched for a few minutes. "Yes, they're all strong, but haven't Kei and Yuri been upgraded with implants? And those monsters the Sailors are fighting are nearly all female. It proves nothing," Ranieri shrugged. Kavindra was vexed. "Yes, the Angels have been given implants, but they are still flesh! And the Sailors. . .," she started. "Fight women most of the time. That hardly proves them stronger than men," Ranieri shook his head. "Face it, my dear Kavindra. Men are stronger than women, unless the woman has an unfair advantage, like a cybernetic body." He explained calmly. Kavindra was ready to sock him in the jaw, if he had one. "What nonsense! Women are stronger then men! Men do most of the fighting simply because they're expendable!" Kavindra snapped. "I've seen more women stronger than men then men stronger than women!" "You are the one speaking nonsense!" Ranieri snapped in return. They argued like that for a long time, each insulting the other, and insisting their gender was the superior. Until, at last, one of them came up with a solution. "Why not prove it, then?!" Kavindra finally bellowed. "Prove it?" Ranieri inquired, his anger replaced by curiosity. "Yes!" Kavindra's eyes lit up and the anger smoothed out of her face. "A contest! A competition! Men vs. Women! To see who is the stronger!" she proclaimed. "A contest?" Ranieri considered the thought for a few minutes. "An excellent idea! We'll create an arena, and then gather up all the fighters we want and have them fight each other to see who is the strongest!" "Then a contest it shall be!" Kavindra proclaimed, and they shook on it. * * * Elsewhere, in a small corner of space bordering the Void, something stirred and hissed and cursed its own immobility. "Damn them all," it swore softly. "If I could but move my power to them, they'd all suffer." "Why can't you, Mistress?" asked a soft voice at its side. "I have not the strength to move. The Light weakens me; and the Light from there is strong. I need. . .I need. . ." it rumbled to the darkness. "What do you need, Great Mistress?" another voce asked. "The greatest evils of the omniverse. . . the most powerful, the most ruthless," it answered. "To give me power, I need them. . .but to give me true form, a body I can use, I need . . ." it paused, then seemed to chuckle. "I need the purest, strongest heart-soul crystals there are! The Light must feed the Darkness!" "Heart-soul crystals?" a perplexed voice spoke. "Yes, yes! Like a heart crystal, except that the soul is part of it as well," the Mistress hissed. "Where do we find them, Mistress? How many will you need?" A fourth voice called. "Just the two," the Mistress whispered. "The two strongest, the two brightest. Ah, but they are so far away from each other! Impossible! Impossible!" the Mistress moaned deeply. "Mistress. . ." the multitude of voices whimpered sympathetically. "A contest to see who is stronger, men or women!" a voice they didn't know suddenly echoed. "A contest it shall be, then!" another voice proclaimed moments later. "A contest. . .?" the Mistress whispered. "Yes, Mistress, a contest!" a shadowed figure suddenly appeared in front of the swirling dark mass the others called Mistress. The spy told her of the argument between Kavindra and Ranieri, and of the most likely contestants. The Mistress slowly began to laugh. Then she roared with delight. "The fools! They will help me! Go to this contest! Fetch me the purest hearts in all the realities! You will know them when you see them! They will be engulfed in the Light! Go! Go!" and the Mistress roared once more. TO BE CONTINUED. . . ************************************************************************** ****** And so it begins! Who will prove to be stronger, men or women? There's a long, grueling fight ahead, so stay tuned! And what is the Mistress? Well, that's gonna take a while! Next up: Ch.2: The Perfect Competitors! After all, they need somebody to do the fighting! See ya! Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Flames? (Though there really isn't much to flame about yet, except maybe Ranieri's sexist remarks. And I don't believe in them, either.) E-mail me at NansJns@aol.com. If my address doesn't work, send them to my brother, Scorpinac@aol.com, and after a headlock or two, he'll pass them on to me. From: nansjns@aol.com (NansJns) Okay, so there's going to be a contest between men and women. But which men, and which women? ::Deep breath:: All Sailor Moon characters belong to Naoko Takeuchi, Ranma characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Dragon Ball Z characters belong to Akira Toriyama, Tenchi & friends belong to Hitoshi Okuda, the Dirty Pair that I'm using belong to Adam Warren, (I don't consider the Dirty Pair Flash girls to be the _real_ Dirty Pair), Cutey Honey and those connected to her are the property of Go Nagai, The Slayers belong to Hajime Kanazaka and Rui Araizumi, and last but certainly not least, Battle Angel Alita belongs to Yukito Kishiro. ::pants:: Whew, that's a lot! Kavindra and Ranieri actually do belong to me, so ask before using! And now, the choosing of the teams! ************************************************************************** ****** Ultimate Showdown Men vs. Women by NansJns Ch. 2: The Perfect Competitors "All right, first we'll create the arena," Kavindra stated calmly. "After all, there's little sense in bringing them here before we have some place to put them." "Yeah, I can see the wisdom in that," Ranieri nodded. "Okay, we'll start with an ordinary ring," he said as he gave a wave of his arm. Instantly, a 30' x 30' ring appeared. Kavindra gave a nod in approval. "Their families and friends and others shall wish to watch this bout, so we'll need stands," she stated and gave a wave of _her_ arm, and tall rows of seats appeared around the ring. "Very good. Now, the sides should be separated with no way for them to get into contact with each other," he snapped his fingers just to be different, and two locker-room like areas appeared on the left and right sides of the ring. Kavindra snapped her fingers, and the rooms dropped down so that they were almost below the ring, and reshaped them a bit so that there was a kind of dugout in front of the locker-room. Kavindra smiled lightly at Ranieri. "Very well, if that's how you want it. It does look better," he shrugged it off and went back to considering. He snapped his fingers again, and devices appeared in the corners of the ring. "Force barriers, to keep them from interfering in matches that aren't theirs," he explained. "It would be good if there was someplace for them to get something to eat. I know at least one of mine has something of a big appetite," Kavindra observed. Ranieri scoffed. "You haven't seen an appetite until you've seen some of my boys eat," he smirked. "Indeed, a cafeteria of sorts would be for the best!" With that, another building appeared and a tunnel from each locker room/dugout connected to it so the competitors could get to it without contacting each other. Inside the building was a clear wall so they could see each other but still couldn't talk to one another. "Now, let me see, do we need anything else?" Kavindra pondered aloud. "Oh, I know! A main entrance hall for when we first call them." POP! An entrance hall appeared. "I think that should cover it," Ranieri smiled proudly at their creation. "Mm, no. There's one more thing we need. A medical bay - in case some of them get carried away," Kavindra answered, and one final building appeared. Inside, it had all kinds of equipment, including healing tanks. "Now it's ready," she beamed, and they went to the entrance hall to call forth their fighters. "Now, who all should we get? The choices are infinite," Kavindra observed. "Indeed, they are! But I already know my first choice," Ranieri smiled. "We'll go one at a time so it stays even and we don't lose count," Kavindra stated. "Fine, fine. Whatever." Ranieri waved her off. "I call the Saiyan, Son Goku!" he boomed, and there was a flash of light to announce the arrival of his choice. Goku looked around in utter bewilderment. "Where am I? Who are you guys?" Goku asked. They ignored him completely. "Oh, so that's how it's going to be, is it? Very well then! I call the Lovely Warrior, Cutey Honey!" Kavindra snapped, and there was another flash. Standing across from Goku was Honey in her street form, with long blond hair, brown eyes, and a white-and-pink mini dress. "What happened? Where is this place? Who are you?" Honey looked around at the two glowing beings and at Goku. She settled on Goku. He, at least, looked human. "I have no idea. I was brought here like you were. They won't talk to me," he pointed to the two beings. "Hmph. I call Prince Vegeta!" Ranieri proclaimed, and Vegeta appeared beside Goku. He opened his mouth to demand answers, but Goku cut him off. "Don't bother. They're not answering questions," Goku informed him. "What about you?! You're dead, Kakarot! How can you be standing here?" Vegeta demanded. "Dead? Since when?" Goku blinked. "Since the Cell Game!" Vegeta barked. "I haven't participated in that yet!" Goku answered. The two beings ignored them. "The Battle Angel, Alita!" Kavindra called, and Alita was next to Honey. "Yamcha!" "Sailor Moon!" "Krillin!" "Sailor Mars!" "Piccolo!" "HOLD IT!!" Kavindra barked just as Piccolo appeared on the men's side of the entrance hall. "What?" Ranieri demanded "Piccolo isn't a man! Piccolo is an. . .an . . .IT! He's a Namekian, asexual! You know that!" Kavindra crossed her arms on her chest. "What's going on here?" Piccolo asked. Shrugs and shaking heads were the only answers any of them could give. "No clue," Goku said. "Goku?!" Piccolo stared at him for a moment. "Maybe so, but physically he resembles a male!" Ranieri answered. "That is the stupidest excuse I've ever heard! So what if he _looks_ male?! He. . .it isn't!" Kavindra was getting peeved. "Excuse me," Piccolo piped. They looked over at him. "I'm mentally pretty much male, too. I don't understand what difference it makes, but I'm more male than anything else." Kavindra sighed deeply. "Oh, fine! You can have Piccolo. I call Sailor Jupiter!" "Tien and Chiao-Tzu! They're a pair, so I have to call both!" He added quickly. "Then I'm calling my own 'Pair' - Kei and Yuri, the Dirty Pair!" "Ranma Saotome!" "But he's. . ." Kavindra started. "He's mentally at all times a man!" "Akane Tendo!!" "Mousse!" "Shampoo!" "Ryoga Hibiki!" "Ukyo Kounji!" "Tatewaki Kuno!" "Kodachi Kuno!" "Tenchi Masaki!" "Lina Inverse!" "A magic user?! If that's the game . . .Zelgadis!" "Sailor Neptune!" "Tuxedo Mask!" "Sailor Uranus!" "Happosai! NO, WAIT, I DIDN'T MEAN THAT!!" Ranieri shrieked when he realized what he'd just said. "Too late! You have to keep the ones you call!" Kavindra half laughed. "Damn!" he swore. All eyes turned to the tiny, shriveled old man that had appeared on the men's side. "Oh, great. The Old Freak," Ranma muttered. "Eh? What's going on? Ranma?" Happosai asked. "We don't know yet," Ranma started, but then he realized the perverted master's attention had just been grabbed by something else. "Oohhh, look at all the Pretty Ladies! Hey, baby!" He went to leap at them, but hit a force wall and fell back. "Wh-what is this? There's a wall between us and the pretty ladies!" The other men were looking at him strangely, except for Ryoga, Mousse, and Kuno, who already knew the old lech, and just kept gazing at the glowing beings before them. Ranma suddenly stomped on the old man's head. "Could you try to act remotely normal, Old Man?" Ranma demanded. "Disrespectful whelp!" Happosai snapped, and hit him into the air. But before he went too far, Ranieri's power caught him and set him back down. "Now, now. No fighting amongst each other," he instructed. "Anyway, Sailor Venus!" "Gourry Gabriev!" "Sailor Mercury!" "How many each is that?" Ranieri suddenly cut in, and they counted. "16 each should be enough," he nodded once the total was found. "Mm, except for one thing," Kavindra answered. "What?" Ranieri arched an eyebrow. "There are children to consider. I call Sailor Mini-Moon!" "Hey! All right, I call Gohan!" "Sasami!" "Trunks!" The four children appeared, and Vegeta looked at the eight-year-old Trunks. "Daddy. . .?" Trunks started. "What the hell. . .? Trunks is just a baby!" Vegeta barked at the beings. "I grabbed a him from the future, that's all," Ranieri waved him off. "You know this kid?" Mousse asked, pointing down to Trunks. "He's my son," Vegeta answered. ((So that's how Kakarot is still alive. They took him from before the Cell Game.)) "Oh," Mousse said nothing further. "All right, we shall now answer your questions." Kavindra stated so that all could hear. "I am Kavindra, and this is Ranieri. We brought you here for a contest." "But I was already in a contest!" Trunks started. "And we'll put you back there later. Anyway, this is a special contest. Men vs. Women - to determine which is stronger," Ranieri explained. Vegeta scoffed. "You think we have to _fight_ to figure that out?" he demanded. "We have to fight them?" Mousse asked at the same moment. "What was that supposed to mean?" Akane demanded of Vegeta. "I can already tell the outcome of this contest," Vegeta told her. "Oh? You admit defeat already?" Kei piped up. "It's good to see you have some common sense," Yuri nodded. "What?!" Vegeta snarled. "This sounds like it could be interesting," Goku observed. "Aiya! You very foolish if you think you beat Amazon easy!" Shampoo said. "W-wait a sec, I'm not so sure this is a good idea," Sailor Moon broke in. No one seemed to hear her at all. "You girls aren't serious about fighting us, are you? You'll get pounded!" Yamcha said. "I wouldn't say that if I were you," Ranma muttered to him. He didn't know about any of the other girls, but Shampoo, Ukyo, Kodachi, and most of all, Akane, would take that as a _serious_ challenge. Gourry was thinking the same thing in regard to Lina. "Huh?" Yamcha answered. "Oh, is that so?" Akane snapped. "We'll just see about that!" Ukyo agreed. "What makes you think we can't beat you?" Alita suddenly joined in. "We might be stronger than you think," Honey smirked. "You guys must have a serious death wish to talk to _me_ like that," Lina stated. "I don't hafta fight some little girl, do I? I want a challenge!" Trunks said out of the blue. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. "Hey!! What makes you think we aren't a challenge?" Sasami stomped her foot. "I'm only in training, but I'll bet I can beat _you_, you over-confident little pipsqueak!" Mini-Moon added. "Yeah, right! Blehh!" Trunks stuck out his tongue. "Hey! Didn't you teach that kid of yours any manners?" Sailor Moon jumped in. "In my time, Trunks is still just a baby!" Vegeta answered. "This isn't our kind of thing at all," Uranus murmured softly to Neptune. "I agree," she nodded. She turned to Kavindra. "We want no part in this." "Running already?" Tien called over to them. "Tien! That's not very nice!" Chiao-Tzu whispered. "I know, but if they leave the sides will be uneven," Tien whispered back. "Oh, I get it!" Chiao-Tzu laughed cheerfully. "We don't run from anything," Uranus answered. "If you really want us to beat you, then we'll stay," Neptune smiled a bit. "Uh, hey," Gourry raised his hand to speak. "What?" they all turned to him. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but we're supposed to fight the girls to see which sex is stronger?" he started. "That's what they said," Ryoga nodded. "I see. Well, then, I quit," Gourry stated. "WHAT?! Why?!" the men all demanded. "Ah, well. . .it isn't right to fight women." Gourry answered slowly. "Wow. He must be from a time when chivalry isn't dead," Yuri blinked lightly in surprise. "Gourry, you nincompoop, this is just a friendly little contest. It's not like we're going to be trying to kill each other," Lina said. Then she turned to Kavindra and Ranieri. "We're not, are we?" "Trying to kill each other? No! We have medical facilities for those of you who get badly hurt," Kavindra shook her head. "Well, I guess it's okay then. . ." Gourry scratched his head, not completely sure he understood, but afraid to say so. "What do you think, Zel?" he turned to the only man he knew. "Makes no difference to me. But I think this whole thing is ridiculous. Having a big fight just to prove that men are stronger. . ." he never got any further than that. "Oh yeah?! I'll stuff those words down your throat!" Kei barked and started to lunge for him before she remembered the invisible wall. "Come over here and say that if you're so tough!" Alita snapped, also making a threatening motion. "I can't wait to see your faces when we come out on top!" Sailor Jupiter snapped. "So, then, you'll do it?" Kavindra asked. "Yeah!" "We're in!" "Count on it!" they all called, except for Goku and Piccolo. "Well, you two?" Ranieri eyed them carefully. He couldn't believe they'd say no, but they were rather quiet. "Personally, I think this is a waste of time," Piccolo looked at them out of the corner of his eye. Then a tiny smile tilted the corners of his mouth. "But I'm in." Gohan laughed a little in delight. Goku gave his nose a small scratch. "I like fighting strong people," he said. "And I don't see why a woman couldn't be as strong or stronger than me. I'd like to find out!" Goku smiled broadly at the group of women across from him. They all smiled in return. For no real reason at all, they had all just taken a liking to him. What no one noticed was Sailor Moon, Sailor Mini-Moon, and Tuxedo Mask. They were gazing at each other nervously and sadly. They inched as close to each other as they could get before touching the force field. Moon slowly put her hand forward to touch his only to hit the wall of electricity. "All right, as of right now, there will be no more communication between the two sides save for what you yell at each other over the ring. Now, to your sides!" Kavindra and Ranieri clapped their hands and the combatants were teleported to their areas, but left behind was a faint call. "Darien!" two female voices echoed softly. "Serena! Rini!" the one male voice echoed in return. "They'll be fine," Kavindra and Ranieri shrugged. "After all, what are the odds that they'll end up fighting each other?" To be Continued. . . ************************************************************************** ****** All righty then! And all that was before the actual competition! Next time, the real fight begins! Be here for Chapter 3: Children's Division! Questions? Comments? Flames? Send them my way! I'd appreciate the mail! NansJns@aol.com! If my address doesn't work, send them to my brother, Scorpinac@aol.com! With enough physical pain, he'll turn them over to me! From: nansjns@aol.com (NansJns) Howdy-ho, and welcome back! The real fight is about to start, at least for the kids. . . These people SO don't belong to me. They belong to a whole list of people I don't feel like mentioning here. Check the first two chapters for their names. Kavindra and Ranieri, on the other hand, DO belong to me and a bribe, er, request is needed to use them. ************************************************************************** ****** Ultimate Showdown Men vs. Women by NansJns Ch.3: Children's Division The competitors gazed across the ring as the stands filled with people. A large scoreboard suddenly appeared at the head of the ring. It had two blank rectangles above the counters for losses and victories. None of them knew what the blank rectangles were for. "All right, greetings everyone and welcome to the Men vs. Women bout!" Kavindra's voice suddenly called over an unseen loudspeaker. "The rules are simple," Ranieri's voice said. "The winner is the last one standing." "There's more to it than that!" Kavindra hissed. "If a combatant draws significant blood, they win. If a combatant falls from the ring, they lose. If a combatant stays down for more than a minute, they lose," she continued. There was approximately three feet of space between the force fields and the ring on the sides that weren't attached to the waiting areas. "No fatal moves are to be used. No permanent damage is to be done to either party. Failure to comply with these rules will result in punishment," Ranieri finished. "And now, the Children's Division!" he boomed, and the audience cheered. The formally blank rectangles suddenly flashed into life and started cycling through the children's names. The rectangle closest to the women's side went through the girls' names, and stopped on "S. Mini-Moon." The rectangle on the men's side, of course, went through the boys' names, and stopped on "Gohan." The two climbed into the ring through the openings in the force fields that surrounded it, which then closed behind them. "C'mon, Rini! You can do it!" Sailor Moon called. "Go, Gohan!" Goku cheered. The two sized each other up quietly. Gohan decided to end it quickly, and went for a punch straight in her face. It landed solidly and Mini-Moon was thrown backwards. "Owww! That hurt!" she whined as she got back up on her feet. She suddenly held up a little pink wand with a heart on top. "Pink Sugar Heart Attack!" She yelled as she spun around. There was a little burst of music, and a streamer of bright pink hearts flew out at Gohan. They hit him square in the chest, but didn't seem to do much of anything. Then Gohan started giggling. Then laughing. Then he started to fall over with laughter. "That _tickles_!! Cut it out!!" he gasped, and kept on laughing. Mini-Moon moved closer, and the strength of the hearts increased. Gohan gasped for breath as the tickling grew worse. He fell on his back and clutched his sides. By now, Mini-Moon was right on top of him, and all of sudden it wasn't tickling, it was stinging! She thrust her wand into his face, and it stung even more. But he still laughed, because there was still some tickling sensation in there. "It's been a minute," Kavindra muttered to Ranieri. "Does this count as a fight?" he asked back. "And the winner is Mini-Moon!" Kavindra declared over the loudspeaker. The audience cheered lightly and they returned to their sides. "Yeah, all right! Way to go, Mini-Moon!" Sailor Moon cheered. "Well done!" the others clapped. Things were a little less pleasant on the men's side. "Gohan, what was that? You should have taken her easily!" Piccolo glared at him. "Take it easy on him, Piccolo. It's hard to fight when you're being tickled!" Goku defended his son. "Besides, I didn't want to hurt her. She's cute," Gohan answered. Goku laughed and patted his head. The others just looked at him. The board suddenly flashed the names Sasami and Trunks. They both scampered into the ring quickly, and Trunks smiled back at the others. "Don't worry, I'll do better than Gohan!" Trunks said, looking mostly at his father. Up in the crowd, Ayeka watched with worry. "This is bad. Sasami is no fighter," she said softly. "I don't get why she was chosen in the first place for this," Ryoko muttered. In truth, she was upset she hadn't been chosen. "My baby is much too delicate for this!" Queen Misaki bit her handkerchief. The fight was brief and brutal. Sasami started to call upon the Power of Jurai, but Trunks was faster. One kick to the stomach and one punch to the jaw sent Sasami flying out of the ring. She was led, whimpering, back to the women's side. "That lasted for, what, 40 seconds?" Ranieri said slowly. "31," Kavindra dropped her head. ((I knew I should have gotten Magical Girl Pretty Sammy. . .)) she thought quietly. "My baby!!" Queen Misaki yelped. "That young man needs to learn to treat royalty better!" the king growled. Little did he know that Trunks was royalty himself. "And now, the two victors shall go against each other!" Ranieri declared, and Mini-Moon got back into the ring. "I'm not gonna be a pushover like Gohan was," Trunks told her. "Pink Sugar Heart Attack!" Mini-Moon flung her attack at him. "Ow! Hey!" Trunks objected. The next thing he heard was Mini-Moon's yell. "Sailor Mini-Moon Kick!" Her foot landed in his stomach with all of her weight behind it. It was just enough to knock the wind out of him and he fell over. She then proceeded to sit on him and hit him over the head with her wand multiple times. "Take this and this and this . .!" As she watched, Sailor Moon couldn't help but giggle. The giggle passed through all of the women and pretty soon they were all laughing behind their hands. Vegeta saw what they were doing and felt his blood boil. Then the men started laughing. Mini-Moon continued to hit Trunks with her wand. The audience started to chortle. Finally, they all burst out laughing at such a silly scene. Even Kavindra and Ranieri were laughing. At last, even Vegeta chuckled. "The winner of the Children's Division is Sailor Mini-Moon!" Kavindra declared once she had regained control of herself. The women cheered, the men scowled a bit, and the audience applauded loudly. "You were great, Mini-Moon!" Sailor Moon said. "Thanks!" Mini-Moon smiled. "And now, on to the main event!" Ranieri's voice suddenly declared, and the board began to flash. . . To be Continued. . . ************************************************************************** ****** Short? Yes. I knew you didn't want to spend to much time on the kids. Be here next time for Ch.4: The Real Fight, Round 1: Akane vs. . . .Piccolo?! I'll see you there! Questions? Comments? Flames? Something? Anything? Send it to NansJns@aol.com. If my address doesn't work, send them to my brother, Scorpinac@aol.com. I have vays of making him talk. ;). From: nansjns@aol.com (NansJns) Welcome back! Last time, we had the Children's Division - in the first round, Mini-Moon tickled Gohan into submission with her Pink Sugar Heart Attack. Trunks dealt Sasami a painful blow and sent her flying from the ring in the second round. Mini-Moon then managed to topple the confidant young Saiyan with an amusing move. The women proved themselves dominate in the Children's Division, but now the real combat is about to start! These people don't belong to me, except for Kavindra and Ranieri. All bribes are accepted - expect a response in 4-6 weeks. ;) ((this)) means it's a thought, and _this_ means it's emphasized. ************************************************************************** ****** Ultimate Showdown Men vs. Women by NansJns Ch.4: The Real Fight, Round 1: Akane vs. . . .Piccolo?! The rectangles flashed through all of the names, and the combatants watched them quietly. Many of them twitched with barely contained excitement or nervousness, all of them waiting for the board to state who was up first. The rectangles continued to flash, names coming and going at an incredible rate, when suddenly one stopped. On the women's side, the rectangle read "Akane Tendo." "Me? I'm first?" Akane stared at it in disbelief. She was dressed in her white training gi and a sweatband, and looked the role of master martial artist. "Oh? You're Akane?" Lina asked. "Yeah," Akane nodded. The women then proceeded to introduce themselves to each other formally, ignoring the board. While they were busy, the board chose the man Akane was to fight. "Round 1! Akane Tendo Vs. Piccolo!!" Ranieri's voice suddenly boomed to get the women's attention. "Huh?" Akane looked back at the ring. Which one of the men was Piccolo? "Piccolo?" Kavindra muttered softly. "That's not fair. . ." Piccolo went over to the entrance of the ring, an uncaring look on his face. "YOU'RE Piccolo?!" Ranma gaped. ((Oh, man, Akane doesn't stand a chance.)) he thought quietly. "Hey, Piccolo, take it easy on her. At least until you get an idea for how good she is," Goku instructed calmly. "Don't worry. I won't even take off my weighted clothes," Piccolo smirked lightly as he climbed into the ring. "Weighted clothes?!" Ranma and Ryoga said together. What weighted clothes? What was he talking about? "THAT'S Piccolo?" Ukyo watched as the tall, green, muscular 'man' entered the ring and awaited his opponent. He was dressed all in black, except for the white cape and mantle on his shoulders and the purple and white turban on his head. His eyes were hard and cold, and a deep scowl was set on his face. "Aiya! Akane be killed she fight that one!" Shampoo observed. This guy was good; you could tell by just looking at him. Akane, undaunted, kicked off her shoes and climbed into the ring opposite of him and dropped into a battle stance. "You're just a kid," Piccolo observed. ((Looks like I really will be keeping my weights on.)) he thought. In truth, he'd hoped he'd go against someone that would warrant the removal of his weighted clothing, but it looked like it wouldn't be this round. "Are you gonna talk or are we gonna fight?!" Akane demanded. Piccolo gave a small shrug and moved forward so fast that he was in her face before she could blink. He delivered a fast blow to her solar plexis and Akane dropped to her knees. While she was down there, she did a surprisingly strong sweep with her feet and knocked Piccolo's legs out from under him. Piccolo caught himself and threw a punch into her face. Akane was sent flying, but got back up a few seconds later. Piccolo suddenly popped up behind her and smashed her lower back with his elbow. "Oh, man. Akane is really taking a beating," Ukyo watched as the two continued fighting, Akane taking the worst of it. "She die for sure," Shampoo shook her head. ((Wait a minute. . .if Akane dies. . .)) Shampoo, Ukyo, and Kodachi all hit on the same thought at the same time. "Ranma is as good as mine!!" all three of them squealed. They then froze and sent each other icy glares. "Whaddya mean, 'as good as yours'?! Ranma-Honey is MY fiance!!" Ukyo snapped. "Ranma Shampoo's groom!!" Shampoo snarled. "Ranma-Darling will be my beloved husband, and there's no way you wicked, wicked hussies will ever come between us! Ours is a pure, fairy tale love that you cannot spoil!" Kodachi proclaimed, and the three began fighting at the tops of their voices. "Who's Ranma?" Sailor Mars turned to the others. "I think he's the boy in the red Chinese shirt and pigtail," Cutey Honey pointed him out. "He's cute, but what did he do to earn this much devotion?" Mars watched as the three girls started to get physical in their fight. "What on Earth are those girls fighting about?" Zelgadis asked from the men's side. "Dunno. I can't make out what they're saying," Gourry answered with a shrug. "I think I heard Ranma's name in there," Krillin scratched his head. "Ranma, do you know what. . .?" he started, then stopped when he saw that Ranma had dropped his head to his chest, a massive sweat drop falling from his forehead. "I take that as a yes," Krillin said slowly. Piccolo swiped at Akane with a long swing of his arm, but she dodged and managed to land a punch in his ribs. ((I'll show them! I'll beat this guy! I can do this!)) Akane swore to herself. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough power in her punch to do much harm. Piccolo brought his fists down on her shoulders and sent her sprawling to the mat. She was momentarily stunned, but snapped out of it quickly. She slammed her fist into his gut as she jumped back onto her feet, and he temporarily doubled over. She quickly brought her knee up to his face and his head snapped backwards. ((I can do this! I can do this!)) Akane repeated to herself over and over. She could feel bruises all over her body from Piccolo's blows, but she ignored them. Piccolo suddenly came back with a vengeance. He abruptly kicked Akane in the jaw with a straight-up kick, and pummeled her with dozens of lightening-quick punches. But Akane stayed standing. Her breathing was heavy, and blood trickled from the corner of her mouth, but she would not give up. "Damn it, Akane, give up already before he really hurts you!" Ranma breathed through gritted teeth. Akane was so stupid and stubborn - she refused to admit when she was defeated. There was no way she could win this, but she still kept fighting. Ranma's stomach felt like it was full of ice, and his hands were tightly clenched in fists. If anything happened to her, Piccolo would pay dearly. "Akane . . .!" Ryoga growled softly. Kuno was just as anxious. "The fiend! He shall pay dearly for damaging the beauty of Akane Tendo!" Kuno snarled. "Gee, I've never known Mr. Piccolo to go easy on anybody," Gohan observed. Ranma and Ryoga snapped to attention. "You call that 'going easy'?!" Ryoga demanded. "Well, sure, for Mr. Piccolo. He could have ended this a long time ago. He's just being nice and letting her think she has a chance," Gohan smiled brightly at them. Piccolo couldn't help but admire the girl's tenacity. He had beaten her badly, but she still stood and continued to fight. He wondered who she had trained under - they hadn't come close to tapping into her full potential. He could feel a great deal of Ki energy in her that she wasn't using properly. He dodged her blows easily and continually delivered counter attacks that made her fall onto the mat and knocked the wind out of her. But she kept getting back up. Akane noticed that Piccolo's scowl had been replaced with a tiny smirk. This infuriated her even further, and she redoubled her efforts. She did a hard flip in the air and landed behind him. Before he could turn, she grabbed his back and slammed the heels of her feet into the backs of his knees, forcing him down. He grabbed her arms and pulled her up and over his head and slammed her back-first onto the ring floor. Akane's breath left in a rush, and Piccolo attempted to pin her down with one hand on her chest. Akane grabbed his arm and swung her feet up to collide with his side. She thought she felt ribs crack with that blow, but he only winced for a second. She then swung one hell of a right hook into his face. That made him let go and she got back to her feet. A swift sense of triumph surged through her when she saw that his nose was bleeding. He wiped the blood away with the back of one hand and his face filled with concentration. ((I really can do this!!!)) Akane smiled to herself. "Hey, she's doing pretty good," Nabiki watched her younger sister from the crowd. She had a small betting pool going around on the fights, and so far Piccolo was favored 200-to-1. ((If Akane actually succeeds in beating this guy, I'll make a killing!)) Nabiki smiled to herself, ignoring her father's panicked whimpering. Piccolo glanced at the clock that was set into the score board. They'd been fighting for about twenty minutes. ((That's long enough,)) he thought, ((to keep her from being totally embarrassed.)) He then swung a punch that would have ended the fight in a T. K. O., if Akane hadn't jumped. She leaped into the air a good ten feet, and Piccolo felt a small grin forming in the corners of his mouth. She was better than he initially thought, she kept proving that. Then she came back down. Akane's left foot landed on Piccolo's still-out-stretched fist. Piccolo stared. That couldn't be right! She was STANDING on his fist?! He was so surprised he didn't think to block her other foot, which was coming down on his jaw. Akane put all the weight she could behind the kick, and it was just enough. Piccolo was knocked off his feet and flat onto his back. Akane dropped the rest of the way to the ground, but her moment of triumph was brief. Piccolo was back on his feet the second after he finished falling. He was really smiling now. "Well, now. It seems you're more of a challenge than I thought," he observed as he removed his weighted clothing. He could tell his jaw was bruising, and he could taste blood in his mouth. Akane felt her blood leave her face. The cape and turban had left dents in the arena floor where they had landed. He'd been wearing _weights_ to slow himself _down_?! And he had just removed them. . .Akane braced for the coming onslaught. With the weights removed from his head and shoulders, Piccolo's speed and strength increased dramatically. The frenzy of attacks that followed was almost impossible to track. To her everlasting surprise, Akane managed to block most of Piccolo's blows. It was the ones that were getting through that were killing her. She succeeded in getting in a few hits of her own, but he shrugged them off as nothing. The last thing Akane was aware of before awakening in the recovery tank was Piccolo's foot delivering a shattering kick to her head. Lights flashed before her eyes, and then quiet darkness came. Akane's body hit the ground and rolled. Piccolo dropped into a battle stance and waited for her to get back up, but she didn't move. He straightened up and moved over to her. She was battered, bruised, and bleeding heavily from the corner of her mouth. "Uh oh," Piccolo muttered softly. "Looks like I got carried away. She's really hurt," he knelt down and checked her over. A small, nearly inaudible sigh of relief escaped his lips when he located a pulse and felt she was still breathing. "The winner is Piccolo!" Ranieri's voice boomed, and the audience cheered or booed. Soun Tendo was sobbing. "My poor little girl!! Why did he have to do that?!" Soun sobbed into a handkerchief. "He'll pay for hurting my baby girl!!" he suddenly snapped into vengeance mode. "There, there, Father. Calm down. I'm sure she's all right," Kasumi Tendo comforted her father gently. "Rats! There goes my money," Nabiki muttered. Her attitude changed abruptly when she saw several people enter the ring and take her sister away on a stretcher with a neck brace. "Wait. . .is she really hurt?" "Hey, be careful with her! That's a very promising warrior you're carrying!" Piccolo barked as they carried Akane out of the arena. Piccolo picked up his cape and turban and then went back to the men's side, where several of his teammates looked very upset with him. "Piccolo! You said you _wouldn't_ take off your weighted clothing!" Goku snapped at him. "Poor li'l Akane!" Happosai sobbed. "How could you do that to her?" The little old man suddenly pulled out a fire cracker. "Happo-Fire. . .!" He started, when the cracker disappeared. He heard Ranieri's voice boom "No fighting amongst yourselves!" and sat down and fumed. "What the hell were you thinking, laying into her like that?!" Ranma snarled. "You better pray she's all right! Otherwise, you'll have to answer to Ryoga Hibiki!" Ryoga declared with as much gusto as he could manage. In truth, he really didn't want to have to fight this guy, but if he had seriously hurt Akane, there would be no choice. Kuno also made threatening motions toward him. Piccolo ignored Ryoga, and the boy with the wooden sword was a waste of breath. His ki was so low, it was a wonder he was alive. But he did look at Ranma. The boy had a great deal of ki building up in him, and knew how to use it better than Akane did. He was the one to worry about. "Relax. She'll be fine. She's too tough to let this stop her for long. I am sorry about the weights, though," Piccolo shrugged and smiled a bit. He respected that girl now. She'd taken his best, and stopped most of it. Not half bad for a kid not used to this level of fighting. Then the board flashed, and got ready to select the next contenders. The women's side settled on "Kodachi Kuno" and the men's side blinked "Tux. Mask." Darien sighed lightly. "Next round! Kodachi "The Black Rose" Kuno vs. Tuxedo Mask!" Kavindra declared. "Black Rose?" Sailor Moon blinked. "What does that mean?" "I am the beautiful young flower of martial arts rhythmic gymnastics! My peers have named me the Black Rose!" Kodachi declared, and laughed manically as she threw off her school uniform to reveal the green leotard that was underneath. She leapt into the ring, twirling her ribbon, and watched as Tuxedo Mask entered with a graceful swirl of his cape. "Gah! Her laugh is worse than Emerald's!" Venus moaned as she covered her ears. The other women followed suit, except for Shampoo and Ukyo. Over on the men's side, Piccolo winced and covered his own ears. "Her laugh's not that bad," Ranma observed. "Yes it is. You know her?" Piccolo glanced at him. "Unfortunately," Ranma sighed. "She's my twisted sister," Kuno answered. "It's starting, you guys!" Goku suddenly hushed them. Kodachi produced a black rose from nowhere and flicked it to Tuxedo Mask. "Be careful!! That might be drugged!!" Ranma yelled before Kodachi could say anything. At the warning, Tux knocked the flower away. When it hit, it popped and let out a spray of powder. "Yup. Paralysis potion." Ranma nodded. Tuxedo Mask flung a dozen roses at her and she swatted them away with her ribbon. She then lassoed his neck and jerked him up hard to send him out of the ring. "No one can defeat the Black Rose except for my Darling Ranma!" Kodachi cackled. Her laughter didn't last - Tux extended his cane and pole-vaulted back into the ring. "All right, enough of this!" he snapped, and went to hit her in the stomach with his cane. She dodged and out of nowhere produced a club. She struck out at him repeatedly, and he suddenly realized there were SPIKES on the club! She cut his cheek and he placed a hand on it, blood staining his white glove. He knocked the club out of her hand with his cane and she started throwing ball bombs. "Does she even know the meaning of the words 'fair play'?!" Sailor Moon snapped. "Not really," Ukyo answered. "But what are you complaining about? We're winning, aren't we?" as much as she loathed to admit it, this one time Kodachi's dirty tricks were welcome. "That's my boyfriend she's fighting!" Moon offered as an explanation. "Don't you hurt my Tuxedo Mask!" Mini-Moon added for good measure. Up in the stands, Nabiki's betting pool was going at 70-to-30 in favor of Kodachi. ((Where is she getting all of those weapons? There's no way he can beat all that.)) she assured herself. She had taken a big loss on Piccolo and Akane's fight. "Razor Hoop!" Kodachi said as she flung the hoop at him. He dodged, but it sliced his top hat and sent it flying. "Whoa!" he gasped. He leaped into the air and flung down a circle of red roses around her. A force field suddenly flew up around her and she shrieked in surprise. Tux dropped to the ground behind Kodachi and extended his cane one more time. This time, it hit base and sent her sprawling. He quickly grabbed the fallen girl and tossed her over the side of ring. As she went down, she flung one last black rose at him which exploded in his face. The drug instantly went to work and he wobbled back to the men's side, where he promptly collapsed. "I cuh-can't move," he groaned. He was carried off to the medical bay. "And the winner is Tuxedo Mask!" Ranieri was practically cheering. The audience went wild, and Nabiki felt like crying. "Tuxedo Mask! Is he hurt?" Moon asked Kodachi as she got back into the ring. "That was cheating! He makes a mockery of all true athletes!" Kodachi ranted. Sailor Moon grabbed her by her leotard and forced Kodachi to face her. "Is my Tuxedo Mask hurt?!" Moon demanded. Kodachi blinked. "No. The drug will wear off in an hour or so," she answered slowly. "Good," Moon sighed, and let go. The board then blinked into action. The women's side popped up "S. Mercury," and the men got "Yamcha." Yamcha looked at the name and glanced at the women. Obviously, she'd be one of the ones dressed in Sailor costumes. But which one? "Good luck, Mercury!" Sailor Venus said as Mercury climbed into the ring. "Thanks. I'm going to need it," she answered. Yamcha got in and smiled at her. She sized him up. He was at least half a foot taller than she was, and very muscular. And those scars across his face suggested he'd been through more than a few fights. Washu was typing away at a mile a minute, analyzing the arena and the contenders. "This is incredible! I hope I can get some of these people as guinea pigs later!" she smiled as she typed. She looked up and studied the two new opponents. "I hope Lord Tenchi will be all right," Aeyka said softly. "Don't worry about him. It's not even his turn yet," Ryoko shrugged. "Hey, check out the side of beef cake!" Washu suddenly piped as she used her computer to get a magnified view of Yamcha. "Ms. Washu, this is hardly the time to be. . .to be. . . oh my," Ayeka's words faltered as she examined the image Washu had pulled up. "Not bad. . .I wonder what happened to his face," Ryoko leaned over and took a look for herself. "Let me see," Mihoshi climbed on top of Ryoko to see what Washu was showing them. "He's kinda cute. Who is he?" "The guy in the ring. They said his name is Yamcha," Ryoko said through gritted teeth. "Now get offa me!" Mihoshi squeaked and fell back into her seat. "Mercury Bubbles Blast!" Sailor Mercury suddenly yelled, and the ring filled with cold fog. "Hey, neat trick," Yamcha smiled lightly, and went straight for her. He could tell she wasn't anywhere near as strong as he was, so he only hit her hard enough to knock her down. "How did you find me?!" she asked as she got back up. "Simple. I sensed your ki," Yamcha shrugged. "Shine Aqua Illusion!" Mercury spun around as a drop of water swirled around her, and then became a direct blast of ice. Yamcha dodged easily and knocked her out of the ring with one kick. "Are you okay?" he asked. She coughed a little in return. "Just had the wind knocked out of me," Mercury answered. "Why do you care?" She paused when she noticed the serious look on his face. "This wasn't a fair fight. There's no way you could have won against me," Yamcha shook his head and offered her his hand. She took it and he gently led her back over to the women's side. "And the winner is Yamcha!" Ranieri declared. Kavindra was pouting quietly. The board now read Men: 3 Women: 0. The scores for the Children's division had been erased. The rectangles then picked "S. Moon" and "Tenchi." Sailor Moon took in a deep breath and got into the ring. "Go, Tenchi!" Ryoko cheered. "You can do it, Lord Tenchi!" Ayeka called. "Hm, interesting. That girl has got some kind of power," Washu muttered softly. Tenchi pulled out his Tenchi sword and attacked. He wanted to end this quickly. Sailor Moon shrieked and dodged with her arms and legs going everywhere. "Be careful with that thing!" she snapped, and pulled out a tall pink wand with a red heart on top. A crystal glittered from the center of the heart, and Sailor Moon began to spin. "Moon Spiral . . ." she chanted. "What is she doing?" Tenchi blinked. "Heart Attack!" she finished, dropping to her knees, and the last thing Tenchi saw was a giant heart smashing into him. He fell over unconscious and the audience went crazy. "LORD TENCHI!!" Ayeka yelled. "I don't believe it!!" Ryoko bellowed. "How'd she do that?!" "Well, that was interesting," Washu observed. "I'll be studying these readings for weeks." Elsewhere in the crowd, Nabiki sighed. There had been no time to take bets on that fight, or the one before it, so she didn't make or lose any money. It _was_ nice to see the women win one again, though. "And the winner is Sailor Moon!" Kavindra proclaimed as Tenchi was taken to the medical bay. "Are you ready to give up yet?" Ranieri asked. The men were still ahead, after all. "Like hell," Kavindra grinned back almost evilly. TO BE CONTINUED. . . ************************************************************************** ****** There's more to come, so be here for chapter 5: What You Don't Know Can Hurt You! Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Flames? Send them to NansJns@aol.com! If my address doesn't work, send them to my brother, Scorpaniac@aol.com. He'll pass them on if he knows what's good for him. From: nansjns@aol.com (NansJns) Hello! In short, in the first real fight of the competition, Piccolo walloped Akane hard, followed by Tuxedo Mask knocking Kodachi Kuno out of the competition. Yamcha dealt a swift blow to Sailor Mercury, sending her out of the ring and the contest. But the women finally got back on track when Sailor Moon nailed Tenchi with her Moon Spiral Heart Attack. Now the first level continues! Only Kavindra and Ranieri belong to me. No one else here does. I borrowed them without asking. I'm not doing anything wrong, I'm just having a little fun. If you see a word like _this_ it's emphasized (duh) and words like ((this)) are thoughts. Words like (this) are Cutey Honey's theme song. ************************************************************************** ****** Ultimate Showdown Men vs. Women by NansJns Ch. 5: What You Don't Know Can Hurt You! The board flashed again as it went through the remaining names. The women scowled lightly at the score; Men 3, Women 1. They needed to get more wins. They would _not_ let those over-blown, overconfident, muscle-brained jerks win the entire contest! The men were pleased with how things were going. Tenchi and Tuxedo Mask had both been taken to the men's side of the med ward, but they weren't seriously hurt. Vegeta itched to have his match. The sign on the women's side suddenly stopped on Cutey Honey. "Cutey Honey? What kind of name is that?" Vegeta arched an eyebrow. "That's the first woman they called," Goku reflected, and then the rectangle on the men's side stopped. On Goku. "Hey, all right! I'm up!" he cheered, and leaped into the ring. "Hm, I'd better go change. I'll just be a minute," Honey quickly jogged into the locker room, her long blonde hair swaying behind her. "Change into what? None of us has any extra clothes," Lina wondered aloud. "Honey Flash!" Honey's voice suddenly yelled, and a brief burst of light could be seen through the door. Honey then walked back into the dug-out area; expect it wasn't the same Honey. Her hair was now black and short, her eyes were green, and her clothes were now a martial artist's gi. The only thing that had remained the same, apart from her body in general, was the heart choker around her neck. "HUH?!" the women stared at her slack-jawed. "I'll explain later," Honey grinned at them, and got into the ring. Goku stared at her, bewildered. "You're not Honey," he said. "Honey was a blonde with brown eyes and a pink and white dress." "I'm Honey. I just have a few tricks up my sleeve," she answered, and Goku tried to sense her ki level, only to find she didn't have one. ((How can that be? How can she not have any ki? Unless. . .)) the thought wondered through his mind, but he didn't have time to pursue it. Honey suddenly came at him full-force, swinging a hard right hook at his face. He dodged so quickly he seemed to vanish, and popped up behind her before she had even finished her move. Goku landed a sharp blow to the middle of her back, and though she stumbled, she didn't fall. Goku touched his hand lightly. Honey's back sure was solid. Honey whipped around to face him and delivered a kick to his chest just below the collar bone. Goku flipped backwards and landed on his feet, then charged forward and threw multiple punches at Honey. All but one missed, and the one that did connect hit only her arm which was raised to block it. Honey retaliated with several punches of her own, but hitting Goku was like ramming your fist into a stone wall. Goku shook off the punches easily and went after her again. "Wow! They're evenly matched!" Ukyo remarked as she watched Goku and Honey simultaneously kick each other. Then something up in the 'sky' caught her attention. Ranma watched as the two combatants moved faster and faster around the ring, and felt completely and utterly in over his head. He was good, but not this good! He turned to say something to the others from his reality, when he noticed one was missing. Honey caught Goku in the ribs with a roundhouse kick and then leaped backwards to have enough room for her next move. Goku was already recovered from the kick and grinning happily. He was enjoying the challenge. It was then that a high, cackling laugh caught everyone's attention. Looking upward, Goku and Honey saw Happosai, dressed in a flying squirrel costume, dropping down on them. "What in the hell. . .?!" Kavindra started. "How'd he get there?!" Ranieri started to rise to his feet. "Never fear, Happy is here!" he called, and made a perfect, three-point landing on Honey's chest! He latched on and began fondling gleefully, rubbing his head on her large bosom. "So round, so firm, so fully packed! How sweet it is!" he cooed, and suddenly jumped around her to feel her butt. "Oo, nice all over! Now I know why they call you Cutey!" he laughed, and started groping her all over. Goku was so surprised he didn't move at first. ((This guy is worse than Master Roshi.)) he thought. Honey was momentarily frozen with shock and disgust, as were most of the other women. "GET IT OFF ME!!!" she shrieked as Happosai again grabbed on to her chest. She slammed her fist down on his head so hard she knocked him off and out, but his little fists took large sections of her top with him. She screamed and covered herself as Goku grabbed the tiny martial artist and flung him back into the men's side so hard he passed right through the energy barrier. Ranma, Ryoga, Mousse, and Kuno looked down on the small, and now singed, old man. "Kill him!!" Ranma said and they began stomping on Happosai. After a minute, they were joined by the outraged Gourry and then by all the other men, including Vegeta and Piccolo. "That's it! Get him!" a voice suddenly said by Piccolo's shoulder, and they all turned to see Happy standing there. "How the hell . . .?!" Piccolo snarled, and took another swing at him. Ranieri then stepped in and stopped them, and placed Happosai in a penalty area. "Um, here," Goku removed his shirt and threw it to Honey so she could cover herself. "Thank you, but I really don't need it," she smiled, and yelled "Honey Flash!" Her gi exploded off her in bits of light and she was left naked. The women gawked, the men stared, and the entire audience went crazy. (She's the sort of girl who's always in fashion, and her behind is the cutest one we know of. . .) Vegeta covered Trunks' eyes as Piccolo clapped a hand over Gohan's face. Goku, who had a front row seat for it, found himself completely overcome with shock. (Please look my way, Honey! On account of, on account of just because!) Up in the stands, Chichi was flabbergasted. "Why. . .why. . .that. . .! GOKU, YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES RIGHT NOW, DO YOU HEAR ME?!?!?" she yelled. Next to her, Master Roshi was drooling. (Oh, pretty please, oh, pretty please, please don't hurt my heart this way. The fast drumbeat of my heart tickles, tickles, ticks deep inside.) "Oh my! I like her techniques!" he said, and Bulma gave him a quick punch. (Oh, don't... No don't... give me that look in your eye! Honey Flash!) "Vegeta, you'd better have your eyes closed. . .and be covering Trunks' eyes!" she growled. (She's the sort of girl who's always in fashion, and her breasts are the nicest ones we know of. . .) Honey's hair suddenly became red and her eyes blue. (Please look my way, Honey! On account of, on account of just because...) Then a red and blue leotard with a diamond shaped opening in the chest covered her body and boots and gloves appeared on her feet and hands. (Oh pretty please, oh pretty please, don't come close at all,) "Silver floret!" she yelled, and a long, thin sword appeared in her hand. (Pressure builds up in my brain, giggle, giggle, laughter comes out!) Goku, still numb, made no move to dodge or block. The sword cut into his shoulder and drew blood. (Oh, don't...No, don't... give me that look in your eye,) He was still in Never, Never Land and didn't respond even as she kicked him over to the men's side. (Honey Flash!) She hadn't really hurt him that much, just enough to win. "And the winner is the Lovely Warrior, Cutey Honey!" Kavindra cheered over the mike. "But that's not fair! She Honey Flashed right in front of him! She fried his synapses! It shouldn't count!" Ranieri complained. "Oh, come on now! We all know Goku didn't have that many synapses to fry to begin with!" Kavindra smirked. "Are you saying Goku is stupid?" Ranieri snapped. "You said it, not me," Kavindra chortled. "Kakarott, you idiot! What were you thinking?!" Vegeta demanded of the fallen Saiyan. Goku blinked and came back to reality. "Huh? Is the fight over?" Goku asked, and suddenly became aware of the fact that his shoulder was bleeding. "Ouch!" he winced as he touched it. "Guess I'll have to go to the med ward. What happened, anyway?" he looked around at the men, most of whom were still shocked at Honey's transformation. Goku decided that he'd rather get his bleeding stopped than wait around from them to snap out of it enough to tell him what had happened during his match. He could ask again later. With that, he walked up the hall to the med ward. "Hey, what's going on?! What's all the yelling?! What's a Honey Flash?! I can't see!" Happosai's voice suddenly whined, and Ranma realized the penalty box was out of sight of the ring. Ranma snorted. Not seeing that was probably the most painful penalty the old freak could have gotten. Nabiki counted her winnings. Finally, things were going her way. Only one-fourth of the people who bet put their money on Honey, so she and the others made a killing. Not enough to make up for the previous losses, but it was a step in the right direction, and there was still a long way to go. All heads turned to the board as it once again began selecting the next duo. S. Uranus and T. Kuno. "Ah, so it's my turn is it? The vengeance of heaven is slow but sure," Kuno spoke to himself in his usual manner. "I shall smite her surely!" He climbed into the ring with his wooden kendo sword. Uranus calmly got in opposite to him. He didn't look like much. "This'll be a short fight," Ranma observed as he watched Kuno and Sailor Uranus square off. "Oh? Why do you say that?" Krillin asked. "'Cause that guy is dumber than cloth," Ranma answered. "Not mention he has a problem fighting girls," Ryoga added. "What kind of problem?" Yamcha turned to them. "That," Ranma and Ryoga said in unison, pointing to Kuno who had just dropped his sword and was saying something about Uranus's beauty. "Uranus World Shaking!" Uranus flung her attack at him just as Kuno decided he _could_ bare to 'mar her beauty.' He moved forward only to get hit head-on by Uranus' power ball. He was sent flying out of the ring like so many others. "I shall smite thee later," he gasped faintly before passing out. "Yes!" Nabiki hissed as she gathered up more winnings. This was more like it! "That was pathetic," Krillin could feel sweat dripping down his face. "They've tied with us!" Yamcha gazed at the new score displeased. Men-3, Women-3. "Well, I saw that coming," Ranieri sighed lightly. "So did I. Why did you choose him?" Kavindra glanced at her companion lightly. "I don't know. It seemed like a good idea at the time," Ranieri's shoulders sagged a bit as Kuno was carried away to the med ward. The board came to life again and the women got Lina Inverse and the men got Krillin. "If you want some advice, either quit now or take her as fast as you can. If you give her enough time to cast a spell, you're a goner," Gourry told Krillin as he was getting in to the ring. "A spell?" Krillin blinked. "Yeah. Lina's a sorceress," Zelgadis observed. "She's called 'The Dragon Spooker!'" Gourry added. "O-kay," Krillin looked at them doubtfully and got into the ring. Lina was already there. "Well, let's go!" she said, her eyes sparkling with excitement. Krillin considered what Gourry and Zel had said. He reasoned he was fast enough to take her down before she said anything, and with that moved in for a quick win. "Flare Arrow!" she suddenly yelled, and he barely dodged the blast of fire that suddenly came from her finger tips. ((Whoa! She really _does_ have magic!)) he thought, and swung an upper-cut. He nailed her in her gut and she dropped to her knees. Gourry and Zelgadis ran for the back of the men's locker room as Lina got back to her feet with her eyes flaming and her mouth locked in a pissed-off snarl. "FlarearrowflarearrowflarearrowflarearrowFIREBALL!!" she yelled, and four flare arrows and one fire ball all flew at Krillin at once. He never had a chance to dodge them all. One arrow and the fire ball set his clothes on fire. Krillin yelped and jumped around, trying to put the hot fire out. "Two can play at that game! Destructo Disc!" he held up his hand and the energy disc formed above his upturned palm. He flung it at her and cut off part of her hair and her cape. Amelia, watching in the crowd, screamed. "Oh, no! Please, Miss Lina! Don't Dragon Slave him! Please! There's no where for any of us to run!" Amelia cried out. "Is it safe yet?" Gourry and Zelgadis poked their heads out just in time to see Krillin's disc cut Lina's hair. They proceeded to dive back into their hiding places in the men's locker room. "My hair. . .! That _really_ does it! VAL-FLARE!!" she bellowed, and what at first looked like a larger version of the flare arrow flew at him. He started to dodge, but it hit home before he could move all the way out of its path. Upon contact, there was an immense explosion and Krillin was down for the count, still on fire. "And the winner is Lina Inverse!!" Kavindra cheered. Ranieri didn't say anything; he just seethed as Krillin was doused with cold water to put out his shirt and was taken away to the med bay. This wasn't going well at all. "So, ready to give up yet?" Kavindra mocked him. "I haven't lost this yet," he growled. Nabiki had broken even on that fight. She studied the gold coins the girl called Amelia had given her. ((Where is this from?)) she wondered. Vegeta was disgusted. They were getting creamed by weaklings with cheap tricks. He could feel that none of the women had a ki anywhere near his. By all rights, Kakarott would have won his match if that woman Cutey Honey hadn't distracted him by stripping. The rectangles picked out the next fighters - Alita and Vegeta. Vegeta smirked. Now he'd show these weak humans and that idiot Kakarott how this was done. Alita grinned lightly. "Chalk up another win for the ladies," she smiled at her teammates as she got into the ring opposite Vegeta. They sized each other up quietly. ((Humph. Doesn't look like much. What a shrimp.)) they both thought. Vegeta was actually a little taller than Alita, but not a lot. ((This'll be quick.)) they both reasoned. ((She doesn't even know I'm a Saiyan!)) ((He doesn't even know I'm a cyborg!)) "Just to show you I'm a good sport, I'll let you take the first swing," Vegeta suddenly declared and Alita smiled, he eyes glittering with amusement. "Whatever you say!" she chirped back to him, and blasted forward so fast she surprised Vegeta. Her fingertips seemed to graze his chest, then she was skidding to a halt back where she'd started from, still smiling. Vegeta blinked. He hadn't felt anything. Had she missed him completely? Then a sharp pain hit him as did the crack of his armor and the iron smell of blood. "Wh-what?" he looked down at himself and saw a large break in his armor where her fingers had touched, and where blood was pouring out of him like a fountain. It stained the front of his armor and pants, and was dripping on to the arena floor. It was then he noticed that Alita's index and middle fingers were glowing. "VEGETA!" Bulma shrieked. Vegeta's glance darted to the crowd. ((That woman sure is loud when she wants to be.)) he thought. "I win," Alita said calmly. "And the winner is Alita!" Kavindra proclaimed. Vegeta touched his wound. The cut was actually not very deep, it was just bleeding a lot. He scowled deeply. He would not be defeated so easily! Damn her! How had she done that?! ((And in front of Bulma and Trunks!)) Vegeta snarled and suddenly lunged forward, driving his fist into Alita's stomach, hard. Alita could feel the metal of her torso bend around his fist. "What the hell?!" Kavindra jumped up. "What's he doing?!" "Uh oh. . ." Ranieri muttered. Alita swung her knee into Vegeta's side, but he caught it and retaliated with a kick to her face. Alita grabbed hold of his armor and ripped it off to make it easier to reach any soft spots. She could tell with one look that he didn't have any. ((Panzer Kunst is more effective against a larger opponent. I need some room. . .)) she considered, and then slammed both feet into his stomach and flipped backwards away from him. ((There, that should do it.)) she smirked. If he wasn't down for the count, she had enough room to do some more damage. Vegeta got back to his feet. He was furious! He began to growl, and as the growl got louder, his ki level rose. He roared and his ki became gold, as did his hair. His eyes changed from black to blue-green, and everyone but those from his reality were dumfounded. "What in the world. . .?" Sailor Moon stared at Vegeta. "What happened to him?" Kei blinked. "Ah, man! Vegeta!" Tien moaned. "It's bad enough you're still fighting after she won! But did you have to go Super Saiyan?" "Super Saiyan? What the heck is that?" Ranma demanded. "I've never seen anything like it!" Gourry observed. "What. . .?" Alita stared at him. Vegeta lunged forward again, with even greater speed than before. Alita continued to dodge his blows, but it was suddenly a lot harder. ((500 miles per hour. . .600. . .800. . .How can he go so fast with a pure flesh and blood body?!)) Alita could hardly believe it. Vegeta grabbed her arm and kicked her side. Alita went flying, but her arm stayed in Vegeta's grasp. "Oops. So much for no permanent damage!" he smirked, and then noticed that the arm he held was made of metal. Wires spitting electricity dangled out of its side, as well as from Alita's body where the arm had been attached. A mixture of blood and oil dripped from the arm and its socket. "You're a robot!!" Vegeta yelled in fury as he slammed the arm down onto the mat. "I'm a cyborg!" Alita yelled back, and attacked. Their punches and kicks couldn't be followed by much of the audience and the contenders, until Vegeta dropped into view braced for a block in the center of the ring. Alita was dropping down on top of him, her remaining hand out and surrounded by waves of heat. "HERTZA HAEON!" she yelled again, her hand aiming for his forehead. Before she touched him, they were both caught in force field bubbles. "THAT IS ENOUGH!" Ranieri's voice boomed so loud the whole place shook. "THIS FIGHT IS DONE!" Kavindra's voice echoed just as loud. Vegeta and Alita vanished then. "Where did they go?" Mars asked. "Did you send them home?" Gohan inquired. "No, not yet. They've been sent to the med ward, and when they've recovered they will spend time in the penalty box," Ranieri explained calmly. "The win still goes to Alita! She drew significant blood before Vegeta lost it," Kavindra stated firmly. Ranieri sighed. "Agreed. Someone clean up the mat," Ranieri waved his hand and several little creatures scurried out to clean up Vegeta's blood and Alita's blood-oil. The selection board began to cycle again. To be Continued. . . ************************************************************************** ****** See what happens when you don't know what someone is capable of? Be here next time for Ch. 6: Team Efforts! And don't worry, Goku and Vegeta fans! They're not out of this yet! Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Flames? I'll take any correspondence! Talk to me, people!! Please! Send your mail to NansJns@aol.com! If my address doesn't work, send them to my brother, Scorpinac@aol.com. He's not too bright, but he knows enough not to get killed. ;).